Freaky Friday

Friday, July 30, 2010

Gooood Friday everyone! Considering my plans for the day consist of working on my tan, I need to get this done and play outside.

I'll take "Fastest Way to Make My Head Look Like a Tiny Peanut," Alex.

I can't fault the girl for trying. I mean, she was wearing what essentially was a Best Buy-esque uniform polo and cut off the arm. Then she gave a sassy look like it was on purpose. You go, weirdo.

OMG I have been looking everywhere for a blue suede lace up peeptoe wedge bootie!!

Just in case you were wondering: If you can see butt crack, your shorts are too low. If you can see butt crease, they're too high.

Ugh! Don't you just hate it when you're wearing your black sparkly bustier with your scary pleated mom jeans and someone else at the party is wearing THE EXACT SAME THING? Rude.

It's the attack of the scary and unflattering capri pants! AHHHH!

Please, think of the children!! (Clearly this lady has had like, four)

I can't look!!! The cankles! Oh, the CANKLES!

Luckily we can cleanse our palettes with this happy lady wearing what seems to be a football practice uniform.

Have a good weekend you lovely people. I damaged my account so much with the last couple weekends that I'm putting myself on *at least* a three-day shopping diet. It pains me. Expect to see me on Facebook for support.

Size Doesn't Matter

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

.... but FIT does.

So the other day I was shopping because my favorite pair of bermuda shorts totally ripped and I was sad and depressed. I'd had them for like four years and was positive that I would never find a pair that I liked as much. Anyway, as I was looking through the racks of shorts, I came across a pair that I really liked. I looked at the tag (you guys are going to get more than you asked for in this post because I'm totally going to be revealing my sizing information) and the size six, which I usually am, looked impossibly small. I grabbed bot the six and the eight. I continued shopping, because I like to go to the fitting room with a solid armload of clothes. I've always wanted a pair of really lightweight pants and I found a pair in camo that I loved. But this time, it was a different brand and the six looked WAY too big. So I grabbed the six and the four and went off to try them on.

Well, what do you know? I ended up going home with a size eight pair of shorts and a size four pair of pants.


I cannot stress how important trying on clothes is. Every. Single. Brand. Is. Different. You can't rely on your "regular" size to guide you because the fit and style will also have a bearing on how things look on your frame. So put on your big girl pants and go to the fitting room. Please.

Let's make fitting rooms less scary, shall we?

1) Acknowledge the fact that dressing rooms have the worst light ever, unless you're in a lingerie store. Take a look at yourself wearing your normal clothes before you start trying on to give yourself a baseline. That way, when you put on something and don't love the way it looks you can decide if its a bad fit or the fitting room is bringing you down.

2) When you're looking for a specific item, like a cocktail dress or swimsuit, DON'T BRING CHILDREN. I can handle my kids in a fitting room if its totally casual and I don't care whether or not I buy something. But when I'm on a feverish hunt for a dress, my kids totally drive me up the wall and I get flustered. I throw clothes on and don't give them a proper look before I decide, and it has rendered me plenty of clothes that I don't really like.

3) Make the fitting room attendant useful. When she says "Let me know if you need anything," let her know if you need anything. Don't abandon your efforts because something doesn't fit and you don't want to wander into the store in your underwear looking for a different size. Poke you head out and get her over there. She'll actually love that she's doing something other than unlocking doors and looking bored.

4) Keep record of what size you are in certain labels. For instance, if you shop at Old Navy a lot, have your sizing info on hand so that if they have a killer online deal, you can order knowing that things will fit. I just keep a little file on my computer, and when I get a piece of clothing from a brand I like, I'll punch in what size it was so I have it for future reference. Heaven forbid I ever miss out on a sale ever.

5) Get over the number. So what if you have to go a size up? It's better than looking like this:

Getting a larger size to fit the widest part of your body will make you slimmer in comparison. If you're like me and ridiculously misproportioned, get a tailor. The waist of my pants never fit me until I have them taken in. If you don't like the number on the pants, clip it out so you don't have to look at it. Do what you have to do to get over your size, because guess what? It's just a number. It does not determine how attractive you are. Stop concerning yourself about your size, and worry more about fit.

