What I Wore: Accident Waiting to Happen

Monday, August 29, 2011

AKA me in white pants.

Top: Local boutique
Cargos: Abercrombie and Fitch
Necklace and Ring: F21 (My daughter picked out the necklace. So proud.)
Bangles: Nordstrom

I know I tempt fate every time I wear these blindingly white pants, so they come out very infrequently and whenever it doesn't matter if they stay pristine or not. We spent Saturday shopping around for new shoes for my husband, going to the movies (Yeah Transformers!) and perusing the farmer's market, so it was OK for me to pull out the infamous white pants.

While they're totally inappropriate for any activity ever, I still can't part with these pants. They make my butt look good and as long as they're paired with a graphic tee and some gun metal jewelry, don't look too overly South Beachy. I especially love the cargo detailing. They also have ties to make them into capris, but we all know how I feel about that.

PS: the only thing I got on these on Saturday was some red marker and since we were sitting in a dark theater, I considered it a massive success. I fared better than my husband, who was sprayed with butter as I enthusiastically pumped it all over my popcorn.

Just so you know, this was my "sexy face."

I'm so hot right now.

Freaky Friday: Shoes

Friday, August 26, 2011

So we couldn't all agree on the cuteness that is TOMS, but I will point out that the response was overwhelmingly positive, which means I can wear my sparklers in peace. Someone asked me yesterday if the pair they give away are the same sequined ones, to which I say I sincerely, sincerely hope so. I so hope there's some kid in Africa wearing special edition plum sequined TOMS. That would be sweet.

But, even if we can't agree on TOMS, we can totally agree on awful shoes in general, right? I was sent some awesome examples on the fan page, which you should totally join. Because we make fun of stuff. Who doesn't like making fun of stuff!?

Have I ever told you how much I hate Betsey Johnson as a designer? No? Well I will. I hate Betsey Johnson as a designer. There is nothing OK with these boots, which is why I expect Katy Perry to wear them in her next music video.

I genuinely feel sad for this shoe. It clearly is a flat that wished it was an Oxford that wished it was a flip flop that wished it was a boot that wished it was dead.

I sincerely hope that this was made in a kindergarten class. If so, bravo! If not, BOO, HISS.

How to Take a Completely Lovely Trend and Beat Everyone Over the Head with it Relentlessly: The title of my newest blog. All about this shoe and how I enjoy florals.

On the bright side.....

....nope, I got nothin'. These are ugly. Checkerboard? Really?

Ohhhhh the infamous kitty shoes. I'd like to point out that while they look like they are for three-year-olds, they are from Torrid and therefore not only made for adults, but plus size adults. Because apparently plus sized girls like..... cats? Also, they came in leopard, so be excited for that.

Also they were labeled as "vintage." Could someone kindly point me toward that era in time?

(Thanks, Meleah!)

Oh, Christian Siriano, you hot mess. Please stop designing high fashion shoes for Payless. All it does is convince soccer moms that they can pull off Muppet feet. Although I would like to touch... then pull my hand away in a disgusted fashion. Let's arrange that.

(Thanks, Rachel dear!)

Can we be done with the huge cuff sandals, please? I've never seen one I like and this one is especially horrendous. The twee boy just kills me. It says "I'm avant garde, but I still like lollipops.

Emily notified me of this alarming trend of cross flip flops with interchangeable straps. None of those words should ever go together. I feel like if you want to express your faith, doing so between your toes probably isn't the best method.

I love a red shoe as much as the next girl... I probably have six or seven pairs. Still, I will not be owning this glorified band costume for the foot. Not only are they ugly, but I was a terrible french horn player.

See? I feel like we're all back on the same page now. Happy sighs all around.

TOMS: Love 'Em or Hate 'Em

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

On my birthday this year I finally took the plunge and bought my first pair of TOMS. I had hummed and hawed over it for the longest time. The pair I wanted were a special edition plum glitter that retailed for about $90, so they were more of an investment than I usually make in casual shoes. Still, every time I passed by them I thought of all the ways I could wear them. Finally, I had my family members donate to the "Buy Jae some TOMS" fund for my birthday gifts and my TOMS were purchased. I'm super happy with them. Not only are they ridiculously comfortable, but the sequins make them a little different. Happiness.

