Cute Alternatives to UGLY Shoes

Monday, August 11, 2008

Sometimes I hear this statement.


"I only have two pairs of shoes."

This. Is. Appalling.

At last count I was at 64 pairs of shoes. You don't need to have that many, but for heaven's sakes, can there be a happy medium?

I have all those shoes because I am nearly OCD about making sure I have the perfect shoes for every outfit. And I really do. Not to mention anyone else's outfit for that matter. And I totally check out other people's shoes. And judge them. SO SUE ME.

And I am totally going to take down the three worst mom shoe offenders. I see them all the time and literally wince. IN PAIN. Why have ugly shoes when there are SO MANY CUTE ONES? For not a lot of cash too?

Here's my Public Enemies #1



The Loafer



Words cannot express my extreme hatred for the loafer. It is ugly. And people who wear mom jeans pair the loafer up with it just to annoy me, I'm sure. I understand why someone would wear. No, wait, scratch that. I understand why someone might possibly in some weird alternate universe wear this. It's comfy. Good for running errands. You can just slip it on. May I introduce the flat??


Also comfy! Also good for running errands! Also slip ons! Just much, much cuter. Pair them with your jeans that have a wider leg, or if you've taken my skinny jean advice, those two. I absolutely LIVE in my flats, even in the winter, when I am constantly stepping in snow pockets and cursing the world. But that's how much I love them.

Public Enemy #2
The White Ked.
I see these and immediately think FlyLady. Anyone who knows the FlyLady concept knows that it all revolves around white keds and it makes me shudder with disgust. ARE YOU A NURSE? If you answered no to that question, you should not own these. If you answered yes, Ked away, you wonderful lifesaver!

Here are my alternatives.


I am pretty biased because I own both of these and I love both. THe pink cortez is a classic in the sneaker world, and far cuter than the plain white Keds. Guaranteed it's more comfortable as well, and they look adorable with jeans. The Nike Clog is my most comfortable shoe I own. I wear it anytime I know I am going to be shopping for a very long time beacuse they never ever ever make my feet hurt. I also keep them close to the door to slip on and get the mail and the neighbours thing "OH! Look at those stylish non-Keds!"

Public Enemy #3: The Weird Mom Ankle Boot




EVERY MOM is guilty of this one. This is because in our moments of low self esteem and weakness we think "I need some of those fashionable boots the kids are wearing these days!" But we still want comfort, so we turn up these weird hybrids. I will totally admit, I have a pair from when I was like. 17 and trying to be grown up. They are still in my closet for reminder purposes. I hate them. I see women wearing them all the time. Boots should never ever be chunky. Ever.




My alternative. Replace the heel with something sleeker. You can do it! The toe should be pointy. I know pointy is scary, but I will tell you now, they are a heck of alot more comfortable than the round toe stoff we jam our feet into. Look at your toes. Go ahead! See how they more or less coome to a point at your big toe? Pointy toe -d shoes foster it and make it comfy. And for the love of pete, go knee high. They are 100x more versatile because you can wear them under jeans, over skinny jeans, with skirts. No more ankle boots for you!

Hopefully I have offended someone enough that they will retire their mom shoes and go shopping. Because if anything, my mission is to cause you to go into debt with extreme shopaholic sydrome.

15 comments:

Crystal said...

Hi from a lurker on BBC. I totally love your fashion blog, I am adding it to my favorites. You are so wise. Too bad you can't come help me in person, some days I am totally lost as to what to wear. Love the shoe suggestions. Keep up the good work.

Jae said...

Aw thanks Crystal! lol Just come on over to Utah and we'll go shopping.

Amy S. said...

Another lurker here. You are hilarious!

Crystal said...

Oh, but Jae I do live in Utah. You sound like you would be a fun shopping partner.

Kelli said...

Jazz_hands here from bbc! Love your blog! But although I agree with you about the keds and loafers, I have to say that I don't agree on the boots. If you saw my HOTTIE, HOT, HOT brown boots (knee high, or almost) you would like them even though they have a chunky heel!

Jae said...

I do have a hot pair of chunkier heels... but my theory is the skinnier the heel, the more elongated the leg. Coming from someone who is 5'4... I am ALL about elongation! lol.

Beth said...

Yeah, I have flats! I was afraid I would get in trouble for them. You are the best, Jae. I am in SLC, lets go shopping! Kelli you can come too! Yeah!

Jae said...

Haha k, mass group shop!
I am a flats worshipper. I honestly shudder to think there was a time we didn't have them!!

Kelli said...

I have a hard time wanting to wear flats because I think they make my feet look bigger. I think heels make them look smaller? Am I crazy?

Jae said...

What size are your feet? A rounded toe heel will make them look smaller, but I would still keep a pair of flats in your arsenal. Audrey Hepburn was a size ten and she totally rocked them!

Anonymous said...

I Totally agree with you 80%. All your ideas are good exapt for flats. Ihave around 14 pairs most from differnt brand. They are not comfy.

mejaka said...

Oh. my. gosh. Jae, do you know how many pairs of that EXACT loafer I have purchased? THREE. Because they are the ONLY trouser shoe I can stand on all day when I teach without having to take four Advil when I get home.

Second pair are cute, but sorry, not as comfortable. Nothing with a sole as thin as a tortilla can support my foot all day.

Anonymous said...

Hi, personally I think all the alternatives are ugly. Most of the "mom" shoes are ugly as well. I'm 21 and I love keds, I think they are much cuter than those ugly nike sneakers you posted....also, not ALL loafers look like that, some are actually cute and wearable. I would tell my mom to choose loafers over those ugly flats any day, as well as keds over those gross nikes.

Jae said...

Bea Arthur, is that you?

Anonymous said...

C'mon now. Those Nike clogs have GOT to be vying for the award of most ugly shoes ever. The keds look less mom shoes than those.

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