So the next time you're shopping and hopelessly squeezing yourself into something that absolutely will not work, decide how you want to be seen? Weirdly, misshapen sausage? Or lovely svelte lady? I think the choice basically makes itself.

Mama Fit Monday: Running With A Twist!

Monday, July 26, 2010

I just did a great workout on Saturday that I'd like to share. It was my regular 20 minute interval run (I've posted that earlier) with some twists. I didn't get a chance to do bootcamp on Sat. (I taught it vs. participating) so I was wanting to get in some squats and pushups, but I didn't want to give up my I improvised.

I combined them.

If you go to the post on the 20 Minute Interval Workout you will see the cardio workout I'm referring to. I warmed up for 2 minutes, then instead of increasing my speed right away, I stopped and did 10-15 jump squats on the curb. If you are just starting out then you can just step onto the curb, do a squat, then step off, if you've been doing this awhile, then jump on the curb, squat and then jump off.

I then continued with my next running minute which would be a level 6. I ran for 2 minutes then stopped and did some push ups. I did 15 of them on the grass wherever I was. I then continued for another 2 minutes keeping with the 20 minute schedule.

After the next 2 min. run I did lunges off the curb. Stand with both feet on the curb, then drop your right leg back off of it, bending your left leg at 90 degrees. Push all your weight through the left leg to get back up. Repeat 10 times and do the other leg. Continue running.

After your next 2 min. run stop and do more pushups.
Run 2 min.
Stop and do tricep dips on the curb..20 of them if you can
Run 2 min.
Stop and do squats Repeat this pattern for the duration of the 20 min interval run. On the last set before your sprint, do 5 reps of each of your exercises, then sprint for 1 min and cool down for your last min.

Not only did I get a great run in, I worked my upper and lower body at the same time. I loved it and felt it the next day. I will definitely do this again.

It may sound a little complicated but, give it a try, when you're doing it, it will all make sense.

Committed to your fitness success,
Kelly Parker

Freaky Friday: Fun with Keywords

Friday, July 23, 2010

Ooh boy I have some DOOZIES for you today.

For those of you not aware, "Fun With Keywords" is when I dig around my Statcounter to find out what people are searching to find me. Most of the time, it's totally normal, like "How not to dress like a mom" or "Jae completes me" but sometimes they are WEIIIIIRD. Observe.

-"Without dress"

Wrong website, pervert.

-"Why do I look like my aunt and not my parents?"

Um...this is going to be awkward. Maybe also ask your dad why he's into sisters?

A total side note, but as a child I loved to tell my littlest brother, four years younger than me, that he was from a German family, and when he turned eight they were going to come get him and make him go to work in a work camp in Germany. When he would cry, my mom would scold me and I would say, "Mom! You have to tell him! Stop allowing him to live this lie!" And he would hide in his room for hours and I would get hours of little-brother free time. Clearly I was a fantastic sister.

-"I hate it when I wear a dress once and it's ruined."

Does anyone NOT hate that? What a weird thing to search. Like "Ohh, my dress is ruined!! I hate when that happens... I wonder if anyone can commiserate ONLINE!"

-"Lady Gaga jellyfish photos"



I hate you.

-"Pictures of how not to dress in the office."

Oh! That I can do! Try not to dress like this:

(PS is that a guy with a SWORD in the background? WTH is this world coming to, people? YOU ARE HUMANS IN 2010! Not a medieval knight, and CERTAINLY not a cat. Also, please put the girls away. Awkward women who don't know how to properly wield the cleavage make me uncomfy.

Also, something like this is absolutely inappropriate for work, in my humble opinion.

She had me on board until the fuzzy legwarmers.

-"Mom jeans and platforms"

*sobbing* WHY? WHY would you make me do this?


THERE? Are you HAPPY NOW? If you were asking if you could wear mom jeans WITH platform flip flops, the answer is absolutely not. Hows about you burn both of them. Mom jeans are pretty much against the vow that I took upon starting this blog, and platform flip flops are the worst. Like, really? You're going to strap THAT much foam on your feet? Just wear wedges and don't look like an oversized 13 year old instead. Those are not flip flops. They are flotation devices.

