Freaky Friday: Fun with Keywords

I'm hoping to get up to our family cabin this weekend, which means I need to clean up, pack, scrounge up food, fold towels and then lose the motivation to go to the cabin and stay home and watch bad movies instead. IT'S A DATE!

Of course, poking around in my keyword activity sounds like fun too. If you're new to the blog, Fun with Keywords is when I check my website stats and find the creepiest stuff people Googled to find my humble blog. It's a good time and only sometimes does it reveal sexual deviants YAY!

"Cute women's velour tracksuit"

I'm sorry, is this 2002 and New Jersey, the only time and place that women's velour tracksuits were actually popular? I'm confused.

"Sexy My Little Pony costume"

Oh, I see you haven't yet gotten the memo about my extreme hatred for sexy Halloween costumes? Let me refresh you.
1. They're disgusting.
2. They in no way actually look like the costume they're supposed to be.
3. Just wear lingerie and go as a Victoria's Secret model if you want to traipse around the neighborhood in your underpants.
4. Putting ears on with said underpants doesn't make you a cat.
5. Stop ruining EVERYTHING EVER by making it into a sexy Halloween costume. My Little Pony is not sexy. Nor is Dumb and Dumber, Pokemon, unicorns, houses, gumball machines, rat poison or whatever else you've decided to make into a sexy Halloween costume.
6. Stoppit.

Feel free to print out this memo and tape it to the windows of pubs, high school costume contests, shopping malls and your house in preparation for Halloween.

(PS, peeps that have been sending me Halloween costume entries, you guys are awesome. Keep 'em coming! I've already got a ton to wade through.) 

"Best cat memes"

Can you really choose just ONE? Cat memes are pretty much nonstop lolz. Behold my faves.

 Anxiety cat understands me and my love for voicemail.

 Overly attached cat has boundary issues. 

 Comforting cat sees through your ploy. 

 Hipster kitty thinks you've probably never heard of it. 

Cue the nonstop hits I will now receive from crazy cat ladies. Welcome, crazy cat ladies. It's OK you don't have plans tonight. 

"How to wear an orange dress."

Ooh, that one is tricky. Let me break it down the best that I can.

1) Buy an orange dress.
2) Wear it.
 

Email me for further clarification if necessary. 

"90s maternity dresses"

LOL you mean 1590s right? I can only assume that's what you mean because the 1990s was such a horrific time for maternity fashion that society has blanked it from our collective memories. But 1590s... rawr.  

  That's a babymaker right there.

"Who says my mom is fat?"

Let's be honest here. If you have to Google it, the answer is everyone.

"Ultimate hipster"

Found him. All other hipsters bow down.



Well, I hope by now everyone has found what they're looking for and for once, my keyword queries didn't have anything about hot moms. Of course, now I've type "hot moms" and I'm gonna get mad hits from lonely men.

Hey lonely men... can I introduce you to cat ladies? They don't have plans tonight either.
 

What to Wear for Family Pictures (Part Deux)

If someone was to ask which of my posts has been the most popular over the years, I would definitely say the Family Pictures post I did back in early 2010. That thing has been pinned on Pinterest like six bajillion times and it's always one of my highest traffic posts. But, here's the thing. I wrote it two years ago. While much of the advice stills stands, I figured I could spruce it up and give you some new ideas for family pictures.

Which may have something to do with the fact that I'm having family pictures done on the 20th of next month and needed to plan anyway. Two birds: Meet one stone.

Here we go!

(I had to add the "shmuck" part in there because I know for a fact that when my husband is forced to dress like everyone in a group, he feels like a major shmuck. I tend to agree.)

Now, my original post stands. Here are my general rules for picking family picture outfits.

1) Go with a general color palette, but don't MATCH. I prefer to pick two main colors and then use a neutral as a third color. Oh, and jeans don't have to match anything. Jeans definitely don't count as "blue," so they're a neutral.

HOWEVER, tread carefully if you're ALL wearing jeans. It can come off as matchy. I like at least one person to be wearing a skirt (I tried to get my husband to be that one, but it was a no-go), khakis, leggings, whatever... just something to break up the sea of denim.

