Spring Fashion for Real, Non-Weird People

K, so one of the things I missed most while in the hospital was, you guessed it, SHOPPING. Then, my dear sweet husband told me to go to the mall like, 5 days post partum. I did, and against my better judgement, tried things on. And became severely depressed. I should have waited another week or so.

Anyhoo, I did get to see all the new spring stuff that I'd missed. Now, I love spring. Spring and fall are my favourite times of year, both weather wise and fashion wise. Its when they roll out the good stuff. Now, we JUST had fashion week, so we got to see all the things that designers think that we should be wearing. A note about fashion designers. They are ANNOYING. Does anyone watch Project Runway? I mean, really, there is not a more stuck up bunch of people than designers. They can't take criticism and they think they are awesome. And they presume to tell you what to wear. How DARE they. But sometimes they come up with a good CONCEPT, even if its not viable in real life the way they have it.

So I was looking through some fashion week photos and decided to feature some stuff that looked good on the runway, but would look ridiculous on you. BUT THEN!! Save you with some suggestions on how to use the concept in real life.

There was a huge throwback to the dirty '30s from Burberry, which I think is supposed to be a cute nod to our current economic situation.

What I like: Cinched waists and trench coats. What I don't like: Flapper dresses and hats. I HATE hats. Hats always make you look like you're trying too hard.

(http://www.makemechic.com/)
Do your own throwback with a belted trench, which you can wear with a slimmer skirt and some freakin' fantastic peeptoe stacked heels. Why did I choose this trench when I featured other ones in the coat section? LENGTH. What makes this trench newer for spring is that is super feminine and meant for skirts and dresses and flirtiness. LOVE. Extra points if you get in in red.

K, next up is geometric patterns a la Dolce and Gabbana. You are never going to wear any of these outfits. Ever. Real people don't run around looking like disproportionate airline stewardesses from the '50's.

These are both geometric and cute to the nth degree. I am so loving patterns this spring, I am so over the basics of the winter, you know? Remember when picking prints, choose ones that are proportionate to your body size. That means if you're plus sized, don't choose prints that are super busy and tiny... its going to look like alot. Try a monochromatic print like the blue one above. If you're smaller, go for a bolder and more contrasting print, like the red and blue. (Both at Nordstrom.)

NExt is the grecian thing again done by YSL. I really thought we were done with all of this, after the gladiator sandal debacle of '08. But its back again. Now, look past the grecian thing and see what these designers are really going after; draping. Draping is good. It's generally very forgiving of body flaws because it basically means FABRIC. Lots of it. To hide anything.

The Gap is SO good with the draping thing. So many of their clothes are all loosey goosey, so its a good place to start. Look how cute! And see how you wouldn't ever have to worry about your mummy tummy... not that I have one or anything.....*cough*. Moving on.



Indian inspired at Ralph Lauren and Gucci!! I love love love really rich fabrics and ethnic prints. I don't love love love puffy pants. So use it as inspiration. The colors and the tunics are awesome. And not those scary mom tunics that everyone was wearing like two years ago. New school ones.

Love this for fuller figures. Such hotness!! Colour! Pattern!

New school tunic cut... much less granola eating hippy than years past. (Nordstrom)

K, finally it brings us to sportswear. When I look at the runway from Michael Kors, I'm like k, who would wear that? WHen I hear sportswear, I think of the stuff I wear when running errands, back and forth to the gym, or on Saturdays in general.

I do agree with one sentiment though. STOP LOOKING LIKE A SLOB. If you are going to wear comfy yoga clothes to run errands in, I totally understand. But don't do it in your husband's sweatpants and your band t-shirt from highschool, k? PLEASE. Because then I will judge you and THEN I'll feel bad. But its your own fault.

These pants are reeeeedonkulous (ANyone know the show thats from? Come on!) Such good bum pants for running around in. And pair it with a cute hoodie and voila! I don't hate you anymore! (Victoria's Secret)

So there you have it. Don't worry about the designers... they are so full of it they don't even realize they are making things that no one will ever wear. Just learn from their cues and look hot.

Jae's Guide to Designer

So with the big holiday season coming up, some of you may have some designer goods on your list. Quite frankly, Christmas is when I badger my husband into buying me the bigger ticket items that I want through the year.

