What I Wore: Check-In

Hey everyone!

Thanks for your kind words and support from the last post. As usual, the entire month of February is kicking my butt, so we've been busy birthday-ing, taking a blink-and-you'll-miss-it getaway, and tons of other stuff. I still have another birthday this week. Help me.

But I still thought I'd check in. If you're not following on IG, please do, because I'm still posting outfits and weird stuff I find while shopping over there. And if you don't have IG, might I submit this opinion: While I learn to hate people on Facebook, I learn to love them on IG. It's so much nicer when people can't post and argue about politics and vaccines. It's just pretty pictures. Seriously, I resisted IG for so long and now it's my faaaaavorite.

I wore this yesterday: 

Top: H&M (here) I have this top in two different patterns and one solid and they are fantastic. Fit very true to size and just airy while still being a smidgen structured. Wrap tops 4 lyfe. 

Skirt c/o modbod eons ago (here's an uber cheap one) (textured like mine) (this one's also pretty)

Shoes: F21 and they hurt like a mother (here but you've been warned)

Rings: Coach (similar)

I had to leave church because I had a migraine so I ran home for some Imitrex and spent the rest of the time in a drug-induced fog. And yet, I still managed to stay upright in these shoes, which I feel like is a huge accomplishment. 

This was last week, where I decided that an all-lace dress was a little sweet. This oversized moto jacket has been, hands-down, one of my fave purchases of the year so far (YES I AM AWARE it's only February).

Dress: Dorothy Perkins (this one is super pretty) (and this would look so cute with a jacket too)

Jacket: Calvin Klein (here)

Boots: Dollhouse (here)

I also realized that I had a version of this dress when I was in high school. My mom told me I couldn't wear it to a dance because it was too short, so I packed it in my bag and changed at my friend Graham's house like I was on a friggin' episode of Full House. 

That's me in the white, obviously. And now I look at that dress and am like seriously how was that too short I mean honestly. 

Also, my friends are the most adorable. 

Besides taking pictures of myself and hosting birthday parties, we ran down to St. George for a couple of days to get warm. My relaxation level was at a 1000, clearly:

My cup of Crystal Light and my Kindle. That's all I'll ever need. 

I got through three books. My husband told me that my biggest problem is that to relax, I need to physically leave the house, otherwise I'll just work. 

Also, if you're looking for a recommendation and happen to be a massive Margaret Atwood fan like myself, Station Eleven was superb. Seriously, I'm not a post-apocalyptic doomsdayer AT ALL but I'm still thinking about it. 

While in St. George, I went shopping and found things like this, which made me wonder if I had stumbled upon a clown colony.  

On Saturday night, you could totally find me doing this. Because I could. 

I'll be playing catch up for another week or so, after which I might be able to return a pseudo normal posting schedule. I'm hoping that, at the very least, we sneak in an outfit post and a Freaky Friday each week. 

Again, you guys are the totally the best ever for putting up with me!

Christmas Dish and New Year's Resolutions

Hi friends! It's officially New Year's Eve and I'm getting my work done and thinking about how I kind of hate NYE. It's like there's too much pressure to dress up and fall in love and kiss someone (Thanks a lot, When Harry Met Sally) so we kind of just opt out. We're taking the kids to a little party, seeing fireworks and then we're dunzo. I can't handle that kind of pressure otherwise.

But for now, let's dish about Christmas and a little on what I'm planning for 2015, shall we?

So this Christmas was actually a little more stressful than usual because we had to keep pressing pause to be up in Salt Lake for the whole citizenship thing. I did have the sense to buy up stuff slowly, but I felt like I was in a mad dash the last two days. 

I'm also way into Christmas Eve. We host the family party here, so it's crazy and loud and fun and then everyone leaves and it's magical and quiet. We tidied up and did pajamas before heading over to the local outdoor light display. 