Still, I know that TOMS are kind of polarizing. I will admit that they're pretty darn ugly. But that's pretty much the point. They're supposed to look organic and homemade and not like the usual five inch pumps I usually traipse around in. My husband hates them and can't believe I spent so much. But at the mall yesterday no less that four people stopped me to say they liked my shoes. So I know that you either love them or you hate them.

But they CAN look super cute and casual with different outfits. I've been experimenting with mind and have come up with a few ways to wear TOMS without looking like a complete hispter wannabe.


Rue21 woven shirt, $20
Pleated skirt, $24
Toms shoes, $54
Antique sunglasses, $35
Dorothy Perkins wrap bracelet, £13
Dorothy Perkins red belt, £5

I love to wear mine with a skirt. My little family went over to the local farmer's market last weekend to buy raspberries and this amazing cream syrup and I was super cool and comfy in my skirt and TOMS. They're awesome from making a skirt look less churchy. Also, start loading up on plaid this fall because it's gonna be big. I love the idea with plaid and a girly skirt.


Floral shirt, £24
Old Navy denim short shorts, $13
TOMS white shoes, $44
Metal Mulisha polka dot bag, $35
Mimco tahitian pearl earrings, £30

I also wear my TOMS with my bermuda shorts. Actually, I did that yesterday. It's a nice change from flip flops without being as dressy as flats. Yesterday I just did a floral tank with a boyfriend cardigan and called it a day. It was super easy and I felt like I totally blended in with the tortured teenagers shopping at Hot Topic at the mall. Just kidding.


H m cardigan, £4.99
TopShop stripe shirt, $24
Almost famous jeans, $35
Toms shoes, $44
Vintage handbag, $50
Coral jewelry, 17 AUD
1928 jewelry, $20

I've also worn my TOMS with jeans and was really happy at how casual and easy it looked. I love the idea of wearing them with bootcuts or flares and just have a little of the sequins poke out, but a more subdued pair is every bit as cute for a nautical-inspired outfit like this one. What a perfect outfit for fall shopping, lunch with friends or just generally not looking like a hobo when your husband comes home from work? This would be so cute with a patterned scarf too!

So, what do you think? Do you love TOMS or do you hate them? Remember that every time you buy a pair, they donate a pair to a child in need, which is how I reconciled the $90 price tag when I bought them. They also have super cute wedges and other types of shoes, but I think starting out with a classic TOMS is the way to go. I have my eye on their vegan wrap boots... Christmas?

I call for a vote! Let's see if there are more lovers than haters! Comment away!

What I Wore: Blue Suede Shoes

Monday, August 22, 2011

All my Facebook friends knew when I bought these shoes AND when I got them in the mail, so they should definitely know about the first time I wore them. I'm kind of obsessed with these blue shoes. I have another pair of teal Steve Madden's, but the corset detail on the back of these babies was too adorable to miss. Anad a bow!? Swoon! They came in black, red, nude and blue and I thought, what the heck... everyone needs some blue shoes. Even Elvis knew that.

Tank top: Charlotte Russe
Tuxedo cardigan: Joe
Skirt: Arden B
Shoes: Qupid
Necklace: F21
Bangles: Charlotte Russe

Normally I wouldn't pair blue shoes with a blue top, but I really loved the idea of doing a peacock/jewel tone type of outfit. Still, I'm dying to wear these with a plainer shirt because I think they would be adorable in like, 9,000 different applications.

Also, I thought I looked short in that picture until I realized that the chair behind me looks like it belongs in a dollhouse. Those shoes gave me an extra five or six inches so I clocked in around 5'9", Take that, Tyra!

My peacock necklace sees as much action as I'll give it. It generally matches anything, but I love to wear it with white. Also, fun fact: If your feathered accessories get a little crazy because you left them in your vanity drawer under your makeup case (not that it ever happens to me or anything) use a little hairspray to get it back into shape.

I could not love a human baby as much as I love these shoes.

Blue shoes: Not a must-have, but definitely a probably-should-have.

