Freaky Friday

Friday, August 30, 2013

 Everyone excited for the loooong weekend? My husband's birthday is always over Labor Day so I feel mucho pressure to make it awesome. We're headed for some boating, which means my husband will fish patiently while I nap and read books and eat Pringles, which for some reason taste like, 100 times better on the water. So let's get this done so I can go buy those delicious canned chips.

 I saw these posted on a tumblr with outfit ideas for them, which included wearing cutoffs and a tank. First, thanks for that inventive pairing. Second, yes, let's pair your heinous denim sandal sneakers with MORE DENIM. 

PS They look like flappy old-timey cartoon hobo shoes and that's all I will say about the matter. 

 Robin told me to search for "upcycle" on Pinterest and turned up this beauty of a failed home craft project. Like, I can't sew, but I KNOW I can't sew, you know? I feel like more people should be able to admit this.

 I'm officially becoming jaded, because when I saw this all I could think about is how the giant prongs look uneven.
 Fashion tip: If I can see a butt crease, you are no longer wearing shorts, you are wearing underwear. 

Bonus tip: Literally no one wants to see your butt crease. 

 Bonnie sent these over and I knew they were going to be bad because the title was "Mixed Metal Leggings." Leggings should never have mixed anything, much less patchy leather that makes legs look stumpy. 

 Does someone wanna teach this girl how to subtle?

 Rachelle sent over these shoes that give me visions of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which is one of the only horror movies that made my CRY in fear. if anyone needs me I'll be in fetal position with the doors locked

 Lindsay sent this prime example of how to look like a complete idiot at your next pep rally. Expect Miley Cyrus to wear it at her next red carpet appearance.

This dress reminds me of a handy tip a reader from my hometown sent. 

Oh, Tim Gunn. You get me. 

Alright, I'm checking out for the weekend and I may or may not be around on Monday. I'm leaning toward may not, so don't judge me.

Fiiiine judge me.

Back to School Beauty Reboot

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

 So are everyone's kids back in school? In Canada, kids didn't go back until the second week of September, so I think it's weird when I send mine back in the middle of August. It makes me feel decidedly less fall-ish when school is back and it's still like, 98 degrees outside.

Just the same, now that I'm a lady of leisure (and then we laughed and laughed) I feel like I need to spruce up my makeup routine from the low key beauty of the summer. Gone are the days when I could just slap on some lip gloss and put my hair in a side braid. Now I have to look like, presentable and stuff. So I decided it was time for a back to school beauty reboot. I still have one more summer activity planned, so it's definitely not fall yet -- but close enough.

Here's some of the stuff I'm doing to transition into a normal beauty routine once again.

1. Get a Haircut, Ya Hippie! 

 I was more than happy to have longer hair during the summer, especially because it spent most of the time in the water and sun. But come the end of August and it was fried. Like, really fried. The ends were all crispy and the color was off and I found myself wearing it in a bun all the time. And since my rule is that it gets cut if I wear it in a pony three days in a row, it was off to the salon. I got rid of all the dead stuff, got a healthier-looking color and I'm ready to be the most perfectly coiffed mom in the pickup line.

2. Paint Darker Polish
 At the beginning of the summer, my group of friends and I went out and got pedis for one of our friend's birthdays. We all ended up choosing the exact same color, which was a bright fluorescent coral. On summer toes, it was awesome and I think a lot of us went and bought the color ourselves. But now I'll be spending less time in flip flops than in flats so I'm rebooting with darker shades. I'm really into plum for toes right now.

3. New Makeup Colors

To be honest, I don't wear a ton of makeup in the summer. When I did, it was a bright pop of gloss and some mascara. But I definitely want some smokier colors now that it's a new season. I've learned the awesomeness of a navy smokey eye and I'm addicted. It's a quick way to update your makeup routine for cheap. 

4. Swap Glossy for Matte 

 I feel like I've said the word "gloss" like 900 times in this post. But seriously, when I was Maui I bought a Buxom gloss that I loooooove (PS having a Sephora right beside your resort is not a good idea). Problem is, it's more at home on the beach than having lunch with the girls or doing storytime at the library. Instead, I'm totally into these lip crayons. You get matte color and they're basically un-screwupable. That's a word. Google it.