Also, my pajamas were these and I might be still wearing them now because the pants are so friggin comfortable I want to be buried in them. I know that's macabre, but I really love these pants. I'm buying more because they're on sale. 

Our kids actually fell asleep at 8:30 because they had been up the night earlier. Like, Andrew actually fell asleep during the reading of The Night Before Christmas and I was like shut up, this is like TOO picturesque. 

Of course, that just meant Justin and I were only up until 12 getting stuff ready and crying over It's a Wonderful Life. And the kids woke us up at 5:30. Thanks, kids. 

Also, I should point out that I go crazy over Christmas because my kids overreact to everything. This is Andrew opening a pair of socks and losing his everloving mind. 

And me? The ol' ball and chain is a good gift giver. I usually give suggestions throughout the year and he stores them like little acorns until Christmas and I'm like how did you remember this? 

My main present was a new bag. I hate buying new bags. I get reallllllly comfortable with the ones I have and it's hard for me to make the switch. But my black bag, while in really good shape, had started to fade after two years of use. So Justin bought me this one, which he picked out on his own and I love because he remembered I have to have a crossbody strap to even function (mine is the chalk color). Also, the front cell phone pockets are totally brilliant. 

Also, he bought me this Dior Addict Lip Glow and I'm obsessed. It's perfect for a lipstick avoider like myself: It's a balm that just enhances your natural lip color. It's a really pretty rose on me. I love love love it. 

I also got this amazing Urban Decay Naked On the Run palette, which has basically everything you could ever need while traveling in one compact – eyeliner, mascara, gloss, bronzer, blush, highlighter and eyeshadow. Perfect for weekends away. I must plan one immediately. 

This is me only wearing stuff from the palette. The lip gloss is aaaahmazing, as well as the Dive eyeshadow shade. It's a golden rose with sparkle. Shut. Up. 

I also got some electronics: A new Kindle Paperweight since I used and abused mine heavily during the past year, as well as a completely new desktop. I know I'm old school, but I'm obsessed with my desktop. Laptops cannot hack it for someone like me. Justin bought a tricked out one with tons of memory for my computer packrat tendencies. Very smart. 

Anyway, that was my Christmas. Now, share with me in the comments on yours. Get any awesome beauty products? Or shoes? I will say that I went shopping the day after Christmas and bought myself a pair of high top Nikes. Because: 

Okay, now onto my New Year's Resolutions:

So, here's a little story. In the summer, I started noticing that my migraines were ramping up. I have migraines with aura (and have for years), which means first, I lose my sight and then I'm hit with pain, light sensitivity and then 24 hours of lie-on-the-floor-and-die nausea. Which sucks, but last year it was only like, one every other month and that was doable. But suddenly, they were once a month. And then once every two weeks. And then, by July, I was having one a week. 

Finding myself basically incapacitated for a day a week was crazy to me. Like, it was summer: Kids home, working, trying to keep up with them and then BAM I'd be in my room with three pillows on my head and telling my husband he had to come home from work because I thought I was dying (migraines also come with a lot of drama and emotions for me, too. Hooray.)

Finally, I made an appointment with a new doctor. To be honest, I'm the type of person who is mortified to ever need help, so for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to talk to my usual, friend-of-the-family doc. 

Anyway, I was so stressed out about the appointment that I almost backed out like, six times. Finally, I put on some big girl pants (Calvin Klein, natch) and saw him. I explained the frequency of my migraines, along with a long family history of the same. 

First thing he asked me? "How are you sleeping? How do you feel when you lie down at night?" I thought about it and answered "Like I could probably run a marathon every night at 11 p.m."

After some other questions about my lifestyle and general state of mind, he came back with the question "Are you ever anxious?"

I won't get into the discussion we had, because you know, patient-doctor privilege, right? But in the end, after 30 minutes of talking about social situations, sleep habits and my overall personality, my doctor (very) gently suggested that I might be suffering from an anxiety and sleep disorder, which was triggering my migraines.

