Baby Got Back

Today's topic is super near and dear to my heart because it's something I have struggled with since I was a teenager. Though I am relatively pretty small, I have this totally unproportionate booty. Not pregnant, I have like, a 27" waist. But my butt didn't get the skinny memo.

Exhibit A.

That's me, in the middle, wondering WHY my body is retarded.

I won't lie, there are times when I enjoy the junk. At a rap concert, for instance. But trying to find pants that fit is a crapshoot. I am forever whining "WHEN!!! Oh when will designers realize that this body type exists?? That not all girls with a generous backside are size 12s and ten feet tall? When??" My poor husband has heard this more than once.

So, I have come to the conclusion that there are some pants that will never fit me. They will always look weird. American Eagle, for instance. Love their stuff, but their jeans are a big no go. I have slowly hammered out a few designers that will fit, and some no fail tricks to know which jeans will fit us girlies the best.

Heeeere we go. For jeans, there are a few things you should look for. First, take a look at the pockets on the back. Those flap pockets look so cute, right!?

Wrong. Flap pockets will add unecessary bulk to your badonkadonk. Flap pockets are made for girls who are lacking in that department. You are far better off you get a nice, smooth pocket. Check the placement. Make sure it isn't too low or too high, or your butt will look droopy. Down with droopy butt!!

Now, another thing that will help, is a little bit of spandex. SPANDEX! AHHHH. No, I don't mean Jane Fonda circa 1988 spandex, I mean a little teensy amount. No more than 2%. Check the label. Spandex is going to let those jeans have a little give, which eans you can buy your normal size and they'll conform to your body. I love love love Hydraulics jeans. I have like 8 pairs and I wear them te whole time I'm pregnant because they have enough stretch and are lovely.

If by chance, you can't find those, then TAILOR, TAILOR, TAILOR. It takes two seconds to tailor jeans. If you're handy, do it yourself, if you're not, hire it done. I found these awesome Abercrombie jeans that I LOVED but there was no way I was fitting a 4. ANd I was swimming in a 6. So I bought the 6's and had them tailored back to a 4 waist. They fit like a glove, I kid you not. OR just go here, and choose your style and color, then send in your measurements and they will CUSTOM MAKE your jeans for the tiny price of $49. I guarantee you will love those jeans until the day you die. Look how cute!!

Another trick I learned is to combat the idea that big booty chicks should wear a higher rise. I love a low cut jean. Not like, stripper low, but low enough to not be scary and mom like. So there are a myriad of designers who offer jeans that are higher in the back than in the front. That way you have the look of a lower cut jean, without all the crack in the back, if you know what I'm saying'.

Lastly, remember that bootcut jeans are practically made for girls like us. The flare at the bottom goes a long way in balancing out the proportions. There are tons of awesome fits out there so try them on. I love the Christie Fit and the Marisa Fit from Victoria's Secret. They are going to make that butt look all lifted and awesome.


Also, don't be afraid to try some more urban designers. Companies like Southpole and Baby Phat who typically design for women of color KNOW how to fit a booty. And take a cue from their awesome confidence too.