Merry Christmas, from the Kardashians

Monday, December 19, 2011

Instead of an outfit, I had to post this instead.

I know you've all been waiting for it...

The Kardashian's Christmas card

This is *almost* as good as when Barbara Walters told the Kardashians they didn't have any talents on her special last week.

Except, if getting your picture taken for nothing and wearing androgynous tuxedos is a talent.... the K's totally win, hands down.

Also... is it me or does Kim look *really* lonely up there?

K, what do you guys think of the pic? 10 points and total street cred for the funniest comment!

Freaky Friday: Top 12 Worst Christmas Gifts of All Time

Friday, December 16, 2011

So we covered awesome Christmas gifts that anyone (read: me) would be more than overjoyed to receive, but what about the craptastic gifts you get? I should note that birthdays and Christmas make me want to die most of the time because of all the people watching your reaction to gifts. I am not a good actor. Like, at all. Now I've learned to tell everyone to get me gift cards and it's much better, but I still get sweaty and nervous around present time.

So this year, I'm going to set my sights low with these awful gift ideas. That way, I'll be pleasantly surprised when I receive cat figurines and whatnot.

This is gonna be a good one!

The Golf Urinator. Besides the fact that your husband is a GROWN MAN AND CAN PEE IN THE POTTY, this looks like he's doing something really suspicious under that privacy towel. No one wants to golf with the guy who carries a "privacy towel," regardless of what it's for.

Ever wonder how much you weigh when compared to a rhinoceros?

Yeah, me neither. Like, ever.

Like, I would punch in the face the person who gave this to me.

My mom gives me a shoe-a-day calendar every year that I LOVE. But a garden variety, 12 month landscape calendar? I get like, 20 from my dentist so I'm good thanks.

Self help books. Especially ones that you would never have cause to use. I usually avoid huge ships by walking on sidewalks instead of water.

Gifts that say "I think you're a lazy creepy cat lady." Even if you know a lazy creepy cat lady, she doesn't need to be reminded. As she eats her TV dinner for one, she instinctively knows.

Gift baskets. Because there's like, one thing in there you actually like and the rest is jam and mustard that congeals in the back of your fridge until July.

This is exactly what it looks like. For best results, buy these for your mother-in-law and wink suggestively.

Flasks! No one wants a flask for Christmas, despite their appearance on every "What to Buy for Men" list EVER. Even if it has cool cowboys on it, you do not need to carry alcohol in your pocket.

Or in your bra. Besides the fact that you're drinking alcohol from a tube between your boobs, I feel like this is pretty much one stop from both alcoholism and sexual harassment.

Onion goggles for the person who doesn't have friends, yet loves a good oniony omelet.

I know what you're wondering: what does the mysterious Paris Hilton smell like?

Chlamydia. The answer is chlamydia.

Not only a tacky non-ironic Christmas sweater, but a tacky non-ironic Christmas sweater that lights up with LED lights. Because when you're a loser, you're also a loser in the dark.

Did I forget anything? As long as you avoid these, you're golden for Christmas shopping this weekend. Happy Friday!

Glammy Gifts on the Cheap 2011

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Alright, I'm back from my vacation! Seriously you guys, the first day back always SUCKS. I had no food in the house and all my clothes were dirty so I called it my day off and didn't properly get dressed this morning. Aaaaand I've worn a baseball hat all day.

But it was an awesome trip. Hanging out with my family is totally boss, especially when we do things like play Taboo and go shopping with the entire population of Toronto and eat our weights in sausage rolls and chicken balls and then make jokes about chicken balls because like wiener jokes, they never get old. Yeah, that's my family. But now I'm home with the Mr., which is good because he spent the weekend recaulking our bathtub and for some reason, that makes me inexplicably sad. And NOW it's almost CHRISTMAS.

Well, this is my third year of doing Glammy Gifts on the Cheap and as usual, all it really did was supply me with links to send to my husband via Gmail Chat for things that I want.

Totally worth it.

But seriously, we're a mere week-and-a-half away from Christmas, so if you're stuck for ideas for your mom, sis, friend or YOURSELF, totally check this stuff out. You absolutely do not have to spend a ton and you'll totally be the hero. Because no one wants another Clay Aiken CD or self help book. Unless you're my mom. She devours self help books like I devour Chick-Fil-A. Meaning daily and like someone is going to take them away.

I totally sent these shoes to my hubs. I MUST HAVE THEM. They are super Valentino-esque, but only cost $33. While you're checking out that website, look for other shoes. They are so cute I might eat a baby and die. In that precise order. Because who eats babies postmortem? I mean really, be serious.