2) Use pattern sparingly, but smartly. Patterns are totally fine as long as they a) are within the same color family and b) are graphic. Florals won't photograph as well as say, blocky stripes or polka dots. You'll notice all of the outfits below have at least a little pattern in them. I think they go a long way in ensuring you don't look like you buy your clothes at the same store as your husband and small children and entire extended family.

3) Plan around your location. I like to make sure that our outfits "go with" the location chosen. If you're dressed in more urban patterns and colors, go with an urban landscape. More country? Break out the boots.

4) Don't be a phoney baloney. When I had my pictures done last time around, my hubs wore his beloved hat for some of the shots and people were like "How did you LET him do that?" First of all, I don't "let" him do anything. I'm not his mother and he's 32 years old. Second, the only time he doesn't have a hat crammed on his head is on Sunday. If it makes him more comfortable and feel more natural for pics, I don't care. The same goes for dressing your family. If you're more casual, don't stuff your poor toddler into a tux. He'll be uncomfortable and it'll show through in the shots.

Not being fakey also goes a long way in convincing your hubs that he doesn't look like a shmuck... just sayin'. You want polished versions of yourselves, not fantasy versions.

5) Heels are your friend. I like heels, wedges or boots for pics because they'll elongate the leg and give you a little extra height. Again, just dress according to the weather and the location. You don't want to be sinking into the grass because you wore spike heels into the forest.

OK, want to see some updated examples? Here we go!

Long sleeve top, $26 / White top / Hollister Co. embroidered jeans / Dockers boat deck shoes / Keen Footwear leather slip on shoes / Charlotte Russe stiletto high heels / Wet Seal / Old Navy Mens Western Shirts / dENiZEN from the Levi's brand Men's Regular Fit Jeans Barbary / Buffalo David Bitton Guys 8-20 King Bootcut Cotton Denim Jeans / Old Navy Girls Denim Jackets / Puffy Vest kid boy / Jumping Jacks 'Casey' Boot (Toddler, Little Kid & Big Kid) / Corduroy Skirt kid girl / Girls' solid tights

This is what I'm thinking for my pictures. I got those new leopard heels and I think they'd be so fun in a more urban or industrial setting, so I have to talk to my photog. But other than that, this red-orange, brown and blue palette is casual while still "going together." I also love the nod to leopard throughout. This would look koo-koo-kachoo if you brought another print in there, but since it's the same, it's kosher. My sassypants daughter would love this.

Vero Moda double breasted blue blazer, $36 / J.Crew rainbow skinny jeans / Mix No. 6 distressed black boots / Timberland lightweight shoes / Charlotte Russe south sea pearl earrings / Red hair accessory / BKE Finlayson Jacket / Guess Lincoln Jean / Pink Vanilla Stripe Tiered Dress (Little Girls) / Petit Bateau, $49 / Zip-Front Sweater baby boy / Old Navy Boys Plain Front Uniform Khakis / boy shoes corduroy slip-on shoe / Girls red beaded bow shoes, $32

If you're looking for more traditional clothes, remember that traditional doesn't automatically mean boring. These colors would totally pop in an orchard or natural setting and the boots keep you from tripping all over the grass. Also, can I just recommend long earrings for pictures? They'll give your neck a little length. Stay away from short, chunky jewelry... it could make you look (you guessed it!) short and chunky. Jackets also work really well to cover up problem areas that you don't want highlighted; just look for ones that are well cut.

Linea Weekend striped top, $39 / River Island maxi skirt, $41 / Wedge heels, $31 / Jennifer Loiselle yellow gold jewelry / Old Navy Mens Everyday Classic Fit Khakis / Selected Homme Mens Navy Idaho Button Shawl Neck Knit, $31 / Asos Saddle Shoes With Leather Sole / Old Navy Girls Ribbon Belt Jersey Dresses / Old Navy Boys Plain Front Uniform Khakis / Ralph Lauren Toddler's & Little Boy's Rugby Shirt / Chooka Rubber Rain Boot (Toddler, Little Kid & Big Kid) / John

Oh hey, adorable and hip family. Here's a brilliant secret: Wear a maxi skirt and heeled boots for pictures and you'll look mucho taller and it'll be awesome as long as you're not like, towering over your significant other. Don't shy away from dresses and skirts in pictures. I tend to think that if you're carrying a little extra weight, they photograph better than jeans.

