Why Moms Dress Like Moms and a Lesson from 11th Grade

I know: Deep thoughts for a Wednesday. 

So I stumbled across the following infographic the other day:

(source)

So, basically, when 2,000 women were polled about their style after having kids, the results were that:

-40 percent said their average heel height dropped two inches. 

-18 percent chopped their hair into a bob

-7 percent stopped coloring hair altogether 

And over 50 percent said that as moms, they no longer have time for fashion and 27 percent said they missed their old clothes.

Now, I've gotten my fair share of hate mail over the years and one of the most common questions I get in angry written tirades is "What's SO BAD about dressing like a mom!?" 

To that, I say "nothing." You're a grown woman. You can dress however you want. 

All I can tell you is my motivations for specifically veering away from that specific label.

In 11th grade history, I had an awesome, feminist teacher. Her name was Ms. Mazzulla. Not Mrs. Not Miss. Ms. She was very clear about this. 

Now, Ms. Mazzulla had some seriously tragic style, according to me as an 11th grader. She had hippie-long, never-dyed hair. She wore hopelessly outdated bifocals. I never saw her in anything other than a pair of Birkenstocks, which she wore with socks during long, Canadian winters. And she favored long, tie-dyed tunics. 

And yet, I consider Ms. Mazzulla to be one of my greatest style influencers. I KNOW, right?

It's because during the second week I had her history class, one of my friends asked why she was so insistent about being called "Ms." (It was after someone accidentally called her "Mrs." and she snapped at them. She had a really bad temper).

She said, "Because I don't want to be judged based on one label. When people hear Miss, they think something. When people hear Mrs, they also think something. I want to be the one to tell them what to think about me."

Uh, holy profound, Ms. Mazzulla. And while I was only 16, that has stuck with me for a long time. Of course, I graduated, got married and had my first child. And I got this new label, complete with omnipresent baby carrier and faint milk smell: Mom. 

And I actually like being a mom. It's awesome to have two little mini-me's who think I'm the sole source of food and coolness. But in my first months as a new mom, I knew one thing for sure: I didn't want to be judged by my one label. I never wanted someone to look at me and say, "Yep. She's got a couple of kids at home." "She looks really tired." "She looks like someone who doesn't take time for herself."

Because that meant my appearance was allowing people to make judgements about me that were absolutely untrue (except for the one about being tired). Ms. Mazzulla's words stuck with me, because I wanted to be the one to tell people what to think about me. 

Because I'm not only a mom, even though it's a large and interesting part of my identity. I'm also a reality TV show watching, fashion enjoying, shopaholic, good time on a Friday night, serial texting, history buff, working professional, sarcastic, celeb gossip loving, help you burn down your ex's house kinda girl. And that's hard to convey with three letters and a pair of capris, amiright? 

And so, the blog was born. But not as a way to be derogatory toward moms, but as a way to prove that it's OK to take time for yourself, take control of your label and wear high heels, even if you had a few kids. 

So when I saw that infographic, I got to thinking about Ms. Mazzulla again, who is probably out teaching Ancient Civilizations to a new crop of teenagers and saying profound, identity-changing things without realizing it.

The moral of the story is this: In a perfect world of unicorns and glitter, no one would judge anyone and we'd all get to know each other intimately and see everyone's good qualities. But yeah, we live in a world of long lines at Wal-Mart, mommy wars in the pickup line and getting judged based on appearance alone a hundred times each week.

Because of that, I'm very careful to remember what message I'm sending with my appearance. Not to pander to others and their snap judgements, but to take control of those interactions. Like Ms. Mazzulla, I think it's important that YOU tell people what to think about you. Are you saying:

• I put myself last. 
• I'm perpetually tired and don't care who knows it. 
• I'm too busy to look put-together. 
• My only identity is my children's mother. 
• I don't want you to see me.

OR:

• I'm totally approachable.
• I take time for myself because I make it a priority.
• I'm fun and totally enjoy life and the occasional flash mob. 
• I see the value in balancing function with style. 
• Being a mom has enhanced my natural personality.

And the thing is, if you really, truly, honestly don't care how people perceive you, then good on you. I commend you and think that's awesome. It's your prerogative as an adult woman to not care. But chances are, even the people that toss their sensible wash-n-wear bobs and tug at their oversized tees do care.

So, I guess what this all boils down to is: What are you telling people about yourself with your appearance – and is it accurate?