To be honest, I was first like "WHAT? I am not one of those people. I'm capable and responsible and dependable and on top of everything. Anxiety is for crazy people. I just have headaches sometimes." But see, here's the thing with that line of thinking: Believing that I had to be capable and had to be on top of everything was exactly what caused my sleepless nights and daily anxiety. I was literally making myself sick proving to everyone that I could do it all. 

I'm not even a perfectionist; it's much worse than that. I'm someone who has to be THE BEST at all times. And when you're constantly worried about being THE BEST, you can't ever relax, since there's a lot of self-evaluation and improvement happening. What if you stop and someone else becomes THE BEST? Being THE BEST at work, life, friends, style, everything was a huge factor in my lying awake at night and wondering if I was doing enough and what more I could add to be THE BEST.

Women get a crappy end of the deal sometimes. Call us the Pinterest Generation: We're obsessed with measuring up. Social media just offers a more palpable way to further assess our success based on others'. "Yeah, she's prettier – but my house is cleaner." "Sure, she's a great cook, but I heard her son is a hellion at school." "She's skinny – but it's like, 'skinny fat.' I have more muscle tone."

What the heck is up with that? We totally stand on someone else's shoulders to put ourselves ahead of the pack. It's some serious girl-on-girl crime, which I'm totally guilty of, too. We all do it as a way to justify someone else's talents and take her down, notch by notch.

We get it: No one's perfect. But I've learned that consistently "placing" yourself on a scale of other women is what leaves you feeling inadequate. Sometimes, I think women are the worst anti-feminists at all, because it's SO HARD to be happy for another woman. She has success, and we all think of ways that she's probably failing. 

I had an experience this year when I was on the receiving end on that girl-on-girl process. I was succeeding in one area, and someone had to point out somewhere that she thought I was failing. And seriously, not to be braggy at all, but it was an area in which I had worked really hard to be THE BEST. And I still had someone saying "Yeah, but..." And to keep it short and sweet, it sucked. Hard.

You guys. That's crappy behavior. Because everyone is just trying to do their best, right? Not a single one of us is just like, coasting through life and tripping into hyperbaric gold mines that cause us to be simultaneously rich and skinny. We all have kids and husbands and bodies and homes and not all of them will be perfect. All we really can do is work on being enough and acknowledging that it's the same thing every woman you know is trying to do, too. 

There's a wordy New Year's Resolution for you: To be OK with not being THE BEST and being happy for the person who is. 

I've worked with my doc and have a treatment plan in place. I didn't want to type that, because anxiety has a pretty crappy stigma and like, admitting to everyone that you're medicated isn't super cool, but it's true and it's been a total lifesaver. My migraines have gone back to being a once-in-awhile affair (I went all December migraine-free what what!) and I actually sleep. Every night. It's glorious. 

So basically, I'm THE BEST at anxiety treatment.

(KIDDING.)

Thanks again for another great year, guys. 

xo,
Jae 

Before and After: Immigration Edition

 I know this really has nothing to do with fashion, but you guys are my friends and I thought you'd want to know that I officially passed my citizenship test yesterday. Go me!! I'll be sworn in next Friday, after which I'll be a very proud dual Canadian/American citizen.

It kind of made me nostalgic for a few different reasons. I was super nervous about the interview and test, just because I have a generally pretty nervous personality. Talking to the guy at the post office makes me nervous. I get freaked out when the cashier at Walmart wants to make small talk, especially when I'm buying feminine products.

When I handed in my appointment letter at the USCIS office, I had nearly chewed off all my nails and spent a half hour focused on all the other applicants in the waiting room with me. And then, the immigration officer (IO) called me back and I followed him through the winding halls back to his office and when I sat down in the chair and looked at his desk, I seriously almost started crying.

