Freaky Friday: Stuff I Don't Get

Yay my car is supposed to be finished today and I'm so excited to go get him. Yes, him. I call him Dante.

But before that happens, I have some Freaky Friday stuff to get off my chest. Yes, it's time for "Stuff I Don't Get" again. This was inspired by me reading my Glamour magazine late last night while watching "Beautiful Creatures" because my husband was working late. This is what happens when I'm left to my own devices after like, 10:30. I get surly.

Also, one of these pictures is not safe for children who know the alternate meaning to "Willy." So usher them out of the room accordingly. 

This shirt

 

 Oh look, it's the page that inspired it all. This shirt is proclaimed as the "Perfect top." Because I'm always in the market for sheer shirts with boob roses. Also, how 90s is this all? It would go perfectly with my crushed velvet party skirt. In 1998.


Why this is funny.  I turned into a 14-year-old boy when my cousin posted this on her Facebook. The second one is my favorite.

 Seriously, I was laughing hysterically for 10 minutes and then almost sent it to everyone I know.  Instead, I'll post it on my very public blog! (Click to view a larger copy, but only if you're super immature).


The desire for a thigh gap. 

 No one is looking for a space between your thighs. Stop being crazy.



Clear purses

 Have you seen the inside of my purse lately? It's like a graveyard of receipts and cheeto-smeared baby wipes. Why would I want to present that to the world?


Sharon Stone power suits

 Those are some serious shoulders. Unless your office is also a football field, you can probably dial down the padding.


When sales associates say they're "just going to pull a few things for you."

This happened last night when I was shopping for new sunglasses (I lost mine on a waterslide. So typical.) She pulled things that I would never wear in my life and I was so tempted to get all Bon-Qui-Qui like "You don't knowwwww me" but instead I just mumbled something about sunglasses shopping and got the heck out of there.  


 Literally anything that Miley Cyrus wears in the "We Can't Stop Video."

 She dances seductively like we're all supposed to be super turned-on by her Jane Fonda workout jumpsuit and Draco Malfoy hair.


Mullet anything

Skirts. Shirts. Actual mullets. How about no?


These people's gummy bear reviews.

Because quite frankly, if you purchase mail-order sugar-free gummy bears, you deserve to have diarrhea.


As always, that feels really good to get off of my chest. Now it's your turn -- air out something that you don't get and we'll all nod emphatically.