OK, so now's your shot. Do you have any family picture rules that you follow? I would just like to eradicate all awkward family pictures forevermore. And trust me, I was in tons as a kid. I would know.

Emmy Faves and Fails

I know I should be posting outfits today, but I had too much fun watching the Emmy's last night to miss out on dishing about the fashion. How hilarious was Ricky Gervais introducing the awards for variety shows? Love him. But I didn't love a lot of the dresses last night. There wasn't anything that made me say "ZZZZOMG" which is obviously an extremely accurate level of fashion awesomeness measurement.

Also, can I just say that it makes me laugh whenever a site or mag puts a guy in the "Best Dressed" list. Um yeah, he wore a tux. Amazing. Let's just state now that all guys look good in traditional tuxes and leave it at that. Don't take up precious room telling me how hot Jon Hamm looks ALWAYS.

Anyway, here's my faves and fails:

 Fail: Remember when Julia Ormond was like, the glorious ingenue in every movie and she was Sabrina in that Harrison Ford remake I watched everyday when I was 17? Yeah. Well, now she's Julia Ormond, the mother of the bride-type figure.

Fave: Kristen Wiig. I have a huge girl crush on this lady, but sometimes she dresses like a crazy person. I hearted this dress because it just looked cool and fun ... though I would have worn different shoes. Remember this, Kristen Wiig, for when we inevitably become friends and I have to give you shoe advice. Also, I love her hair. The end.

 Fail: Juliana Marguilseskjfhsgher however you spell her last name. This looks like Frances Hodgson Burnett barfed on a dress, amiright!?

....

What's that? I'm the only one who thinks literary jokes are funny? Moving on then.

 

Fave: Christina Hendricks. I know that everyone loves this girl's body and I can see why, but sometimes I think she dresses it poorly. This dress fits her perfectly and I love. If only it were a deeper blush color, I would be satisfied. Luckily, I don't think anyone is actually looking at the dress...

....

 Fail: Sofia Vergara. Look, I love this lady and her accent is my fave ever and she's hilarious in those commercials with Ellen, but this dress is so Miss America I can't even stand it. Also, I read that later on in the night, the zipper popped open and her butt fell out. "This is an outrage!"... said no one, ever.

 Fave: Jane Levy. Suburgatory is actually pretty hilarious and this dress is pretty awesome. I like how age-appropriate it is. Just fresh and it kind of reminds me of something that Emma Stone would wear and therefore I enjoy it.

 

Fail: Julianne Moore. What the deuce, Julianne? You're a rockin' fiery redhead and you show up to the Emmy's in THIS? I know it like literally walked off of the runway and onto your body, but no pale red head should wear this shade ever. Make it mustard and cut out the turtleneck and MAYBE. 

 

Fave: Kat Dennings. Putting the fact that Kat Dennings looks like she'd rather be on fire than on this red carpet, I really loved her dress. Homegirl has a killer body and this color looks crazy good on her and amazing for fall. I like how not overdone it is (See Julianne Hough from last night, who looked like she was attacked viciously by a Bedazzler). 

 

Fave: Padma Lakshmi. Oh, what's goin' on, Padma? Just wearing the most glorious color for your skin ever? That's cool. Do you work out? You look like you work out. 

 

Fail: Jena Malone. Proof that cut is everything. This is the same color Kat Dennings is wearing, but this dress is so weird. And did NO ONE learn anything from Angelinagate at the Oscars? Stop sticking your dang legs out of your slits, people! 

Fail: Nancy O'Dell (Whose name I can never remember): My husband and I always refer to Nancy O'Dell as "the lady who always looks the same no matter what." This dress would been passable except the fact that she looks like she was harpooned and blood is seeping out of the wound. Also, just forgot her name again. Geez, Nancy, get it together!

Alright, am I totally off my rocker here? Is there any superfails that I missed? I hope not, because I really love a superfail and like to think I'm pretty thorough.

