Emmy Faves and Fails

I know I should be posting outfits today, but I had too much fun watching the Emmy's last night to miss out on dishing about the fashion. How hilarious was Ricky Gervais introducing the awards for variety shows? Love him. But I didn't love a lot of the dresses last night. There wasn't anything that made me say "ZZZZOMG" which is obviously an extremely accurate level of fashion awesomeness measurement.

Also, can I just say that it makes me laugh whenever a site or mag puts a guy in the "Best Dressed" list. Um yeah, he wore a tux. Amazing. Let's just state now that all guys look good in traditional tuxes and leave it at that. Don't take up precious room telling me how hot Jon Hamm looks ALWAYS.

Anyway, here's my faves and fails:

 Fail: Remember when Julia Ormond was like, the glorious ingenue in every movie and she was Sabrina in that Harrison Ford remake I watched everyday when I was 17? Yeah. Well, now she's Julia Ormond, the mother of the bride-type figure.

Fave: Kristen Wiig. I have a huge girl crush on this lady, but sometimes she dresses like a crazy person. I hearted this dress because it just looked cool and fun ... though I would have worn different shoes. Remember this, Kristen Wiig, for when we inevitably become friends and I have to give you shoe advice. Also, I love her hair. The end.

 Fail: Juliana Marguilseskjfhsgher however you spell her last name. This looks like Frances Hodgson Burnett barfed on a dress, amiright!?

....

What's that? I'm the only one who thinks literary jokes are funny? Moving on then.

 

Fave: Christina Hendricks. I know that everyone loves this girl's body and I can see why, but sometimes I think she dresses it poorly. This dress fits her perfectly and I love. If only it were a deeper blush color, I would be satisfied. Luckily, I don't think anyone is actually looking at the dress...

....

 Fail: Sofia Vergara. Look, I love this lady and her accent is my fave ever and she's hilarious in those commercials with Ellen, but this dress is so Miss America I can't even stand it. Also, I read that later on in the night, the zipper popped open and her butt fell out. "This is an outrage!"... said no one, ever.

 Fave: Jane Levy. Suburgatory is actually pretty hilarious and this dress is pretty awesome. I like how age-appropriate it is. Just fresh and it kind of reminds me of something that Emma Stone would wear and therefore I enjoy it.

 

Fail: Julianne Moore. What the deuce, Julianne? You're a rockin' fiery redhead and you show up to the Emmy's in THIS? I know it like literally walked off of the runway and onto your body, but no pale red head should wear this shade ever. Make it mustard and cut out the turtleneck and MAYBE. 

 

Fave: Kat Dennings. Putting the fact that Kat Dennings looks like she'd rather be on fire than on this red carpet, I really loved her dress. Homegirl has a killer body and this color looks crazy good on her and amazing for fall. I like how not overdone it is (See Julianne Hough from last night, who looked like she was attacked viciously by a Bedazzler). 

 

Fave: Padma Lakshmi. Oh, what's goin' on, Padma? Just wearing the most glorious color for your skin ever? That's cool. Do you work out? You look like you work out. 

 

Fail: Jena Malone. Proof that cut is everything. This is the same color Kat Dennings is wearing, but this dress is so weird. And did NO ONE learn anything from Angelinagate at the Oscars? Stop sticking your dang legs out of your slits, people! 

Fail: Nancy O'Dell (Whose name I can never remember): My husband and I always refer to Nancy O'Dell as "the lady who always looks the same no matter what." This dress would been passable except the fact that she looks like she was harpooned and blood is seeping out of the wound. Also, just forgot her name again. Geez, Nancy, get it together!

Alright, am I totally off my rocker here? Is there any superfails that I missed? I hope not, because I really love a superfail and like to think I'm pretty thorough.

(All images property of the Associated Press)

Merry Christmas, from the Kardashians

Instead of an outfit, I had to post this instead.

I know you've all been waiting for it...

The Kardashian's Christmas card



This is *almost* as good as when Barbara Walters told the Kardashians they didn't have any talents on her special last week.

Except, if getting your picture taken for nothing and wearing androgynous tuxedos is a talent.... the K's totally win, hands down.

Also... is it me or does Kim look *really* lonely up there?

K, what do you guys think of the pic? 10 points and total street cred for the funniest comment!

Maternity Monday: DON'TS -- Celebrity Edition

Due to the fact that I am potty training my 2-year-old this week and my brain is literally fried from exhaustion, I thought I'd post something a little fun for all you expecting ladies out there.

Whatever you do when you're pregnant, DON'T dress like any of these pregnant celebrities!

Britney Spears

Poor Britney. I really do feel sorry for her. Clearly, she was nothing short of a train wreck during her K-Fed days. But these ensembles ... uncalled for! Especially the shrug tied over her already-ginormous-before-pregnancy décolletage. That, um, top (if you can call it one) goes perfectly with that grungy, tie-dyed skirt and those cowboy boots (which she obviously loved).

Heidi Klum

Heidi, I adore you. If I could siphon your cuteness into a glass bottle and sell it, I'd be a billionaire. But this dress is hideous! There's no denying it. For one, it's huge, and you're not. Second, it looks like it's been through a hurricane or some other detrimental natural disaster. And another thing: it's sheer in random places, which just looks, well ... random! You did so much better this time.

M.I.A.

This outfit simply begs the question: WHAT was she thinking? Or was she? There is nothing redeeming about this ensemble. Nada. Epic fail. She would have been better off "missing in action" that night. Ah, I crack myself up sometimes.