Getting dressed in the morning serves more of a purpose than just not being naked when you go to grocery store. It's a chance to take control of social interactions and make sure you're sending exactly the message that YOU want to send. That means you're totally in control here: If you miss your old clothes, get 'em back. If you don't have time for yourself, find a way to streamline a 5-minute routine. And, if you prefer flats over heels – then wear flats instead of heels.

So, some questions for you on this Wednesday:
What do you think about Ms. Mazzulla's life lesson?
What are some of your motivations for dressing the way that you do?
And, if you had a label, what would it be?

Geez I need a nap after all of this intellect.

Jae Tests the Trend: Colored Skinnies

Let me explain my thought process for buying my red skinnies.
1) "I really want some red pants. They are super cool."
2) "Am I too old for this?"
3) "Let me Google some pictures of people wearing red pants. Crap, they're all young celebrities."
4) "I should take a consensus on my Facebook page."
5) "OMG, they are all saying yes... maybe not so ridiculous?"
6) "I should just go look. To the store!"
7) "ZZZZZZZOMG these are amazing how did I ever live without them."

Seriously, these skinnies own my soul. Still, they're red for a reason. It's the closest color to a neutral that I could get. Their shape is perfect and they have an ideal length. If these were seafoam green and flared, I'd look like a psychopath.

Testing this trend made me think about looking trendy and fashionable in general. Probably the thing I hear the most when shopping with friends or recommending clothes to people is "I couldn't pull that off." It's also probably the phrase that annoys me the most. To me, it represents close-mindedness. Because most often, when I hear that phrase, it means you're not even going to try. And not trying is what lands you in yoga pants day after day.

Trends are tricky territory, especially after you've had a couple of kids and you're not ACTUALLY going to be 21 forever. It can be hard to decipher which trends are right for you and which ones should be left to the young, hip and childless set.

Still, there's no reason you shouldn't at least give it a shot. The trick to deciphering trends is to know your tastes and your body shape. I can usually look at a trend in the magazine and know right of the bat if it's something that will flatter me. For instance, trench coats - yes! Capes - no. I need definition around the waist, not at the shoulders.

That being said, there's not a lot in the world of trends that I won't try at least once. Usually it's just a matter of five minutes in a fitting room to decide whether or not a trend is for me. Whether it's peacock feathers, granny boots, dolman sleeves, jeggings or wide leg trousers, they've all had their moments for better or for worse.

I think what you really need to remember is that not everything is going to work on your body. But since you're probably alone in the fitting room, THAT'S OK. You don't have to have the body of a model to try something new. If you hate it, you only need to hand it back to whoever is working the fitting room and leave the store. That's it. No commitment whatsoever. You can handle that, right?

So if you see something in a magazine, on another woman or on a mannequin that you'd love to try, you literally have nothing to lose to give it a shot. If it looks great, hello confidence booster! If not, whatevs... on to the next.

Once you find things that work for your body type and that you love, look for ways to make them more "you." That's the true difference between someone who knows fashion and someone who is just a big fat trend whore. Anyone can buy expensive clothes that are "in," but you don't want to look like you just purchased a mannequin. Instead, find ways to work a new piece into outfits that you typically wear and all of a sudden, you're totally pulling it off. Take my red jeans for example. If I paired them with a graphic tee or something, the look wouldn't be me because that's not how I usually dress. Instead, I reached for a plain tee and my trusty leather jacket, which is practically my signature piece. Now I'm wearing a trend... the trend isn't wearing me.

Now, with that in mind, it doesn't mean you have to give every single trend a shot. I know there are some trends that I know likely won't look great on me and that I never even consider. Not that I can't "pull it off" (whatever the heck that means) I just know they won't be flattering. Like booties, for instance. I prefer a more streamlined look to the leg and I don't like the way they break up the calf. I have never been intrigued by them. But if I see a trend and like the way it looks, why wouldn't I give it a shot?

I just want you to know that perfect body, flawed body, pear-shape, apple-shape, you CAN participate in trends as long as you find ways to make them work for you. That could mean you reach for a graphic scarf instead of a flashy tee or participate in the feather trend by wearing earrings. You can totally embrace more color with a neon belt or printed shoes. Whatever the case, you don't need a complete wardrobe overhaul to look fashionable. Just a couple of key pieces each season and a super open mind.

Or me as a shopping partner. I'm super pushy and kind of mean won't take no for an answer.