(All images property of the Associated Press)

Freaky Friday

Hey party people! Actually, I'm not much in a party mood today. Have you ever had one of those days where you wake up and know for a fact that you're not going to be doing anything productive all day? Yeah. That's me. So far, I woke up, worked a little, worked out but spent an equal amount of time talking with my workout buddies and then perused Facebook. I have GOT to get going. Maybe some bad fashion will give me a good punch in the arm to get moving.

 

So Betty Rubble chic I can't even stand it!

Speaking of Betty Rubble, may I remind you that Halloween is coming up and we'll be hosting our annual slutty costume contest in a few weeks. Start looking online for the worst of the worst! Remember that skanky house took all last year so you need to top it. Send your entries (and a link because last year I got in trubs from not linking) to my email and we'll start collecting 'em. YAY it makes my heart so happy. 

  

Just FYI: this was labeled as a "mini dress." As in, so mini that it doesn't actually cover your lady bits. I'm pretty sure this was fashioned out of a pillowcase. 

 

You know what I wish my pants had? MORE PANTS. This is what happens when Dolce and Gabbana does when they have too much denim laying around. Where does the belt go?? (Thanks, Angie!)

 

These shoes look like Frankenstein. I hope when the designer sketched them out he was like "I...I've created a MONSTER!" and there was lightning. 

Sexy Frankenstein maybe? 

 

 

Angie also sent me these awesome Beetlejuice pants. I would like to point out that while horizantal stripes can be slimming, that's only true if they don't feature a large arrow pointing at your crotch.

 

Honestly. I think some designers just wanna screw with you and see what you'll buy. This dress is like a gazillion dollars and looks like candy corn. 

 

Stacy sent me this depiction of what the most offensive shoe of all time would look like. UGGS, Cros AND Vibrams? I should label this NSFW ("not safe for wearing" omg I am so witty).

 

Speaking of offensive footwear, I just read an article about how UGG's stock is tanking right now because APPARENTLY the human race wised and stopped wanting to look like sassy bedazzled sherpas. Took long enough. 

Alright, I have resolved that I will get something productive done today. I mean, not as productive as like, showering... but maybe like eating leftover cheesecake and paging through an US Weekly. Success! 

Also, if this was not enough fail for you, please see this unintentionally hilarious video sent to me by Mary. My favorite are the "rules." I so wish I was at this video shoot. On acid.

Bridge Lines to Love for a Tiny Budget

Can I just tell you what a crazy cheap shopper I am? My closet is pretty much stuffed to the gills with clothes, but rarely do I buck and pay full price for something. I have a general scale in my mind for what I want to pay for anything and I typically stick to it, with the exception of a few special occasion purchases. $20 for a shirt, $30 for a pair of heels, $50 and under for jackets... you get the picture. So that's probably why I like to keep an eye out for budget (otherwise known as "bridge") lines from brands that I already totally love. Kohls, Target, JCPenney and Sears all have awesome bridge lines and I think they're worth checking out AKA spending. No, you're not going to get Gucci quality from a Target jacket... but when it's $30, WHO CARES?

 MNG by Mango. Found at: JCPenney
K, this is one of my fave bridge lines because I already love Mango clothes but they're hard to get, seeing as they ship from 'cross the pond. MNG has a really cool relaxed city vibe that I love and they do some seriously cute color block dresses. In the $15 to $45 range, you can find some awesome stuff. I love these pants (the comments say to order two sizes up) and this cute, everyday put-together top that would be so easy for like, a Wednesday.

Mossimo. Found at: Target
I am in the middle of nursing a serious infatuation with that red jacket and miiiight be going to look at it IRL today if time permits. Stupid early-out day at school means I have until 2:30 to do it. Anyway, I love the jackets from Mossimo. I bought a red pea coat from them years and years ago and I still wear it all winter long. Yes, they're junior sizes, so be aware of that. HOwever, they also have plus sizes so YAY. Also, keep an eye out. Target has a partnership with Neiman Marcus and will be selling bridge lines from high-end designers for the Christmas season, starting Dec. 1st. So excited. Also, this tweedy blazer with some dark-wash jeans, a pair of heels and a white tee? Die. Just. Die.