Just keep them away from your kids because they will 100 percent want to play with them and color on your walls. And if your walls happen to made of log, like mine, it means SANDING it off.

5. Fix Your Face

Sun does a number on your skin, even if you're fastidious about the sunscreen like yours truly. I got this little miracle worker in my last ipsy bag and now I'm a diehard fan. It's a face mask that does some major exfoliation. Not gonna lie, it burns a bit when you first put it on. But afterwards -- buttah. I've used it once a week since I got it and my skin definitely looks smoother. A quickie 10-minute face mask can help tone down some of the sun damage you might have accrued during break.

Seriously guys, we're talking five simple tweaks to go from frazzled summer mom to calm and collected back to school mom. You've got this. Any other ways you make the switch?

What I Wore: Texturally Active

Monday, August 26, 2013

So my youngest is off to preschool, I'm back to a somewhat normal workout schedule and I'm pretending last night's VMA music-ruining performance by Miley Cyrus was just a really terrible nightmare and I'm feeling pretty good. Seriously, though, did anyone see that? My husband and I happened to change over from Sister Wives right about the time Miley was violating a foam finger.

I then tried to send a video link to one of my brothers so he could agree on how horrid it was but accidentally sent him a video of a black man twerking instead. True story.

ANYWAY before I wanted to completely forget that last night happened, this is what I wore in the daytime. I will admit that I went a little overboard on texture. The chiffon and leather and suede and metallic was a lot. But whatever. At least I wasn't wearing this:

Please someone give this girl the attention she so desperately craves.

While I like some texture, I prefer it to not be in the form of fur/foil/plastic underwear.

Photography tip: Always post a picture of about-to-have-a-mental-breakdown popstars before your own picture so you look normal and balanced in comparison. 

Top: American Eagle (similar) (another) (similar print!)
Skirt: F21 (similar) (plus size!)
Heels: G by Guess (Mary Jane version OMG) (want!)
Cuff: Wizards of the West (no longer available)
Earrings: F21 (similar and cheap!)

I was excited because it was rainy enough that wearing this skirt didn't mean having it fused to my legs from 100 degree temperatures.

Well, I'm going to have to pick up my child in like, 30 minutes so I'm off to soak up the quiet house for a little bit.

JK I'm totally going to be reading US Weekly.

Freaky Friday: The Backpack

Friday, August 23, 2013

Well, in the ultimate Freaky Friday move, my daughter just went to school wearing this:

Yes. That's a My Little Pony backpack. With a pony hood.

Yesterday was the first day of school and I made her PROMISE that she would zip the hood away and not wear it at the bus stop. It wasn't even because it's the most embarrassing thing ever made. I was looking out for HER. Who wants their kid to be labeled as the bus weirdo from day one? I told her that she could take the hood out on the bus ride home. She came home SO EXCITED because one of the older girls at school told her that the backpack was -- and I quote -- "to die for."

Thanks a lot, random 6th grader. Because of this positive affirmation, she wore this in all of its glory to the bus stop today. Her stop is one house over from ours, so I pushed her out the door and then watched out the window as I ate my cereal, shaking my head as she bopped up the street in all of her pony confidence.

How do I say no to a kid who poses like this without prompting?

Sure, it's the weirdest backpack known to man. But she really, really likes it. Like, nothing makes her happier in the whole world. And fashion isn't only about looking good, but feeling good too. So if my daughter feels good dressed up like a weird pony, then I'll let her. I mean, I'll still totally make fun of her, but I'll let her.

Hey, I spent years experimenting with fashion. I had a MINI BACKPACK at one time and I'm sure my mom watched out the window and shook her head as I wore it with my butterfly hairclips on the way to the mall. And I'm sure that five years from now, I'll look back on the What I Wore posts and wonder what the heck was I thinking. But for now, clothes are fun. Kids are confident. So I let her wear the backpack.

...Now to just sit back and wait for the confused call from her principal.