See, like, 12 years ago I started the process of getting my Alien Resident Card (green card) and it was the longest, most awful and frankly, degrading process of life. Not only are you (and your relationship, if you're obtaining residence through marriage) put under a microscope, but you're basically treated like a criminal from day one. The old INS building was also mostly glass, so you would be sitting in the waiting room and watching people being escorted out for deportation, which was horrific. There were many, many times I left the USCIS offices in tears because it was scary and mean and I felt like I'd done something wrong and I hadn't.

Until my actual green card interview. The IO who issued my interview was the sweetest, kindest IO I'd ever worked with. He was a Russian refugee and knew I was nervous and he cracked jokes and even gave me a temporary green card to use to travel when I told him I hadn't been home in a while so I could book a trip immediately. Seriously, I loved him.

So, when I sat down for my citizenship interview and read his desk plaque, I realized that it was the very same officer. After 12 years! He automatically started in on the jokes and I was totally fine for the rest of the appointment, even when he said I reminded him of Homer Simpson because I had made a huge, dumb mistake on my paperwork. A Russian IO that watches Simpsons? How could I not love this man to pieces?

Anyway, I just thought it was very full circle: The only person who made me feel calm during the green card process was the same person to issue my citizenship. Doesn't that just make you feel fuzzy and warm and like, American?

I also dug out a picture I snapped of myself going through the immigration process 12 years ago and couldn't believe how much I'd changed (and learned my angles) (and dyed my hair).

Now that it's all over with, I can get back to focusing on shallow things like shoes and what eyebrow pencil works best. I apologize for being deep and distracted for the last couple of weeks. Getting your citizenship is very weird, especially when you're from a very similar country. It's like, can I just have this waived because I'm Canadian, even though I'm pretty sure I spelled "Columbus" wrong on the test? 

So there's my news. I promise that my posts with still have a hefty Canadian theme, especially if they include the word "cheque" which I completely refuse to ever spell as "check."

I still have my dignity. 

February Roundup

Last night my parents took us out to dinner at Tucano's, a Brazilian BBQ place. It's where they just literally bring you skewers of meat and carve it onto your plate until you beg for mercy. I still feel full and just want to loaf around all day, so... I will. They're flying out this afternoon and that officially checks off everything I had on my packed calendar. Er... until Friday at least.

In the meantime, here's a quick recap of all the crap we did in February. Because, you know, inquiring minds and such.

First it was my little A's birthday - he turned five and is the man.

 Oh hey super stud. We had to go to church on his birthday and I felt bad so he got to wear a Batman ribbon. 

 I used to spend like, a day, making my kids' birthday cakes. They were these huge undertakings that usually involved several tiers and fondant. And then I realized that I hated it and stopped doing it. This took about 20 minutes and a Batman symbol I printed off of the computer. And lots of sprinkles. 

My daughter got a store-bought cake. Pinterest would be ASHAMED. 

The next weekend, we made our way to California, with a brief stop in St. George. We've been tossing around the idea of looking into condos down there, so we spent some time checking out models. But then also eating, swimming and shopping. 

We also went to the dino museum for the millionth time. 

My kids like it and therefore, we go. Here they are watching a scintillating cartoon video about fossils while I looked at Instagram. 

Excellent behavior, as always. 

When Justin wants to leave, he wants to leave. 

After our night in St. G (I'm starting a trend, let's all call it that) we broke the news to our kids that were going to Disneyland, which we had somehow manage to keep secret. 

Here was my daughter's reaction. 

She just has a lot of feelings. 

After that, it was off to DL.

Can I just talk for a minute about my mixed feelings about Disney? Being from Canada (Toronto is right above New York State) and have four brothers, we never went to Disneyland. It would have been too far and too expensive with our family. We did a lot of traveling, but it was mostly to Eastern Canada. SO I kind of always thought about DL as one of those "childhood" things that I'd missed out on. So naturally, when I had kids I felt like we needed to do it too. So we waited until we thought ours were the ideal age to go and finally booked the trip.