This bag has super luxe details. The quilting makes it look like money, but it's really only $38. Get this for your mom and maintain angel child status the rest of the year. Actually, I want this too. Give it to me instead.

Oh, you knew that some Forever 21 jewels would make their way onto my list. And why not? This major necklace is only $12 smackaroos and it would make a huge difference with the regular old v-neck sweater.

I'm all about the scarf, but especially if it's as cool as this one from TopShop. The red leopard is amazing because it's unexpected. Can you imagine this with a white tee, jeans and riding boots? Fuggedaboutit. Give one to your BFF for like, $20.

And speaking of leopard, how crazypants amazing is this little clutch? This would be the best with a LBD or a blushy-colored sweater. Snag it from Nordstrom and give it to your sister and then borrow it back because that's how you roll. (I don't have sisters but I totally did this to my best friend.)

Gloves are so retro and ladylike that I can't even stand it. I want a buttery pair with femmy details like these. Bows or buttons preferred. This set is $28 and make me want to drive around and wave at people. No really, they do that in my town.

If you don't have a cute pair of riding boots yet, put 'em on your wish list, then gently direct your significant other/mom/small child in the direction of Old Navy for this pair. They're $32 and pretty much the perfect height. Love the buckle-y details too! I always end up shopping for myself when I go Christmas shopping anyway. Last time I went I came home with two new pairs of earrings, a scarf and a sweater.

OK, I know you're rolling your eyes and saying "Jae, enough with the peacock" BUT HEAR ME OUT. If you or someone you know needs a style intervention, something demure like this adds a little more style without being too whackadoo. It's a good way to ease into style and this baby is only $4 so it's practically sacrilege not to buy it. What's that? I don't really understand the meaning of sacrilege? Shut up.

So does that help or hurt your shopping efforts? I'm nowhere near as organized this year as I usually am. Like, I'm making a shopping list tonight whereas I'm usually done in November. Oh well, I kinda love the craziness of it all.

So now my burning question is: what are you asking for on Christmas this year? I need some ideas! So far it's been shoes.... some more shoes... and a wakeboard. Yes. I know I am a strange and mysterious girl.

Non-Scary Festive Party Wear

Friday, December 9, 2011

***Hey guys, I'm still up here hanging out in Canada, but I thought this might be a good refresher now that party season is in full swing. Also, I'm wearing navy glitter pumps tonight because it's CHRISTMAS and it's OK to wear full-on glitter. ***

Sorry that the post is late today. The skies dropped a glorious eight inches of snow on the ground after like, two weeks of 50 degree temps. The warmth was nice, but seriously? There best be some snow for Christmas. So my daughter and I just spend the last two hours attempting to build a snowman in the front yard instead of me pounding away on the computer. Now I'm soaking wet and just want to watch TV all night. But I did this first. Let it be known that I am a semi-dedicated fashion blogger.

Anyway, tis the season for awkward Christmas get-togethers! I've already have several, and have a few more on tap. My husband's work party is next week, and seeing as he's the only one at the company under the age of 40, it's always a real winner. But I know a lot of you guys stress when you get that holiday party invitation, ESPECIALLY when you have no idea what type of party it is.

If it's an ugly sweater party, I highly recommend this:

This is my brother wearing his shirt he MADE for an ugly sweater party. He took my mom's advent calendars that had pouches for candy, and sewed them onto his shirt and stuffed them with treats. Yeah. That's my family.

But, in the off chance that you need to look presentable and stylish for your party, wear something else. What you wear depends completely on the type of party that it may be: casual, semi-formal, or formal. For a clue on what type of party you're attending, take into consideration the invite and the location. You should get a pretty good idea of what kind of party it is if it's hosted at someone's house versus a ballroom, right? At least, I FEEL like you should.

My favorite thing about holiday parties is that you can take a few fashion risks in the name of being festive. For instance, I purchased a fur and sequin shrug for reasons I don't quite understand, but I can finally wear it to a party next week. FESTIVE. So don't be afraid to try something new: a red lip, sparkly heels, whatevs. It's the holidays and no one will judge you for it. Want to see some outfits? I knew you would.

If you're going casual:


Let It Be Me Blazer, 30 AUD

Casual parties during the holidays call for somethign a little more polished than a tee and jeans. My choice for dressier casual is always trouser jeans. They look dressed up while still being jeans so you don't feel totally overdressed. Pair them with a special-fabric top and a little blazer and you are good to go! Also, you'll notice that every outfit has a clutch. That's because holidays are for clutches. Large awkward bags under the table: No. PS I LOVE THESE SHOES.