Sneaky Win: The T-Shirt

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

I know, this is groundbreaking stuff right here. But seriously, how often do I find myself looking for the perfect  T-shirt? Answer: Very often. As a mom, I would say that about 40 percent of my shirts are tees. I am very particular when it comes to buying. I don't like anything that needs another layer, I hate ribbing and it's gotta be supersoft and super thin because it's blazing hot here still. In fact, I find myself buying the same brands over and over again, like GAP and Joe Fresh.

Here's the thing though: Can we all agree that most of the time, T-shirts are kind of a snoozefest? Like, no one puts on a sloppy T-shirt and is like "Yes this totally brings out my inner sex kitten." But it doesn't mean that tees can't be a perfectly acceptable addition to a cute -- not sloppy -- wardrobe. Here I've got three types of tees and why YOU need to add them to your closet. Or overstuffed drawers. Ahem.


Old Navy pink tee / MICHAEL Michael Kors stretchy skinny jeans / Charlotte Russe black lace up ankle booties / Roxy long purse / Miss Selfridge neon bangle / Henri Bendel swarovski crystal earrings
Okay, you guys know I love graphic tees. But not just ANY graphic tees. I stay away from any that have huge logos, weird statements about the person wearing the shirt (ew novelty tees ruin everything) and anything that could be construed as teenager-y. Yes that's a word. I tend to grab vintage tees because they're uber-soft and have cool prints. When I wear them, I go more grunge. Boots are a major must, as is edgier jewelry. It's how a plain concert tee goes from a weird purchase you made once to an actual outfit.

Oh, the plain tee. You get such a bad rap when paired with capris and flipflops. You're the uniform of moms everywhere without getting the recognition you deserve. But I contend that with the right accessories, you can totally dress up a plain tee. I love a deep V-neck -- I have a ridiculously heart-shaped face and I feel like the V balances out the wideness of my cheeks. Pull on a maxi skirt (I'm obsessed with the slit on this one) and some wedges and it's an adorbs date/church/ outfit.

Also, with plain tees, fit is EVERYTHING. You want something that gives your boobs a firm hug but basically floats over your tummy. I also like some length so I'm not yanking my shirt down all day. This isn't 1998 and you are not in the all-girl hip hop group TLC. Cover your stomach.


Wallis polka dot top / River Island dark wash bootcut jeans, $39 / ASOS ballerina shoes, $39 / Charlotte Russe wrap watch / Dot jewelry

Finally, if you're going to wear a T-shirt without the bells and whistles of crazy accessories, look for a top with tons of interest. Cool pattern - check. Neck pleating? Awesome. Puff sleeves? Yes. That way, you only have to wear one piece but it still packs a visual impact. This is for the minimalist in all of us. Wearing this to a girl's lunch? Shut up, adorable.

So even though T-shirts are kind of like, the kids picked last on the playground, they can actually make up some pretty cute outfits. Like, they could totally be the kid who gets picked last but ends up being really good at kickball so you have a sneaky win.

Wow, that metaphor got out of control pretty fast.

Alright, what brand is your fave for T-shirts? I'm always on the hunt. 

What I Wore: Perfect Tee

Monday, August 19, 2013

If it was noticeably quiet around here on Friday, it's because I scored a hair appointment first thing in the morning and it was 3.5 hours and OMG I wanted to scream it took so long. However, I'm way happy with the results... even if I'm scared of ever getting my hair highlighted and cut every again. And this morning, I'm off to the dentist so it's equally as exciting! I chopped a solid five inches off. Well, the hairdresser did. I posted a before and after on my IG.

Also, my computer managed to fry itself so I'm working with my laptop and it doesn't have Photoshop. So these are just raw off of the camera. How embarrassing!

Shirt: Infamous (here)  (similar)
Jeans: Abercrombie (similar) (cheaper)
Boots: Frye (here) (cheaper and in black)
Ummm that's pretty much it. 

 I wore this out to dinner and to drive to the cabin with the Mr. He was very appreciative of the whole T-shirt and boots thing and said "Now THIS is what I like." I guess that's what happens when you marry someone from the Wild Wild West. And by Wild Wild West, I mean a 98 percent Mormon town just outside of an area affectionately known as "Happy Valley."

