Freaky Friday

I'm in the middle of the great desktop switch-over of 2015, so I'm a little discombobulated today. I really, really rely on my computer, so when it's out of commission I don't know what to do with myself. I'm on my laptop right now, which I almost never use, so there's also a high chance of typos.

I'm off to a workout and then burgers after this. Because I have amazing friends who understand the importance of exercise, but also share my love of meat. So I'm hurrying because I can't afford to miss either of those options. 

 

One of my brothers spent the holidays in Japan and sent me many delightful  pictures of lost-in-translation products there. I feel like the "NEW" on these boots is like that. Like, someone was like "Can you make some new boots" and a person who didn't really understand nodded and was like "Oh, totally." 

 

I would like to point out that this top has a casual cape on the back. Like, you'd wear this button up to a PTA meeting and then charge out like you could fly. Also, the half-gloves aren't really helping the whole superhero situation.

 

 Just for future reference, I literally never want to see this much thigh meat. On anyone. 

 This was called the "Ladder to Success" dress, which looks suspiciously like my "Sleeping My Way to the Top" outfit.

 CULOTTES. Like all of us had as children. But worn with a bustier. ON AN ADULT PERSON. 

 Out of your league: As most women who wear mesh and leather tutus are.

 I was shoe shopping yesterday, because that's a thing I do, and these were posted under "Boots." Really? Because I feel like these are a highly bastardized version of something that a boot was at one point. Like the designer just kept going in a psychotic frenzy until he collapsed into his chair, closed his eyes and proclaimed "It is done." 

 I dare you to name one situation in which see-through pants are appropriate. 

 Oh hey, Pocahontas. Looking for John?

PS I just listened to a very interesting interview (I subscribe to the BBC History Extra podcast I know how lame I sound) and the historian was saying that John Smith always went on and on about how Pocahontas "saved his life," when really, he was subject to a "rebirth" ceremony, where he was welcomed into the tribe by the chief pretending to kill him, and the daughter of the chief ceremoniously saving his life as a new member of the tribe.

Also, John Smith was a known exaggerator and no one really liked him.

SO TAKE THAT, Disney and Mel Gibson.

Not only are these pants elasticized and acid wash, they also manage to make the legs look three inches long. That's a trifecta if I've ever heard of one. 

Alright, I'm off to throw my hair in a ponytail and earn Cajun fries like it's my job. Happy weekend, everyone!