Freaky Friday

Friday, August 19, 2011

Happy Friday everyone! I have a full day of work and play and a wedding to get to, so let's make fun of some clothes, shall we? It makes me feel better about myself when I haven't gotten dressed yet. I might be wearing pajamas... but at least I'm not wearing this crap!

THIS is why no one dresses femininely or modestly anymore. Because this is what we're left with. A $200 potato sack and a frowny face model.

The other night, my husband and I were folding laundry when he came across a pair of kids overalls. He looked at them for a minute before asking if they were our son's or our daughter's. (Despite being three years apart, they're roughly the same size.) I stared him down before I reminded him that I would never put our children in overalls. Ever. I still don't know where they came from. But we don't do overalls in our family because they always end up looking like your butt needed a snack.

You have to take a stand for something.

Pants... that have pleats...that look like acid wash... that have a droopy crotch....that look like sweatpants. Worn with cute wedges. STOP TOYING WITH MY EMOTIONS!

Is it me or do these pants make this poor model look like she has a 36-inch crotch? I feel like crotch lengthening is NEVER in.

Let's clear this up: Maxi skirts = adorable and cute. Oddly cut Little House on the Prairie skirts = weird and unflattering.

Unfortunately, this spandex.... thing is on backorder for two weeks. 1) Sorry to get your hopes up. 2) Looks like you won't be the only person dressed like a demented Yankee Doodle at the family reunion. Sadface.

I love this. It's like a chic Peter Pan. Wait a minute... I don't love this at all!

Reader Megan sent me a website that had TOO MANY gems. Like these pants, which make you look mysteriously naked.

...or this swimsuit, which makes you look mysteriously lonely.

Also... kitty jowls near your hips is never a good idea. I don't care how much you love cats.

Alright, I'm off and running for the day. I'm excited for my Monday outfit post because it's the debut of my sweet blue shoes. Remember when I said I bought them because I needed blue shoes? When I went to put them in my closet I realized I absolutely had a pair of blue shoes all along. Some would say that means it's probably time to pare down my shoe closet. You know what I would say to that?

Leave now. Never come back. Kthanks.

What I Wore: Cowgirl Up!

Monday, August 15, 2011

I was running late the other day and OF COURSE the batteries in my camera were dead and OF COURSE my husband was late getting home from work, so these outfit pictures were taken by my five year old... with my iPhone. Quality. Always quality.

Anyway, when I bought these cowboy boots in the summer of 09, I was involved in a deep and abiding love affair that lasted until Christmas, when I got my fave Fryes. I don;t think I wore my cowboys for an entire year after that. Slowly they're making their way back into my normal rotation. I do love them with skinny jeans because they're the perfect height and super comfortable. Seriously. They are so comfortable. I think everyone should have a fun pair of boots. It's my dream to go hang out in an old timey honky tonk one of these days. Even though I grew up in the city, I love me some boot stompin'!

That's what happens when you live in a cornfield, people.

Top: I haven't got the slightest clue. It's one of those pieces I've had for years and years and years yet I don't ever remember buying it. Ever.
Knit vest: Urban Trend
Jeans: Abercrombie and Fitch
Boots: Soda
Earrings: Local boutique
Ring: F21

I believe I featured this ring on the site a few times before I finally went and just bought it. I love its awesome gaudiness and the blue is the perfect pop for literally any other color. The earrings I picked up at a crafty-type boutique. Love supporting the fashion little guy!

So I think my kindergartner did OK with the pictures. I promise the real camera is back for next week's post. I already took the shots of my blue shoes that I wore yesterday. They were epic.

Freaky Friday: Teen Choice Awards!

Friday, August 12, 2011

Don't you just love crap like the Teen Choice Awards? It's when I get to sit back and thank my lucky stars that I'm not an awkward teenager and only have Kardashians and Rebecca Black to look up to. It's awesome. I also believe that Teen Choice Awards is awkward because people never know what to wear. Like, it's not the Oscars, but it's definitely not the bar and for heaven's sakes KIDS are watching. Yet stars continue to disappoint by dressing in the most inaccessible ways possible. What teen has Brian Atwood heels. TELL ME!!