I hope the freaky people keep these weird searches coming, because I am LOVING IT! Although I will admit that I've searched some weird things. I have to do a lot of research with my job at Livestrong, and once I had to look up goat backpacks. I am not kidding. Backpacks... for goats.

What's the weirdest thing you've ever had to look up??

Pretty Vintage

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

I spent part of my birthday blissfully alone, thanks to a good friend who not only brought me a cake, but whisked away my daughter for the afternoon as well (She's a keeper!) I used the time to run into town (yes, I live in a place where I have to drive to get to civilization) and look for an anniversary present for my husband. ONce I'd gotten one, I had some time to kill so I did something that I've always wanted to do... go in a thrift store.

If you look in my side bar, you'll see links to other blogs by girls who ALL thrift shop. They find amazing little gems and I get jealous. And my friend Charity, who writes THIS gorgeous blog totally finds and fixes up amazing thrift store items. So, I've slowly been goaded into trying it out and figured it was as good a time as any.

The store I went into was TERRIFYING. Call me naive in the world of thrifting, but I didn't realize your had to do so much... well, searching. I was the only person in the store, and since I'm so non-confrontational, I decided that I would have to buy something to avoid the awkwardness if I left emptyhanded. So I scrounged up a book and a pair of shoes (that were actually pretty cute) and went to the cash register. By this time, someone else had come in and she was paying for something. I could hear the employee ring up her total and then start in about making a donation to a raffle for her sister who has cancer and the winner gets a Michael Jackson record player. I was like "Oh, here we go... she's totally going to hit me up and I don't WANT a Michael Jackson record player. I don't even want this stuff in my hands. Pleasedontaskmepleasedontaskmepleasedontaskme."

"HI!" She says.
"Hello" I say.
"Ooh, look at this book you have. Do you know how much it is?"
I point to the back of the store where the book prices are clearly marked. "Um, that sign says it's a dollar."
"Oh, I knew how much it was, I just wanted to make sure you knew you got a good deal. OH! And look at these shoes! They're just your size!"
(I should take a moment to point out that it annoys me when employees try to sell you on items you're already buying. Yeah, that's why they are on the counter. Let's move it along.)
"Also, would you like to enter this raffle? It's for my SISTER who has CANCER and she's starting RADIATION next week."
"Yeah, can I just donate money? I don't really need to enter a raffle?"
"Oh? But it's for a MICHAEL JACKSON RECORD PLAYER! It's probably worth $300. You just write your name and number on this paper and we'll enter you."
"Oh, I really don't want to enter the raffle." I survey the entry box, which has two other names. "I'll just give you some money to set aside."
"Okay, can you just write your name and number so we know who gave the donation?"
"Yes, fine." I write my name and number and she slyly drops it into the entry box. "THERE! Now you could also win the MICHAEL JACKSON RECORD PLAYER! Thanks for the entry!"
"But I didn't want-- you know what? You're welcome."

I'm terrified to this day that I'm going to get the phone call informing me of my winnings and I will have no place to put a Michael Jackson record player.

So my first time thrifting was awkward at best. I have my eye on another store that I want to try, but in the meantime, I'll stick to clothes that look vintage without the scary thrift-store employees.


Soul Cal Boyfriend Stripe Cardigan, 20 GBP
Cotton-jersey tank, $18
SO Denim Bermuda Shorts, $28 - Shoes - Casual - 2073644433, $20
Red By Marc Ecko Greatest Hits Baguette Bag, $20
Great Horned Necklace, $20

Nautical stuff looks inherently vintage, and you all know about my love for navy and red together. It makes me feel happy inside. I love Bermuda shorts with a pushed-up sleeve, it looks so easy and old fashioned, like a more feminine JFK in the 60s or something. The boat shoes in a bright color make this outfit more modern, and I hope that bag enjoys being purchased by me because I LOVE IT. And it's $20. And has street cred.