Also, we almost died because someone pulled at "Date Night" on us at dinner and totally took our reservations. Like, they called our last name and we did the whole "signal that it's us" thing and another couple jumped ahead of us and were seated instead. It was awesome and we called ourselves the Tripplehorns until the joke was too old. So like, five minutes later.

Anyway, I'm obsessed with this T-shirt and I just barely ordered it. I love it so much that it's going to be a catalyst for a discussion on T-shirts on Wednesday. Riveting, I know, but I'm always on the lookout for the perfect shirt and I feel like it's worth talking about it. This one was supersoft, had a v-neck and is printed to look like an old suffragette newspaper and this delights me in every way possible.

Anyway, the dentist waits for no one and I have some nitrous with my name on it. Happy Monday, guys. 

My ipsy Review!

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

I have an awesome story to tell you! So last night we told the kids we were going to get snow cones and loaded them into my (finally fixed) Tahoe to find one. When we got to our usual spot, there was like, 3,000 people waiting in the line. And I don't know if you've ever waited in line for snow cones, but it lasts forever, thanks to the people who stand there for 10 minutes and ask questions like "What does peach taste like?"

So, in an effort to avoid mutiny from our kids, we decided to make a grocery store dash for some ice cream instead. I ran in by myself and picked up the following items:

- 2 pints of Ben & Jerry's
- 1 Dairy Milk bar
- 1 Bag of Milky Way Bites (my husband is obsessed)
- 1 Bag of Mint Milano cookies (they were on sale!)
- 1 US Weekly

As I loaded up all of my loot on the conveyor belt for the cashier, she started scanning the items and asked "How are you doing?"

"Fine, thanks -- how are you?"

"Good. But not as good as it looks like you're going to be tonight."

I then realized that she thought all of the stuff was for me. I started laughing "Um, I swear this isn't all for me. My kids are with my husband in the car."

"Oh, sure. It just looks like you're having some kind of spa night."

"Nope. Just getting treats for my kids."

She finished bagging my stuff and I ran my card because heaven forbid I ever carry cash. As I gathered up my bags, she handed over the receipt and said "Well, good luck on the breakup you're clearly going through."

When I got out to the car I was laughing so hard. I enjoyed that cashier's moxie and "Girls gotta stick together attitude." but I also liked her suggestions, so a girly spa night, breakup style sounded really good. Luckily, I had received my monthly ipsy bag yesterday afternoon, so I had a bunch of products to try. I put the kids to bed, filled the bath, queued up "Say Yes to the Dress" on my iPad and delved into my Dairy Milk while embracing the true product whore that I am.

Yesterday, when I posted a picture of my ipsy haul on Instagram, (this is what I got except the primer was switched for a nail polish) I got a ton of questions. And, since I love my ipsy subscription, I thought I'd give a little review. I'm not being paid for this. I just really love ipsy and want to spread that love.

So beauty subscription boxes are nothing new. But back in May, I made a list of things that would make non-crappy Mother's Day presents and included ipsy as one and I was totally sold. Before I purchased the subscription, I researched beauty boxes exhaustively. Like more than should be socially acceptable. I wanted a few things: Cheapness, a variety of products, premium sample sizes and beauty-centric stuff. After checking out BirchBox, Beauty Box 5 and a bunch of others, I finally settled on ipsy.

For $10, I get a little makeup bag with five products to try. Some are full-size and some are premium samples, which means they're miniature versions of the full size... not like, the little foil packages. For instance, this month I got a full-size nail polish, plus a pot of bronzer, a travel mascara, the world's most adorable miniature lipstick and a good-sized tube of facial mask.

When I first signed up, I gave some information about my beauty style, like how I love products, am pretty creative when it comes to colors and prefer makeup over hair stuff. ipsy then customized my bag out of 12 possible products for than month. I love that it lets me try brands that I probably wouldn't have tried on my own. This month had stuff from brands like Urban Decay, smashbox, Pixi and Michael Todd. I got the Michael Todd Pumpkin facial and it was amaaaaazing.