Kat Graham from the "Vampire Diaries" apparently forgot her show and came as a mummy. Are there mummies that show? I try my best to never watch the CW.

Hey, lady from the 36th revival of Nikita... sandwiches are delicious. You should eat one. Let's eat together. And paint each other's nails and tell each other secrets.

Weird pantaloon business suits: That's just SO Raven.

Also... is she wearing tights? Because I'm concerned.

I wish you could have heard the ungodly noise that came out of my mouth when I saw this. Oh Tyra, it's a sad day when I don't notice your "smize" because I'm too busy averting my eyes from you scary pleather crotch.


WHY!? Why do almost 40 years olds like Cameron Diaz pile on makeup, wear short skirts and go to events for 16 year olds? I'm sure she's lovely in person but when she does this she looks like the old lady from Titanic in comparison. An important lesson for moms and adult women everywhere: stop competing with teens. You'll lose every time.

Oh hey, one of the 90 Kardashians in attendance for reasons I don't understand. Thanks for not trying too hard. Wait, did I say "too hard?" I meant "at all."

OMG, I totally had this dress. I was 10. And it was in the form of pajamas. Aaaand they glowed in the dark. But, um, it's really nice on you too Fergie Ferg.

I'm sure this is just the camera angle or something, but short girls, LISTEN! Long shirt plus awkwardly long skirt will not make you long. It will just make you look freakishly short and uncomfortable. I think she has roughly three inches of leg.

Wait! STOP THE PRESSES! Are you telling me Kim Kardashian came to an event wearing something short and tight? I don't know if I can handle the sheer unexpectedness. Though, on the bright side, I can't see her boobs, which is more than I can say for all the K's in attendance.

And, since you don't think I'm the meanest person EVER, I will say that Nikki Reed NAILED this and looks perfect for something like Teen Choice. Not too glammed up, not too freaky, just perfect and tan and comfy and IN YOUR FACE OTHER TWILIGHT GIRL! I would like to own this dress immediately.

(All pics found here.)

Well I'm off to have a girl's day and eat Chinese food and see "The Help." I'm pretty excited actually. Especially because the theater we go to has ice cream. Except they also have wooden spoons and wooden spoons make me gag so I have to bring my own. It's BYOS!

Happy Friday!!

Frump-Free Swimwear Coverups

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

My kids and I spend roughly a quarter of the summer at various water-related activities around the state. There's nothing quite like the tiring-out that happens when my kids are playing in the water and I'm working on my tan. Two hours at the pool equals naps for everyone when we get home, so I try and get out to a pool, lake, splash pad or otherwise whenever we can. Since I live kind of out in the middle of nowhere, heading out to go swimming for the day usually also includes a stop at the store for snacks, stopping at the bank for cash and then grabbing milk on the way home. While I'd just love to wander into local places of business wearing my swimsuit, I have a feeling they don't approve, so I'm always looking for various cute coverups that I can wear while running errands and whatnot.

Think about the typical swimsuit coverup. Did you shudder? I did. I'm talking about oversized t-shirts, people! They are the bane of my existence. Your husband's shirt does not a coverup make! Sure, it conceals your shoulders and half your bum, but it also makes you shaped like a droopy construction worker. You can do better than that! The best thing about wearing a super cute coverup is that it makes you feel cute and attractive so you can get up the nerve to disrobe when you read your watery destination. Plus there's no awkward moment where you have to pull your husband's XXXXL shirt over your head. That's always weird.


Hive Honey tiered skirt, $43
Talbots one piece halter bathing suit, $20
BP. bow sandals, $50
Roxy tote handbag, $40
G by Guess square sunglasses, $29

Can I interest you in a maxi skirt? I wear my maxi skirt as a swimwear coverup because it already looks beachy and it's just easy. Most of the time I wear mine with a tankini and it just looks like a tank top and skirt and I don't feel ashamed in the gas station. I especially recommend a maxi skirt with an elastic waist that you can fold or adjust so the skirt is at whatever length you like. Then you can sweep into the pool and all of the other moms will be jealous because they didn't think to wear their maxi skirts.