If your party is semi-formal:


I always reach for skirts for a semi formal affair. That means anything at something more than a casual dining restaurant, a catered dinner at home, etc. When in doubt, call the hostess and ask what she's wearing, and you'll know to dress the same. Now I love the idea of a flouncy part skirt. With the satin bows, it just makes me feel happy and festive. Just tone it down on top with an unfussy shirt. Also, it's freezing out there: wear tights. As long as they look current, you're golden.

If your party is formal:


Cocktail parties, parties held at a swanky restaurant or bar, etc. need formal attire. Now, unless you're going to the Academy Awards or Cinderella's ball, don't wear a long dress. It will come off as WAY too formal, and you know how I feel about being overdressed. A short, cute cocktail dress is fine. If you feel underdressed, use accessories to take it up a notch. Patterned tights are still the love of my life, and they look so cute when worn with slouchy boots. Also, please note the fur shrug on the gold outfit. So unnecessary, yet it makes me feel happy and festive.

It's no secret that I abhor Christmas-y gear, like bell earrings, reindeer sweaters, appliques and the like. You don't need to walk around looking like the Target Christmas section barfed on you to look festive. LEave it to the details: A sequin bow here, a shiny bangle there. And you'll be dressed just right. Later, your husband's boss will notice how polished and put together you are and give YOU a bonus for making the party more stylish. Or, I can only assume that's what happens.

What I Wore: LBD Love

Monday, December 5, 2011

OK, this week is going to be a little crazy all over the place because I'm heading up North on Wednesday for a week. But I'll still check in periodically and make fun of people traveling in Juicy sweatsuits, I promise.

So approached me a couple of weeks to see if I wanted to try and review one of their pieces from their awesome website. Of course I said yes, and I immediately knew I wanted to pick an LBD for parties and whatever this season. I have a few LBDs in my closet that I love, but they tend to be more "va-va-voomy" and I had my heart set on something more flirty and less Jessica Rabbit. I mean, I love Jessica Rabbit... but not all day, every day. Take note, Kim Kardashian.

This is the dress I picked out. Not only is it crazy adorable, but the eShakti ordering process allows you to get your exact size measurements and customize the pieces to your requests. I loved this dress but I asked for it slightly shortened and with short sleeves for more of a party look. I love love love it with some grown-up Mary Janes and a patterned tight!

Cardi: Dillards
Dress: Courtesy
Tights: F21 (Where else? lol)
Shoes: Charlotte Russe
Ring and hair bow: Payless
Earrings: Local boutique

The layered tiers on this dress are exactly what I wanted for a pretty party dress. Since it's made of a more casual fabric, I also want to try it with a scarf, jean jacket and boots for casual wear. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!

This is all one ring. Awesome? I think so. And so did the girl at Barnes and Noble who was my cashier while I bought this book on Saturday night. I party hardy. Also, I did a gunmetal manicure to keep the look from getting too sweet. I haven't bitten my nails for a whole month! My mom promised me a manicure in Canada and it's gotten me through the last week.

Anyway, eShakti has been awesome enough to offer any of my readers $20 off their orders by using code MOMJEANS0811. Unlike the regular promotion they offer on their site, this code can be used as many times as you want until Dec. 31st, 2011. You can still just use one code per order. Sooo... I would definitely email the code and your shopping list to your hubby STAT. That's how I got my favorite skirt last year, ladies. It's called "taking the bull by the horns" or something like that. I'm totally happy with my new LBD and totally recommend you start getting your festive wardrobe together ASAP... just no bell earrings or reindeer shirts kthanx.

Happy shopping!

Freaky Friday: A Major Case of the Stabbies

Friday, December 2, 2011

I recently spent some time with a person who was a "cost-dropper."

Oh, you don't know what that is? A cost-dropper is someone who always wants you to know how much everything she bought cost her. Cost-dropping can be annoying when a person always wants you to know how cheap everything she bought was, but it's roughly 67.9 times more annoying when she wants you to know how EXPENSIVE it was.

*This* cost this much and I usually only use stuff that costs *this* much and also I'm annoying.

Here's the thing. A lot of times, cost doesn't mean a dang thing. I hate the idea of women thinking that if they don't have a massive clothing budget, they can't look good. That's why I like to mix and match different price points in my outfit. Sure, I like a designer watch, but I also love my Target socks, my Walmart reversible belt and my Forever21 blazer. If it looks good, I don't care what it costs or what brand it is.

I'm very open minded that way. It was my liberal Canadian upbringing. So I start to get a major case of the stabbies when someone wants to keep reminding me how much money she spends on stuff because I don't think it's worth a lick.