Do I think it's worth the $10? Absolutely. Honestly, it's worth the money to get something other than bills in the mail. I also love the little makeup bags that come with -- they're awesome for organizing my vanity and using for travel. However, in talking with one of my IG followers who uses BirchBox, she says it's better for skin and hair, while ipsy seems to be more about the makeup. There are also boxes for organic and vegan beauty too. Aaaaand thus concludes the only time I'll ever use the word "vegan" on my blog.

Anyway, I love my mail order makeup and I totally think it's worth it. Even if I don't love a color I'm sent, I pass them to my daughter who LOVES this mini lipsticks and stuff. And I already plan on buying a tub of that pumpkin facial, so I'm happy that I was introduced to the stuff.

Do you subscribe to a beauty box? I might be thinking about getting another and I'd love to hear more opinions!

What I Wore: Workhorse

Monday, August 12, 2013

Ah, my fuchsia bandage skirt from F21 circa 2010. How I love it. I wear this thing all the time and it's starting to get pretty gross and pill-y but I can't stop. I wear it with heels and a shmancy blazer to dress up, graphic tees and flats to dress it down and then this hybrid, born because I didn't want to wear heels but still needed to dress up. I went for a six mile hike on Saturday. Heels weren't going to happen.

 Top:I can't remember. But it's actually a tank dress, like this
Cardi: Nordstrom Rack (cute!) (love this)
Skirt: F21(want) (match everything) (pretty!)
Flats: Ardene (Canada) (with studs!) (basic) (with a bow I'm dead)
Cuff: Wizards of the West (no longer available wahhh)
Belt: c/o modbod

Here's what I look like when I smile nice.

 And here's what I look like when I'm yelling at my daughter "I don't understand why you're not changed when I asked you to change like, 10 minutes ago!" while still looking at the camera.

This actually happened. This is also why I have an aggressive forehead wrinkle.

Style blogger. Long hiker. Nice smiler. Kid yeller. I guess I'm kind of a workhorse too.

Freaky Friday: Stuff I Don't Get

Friday, August 9, 2013

Yay my car is supposed to be finished today and I'm so excited to go get him. Yes, him. I call him Dante.

But before that happens, I have some Freaky Friday stuff to get off my chest. Yes, it's time for "Stuff I Don't Get" again. This was inspired by me reading my Glamour magazine late last night while watching "Beautiful Creatures" because my husband was working late. This is what happens when I'm left to my own devices after like, 10:30. I get surly.

Also, one of these pictures is not safe for children who know the alternate meaning to "Willy." So usher them out of the room accordingly. 

This shirt


 Oh look, it's the page that inspired it all. This shirt is proclaimed as the "Perfect top." Because I'm always in the market for sheer shirts with boob roses. Also, how 90s is this all? It would go perfectly with my crushed velvet party skirt. In 1998.

Why this is funny.  I turned into a 14-year-old boy when my cousin posted this on her Facebook. The second one is my favorite.

 Seriously, I was laughing hysterically for 10 minutes and then almost sent it to everyone I know.  Instead, I'll post it on my very public blog! (Click to view a larger copy, but only if you're super immature).

The desire for a thigh gap. 
 No one is looking for a space between your thighs. Stop being crazy.

Clear purses

 Have you seen the inside of my purse lately? It's like a graveyard of receipts and cheeto-smeared baby wipes. Why would I want to present that to the world?

Sharon Stone power suits

 Those are some serious shoulders. Unless your office is also a football field, you can probably dial down the padding.

When sales associates say they're "just going to pull a few things for you."

This happened last night when I was shopping for new sunglasses (I lost mine on a waterslide. So typical.) She pulled things that I would never wear in my life and I was so tempted to get all Bon-Qui-Qui like "You don't knowwwww me" but instead I just mumbled something about sunglasses shopping and got the heck out of there.  

 Literally anything that Miley Cyrus wears in the "We Can't Stop Video."
 She dances seductively like we're all supposed to be super turned-on by her Jane Fonda workout jumpsuit and Draco Malfoy hair.

Mullet anything
Skirts. Shirts. Actual mullets. How about no?

These people's gummy bear reviews.

Because quite frankly, if you purchase mail-order sugar-free gummy bears, you deserve to have diarrhea.

