Deep Thoughts on Jamberry Nails

Since I was confined to my bed with a sore throat and super stiff neck yesterday, I decided to pull out some Jamberry nails that super awesome reader Lindsay sent me.

It was actually really funny, because a couple of weeks ago, I was hanging out with some friends. We ordered in Thai food (pumpkin curry get in my belly) and everyone brought their Jamberry stuff to do nails while we ate and gossiped. And I'm always in for food and gossip, but I've never even bothered with Jamberry nails because I actually have no nails. Like, I have the hands of a small growth-stunted child. It's ridiculous. Also, I bite my nails when I drive, so there's that too.

So I told the girls that I'd come and eat and opt out of the nail stuff. And everyone was like "You should totally get some" and I was like "Guys, remember how I'm a child and can't be trusted with fancy things like nail wraps?" And I went home. Nailess.

But lo and behold, the very next day there was a big package of Jamberry nail stuff at my door and oh, the irony! Lindsay sent me the works: A few sheets of wraps, a heater, the manicure set, etc. And I decided I would try them, but I had to let my nails grow for a week.

So, fast-forward to yesterday, where I was working from my bed and binge-watching Scandal and feeling sorry for myself when I realized that my nails were probably long enough to bust out the Jamberry stuff. Here's what I started with:

I definitely had to YouTube an application video because I have tried to use nail stickers before and they SUCKED. Or maybe I SUCKED. 

Sally Hansen in 2013. Never forget.

But these are not the same. So, here's the gist: You push down your cuticles, try and find a good match from the nail sticker sheet and then peel it up. Then, you use a heat source (I had the fancy dancy heater) to warm up the wraps before you stick 'em on your nails.

There's a lot of rubbing.

That's what she said.

It took one episode of Scandal for me to do both hands, but I was going super slow so as not to screw the entire process up and make Lindsay disappointed in my abilities. 

Here's the finished product: 

Ignore my sleep-legging bedecked thigh in the background there. I can see the spots in this pic where I screwed up, but they're passable and I know what not to do next time. 

Some tips I learned from my hour-long foray into Jamberry nails:

• The video I watched said err on the side of smaller when you're choosing the wrap size and I wish I had listened. Instead I was like "Gurl whatchyou talkin' bout" and went too big and sure enough, those were the ones with ripples in them. Like my pointer finger up there. 
• Heating helps, so don't be bashful. I the wraps before I put them on, as soon as I got them on, and again while I was smoothing them out to make sure they really got the point. 
• I kind of wish I had chosen a non French tip pattern. These look cool, but because my nails are so disproportionate and weird, a couple of nails had a smaller strip of silver than the others and it drives. me. crazy. Next time I'll just buy a random pattern. I'm eyeing these right now. 
• They were really hard at first, but by the time I got to my right hand, the process was easy. Plus, Scandal was on so it was actually kind of enjoyable. I felt like a real, live girl who does her nails and watches dishy dramas with hot presidents (I don't know what's wrong with me, I've had a massive crush on Tony Goldwyn since he was the bad guy in Ghost and spent like, every casual scene just wandering around without a shirt on and he awakened feelings in my 14-year-old self I didn't know existed. 
• I'm super glad Lindsay sent me the whole manicure set, because the scissors and cuticle pusher backer thingy were lifesavers. I know you could probably skip the heater if you wanted, because all my friends used blowdryers. But I still thought the heater was super handy to have. 
• I really have no earthly idea how long they'll stay on. It's been 24 hours and I've clipped a few shorter to get rid of some excess but so far, so good. They stay on for two weeks, according to Jamberry, but I'm really hard on my hands so we'll see. I'll keep you updated. 
• Also, if you have creepy baby hands like myself, the kids' wraps will fit. Lindsay sent me these babies for Addison and I'm not gonna lie, I'm probably going to steal some for myself. 
• Each sheet is $15, but I only used the four smallest on the sheet (and probably shouldn't have used the big one on my pointer finger ugh) so I still have enough for two more applications. If you were really handy with the scissors you could totally cut up the big toe ones and use them on your fingers if you were so inclined. 

Aw baby mustaches and bows, you will be mine. 

All in all, my friends will probably say "I told you so" when I see them tonight. Because I was so against them and now I'm like "OK, I can see where these would be handy." 

Really, my only complaints would be 1) That I'm an idiot and didn't choose smaller wraps when I should have and 2) They're a little shinier than I would normally choose for my nails. I think using them only for a feature nail here or there would make more sense for someone like me.  But that's fairly subjective and coming from someone who maybe does her nails like, twice a year. 

If these stay on for longer than a week, I might have to reevaluate my choices in life. 

Therefore, if you're interested in these and don't want to do the whole home party scene (which gives me like, heart palpitations because sales pressure makes me very nervous), you can buy from my girl Lindsay. She will not give you heart palpitations. Unless the nail wrap you choose is named Heart Palpitations. But I checked and there's none named that, so it's a moot point.

This is how I actually talk, guys. I'm SO bad at staying on topic. Ask my husband: It took me 10 minutes to tell him my friend's husband is a cop, because I spent most of the time retracing my entire history with said friend and that she used to have an above-ground pool and lived near the grocery store in my hometown, you know the grocery store that has the lobsters? 

So sorry. Moral of the story, my experience with Jamberry was mostly positive and you absolutely will see me with mustaches on my nails in the near future.