Not to mention, there's a lot of people who spent kajillions on their clothes and still look crappy. So I decided to dig up some designer finds on FF today. I've done it before and it's freakishly easy.

Acne top

Tin man couture is always hot, especially at the cool price of $1,210.
My favorite part is how it triangulizes the boob area.

Lanvin sweater

I've renamed this $1,045 sweater "The Expediting of Old-Lady Turkey Arms." Go ahead, try waving!

Stella McCartney top

"Uh... the collection is due and this $1,000 mesh dress thingy isn't finished!"
"DO we have any construction paper left?"
"Just cut out some circles and group them so they look like flies! Masterpiece!"

David Koma jacket

"What about this $9,600 jacket."
"Dollar-store pompom balls! GO!"

Marchesa dress

I know this is a $4,700 Marchesa dress but it just smacks of early 90s prom. And if you're wondering, that's not a good thing. The early 90s was a bleak, bleak time for fashion.

Yves Saint Laurent dress

I call this $1,600 sweater dress "The Smuggler." As in, you want to fly but can't be separated from your rare Himalayan rabbits so you jam them into the pockets of your ugly sweater so as not to arouse suspicion. Also... this was SOLD OUT.

MUGLER jacket

Seriously, if you're going to charge me $3,700 for a jacket, would you mind giving me the whole thing? (This is proof I'm getting old. I also complain about buying ripped jeans.)

This $11,220 fur diaper is also sold out, so looks like some freaks are going to have a very unhappy Christmas indeed.

Lanvin dress
When I haven't gotten the slightest clue where my head goes in a $2,400 dress, I feel like it's a bad sign.

So seriously, don't feel bad if you don't spend major coin on furry diapers and whatnot. I'll still love you shopping at the mall or T.J. Maxx and if you play your cards right, you'll look better than those who pay for labels.

Alright, so I confessed my pet peeve with cost-droppers.... anyone else want to join the fray and vent it out? It's Friday! Let's get our stabbies out so we can have an awesome weekend!

Reader Question: Brown and Black

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

We haven't done a reader question in a few months, and I got a great one from Ashley that I felt needed some serious attention because it's something I've struggled with too. Here's her question!

"I don't know if you have every done a post on wearing black and brown together. It has always been something that I am afraid of doing (don't know why). I tend to wear more black than brown but I have a really really cute pair of brown booties that I wish I could wear more."

Ah, Ashley, I feel your pain. I too have purchased things that I wish I could wear more so I'm always struggling to Tim Gunn that bad boy and make it work. In general, it's pretty rare that I pair brown with black but mostly because I'm a color girl, not because of any lingering fashion rules or anything like that. And like most color combos, it's totally fair game when doing it right.

The problem with wearing brown and black together is that it's usually done sloppily and without any direction. As long as you put a little thought into it and don't dress like you're shopping at Walmart at 3 a.m., you can totally pull of a brown and black combo. It's totally sophisticated and is awesome for the winter, when colors tend to be darker and richer anyway.

Can I make you a believer? Here's some ways to make black and brown look on purpose.

Try a Pattern

One of the easiest ways to wear brown and black together is to find a pattern that already has the two colors. It makes the combo a no-brainer since you can wear brown or black and the pattern acts as the unifier for the entire outfit. Leopard is a perfect example... just not a leopard bustier, people. This loose top is perfect because it isn't so va-va-voomy. This skirt is also amazing. I tried it on when I was H&M on Saturday and am kind of kicking myself because I didn't end up buying it. WHY!? Anyway, this top would look just as cute with a brown skirt and the shoes tie in both colors without being too matchy. WIN.

Go Casual

Another way to try brown and black together is to wear more casual versions of the color. Instead of a chocolate brown, a cognac or tan pairs better with black. Then, look for textures that are casual so that the contrast between the two colors isn't so stark. A knee high slouchy boot with a warm cardigan? Love! Also, you'll notice that the tank underneath has both tones to tie everything together. I have a black tank with brown bows on it and I love how versatile it is... it literally matches everything.

Choose Color

Dorothy Perkins belted dress, £30
Kate Spade fishnet hosiery, $28
H M leather ballerina flat, £13
Dorothy Perkins gray handbag, £20
Pieces chain jewelry, $11
Wet Seal tahitian pearl jewelry, $9.50
Codello vintage shawl, £4

When wearing black and brown together, they don't have to be the main event. By pairing a bright dress (jewel tones look awesome with brown AND black) you can then pull both colors into the accessories, so the look is WAY less obvious. I love the idea of doing a scarf and flats to tone down a serious dress. When wearing brown and black together, keep your accessories in the gold family.

