Trashy Halloween Contest Winner AND What I Wore: Thank All That is Holy October is Over

Yay you guys! The winner of the trashiest of all Halloween costume was actually a tie and somehow that warms my heart! As it turns out, Sexy Ronald McDonald AND Sexy Rosie the Riveter are equally as offensive, so Lauren and Anna, email me at nomoremomjeans (at) gmail to claim your prizes!

My Halloween was awesome, but only because this is what my daughter decided to be:

(Maximize the screen for maximum awesomeness.) She's 9, people. And her life dream is to become a paleontologist and when she this costume, it was over. I was forced to shell out $50 and constantly inflate her all day long to get this to work.

Not gonna lie, that Halloween felt like it lasted longer than Christmas and I'm glad October is over.

Also, because I'm into multitasking, here are outfit details for the month of October. MAN AM I EFFICIENT.

I went shopping with friends and all four of us bought this sweatshirt moto jacket. It was honestly like $17 and it's fantastic for when you want to look a little put-together but also not super fancy. Also, it's SWEATSHIRT material. 

T-shirt: VS Pink (cute!) (similar)

Jacket: CP Lounge via TJ Maxx (similar) (similar)

Jeans: Calvin Klein (here)

Shoes: Nike (similar)

Okay, sometimes I don't do my hair. So sue me. A big, fat bun and a hairband is my go-to when I don't feel like doing anything, ever. This outfit was for a Wednesday, when I had to be to a couple of meetings and also at my kids' school. It was a pretty solid balance. I bought the shirt and vest at the same time  but didn't plan on wearing them together until I noticed how much I loved the plaid on plaid thing, therefore encouraging all Canadian lumberjack stereotypes. 

Short: Gap (here) I loooove the fit of these boyfriend shirts. 

Vest: Okay, it's from Gap too (similar)

Jeans: Calvin Klein (here)

Boots: Frye (12R, here)

I had planned to wear a completely different outfit this day but it didn't work. And when outfits don't work, you throw on a dress and jacket and call it good. Also, I wanted these shoes foreeeeeeeeever and finally got them and now I can't stop wearing them!

Dress; Dorothy Perkins (this one is so cute!) (love this too)

Jacket: H&M (here)

Shoes: Calvin Klein (here, mine are a dark burgundy and they will look sooo good with jeans.)

I'm not normally very matchy matchy, but I couldn't resist when I realized that I had a top and a pair of shoes in the same super-bright orangey-red. Ehhh one time won't hurt anything. Let's just not make it a habit. 

Shirt: Calvin Klein (here) I officially own one million of these shirts. 

Skirt: Urban Wear (it's super old) (super cheap) (so cute I might die)

Shoes: Charlotte Russe (here)

I believe this day was errand-ing and it was probably the most glorious fall day of all time. Naturally, I wanted to drive around with the sunroof down so I had to wear a hat. Also because my hair was messy but we don't need to talk about that shhhh. 

Sweater: Abound (I super love this one) (similar)

Pants: Calvin Klein (do I own anything else anymore??) I bought these last year but they're back at CK outlets)

Shoes: White Mountain (this year's)

Hat: Kate Landry (similar and cheap!)

Off I go to face November. I will not think about Christmas. I will not think about Christmas.

Freaky Friday: Halloween Edition 2011

It's that time again! I know you've been waiting for it! Time to scour the Web to find the sketchiest sexy costumes EVER. This is probably my favorite HNTDLAM feature. Because nothing says "I have low self esteem" like fishnets on Halloween.





"Sexy Anorexia": Maggie

We should probably just start with a bang and do the most offensive first. This is "Sexy Anorexia." She likes long walks on the beach, obsessively counting calories and apparently, measuring her waist.

Like... really? I don't believe in the human race anymore.



"Sexy Hotdog": Rachelle
My sister-in-law texted my about this late last night, so I'm giving her credit as a last minute submission. Because I could not pass up the opportunity to post a sexy hotdog.
"Amber D'Alessio made out with a hot dog? OMG THAT WAS ONE TIME!"
Name that movie!!
But seriously. This gives the term "street meat" new meaning, amiright?
"Sexy Sea Turtle": Lindsay
This has got to be one of my favorite in the "make cute animals pornographic" category. I would actually like to know how this is a turtle in any way. They have flippers, not Madonna Half Gloves.


"Sexy Shark" - Angela
On the Yandy website they called this a "Man Eater" HAHAHAHA kill me. I really love how the bottom of the skirt is all jagged and ripped... because.... the shark was eating herself?


"Sexy Unicorn": Lindsay

Lindsay also sent over this total stretch of a costume, the sexy unicorn. Most of the costumes at that site are lingerie or tiny dresses with huge boots. Can we just do that instead?
"What are you going to be for Halloween?"
"Oh, a dirty whore with fuzzy boots."



"Sexy Lloyd and Harry" - Nicole

Yeah, you read this right. These girls managed to defile all that is holy in the world and make "Dumb and Dumber" into sexy Halloween costumes. See, you know they're sexy because they're the loosest interpretation ever paired with tights and underpants. STOP IT. Don't you ruin Lloyd Christmas for me!


"Sexy Hamster": Valeria
Rodents. So hot right now. Also, please note this is the rodent from the Kia commercial, like that makes dressing like what is essentially a sexy rat any better.

Again with the furry boots!


"Sexy House": Janelle

Janelle sent me a whole collection of bad costumes, but this was my favorite BY FAR. Let's guess what pickup lines this girl will get when she goes to her trashtastic Halloween party.
-Can I peek through your windows?
-Nice cat (prepubescent man giggles ensue)
-How much to rent?



"Sexy Hulk Hogan.... or Ronald McDonald, I can't decide.": Carrie
What says sexy more than a mustachioed lady in latex? I dare you to come up with something sexier.


"Sexy Pikachus" 1: Ashley 2: Megan
It's clash of the low self esteem teens! When I first conjured this contest, I jokingly asked all of you to go find a sexy Pikachu costume, because at the time, it was the most ridiculous costume i could think of. Then two readers sent me some and I stood corrected. The best part is that in both costumes, the only thing that resembles an animated space hamster are the ears. Pretty sure there was not 6" heels in Pokemon.


"Sexy CSI": Nicole
She's here to collect some samples.

EWW. Did I just say that?






"Sexy Etch a Sketch": Danielle
This was my favorite submissing that Danielle sent me. I will never look at my kids' Etch a Sketch the same. Sketchy Sally, indeed.

I am convinced you could make literally any object into a sexy costumes. Sexy lamp? Sexy scissors? Sexy garbage can? All totally plausible.


"Sexy Optimus Prime": Natalie

My favorite part about this costume was BY FAR the reviews it got. One enthusiastically proclaimed "It didn't rip when I sat down!" Dream big, skanky Halloween girl. You keep those standards high.

Alright, that's the group. Remember... post the title or the name of the submitter to cast your vote. Let's see which is the worst of the worst.... of the WORST.

Also, stay tuned for What I Wore on Monday, when you'll get to see my (non-slutty) Halloween costume! It's gonna be epic.

Vote away!