Dear Hillary:

Okay, so the one celebrity mom I would most like to get my hands on is Hillary Clinton. Last night, as I was eating cookies in bed and watching the Democratic National Convention (I am not American, yet am fascinated by your politics. They are so crazy cutthroat!!!) I cringed when Hill walked out on stage to give her speech dressed like a satin pumpkin.

WHY? Its shiny! And are those pants TAPERED? And what shoes match orange? Like my head is just spinning. Does it really need an orange shell underneath? Was the suit not enough on it's own??

What is with this woman and her pantsuits?

Dear Hillary:

Okay, I get it. You want to be taken seriously as a politician and all that jazz. But I promise you can do that without totally laying down and giving up and kind of semblance of modern style. The pant suits you choose are so stumpy and unattractive, I don't understand who is dressing you. Word on the street is that it's Yves St. Laurent, but I just can't believe that. It will shatter all of my confidence in YSL forever more.

And your past pant suits have been atrocious.

You're what, like 5 feet tall? WHY are you overwhelming your body with these long and dreary jackets? Why do they go up to your eyeballs? Skin is in, dear. And if my husband had a wandering eye tendency, I'd probably want to give him a reason to look my way.

How about a fitted suit?? One with a shorter jacket, and bootcut bottoms. How about not trying to show your personality using super weird colors. There is nothing wrong with a neutral. If you want orange, do it in a handbag, NOT a whole suit, for the love of pete.

And I'm sorry, but is there something wrong with a skirt now and again? For heaven's sake, if Condie Rice can do it, you can too. Say it with me: LEGS.

I have faith in you! Maybe people would have been more likely to vote for you if you weren't dressing so scary militant all the time. Come on, I saw those pictures of you throwing back cold ones with the joe schmoes of America. You can let loose!!

All I'm saying homegirl, is that if you're so intent on having a woman in the White House, then maybe you should try actually looking like a woman.

Just some food for thought.

Love, Jae