And I kind of thought it would be more magical. Like I'd sit back and think about how many special memories we'd make and our kids are only young once and blah blah feelings. But after three days I was kind of done and kind of glad it was over. Is that bad? Am I crappy human?

I'm glad we checked it off our parenting "to do" list but it will be a long while before I ever consider it again.

Stuff I liked:
-Our hotel. We stayed at the Paradise Pier and it was lovely and perfect and there was good room service and a pool that made my kids very happy. 

-Cars Land. My son is all about McQueen, so it was a big deal. And it was adorable. Also, we got the McQueen car on Radiator Springs Racers and I thought he might actually pass out. 

-California Adventure in general was cool. There was tons of stuff, shorter lines and a really good Chinese food place. I was a fan. 

Stuff I didn't like:

-Actual Disneyland. I thought it would be more spread out? Instead I felt like it was super congested and I got crazy claustrophobic. 

-The Roger Rabbit ride. Shoot me in the face. 

-The Bug's Life movie, which made my children scream and cry to the point that I thought Andrew was going to have a nervous breakdown and we'd have to invest in counseling. 

I feel grinchy admitting that it really wasn't my thing. Like I said, am I glad we did it once? Yeah. But we usually spend our vacations down in San Diego and I think we had as much, if not more, fun there. I think we're just lazy travelers. When I go on vacation, I want to go on vacation. The crowds were definitely not relaxing.

ANYWAY. Those are my thoughts on that. Moving on.

When we came home, my parents literally flew in that night. And of course, my kids were so excited that they stayed up until they got here. This is also when I lost my car keys, and spent two days looking for them, despite the fact that my 5-year-old repeatedly told me they were under the couch. 

Guess where they were.

THEN it was my daughter's birthday -- she turned a ripe old eight. My mom and I brought treats to her class and then my dad and Andrew met us at the school for lunch. Addie forgot that we were bringing her a lunch, so she accidentally bought one anyway. My dad gallantly offered to eat it and three seconds later he was asking another 2nd grader if he wanted to trade.

Yeah. 

We went out for dinner that night and neither of the kids had fully recovered. Here's an excellent picture of Andrew sleep-eating pizza. 

The next day, Addie was baptized, which is a big deal in our religion. One of the fun parts is that girls usually wear white dresses afterward. Addie was adamant that we go shopping so she could "say yes to the dress." We watch a lot of TLC around here.

Unfortunately, we found two dresses that she wanted to say "yes" to. So we bought both. And she wore both. 

First dress. 

 Second dress. 

We had all of our family and friends over for a big party afterward. My house has yet to completely recover. My mom thought it would be a good idea to decorate with Easter grass and I'm finding it EVERYWHERE. 

My parents are getting ready to leave right now. But they did have time to take my kids to the park.

 JK my kids took my dad to the park.

So that should explain my generally crappy blog for the month of February. Luckily, life will calm down and I can stop cursing the fact that ALTHOUGH I planned my children's age gap perfectly, Andrew was accidentally born super early and ruined everything and one month the year is a complete write-off. Thanks, buddy. 

So anyway, I wanted to get your thoughts on the whole DL thing. I have friends who LOVE it and I can see why, so I don't know why it wasn't the happiest place on earth for me.

Maybe it's because the title of "happiest place on earth" has already been filled. 

By my pillow. 

Aaaand We're Back

I swear this is a style blog IswearIswearIswear. I have some awesome posts coming up, which may include outfits for girls with no boobs, outfits for girls who have a lot of boobage (next week is boob week and I am very excited for the search queries I'll get for saying boob so much on my blog. Boob boob boob), fashion week trends and leather jacket eye candy. So stay tuned.

But for now, I just got back from Lake Powell last night, have a wicked case of vertigo and need to do a pic dump before we get back to our regular scheduled programming. Good? Good.

We headed down south last Wednesday and have spend the last 6-odd days in the sun and on our boat. When we bought it a few years ago, my main prerogative was watersports. So we loaded up the tube and my prized wakeboard and seriously did not get out of the water the entire time we were down there.