Multi floral gypsy dress, 32 GBP
Miss Me Women's London-2 Platform Pump, $50
Mirror Mirror Grape Purse, $38
Teal Flower Petal Cuff
Betsey Johnson - Under The Sea - Shell Drop Earrings (Pearl) - Jewelry, $46
Jessica Simpson - 23100284 (Pale Gold) - Accessories, $40

I LOVE this 70s print in a sleeker cut. To wear vintage clothes, you don't need to look like you stumbled out of a Halloween shop. The cut of the dress makes the very busy print much less costume-y. Pair it with straight-laced, neutral accessories and you have a covet-worth vintage outfit without the Michael Jackson record player pressure.


BE STILL MY HEART! I love polka does. Like, love. Like leather jackets, they are a weakness for me. Ooh, I need a polka dot leather jacket! Anyway, I love how adorable and 50s housewife this outfit is. The fullness of the skirt paired with a feminine tops just about makes me want to cook dinner for my husband. Almost. He's on his own tonight. With simple, graphic patterns, I think it's cute to use accessories with the same type, like that bracelet. You could get away with doing the same type of accessories with a stripe on stripe style too.


Flash Distressed Logo Raglan Red Juniors Tee Shirt -, $20
Crinkle Design Flare Cut Cotton Jeans - Juniors Clothing > Bottoms &..., $17
Sanuk Stardust Loafer, $48
Mossimo Supply Co. Cargo Crossbody Tote - Brown : Target, $25
Tocs Women's 40211 Analog Oblong Sunshine Yellow Watch, $50

I really feel the urge to own this outfit. I love love love vintage-looking graphic tees. I have a Beatles one that I totally dropped bleach all over and love it even more. And I'm very happy to say that a bigger flare in jeans is coming back in the fall, which is good news for people like me, who never quite got over it. I HAVE A BIG BUTT OKAY? I need some balance. These jeans are perfect. This outfit is so weekend adorable and it makes me want to go watch a hockey game with my friends eating chicken wings in the pub. Yeah, that's the Canadian in me showing through.

I promise I Won't give up so easily on the thrift shopping. I purchase almost all of my books used because I love the idea that someone else read them first. Why shouldn't that apply to really cute clothes? I just need to find some of those amazing deals with less annoying salespeople. Charity found a $2 Guess jacket. I just spent $70 on one. She wins.

Mama Fit Monday: Awesome Workouts Anywhere!!

Monday, July 19, 2010

You don't need a gym or lots of expensive equipment to get in a great workout. I have had some of my best workouts with no equipment. All you need is some imagination and not minding a few odd looks :)

Take a look a this workout I did in a park while I while travelling. It got the job done. I felt my legs for a couple of days. It was different, fun and it worked like a charm. Have fun and let me know how it goes.

Committed to your fitness success,

Kelly Parker

Winner Winner!

Friday, July 16, 2010

Chicken dinner! Ready to find out who is going shopping this weekend, other than me?

Click here!

And because posts are no good without pictures... I give you the jacket I'm going to try on today and hopefully purchase at the Norstrom Anniversary Sale. My lovely friends and family all got me Nordstrom gift cards for my bday and I am EXCITED.

AHHHH must have immediately. Leather jackets are my weakness. Anyone else heading over? Meet you there!


Just got home with this beauty! They didn't have the Steve Madden in stick (boo) but they had this lovely Guess and I totally obliged. WHY in July, you ask? Because it was 50 percent off I say! Isn't she pretty?


An Ode to the Wedge

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Not to be confused with the WEDGIE, (as a total side note, my first job when I was 15 was in a deli. We had a hot case, and whenever someone would come and order potato wedges as "wedgies" I would erupt into giggles and get the stink-eye from my lesbian manager. No really, she was actually a lesbian. But not the pretty kind.)

The last two or three pairs of shoes I've purchased have been wedges because they make me so very happy in the summer time. They are such a quick and easy way to add non-serious color to an otherwise boring outfit. Not to mention how awesome they make your legs look when worn with a skirt or a pair of bermudas. Seriously. If you're looking for something to punch up your wardrobe for summer without spending a ton of money, get the most bang for your buck and buy a seriously bright pair of wedges. A pair of lemon yellow wedges are on my radar for next purchase.

Here I've assembled a huge array of 40 pairs of awesome wedges that make me oh so happy, with prices starting at $5 (!!) and the highest being a really cute Kate Spade pair I couldn't resist at $171. Does Jae love ya, or does Jae love ya?