So is this something you would try? Or are you a strict one-neutral-per-outfit girl? Or guy? I don't discriminate!

What I Wore: Casual Red + Black Friday

Monday, November 28, 2011

When I thought up this outfit I wanted some way to wear my red skinnies that wasn't so "Zzzzzomg LOOK AT ME I HAVE RED PANTS!" Pairing them with a button down and sheer sweater made them traditional enough that I wore them to my daughter's kindergarten Thanksgiving feast.

Now that Thanksgiving is over and we're on full steam ahead for Christmas, I've turned my house upside down to basically look like Santa's workshop. So if it feels like it's a bit stingy on pictures today, it's because I spent all weekend shopping and decorating.

I did a lot of this (GLITTERRRRRR)

And some of this (Christmas definitely barfed on my house)

A little of this.

And a lot of this. The kids were interested for exactly 4.5 seconds.

Oh well! Now I'm onto festivities. I know I already asked on my Facebook page, but I want to know if you braved the crowds for Black Friday. I went out around 5am Friday but didn't want to do the whole "Open at Midnight" business. Also, I did mall shopping on Saturday and *might* have grabbed a few things for myself. I'm excited to show you guys! I also convinced my sister in law to both try on and BUY skinny jeans, so it was kind of a productive weekend.

Now onto a productive week before I head up to Canada for a little while. Today's task: Get my six inch roots taken care of. WIN!

Awesome Nail Tutorials and Ideas

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

So I'm basically the worst nail biter in the history of nail biters. It's completely stress-related and I usually don't care because my nails are just not a priority for me. Plus I have obscenely childlike hands. When we were getting married our photographer wanted to take a ring picture and my husband and I were both like "NO!" because he has giant basketball hands and mine stopped growing at age eight.

But a couple weeks ago I was more stressed than usual and I was taking it out of my nails like usual when I was like "OMG Jae you are being gross." So I decided to stop chewing my nails to give them a break for a week. Now, when I'm not biting my nails, the only thing that's stops me is prettiness. Because I am so vain that I won't bite if it ruins my nail polish. Enter my obsession with cool nail design on Pinterest. Have you seen some of the stuff people do? It is mind blowing!! I've been testing out a few designs and I'll share my faves with you. If there's an available tutorial, you can click the picture... otherwise I'll give you a quick how-to rundown? Then you'll have the awesomest nails when you head out to Thanksgiving tomorrow. Good? Great.


Marble Nails:

This is what I have on my nails. Me and my cute daughter spent an afternoon playing with colors and swirly patterns and I loved it. I did a navy blue with an iridescent pink and it came out looking like awesome acid wash. The nail polish creates this flexible film on top of the water that is picked up my your nails when you dip. Cool, right? Just have lots of nail polish remover on hand to get at the messy bits.


How freakin' pretty would this be for holiday parties? It's just a glitter polish layered over a regular one in monochromatic colors. You could also do this with loose glitter, but I'm way too spastic for something like that.

I love this idea! Graphic nails are pretty but can be a leetle overwhelming. By mixing two patterns, it calms down the graphic prints and would look crazy adorable for a garden party or bridal shower.


These are SO brilliant and an excellent way to use up all of those expensive scrapbooking papers that are currently sitting in a forgotten tupperware in your basement... not that I have any experience with that whatsoever. But seriously. Scrapbook paper teamed up with rubbing alcohol transfers awesome patterns to your nails. Who knew?

This is going to be my next style I try. My bathrooms are painted like this -- the same color, just shiny over matte. Something like this is high style while still being subtle and I LOVE dark nail polish. These tips make the look less Queen of Darkness too. Also, did you know that if you stretch an elastic band over your nail, you can paint over it to create a perfect French tip? The things you learn on Pinterest!! (We're friends, right?)


I love the idea of doing eahc nail a different color or design, but it's going to look juvenile unless you stick within the same color family. These peach tones with a bit of sparkle? Adorable and still adult while being super fun.


If you're a massive word nerd like me, these newspaper nails probably make you inexplicably happy. And they're super easy to create with newspaper and rubbing (or real) alcohol. I want to try this desperately on my toes but we don't ever buy the paper unless it's Thanksgiving, so I'm gearing up to try it tomorrow with my Black Friday paper! WOO!

How awesome is this modified French tip? It's created by using a sponge eyeshadow applicator of all things. Just dip the tip into a nail polish color and start dabbing on your tips, lightening your hand as you move down the nail. These are super pretty and professional without being too stuffy.

Alright, so are you going to try any of these? Once I get over the awesomeness of my acid wash swirly nails, I definitely want to go with the matte/shiny French tip. What's your fave?

Just as long as it's not these....


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