As always, that feels really good to get off of my chest. Now it's your turn -- air out something that you don't get and we'll all nod emphatically.

5 Outfits to Pack for a Beach Vacation

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

I just got home from the dentist -- I had to have a cavity filled. It's the first time I've had a cavity since I was like nine, so that was fun. I watched the Today Show on happy gas and reflected on important things like how short Al Roker is.

But I also was thinking about our recent vacation to take my brain away from the drill making holes in my teeth. I hate overpacking. Like, it's so annoying to me. And despite my best efforts, I still ended up with a few things that I didn't wear on vacation. My husband and I shared a suitcase, so every little bit of space counted. So I thought it might be helpful to hash out some vacation outfits that you should bring if you're headed somewhere warm and sunny. If you're headed somewhere cold and gloomy I just can't help you.

The Travel Outfit


Stripe top / Dickies / Minnetonka shoes / White studded purse, $31 / Forever New , $8.95

I know some people practically travel in their PJs, but I am not some people. We were going to be arriving in late afternoon, so I didn't want to be ready for bed just yet. When I travel, I like choosing looser fabrics and nothing that requires snaps, buttons or belts and slip-on shoes are a must. Nothing gives me the stabbies quite like a person taking their sweet time through security because of bad planning. These shorts also ended up being the basis for other vacation outfits. I run hot on planes, so I dress down, but if you run cold, grab a sweater. I also went and bought a big tote that I could use as a carry on, but would double as a beach bag later. It held many an US Weekly magazine.

Also, my husband laughed at me when I confessed that I'm always nervous to reach up and try to turn off the air on airplanes. I'm scared that I'm too short and the person behind me will see that I'm just swiping at the empty air above my head. I have short arms.

The Beach Day Outfit

Wallis petite top / Wallis tankini top / Wonderland swim suit, $11 / White shoes, $20 / Faux leather purse, $31

I was SO glad  packed three or four short dresses to wear to the beach. We had planned two solid beach days of nothingness, but while I spent the entire time in my swimsuit, I didn't want to go all bikini-ed out when we stopped for food or went for a walk. Short dresses are one piece, so you don't have to fuss with shorts and a shirt. And it's just cute. I totally wear my beach dresses to the pool around town too, so double duty yesssss.What's more, tunics and simple short cotton dresses are usually pretty cheap.

The Exploration Outfit

Candie's swim suit / Reef shoes / JanSport / Roxy High Light SS Rashguard

Part of our vacation was dedicated to touring around, checking out nature and seeing stuff like waterfalls and bamboo forests NBD. Because we'd be getting wet, I didn't want to wear normal clothes. Instead, I bought a rashguard from the Macy's at our resort (I know) and used that when we were being tourists. It was perfect because I could kick off my flip flops and hop in a waterfall or we could stop and rent some snorkel equipment at a good spot, but I wasn't getting totally fried all day.

A note about the flip flops. I am not a big flip flops lover. I wear them for utilitarian purposes only. But after two days of walking and walking, my crappy Old Navy flip flops were HURTING. My husband convinced me to buy a good pair so we went searching. I tried on Sanuks, Reefs and some Nikes and ended up with the Reefs. BEST PURCHASE EVER. They were sooo comfy and superior and now I find myself looking for reasons to wear them. The flops pictured are the same ones I bought -- and OF COURSE they're on sale now.

The Night Out Outfit

Merona / Espadrilles high heel shoes / Charlotte Russe woven bracelet / French Connection Sandy Pop Clutch, $32

OK, if you're vacationing with the whole family, you can probably get away with casual dining in your shorts and tees, but this was my 10th anniversary guys! We were alone! I wanted to get dressed up and look cute on a couple of the nights we went out to fancy shmancy restaurants or walked along the boardwalk. So I packed a couple of maxi dresses. That way, I could throw one over my swimsuit in the late afternoon, or I could dress it up with jewelry and a cute clutch (that doubled as a wallet) at night. And honestly, lazy nights eating and wandering around were my favorite part of the vacation. There is something to be said for doing absolutely nothing.