Birthday Giveaway!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Hey friends and fans, it's my birthday today, which means it's time for a giveaway. I feel like you should be giving me something, what with it being a normal birthday tradition. But I can overlook it because the giveaway is a really good one including bags and shoes if you so desire. Find out more by clicking HERE.

(No...seriously... click it. Don't miss out on this one.)

Freaky Friday

Friday, July 9, 2010

Good morning lovely friends!

Ready for some freakiness? I know I am. A lot of these were reader submissions... keep them coming because they make me happy. Nothing like getting ugly clothes in the inbox.

First, let's start out with what not to wear while traveling. This is my bff Gaga at London Heathrow. Can you imagine how fast this made the metal detector go off? Oh, sorry, that's just the zippers on my leather chaps. Can you hold them for a minute? Also, I can't imagine that mesh (MESH) top was very warm on the drafty airplane. Just once I'd love to see her step off the plane in like, a sweater and flats.

Also... the bandana? What is she, me from 1999?

I had to look at this and rub my eyes with a squeaky cartoon background noise when I saw these. Leggings (strike one) with holes in the knees (strike two) with fug leather peep toe booties (strikes three, four and five.)

These could be, quite possibly, the ugliest shorts I've ever seen. However the description does make note that there's an antique Mexican blanket sewn into them. REALLY!? I would have never noticed!

Nothing says total comfort like jeans underpants. I feel like I know someone with an aversion to real person clothes or common modesty that might wear these as pants..... but I just can't put my finger on who.

Oh yes, just what I need. Cause for someone to tell me I look "beefy" today. PS I would just get hungry every time I looked in the mirror.

I really don't like this dress' demeanor.

FINALLY! Some practical soccer cleats. These will go perfectly with my vuvuzela! (Which, when spelled out looks far too much like the name for reproductive anatomy for my tastes. As in "Yes, you're almost fully dilated, only your vuvuzela is still making me concerned.)

Alright, let's kick off a good weekend here. I'll let you in on a little secret: I've got a fun weekend planned because it's my birthday/anniversary on Monday. To celebrate, we're going to do a giveaway so I can bring attention to myself and garner birthday wishes! So check back Monday morning and act surprised.)

What to Wear: While Traveling

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

I received an interesting question over on my fan page on "The Facebook" as my dad calls it. Someone asked about what to wear while traveling. I'm going with airline traveling here because I recently went on a four-day road trip because my husband and I purchased a boat from a nice old man in San Diego. I wore the same shorts the entire time. That's how much I care about what you wear when on a road trip.

But air travel, that's a whole 'nother story. If you know anything about me, or you follow my self-absorbed facebook postings, you know that I live roughly 2,500 miles from my family. I grew up in Toronto, Canada and currently reside in Utah. (Yeah, you can thank my husband for that one.) Because of this, I end up traveling. A LOT. I try to get back home at the very least twice a year, and I've been able to do some traveling sans children as well. But most of the time I've got the kidlets with me, juggling their gear while still trying to look composed.

I put a lot of thought into what I wear when we travel, for a couple of reasons. The first will sound deplorably shallow, but I truly believe that I am treated better by airline employees and immigration officers when I look nice. When I shlump around the airport in a hoodie and sweats, people mistake me for a teenage mom and give me the stinkeye. When I look like a respectable human being, I get bumped to first class and fly through customs. NO JOKE. Actually, I think that the two times I was bumped to first class had more to do with my charming four year old, but she was dressed pretty snappily too. The other reason I put thought into my clothes is that I'm looking for two things: comfort and speed. There is nothing worse than having to take off your belt in customs while some scary Helga-lady pats you down, am I right. Then, I get on the plane and for some reason my body can't regulate it's temperature and I go from hot to cold in a matter of seconds. SECONDS.