And, in personal victory news, I went down with the express goal of jumping the wake on my board. It was like my unicorn. It HAD to be done or I would be shamed forever. Finally, on our last morning there, literally 30 minutes before we left I did it! After a million really bad spills I finally got over that wake, rode it for a few minutes and then faceplanted violently into the water. It. Was. Awesome.

Here's some pics of the vaycay. I promise it's my last (until I go to Canada for Thanksgiving in three weeks shhh don't speak)

 "Andrew, make a crazy face." Epic. 

 Naps on the boat are far superior to naps anywhere else. 

 Uhhh. We may have gotten a bit ambitious with the snorkeling after our Maui trip. All you'll see at LP is some carp and that flag I accidentally dropped in the water.

 The rainbow coverup makes an appearance! Any by appearance I mean it was permanently glued to my body all week.

 We checked out some caves and what not. That is not a toy boat. It's a ginormous cave.

 Here's where you'll find me at LP. Testing my mad skills while my husband yells "STOP TRYING TO JUMP THE WAKE!"and circles around to get me after I crash.

Can I also point out that this HAS to be the best workout of all time. Every morning I woke up so sore I could barely walk. That has to be either a sign of a good workout or a sign that I'm not very good at wakeboarding. Either way.

 This kid loves a selfie. He took 40. They all looked like this. 

Wearing a rashguard a) automatically makes you feel like you're hardcore b) stops sunburns and c) looks cute. Winwinwin. 

PS I still got a sunburn. You should see my awesome raccoon eyes. Thank goodness for BB cream.

OK. That's done. Seriously, I'll be around more often -- even when I'm in Canada. So check back tomorrow for some fashion week trends and notes on how I'd like everyone to stop pretending that Birkenstocks are high fashion, and then next week is BOOB WEEK OH YEAH. 

Home Again. Home Again

Hey guys! I made it back from my foray 'cross the border. While I was in Canada, I made the world's stupidest decision to watch the movie "Like Crazy," in which a couple is separated when the girl is deported back to England and spent the rest of the week paranoid that it would happen to me. Good times, good times.

Also, I pride myself in always being prepared for anything at the airport. Flying with a three- and six-year-old, I have to be on top of my game at all times. I'm always on time and have the process down to a science, usually going warp speed through security.

Until yesterday, when on the way to the airport we were stopped dead because the main highway was shut down for a police investigation (oh, Toronto). It resulted in us skidding into the airport 25 minutes before takeoff and doing a full-on, "Home Alone" run through the terminal with my kids. I kept having to remind myself that although I was completely embarrassing myself in public, I would never see any of those people again in my life. I was all hot and flushed during the security and I practically had a seizure when the 9 million-person family in front of me was stopped for extra checkpoints. After yelling "HUSTLE!" for the 60th time at my kids, we finally made it on board with about 10 minutes to spare. I was so worked up that I spent the $5 and bought myself satellite TV on the plane. Nothing that a Kardashian marathon won't fix.

Oh, did I mention that I totally traveled in workout pants? I NEVER travel in workout pants but that's what was clean. If anyone saw me at the airport, I was the sweaty one in the hat. Eastern humidity ruins my hair.

Just a reminder that sometimes, stuff doesn't go as planned. After 12 hours of nonstop travel yesterday, I have never been so excited to see my bed and my beloved desktop. Oh, and my husband. Very glad to see him as well. But I really, really love my desktop.

After all that, I'm back and in action. My youngest has his first day of school and I'm playing catch up, but I've received some seriously awesome reader contributions for Freaky Friday tomorrow so we'll be back in business.

Anyone else have some good "traveling with kids" stories for me? I'm starting to feel really bad at the eye-darts I was throwing at the lady who told me that my bag was 1 lb. (ONE POUND) overweight. Kill me.