Freaky Friday: Welcoming Baby

Friday, June 10, 2011

I must have pregnancy on the brain today. Probably because I habitually get pregnant at the end of May. Last month I realized that my youngest is the age my oldest was when I got knocked up again and I swear I broke into a cold sweat. I don't know HOW I thought I was ready then. My youngest is a tiny terrorist and he leaves everything in his path bruised, bloodied and destroyed. I can't have anymore kids just because I shudder to think what he'd do to them.

That's my story today anyway. Anytime someone asks me when I'm having another I like to give another from my list of "1,001 Reasons Why Jae Should Stop Procreating Immediately."

Reason #342: I have a deathly fear of ultrasound machines.

Reason #667: I don't like children.

Reason #29: The Bachelorette is on.

Anyway, I did come across some AWESOME maternity photos while reflecting on my own pregnancies. I warn you: there is a lot of body exposure and even more awkwardness. I will tell you now that I didn't post the worst one because this is a family site. But I might post the link in the comments because it is TOO GOOD.

Is it me or is Halloween and pregnancy the only time women can wear nothing and no one can say anything about it? I understand that the pregnant form is beautiful and you want to preserve the memory, but I really don't see the purpose in the bunny tail. Also, were these pictures done at Sears?

Speaking of bunnies... didn't "being sexy" get you into this mess? Somewhere, Hugh Hefner is turning over in his grave.

What's that? He's not dead yet? Well, then he's turning over in his mid-afternoon nap.

PS the proximity of that man to her crotch befuddles me.

Oh pregnancy! So many cravings! I spent my last pregnancy craving sushi. For some women, it's pickles and ice cream. And the always classic watermelons and handguns. Pregnancy is so SILLY!

Why hello! You just caught us semi-naked walking through the forest! Wanna paint my belly and take pictures?

Just one word: HOW. HOW was this woman hoisted into this tree? Mind = boggled.

Contrary to popular belief, their favorite broadway show is "Phantom of the Opera."

PS, I was reflecting on how women talk their husbands into stuff like this. If I were like "Hey honey, want to go have our entire bodies painted like characters from "Cats" and take pictures?" He would laugh and then nervously walk away to build something.

I wish we lived in a culture where it was OK to get naked and wear a Russian hat and eat pregnant women's bellies. One day.... one day.

Let's play "Spot the Obvious Thing that is Wrong With this Picture!!!" You have 10 seconds. GO!

I hate these types of pictures. Nothing like commemorating your pregnancy and the fact that your husband has completely let himself go in one shot. Oh, memories.

I've seen bow shots that are cute. But bow shots that make the belly look like a Faberge egg? Super creepy.

Hey, it's totally fine to take pictures of your uber cute belly in those last few months of pregnancy. Plus they can act as proof when you go to guilt your kids, as in "REMEMBER WHEN I LIKE, TOTALLY GESTATED YOU? Clean your room!"

But don't overshare.

FINE I'll post the worst one in the comments. But you've been warned. It might ruin your Friday, and Fridays are sacred and precious to me.


Jae said...

Second to last picture.

There are boobs.

You've been warned.

Alisha said...

Oh-my!!! Ha ha!
Maybe if my hubbies hiney looked like that . . . :)

Jae said...

lol Alisha. It IS a nice hiney. But it's also SUPER WEIRD. And in front of a photographer no less. I think I May have gasped when I saw it.

Jill said...

Thank you so much for the Friday laugh...I'm still crying!

Nurse Heidi said...

Holy disturbing weirdness!!! EGADS! Glad I pulled that up when there were no little people present.

Jae said...

Haha I love that I didn't post the picture on here because there was nakedness, but everyone's going there anyway. IT'S AWESOME. I'm just happy to share in the weirdness of it all.

Jen said...

I don't even have words--at first I thought the one you meant was the weird naked guy behind the preggo--awkward enough--but the other!?! Who thinks up these werid poses? Do you hang something like that up on your wall? Or give out wallet size to the grandparents?

Robin said...

ya if my hubby's hiney looked like that sign me up! Only leave me out of the photo, stand him on his feet and just take a tush shot :-)

Jae said...

Haha Jen... seriously! Would you ever show that to your kids? "And this is what we looked like when we made you, honey."

Um, brain scrub please!

Cammie said...

That is so strange. People are strange.

My favorite thing on the cats people is "The Circle of Life" written across her chest. Nice!

The Kindle Family said...

Awful! Just horrible!

Anonymous said...

The "I heart Daddy" in the forest. Isn't that Edward and Bella?

Mary Anne from Not a Photog said...

I'm going to have nightmares about that floating belly...

Morgan -Ing said...

Anon- I totally thought of a twilight theme for that one.. Maybe the I heart Daddy is written in blood...

The cats are CLASSIC! Derek and I have one exactly like it. I love it. From every pregnancy. It's AWESOME!

BlueVanilla said...

O.M.G. LOL! This was brilliant...people are UNREAL!

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Robin Dini Photography said...

OH my! Really? What are some of these people thinking?

Mandy said...

If you look closer at that Cats one, on her neck line area it actually says "The Circle of Life" which is from The Lion funny. I thought it was from Cats as well when I first saw it. I love your Freaky Friday!

Lo xo said...

All I have to say is: LMFAO !!

Anonymous said...

Aren't some of these from They posted a bunch of these right here:

Michelle said...

Thank you! SO FUNNY. Your comments cracked me up!


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