So you might be surfing around, checking our deals, and you might find some insane ones. Ebay, as well as alot of private sellers have amazing merchandise for well off the designer's purchase price. But beware! There is a reeeeeeally good chance that it's a knock off, and I would hate for you to buy something thinking it's the real thing and then have it be a fake. Especially because there are horrible judgemental people like myself who can spot fakes and then I'll think bad thoughts about you. DON'T JUDGE ME! Just kidding, totally do. I do it all the time.

Anyhow, here's a quick run down of a few popular accessories designers (handbags, watches, belts, sunglasses etc) and how to make sure you don't get duped into buying something from Shanghai, rather than Milan.

Gucci (You knew i'd start with this, didn't you?)

-Is it bought from a Gucci store or reputable dealer? Check where it's coming from. For instance. Neiman Marcus gets to sell Gucci. The guy you found on craiglist does not. Unless you buy from a reputable dealer, you're risking a chance of getting a fake.

-Check the logo. The Gucci logo is two 'g's and some fakes will nudge that 'g' into a lower case 'e' instead.

-Make sure it has three things with it. 1) Dust cover. 2) Gucci tag which will NOT be attached in any way, 3) Controlatto card. All tags will be white, not black, a black tag is a sure sign of a counterfeit.

Louis Vuitton

Louis Vuitton is probably the easiest designer to knock off, there are SO many fakes out there that I usually assume that it's fake if I see a girl carrying one. ANd there's a really good chance she doesn't know it.

-Watch the tag. A fake Louis has a really nice looking tag on string with a small logo on it. LV does not tag it's bags.

-If you can get a picture of the dust bag, take a look at what material it is. If it is a cheap or meshy material, it's fake. LV usually uses canvas.

-Here's the easiest one to spot. LV bag material will ALWAYS line up at the seam. So if you see the seam and the logo or whatever is a little bit off, it's obviously fake. Remember, you pay for these bags for a reason, a designer like LV is not going to skimp on the little details.

-Feel the inside. It should a higher end fabric like suede or micro fibre.

Coach

Easily the widest-worn designer over here in North America, it's another easy one to fake because it's so common.

-Check the 'c' pattern. For one, it should be a 'c'. I have seen Gucci/Coach hybrids that we call Goach bags, where they've popped in a 'g' instead. FAKE.

-Also check out where those 'c's are lining up. The should line up perfectly in the center of the bag, even over a seam.

-Make sure it's an actual style they produce. Because the Coach fabric is common, you'll get an array of bags that they would have never made. Try checking their website to make sure it's a style they have.

-Dustbags will ALWAYS be dark brown with a dark red string. Anything else is counterfeit.

-Finally, check the tag inside. The lettering on the leather tag should be in all caps and very straight. A fake will have the words just stamped haphazardly.

Dolce and Gabbana

-I know this sounds stupid, but check and make sure that the tag on the inside is spelled correctly. I know right, like if you're going to knock off a bag, try and make sure you spell the designer name right. But it happens.

-Be wary of things labeled "D&G". It's not as heavily trademarked as the actual Dolce name, so that it gets put on alot of sunglasses, belts, handbags. I wouldn't buy anything D&G unless I had other indications that it was authentic.

-DOes the zipper and the stitching match? A real Dolce will.

Prada

-Check the hardware. Prada ONLY uses antique brass, not gold or silver. This one is the easiest to spot.

-Whatever the inside lining of the bag is, it will have the Prada logo printed continuously on it. If you don't see it CONTINUOUSLY, its a falsey.

-The authenticity tag for this one will come in a black envelope. As well as the dustbag will be white with logo printed in black.

-Make sure the tag on the inside says "Prada Made in Italy". That's what you're paying for, folks.

K, so I hope that helps you when you peeking around for your big purchases this year. I have an eye on an oversized bag that is so WAY far out of my price range that it would be tempting to buy a replica. But the thing about designer stuff is that if you can afford it, fantastic. If not, you just look silly. ESPECIALLY if you see me out of the corner of your eye sizing up your new purse to see whether or not it's fake. Spare the wrath of me! Buy genuine designer or don't buy it at all, homegirls.