 I by Buffalo Jeans. Found at: JCPenney.
I live about 90 minutes from the nearest Buffalo, but I totally love the boho vibe they have. So I was totally excited to see that JCP would be carrying a bridge line from them. This scarf is so gorgeous for fall and would be so easy to wear to make it look like you know about fashion. Scarves are great for that. They also have some awesome graphic tees that are worth checking out.

 LC by Lauren Conrad. Found at: Kohls
I've definitely talked about LC before when we discussed celeb lines that don't suck. But I'm really loving what she has for fall: super duper feminine and usually under $50, which is a total plus. I love these heels. They're a little summery, but they're also on sale, so that cancels that out. Wear them with a pencil skirt or a pair of rolled colored skinnies. OMG with my blue ones? I should own these.

Metaphor. Found at: Sears
We all know that Sears is home to the dreaded Kardashian Kollection, which has been featured on many a Freaky Friday. But they also have this super cute Metaphor line which is perfect for like, the 25 to 40 age group. This shirt is adorbs and would be like, uber flattering because of the cut. They also had a ton of cute skirts and dresses for fall. If you can put up with seeing the K's face's on everything, go take a peek.

Seriously, your budget shouldn't stop you from putting together some seriously cute outfits. I went shopping with one of my friends a few weeks ago and she spent under $100 and ended up with a skirt, three shirts, a pair of shoes and two or three tanks. I would definitely call that a score. Bridge lines are nothing to be shy about. I'm always proudly telling people that I got my jewelry from F21 and my blazer from Target because I don't really care where I got something, just as long as it looks good.

I heard someone say once that as your household income goes up, so do your tastes and I call B.S. on that. What does money have to do with taste? I know a lot of wealthy people who are tackier than a Christmas tree in June, thanks. My "clothing budget" has substantially increased from my poor newlywed days... but that doesn't stop me from still shopping like a poor newlywed sometimes. Don't let a teeny budget get you down or fool you into thinking that you can't feel awesome about the way you look. Instead, explore your options: sometimes, you'll splurge on a pair of heels that'll last you to your grave and sometimes, you'll buy a throwaway top to last you through the winter.

And then we can squeal and swap shopping stories and be friends forever.

What I Wore: Breakfast at Tiffany's

I am aware that this post is astonishingly late, but just think of what a nice surprise it will be to wake up to Tuesday morning. Oh! Good morning! You're welcome.

Seriously, I have a legit excuse. My famjam went on a weekend getaway down to our fave place, Lake Powell. I never knew that when we bought our little boat that it would turn into this huge summer sporting machine. I took up wakeboarding last year, so I spent most of the weekend doing this:

 I heart it with much hearting, but now my body hurts with much hurting. Whose stupid idea was it to start extreme sports so soon before I turned 30?

Anyway, it was awesome, I was psychotic about sun protection and I ate too many pretzel M&Ms, but my favorite part of the trip has to be this one:

Everyone, meet my dog: Lucy. Lucy is a miniature schnauzer for which I paid an exorbitant amount of money for back before I had children and cared about stupid things like pocket-sized dogs. She is very cute and has a beard.

Lucy is also the wost excuse for a dog I've ever met in my life. She doesn't bark, has a weird fear of cartoon lobsters, hates going for walks and hates me most of all. It may have something to do with me love of dressing her up for Halloween, but that is beside the point. Anyway, my Lucy-Goosey (I hate myself) was on our boat and she was dying to go on my father in law's boat. I should point out that Lucy loves my FIL so much she would literally take a bullet for him, or at least push me in the way so I died instead of him. My FIL drove his boat about six feet away from ours and told me to put Lucy in the water so she could swim over.

Which is precisely when we found out that Lucy can't swim.

Instead of getting her doggy paddle on, she began wildly flailing her paws all over the place and slowly sinking into the lake, which at that point is roughly 90 feet deep. As soon as her sad little head started dipping under the water, I had visions of snorkeling to catch her, which is when I jumped off the back of our boat to SAVE my DOG.

The dog that hates my guts.