The Home Travel Outfit

NOW is the time to bust out the lazy clothes -- especially if you're taking a red-eye.  Hoodie. Pillow. Stretch capris. Headphones. Goodnight, everyone. And no, I didn't bring the workout capris to actually work out while on vacation, but they did come handy on a hike. So there.

To be honest, I spent 85 percent of our vacation in a swimsuit, and those pack up small so I had room for some extras. Some stuff I brought that I didn't end up wearing: A pair of running shoes, extra T-shirts (I bought a ton when I was there) and warmer lounge pants. I don't even know what I was thinking with those. And the more room you have in your suitcase, the more stuff you can buy while you're vacationing, right?

What are your vacation packing musts?

What I Wore: Ridiculous

Monday, August 5, 2013

Hey, good news everyone! I'm not in a bad mood anymore. I had an awesome weekend and my house is clean and I read a book and talked to my super hilarious family and that's just what I needed. So no more whining from me!

My husband took one look at this outfit and pronounced me "ridiculous." It was because of the shoes. They are really, really tall -- probably clock in a six inches with a platform. They make me almost as tall as my 6' husband I kid you not. I'm But that's OK, because I don't mind thinking of myself as a little ridiculous.

Top: Local boutique (Contagious for you SFians)
Tank: Local boutique (My Sister's Closet)
Skirt: c/o mod bod
Belt: Yeah, it's my reversible belt from Wal-Mart I ain't ashamed
Watch: XOXO
Ring: InspiredSilver
Shoes: Qupid
(I'd do links but I'm running late so check in later)

 They are so ridiculous. But I love them anyway. Fun fact! The first time I wore these shoes, I think they made me lightheaded. This time, I decided to stretch them so they weren't so tight. If you ever want to stretch too-tight shoes, grab a pair of your husband's socks and put on the shoes. Then, use your hairdryer to heat them up and stretch them out. Let 'em cool (haha I sound like a cooking blog) and once they're all the way cooled, take them off and you should have an extra half-size to work with. 

Brilliant AND ridiculous. I can handle that.

Freaky Friday: Don't You Hate Pants?

Friday, August 2, 2013

You guys, I am in a foul mood today. I spent the morning on the phone with both my car insurance and health insurance peeps. The only thing worst than rehashing that stupid accident is then rehashing my last pregnancy before we change to a new insurance company. THEN my son wailed -- WAILED -- through the recorded statement I was giving to the other guy's insurance company. That should go over well in transcription, right? Don't worry, I've already planned a nap for this afternoon. No one better mess with that sacred, sacred nap.

Until then, though, I bring you some of the ugliest pants ever made. And yes, the title of this post is definitely in reference to this. Feel free to use that line as foreplay tonight. Rawr.

 My friend Kara (you can find her cute blog here) sent me these which give me a deep and abiding need to watch The Lion King with my childhood best friends as we talk about whether or not it's OK to have a crush on grownup Simba. PS It's not. That's cartoon bestiality and it's gross. I was more of a Tuxedo Mask kinda gal myself. Anyone? Anyone?

 I'm so glad the Golden Girls are able to live on through ugly pants.

 Because you have a desperate need for your legs to look like your mom's wedding china. 
Also, what's with the heels?

 Forget about thigh gap -- this season, it's all about crotch-drab. 

I also thought up "crotch mulch" but I can't decide which I like better. 

Life is hard. 


 Because you're an American tourist and don't care who knows it!! 

 Pop that hip back in, Miss Sashay. Those are the pants I wear when I'm sick and haven't showered in three days so I wouldn't be so smug. 

 This might be the saddest case of mom bum ever on this blog. And that's saying A LOT. Homegirl's butt is like three feet long here. 

Nothin' wrong with a little junk in your front bum area. Also good for hiding:
-Small kangaroos
-The fact that your sex change operation isn't all the way done yet

Alright, I am determined to shake this bad mood. I bought some new clothes yesterday (I swear it was the last time... this week) and wearing something new and not involving ugly pants is sure to bring me out of the funk. Also, I'm driving my husband's Jeep Wrangler while my car is in the body shop and driving a Jeep makes everyone happy. It's a fact. Look for the suburban soccer mom listening to rap music and pretending to relive her glory days with two kids in the backseat.


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