So, instead of doing the velour tracksuit thing, which by the way is not okay unless you're a septuagenarian from Jersey, try a few outfit ideas for function and comfort, while still looking hot.


dELiAs > Skylar Knit Sweater Dress > dresses > casual, $45
Rhinestone Trim Open-Toe Flats, $35
Macy's | Juniors Crossbody Handbags, Juniors Crossbody Bags, Juniors..., $48
ASOS Sequin and Crystal Embellished Satin Cuff, $20
Solid Pashmina, $18

I know that some of you who are old school will balk at the idea of wearing a dress while flying, but in the summer months, I SO love it. First, there's no belt. Nothing to set off the metal detector. It's on piece, and as long as you choose a smart fabric like a knit, doesn't look as wrinkly and sodden on the other side. I like the idea of something knee length with a scarf in case the a/c is too high. A flat is ideal, along with jewelry that is easy on and easy off. Finally, choose a bag big enough to double as a diaper bag when traveling with kids, or risk getting eye daggers from people like me who get annoyed with people who bring MORE than their allowed allotted amount o carry ons. Seriously. So annoying.

travel2Fashion Trends & Styles - Polyvore

Winged Capsleeve Cardigan, $24
Old Navy Womens Twist-Neck Racerback Tanks, $5
Double Button Bootcut Jean - Women's Clothing and Apparel - Chic..., $10
Gap Knee-high suede boot, $50
Worn Large Leatherette Tote, $33
RJ Graziano Long Beaded Layer Necklace, $34

This is literally an exact replica of what I wore flying home in May. I love to wear my Frye's when I travel because they are super soft, worn in and come off super easily for security. My drape cardigan saved my butt when it would get suddenly cold and suddenly hot. I just wrapped the extra fabric around me. It also served as a blanket for my one year old lap child. I don't suggest wearing white while traveling unless you have something to wear over it. You will spill something and look like a dork wandering around the airport terminal.

travel3Fashion Trends & Styles - Polyvore

I LOVE the idea of wearing hyper comfy shoes and socks on your flight. Taking off your shoes and padding through security barefoot is admittedly gross, so I lean towards shoes I can wear socks with for both me and my kids. Old Navy flip flops are for the beach, not for traveling. If you've ever been through either of the Chicago airports, or through Atlanta or Toronto, you know that the terminals are MASSIVE and require a lot of walking. Adidas Superstars are a staple shoe in my wardrobe, I have them in pink, yellow and blue. I KNOW. How cute is it done with a denim skirt (choose blue if you're klutzy or carry a Tide pen!) and a plaid shirt. Totally breezy and cool while still being comfortable. Give the customs agent a little wink and you are through my friend.

travel 4Fashion Trends & Styles - Polyvore

Old Navy Womens Crochet-Hem V-Neck Tees, $9.50
Libertine Waistcoat, 22 GBP
Old Navy Womens The Dreamer Embroidered-Pocket Trouser Jeans, $35
Washed Small Cross Body Bag, $36
Lee Angel Biker chain necklace, $45
Michael Antonio Women's Piero Flat, $22

Another staple traveling outfit for me, I wore one like this when I jetted off to see my best friend in Western Canada for a few days. Instead of a sweatsuit, opt for an uber-comfy pair of wide leg jeans. I totally live in mine. To make sure your jeans look polished instead of sloppy, a cute topper like a vest or jacket gives the look structure without reducing comfort. In my experience, the security people don't make you take off superficial vests and jackets, just big, puffy, dangerous looking ones. Another big bag and some bright shoes finish an otherwise bland looking outfit. Also, I always travel with a chain and pendant with my stillborn son's footprints on it. If you want to wear jewelry, just choose something without clasps that you can pull off and put back on quickly so you're not holding up the security line. Although I find that a few properly placed "sorry" smiles get me a lot of assistance from the cranky business man directly behind me as I juggle my two kids, the stroller, three pairs of shoes and a laptop from the security line.

Another good tip for traveling? I start with super minimal makeup and carry my bare necessities with me; we're talking bronzer, eyeliner and mascara. I then freshen up when the pilot calls for descent so when I arrive at my destination without looking haggard and as if I made the journey via old timey steamship. I also ALWAYS start with my hair dried and down. That way, if it does get in the way, I can pull it into a ponytail without it looking messy, greasy or tired.

Of course, there was one time I flew home at Christmas, was detained in immigration and the airline lost my luggage. Looking good while flying won't make it problem-free, but at least you won't have to avoid yourself in the airport bathroom mirrors.


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