And did she thank me for my hard work in rescuing her from a watery grave? Ohhh no. She proceeded to cuddle with my FIL while fastidiously ignoring my presence. Yeah. Lucy: You're a jerk dog. I'm thinking of the most humiliating costume EVER for this Halloween to make up for it.

ANYWAY, that was my weekend in a nutshell: Wakeboarding and dog-saving. I think that's all you could ever hope for from a vay-cay.

But I also have some outfit pics pour vous, which I took the day before I left. Remember when I said I bought a new pair of Tiffany-colored skinnies?

Well hello!

Tank: American Eagle

Sweater: H&M

Skinnies: Ardene (Canada)

Loafers (hee I love saying that): Steve Madden

Necklace: F21

 

I know what you're thinking: Jae, this outfit could only be enhanced by the addition of elbow patches. Never fear, my friends, because I will never say no to elbow patches!! 

 

And, in a serendipitous turn of events, the Tiffany catalog came THE DAY I wore these. Pure proof that I was meant to a) wear these pants and b) buy expensive jewelry. My husband brought this up the stairs to me and then looked at my pants and back at the catalog envelope again and then handed it to me in disgust. 

Anyway, after five days of sleeping on the boat and not showering, I suddenly have the urge to wear these pants and pretty shoes again. If you see me tomorrow, pretend like I'm not double-dipping outfits, k? 

And now, a shower, catching up on work emails and eating dinner at 8pm. Oh yeah.

Fall Trends for Non-Weirdos

I always end my trend report titles with "for Non-Weirdos" because quite frankly, like 95 percent of the fashion shown on runways is cool, but in no way practical for real life, much less real life with children. Still, I like to watch and see what kind of trends I can decipher underneath the makeup, frizzy hair and vapid expressions. And I'm actually pretty excited with what's coming up. Wanna see? Of course you do!


New School Grunge

When you think about "grunge" as a style, you're probably thinking about the 90s and let's face it: the 90s were not kind to fashion. Instead of like, oversized Dazed and Confused flannel, look for better-fitting stuff and accent it with leather. I think biker vests are going to be pretty huge this fall and winter. Biker boots are also a must, but find a way to girl-ify the look. A super-feminine necklace says "I'm a cool biker chick" instead of "I'm a butchy lesbian." Not that there's anything wrong with that... I'm just sayin'.

Red-Orange

Remember how spring was all about coral? Well, fall is all about red-orange. It's this crossbreed of both colors. I love it because it's fresher than red and more fall-y than the coral color we saw all summer long. I really love it with nudes... not like paintings of nudes. Nude shades. Geez, do I really have to explain this? Anyway. It's gorg.

Bows... on EVERYTHING

Dorothy Perkins / Dorothy Perkins / Kitten heel shoes / River Island clutch purse, $24 / Hive & Honey wire jewelry / Kate Spade gold jewelry

Being the Girly McGirlyson that I am, I'm always happy when bows are the main feature of any outfit. And unless you wrap yourself up like a present, there's not much wrong you can do with bows. I'm in love with bows as accents and little details that make a look really girly, but then there's a few rock-inspired elements to temper the look. Teal jeans are so rockstar, but the bows on the shoes make it more girly. I love.

Oxblood

Despite being the most disgusting name for a color ever, oxblood is like THE color for fall. It's a darker, more brown-infused version of maroon, and it's super duper rich. I like oxblood most with gold accents because they pop against the deep color. This would look AH-mazing on people with fair skin.

Going Baroque

If you're going to buy something patterned this fall, let it be a baroque pattern. This tapestry inspired look was done by Alexander McQueen in the spring and it's finally trickling down to us mere mortals. How hot is this look for like, a date night? The pattern makes the shirt special and the best part is that it gives you so many options when matching up accessories. Just don't go too old-fashioned. You want a modern, streamlined look... not the Count of Monte Cristo.


Did I also mention gold? Gold on everything. Fall is all about saturated colors and layers and they look best with gold accents, so step away from the silver!

So, which is your favorite look? I'm super partial to bows, but I'm definitely in the market for a leather vest. My biker dad probably has one, but I feel like Biker Broad probably isn't the best look for me.