Rue21 woven top, $20
Metal Mulisha stripe swimwear, $42
Fox halter bathing suit, $38
Wet Seal flower print shoes, $17
Roxy tote hand bag, $30
Plastic shades, $9.99

Lately I've worn a simple button up shirt as a coverup and I'm kind of obsessed. I usually do it when I'm wearing a two-piece and I want a little modesty for grabbing snacks but aren't really planning on grocery shopping in it. My favorite is that I already have like 10 shirts in my closet that I can work with so it's no biggie to just grab one out on my way. Most button ups (or do you call them button downs? I never know) are made with super light fabric so it's not too hot. I just button a few of the bottom ones to let my cute swimsuit peek through, slip on my sunnies and go work on a tan.


Embroidery dress, $45
Mix Match tankini bikini, $44
ALDO tote hand bag, $21
ASOS gold shades, $21
Papaya Clothing Online :: LEATHERETTE STRAPPY WEDGES, $24

Ah, the sundress. How I love a sundress as a coverup. So much cuter than an oversized souvenir t-shirt and you can even run errands after while still looking respectable. I don't worry too much about my swimsuit ties or anything sticking out. Just work with it. Look for a light dress that covers the necessities and is above all, comfy. I wear my sundress when I've got stuff to do after the pool and can get in and out of the grocery store without flashing anyone. Although, one time I wore a sundress grocery shopping after swimming and I totally forgot that I had been wakeboarding the weekend before and I had a HUGE bruise on the back of my thigh, totally exposed to everyone. Seriously, it was the size of a plate. I looked like a battered woman. Anyway, the sundress looks totally cute with a pair of wedges, too. I just love wedges.

As for accessories, I stick with a tote and sunglasses because anything else is pretty excessive. I'm paranoid about losing jewelry in the water so I go earring, ring, necklace-free.

Of course, that always leads my husband to wonder if I'm trying to pick up guys at the lake sans wedding ring. Yeah, because nothing says "I'm available" like two small children and a flotilla of beach toys. Rawr.

What I Wore: Plain Jane

Monday, August 8, 2011

Here she is! Another outfit post! I'm starting to really enjoy these. So is my husband, as "yoga pants" does not an outfit post make.

One of my favorite ways to dress is to choose a really plain outfit with only a couple of neutral colors, then use accessories to brighten up the look. I love love love playing with jewelry and sometimes I feel like my more colorful pieces (peacock earrings and multicolor necklaces, anyone) don't get the love they deserve is a sea of silver and gold standbys. Yes, I sometimes feels sorry inanimate objects, so sue me. So the other day, while on the way out to my volunteer gig, I suited up with my plain white summer dress, my beloved Fryes and a neutral cargo jacket so I could pile on the cuteness in accessory form.

Dress: Old Navy
Jacket: DEB
Boots: Frye
Necklace (worn as bracelet) Buckle
Earrings and cuff: F21

Also, my hair was done with the no heat curls method. I still can't believe how well it works. Hello, lucious curliness!

My Fryes are easily the most versatile shoes I have in my shoe closet. They match ANYTHING and after nearly two years, they only get better with time. I love wearing them with girly dresses because they're kinda dirty and tough-looking.

My favorite colored bead necklace from Buckle and cute hair buttons I picked up at a local boutique.

I LOVE THESE EARRINGS! Peacock makes me inexplicably happy. I am powerless against it. I carried my teal Roxy bag (not pictured boo) and the brights were all anchored together.

"But Jae!" You say, in a concerned void. "You're wearing a DRESS. For CASUAL WEAR."
Yes. I wear dresses as casual wear. Because they can be casual and they're easier to squeeze into than a pair of skinny jeans. I always say that the first time you wear a dress for like, grocery shopping, it's probably going to feel weird. And if people aren't used to it, they'll inevitably make a comment like "Why are you all dressed up?" Just ignore it and keep going and the third or fourth time it'll feel like second nature and you'll be like "Why didn't I wear casual dresses before this?"

So, the next time you're staring at your closet yearning for an easy peasy way to make a statement, remember: neutral clothes + dress + bright accessories = put together happiness.


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