Kourtney Kardashian

This dress isn't really THAT bad, but the sleeves are incredibly strange. It looks like she's smuggling some hideous late 90's drapes under her armpits. Or maybe like she is going to spread her wings and take flight at any moment. And the length of the dress leaves little to be desired ... literally. I don't care how nice your legs are ... if you can't sit without revealing your gender to the world, your dress too short.

J.Lo

I realize when this photograph was taken, Jennifer Lopez was trying to hide her pregnancy. Well, she failed, because this picture pretty much screams, "The Rumors Are True!"

Note to self: If you want your pregnancy to remain a mystery to the general public, don't wear too-tight, outrageously high-waisted electric blue disco pants.

And truthfully, too-tight, outrageously high-waisted electric blue disco apparel is probably never a good idea (unless it's Halloween).

Dear Lady Gaga;

K, I have to interrupt our usual commentary on what to wear for a brief, open letter to Lady Gaga, who continues to ruin my life by purposely looking unattractive.

Dear Lady Gaga; (who's real name is Stefani, so lets just get that out of the way)


I have long and silently endured your assault on the fashion industry. When you were sporting the infamous bow made out of HAIR I didn't say anything. When you strolled in around in a flesh colored bodysuit, I kept my mouth shut. BUY OH MY GOSH you are driving me crazy. While I actually do enjoy your music, I find you to be pretentious and kind of douche-baggy, what with your talk about your "art" and how you plan to change the way we hear and experience music.

Lets get something straight; you are a POP artist. You are not the Beatles. You are not Coldplay. Right now, you're not even the Spice Girls yet. You are a random pop artist who's had three hits and suddenly has a ginormous head, which you choose to clothe in HAIR BOWS.


But that's beside the point. My real beef with you is this: Are you allergic to looking attractive, or what? I don't even care if you want to be avante garde with your fashion choices, you just continually make yourself ugly for reasons I don't quite understand. Observe:



Remember when you were a normal girl? And you had pretty hair? And didn't dress like an idiot?


Then you got famous and decided that you were way too remarkable to dress like a mere mortal. So you started dressing like Queen Amidala.


Really? Blunt bangs AND oversized sunglasses AND a shirtless hood AND giant sleeves? Really? I'd say that you are wearing everything but the kitchen sink, but unfortunately you forgot PANTS.


Which is a recurring theme.


K, so enlighten me: When did pants become the enemy?



And then there was the American Idol debacle where you wore a zipper. Over your eye. Like a pirate. So I get it. You're too cool for pants, but not too cool to perform on the MOST COMMERCIAL show on television. I get it. Cool. Fight the power, Lady.


I was willing to overlook all of your smugness and all of your terrible, terrible fashion choices because whatever, I like Poker Face. But then Rolling Stone came out and I couldn't take it anymore.


OH MY GOSH YOU ARE DRESSED IN A NUDE BODYSUIT WITH BUBBLES GLUED TO IT.

And you PERFORMED in this outfit later, causing me to believe you condone this or thought it was acceptable in some way. It's not. You look ugly. And since you're not an ugly girl, I can't imagine why you would do such a thing. In this picture you looked like a cracked out Courtney Love, who is cracked out all the time so lets just say Courtney Love; the cracked out goes without saying. THIS IS NOT A COMPLIMENT. No one wants to look like the failed rocker wife of a rock legend who committed suicide.


I'm just saying. You're a pretty girl. I like your music. How about you stop concentrating so hard on your "image" and stop running your mouth about how you're bisexual and an artist unlike no other and just shut up and sing?


And for pete's sake, buy a freakin' pair of jeans.


Love, Jae

Dear Hillary:

Okay, so the one celebrity mom I would most like to get my hands on is Hillary Clinton. Last night, as I was eating cookies in bed and watching the Democratic National Convention (I am not American, yet am fascinated by your politics. They are so crazy cutthroat!!!) I cringed when Hill walked out on stage to give her speech dressed like a satin pumpkin.

WHY? Its shiny! And are those pants TAPERED? And what shoes match orange? Like my head is just spinning. Does it really need an orange shell underneath? Was the suit not enough on it's own??

What is with this woman and her pantsuits?

Dear Hillary:

Okay, I get it. You want to be taken seriously as a politician and all that jazz. But I promise you can do that without totally laying down and giving up and kind of semblance of modern style. The pant suits you choose are so stumpy and unattractive, I don't understand who is dressing you. Word on the street is that it's Yves St. Laurent, but I just can't believe that. It will shatter all of my confidence in YSL forever more.

And your past pant suits have been atrocious.

You're what, like 5 feet tall? WHY are you overwhelming your body with these long and dreary jackets? Why do they go up to your eyeballs? Skin is in, dear. And if my husband had a wandering eye tendency, I'd probably want to give him a reason to look my way.

How about a fitted suit?? One with a shorter jacket, and bootcut bottoms. How about not trying to show your personality using super weird colors. There is nothing wrong with a neutral. If you want orange, do it in a handbag, NOT a whole suit, for the love of pete.

And I'm sorry, but is there something wrong with a skirt now and again? For heaven's sake, if Condie Rice can do it, you can too. Say it with me: LEGS.

I have faith in you! Maybe people would have been more likely to vote for you if you weren't dressing so scary militant all the time. Come on, I saw those pictures of you throwing back cold ones with the joe schmoes of America. You can let loose!!

All I'm saying homegirl, is that if you're so intent on having a woman in the White House, then maybe you should try actually looking like a woman.

Just some food for thought.

Love, Jae