Freaky Friday

 Oh, we are on the cusp of a long weekend and the possibilities are endless. JK my weekend is already planned so the possibilities are actually contained in a short list of activities. We're hauling our boat up our cabin for a weekend of fishing (read: tanning and reading while Justin wrangles the kids' fishing poles) but we're also planning on hitting a massive craft fair and eating a lot. Also, it's Justin's birthday on Monday, so we have some fun plans for that too. Yes, his mother was in labor on Labor Day. I like to remind him of that relentlessly. I am very excited.

Right now, I need to do some running around and packing of the boat. But also some snarking because I'm me.

How do we feel about these silky jogging pants? I wanted to be OK with them, but I was out to dinner with some friends and saw a girl wearing them with sky-high heels and they were doing very unpleasant things to her but. See above. 

 When I was a kid my mom practically rented me out as a flower girl in various weddings. I was adorable. Anyway, one wedding was completely done in this exact teal green satin because it was 1991 and that was appropriate back then. It was just about as fashionable as this abomination. 

 All I can see is a pump eating a hiking boot. 

 I wish you could have seen me jump when I first looked at this shoe. Like, I flinched away from the computer. 

 "Like, I want to look like a farmer, but a farmer who has spent some time in the city and is not disillusioned by the smell of cows." 

These pants are $100. $100 to look like a demented member of a 70s family band. 

 Look, I am aware I have the maturity level of a 12-year-old boy but when I see this shirt all I can see is a part of the female anatomy. I'M SORRY but I can't change who I am. 

I'm in the middle of a book that has a lot of information on the Puritan movement in England and eventually the United States. Those people were nuts. And threw people in rivers to see if they were witches. And dressed like this. 

And with that, I'm off. Happy long weekend everyone! Hope you eat lots of BBQ and wear sunscreen because premature aging ain't no joke. 

5 Fashion Rules You Can Totally Ignore

I think one of the reasons people get intimidated by fashion and shopping and clothing in general is that it feels like there's a lot of rules. It's like, am I "allowed" to even wear this?

Well, first of all, clothing is not a privilege. You're not banned from wearing something because of your hair color, body type of level of fashion prowess. In essence, you can wear whatever the heck you want as long as your bits are covered. Will it be flattering? Ehhh, that's up for debate. But there's no reason to be intimidated. Clothes are inanimate objects. They are not your problem.

Being worried what other people think: There's your trouble.

Sometimes I have to laugh when I look in my closet. While I do have a pretty clear aesthetic that I gravitate toward (structured, tailored, dark) I do have a bunch of really fun out-of-the-box pieces that I wear and people must think "What the heck Jae?" But in the end, they make me happy, so I buy 'em and wear 'em regardless. Seriously, today is an around-the-house day, and I'm wearing tie-dye Nike leggings and neon high tops.

Of course, there are always those "rules" that websites and magazines kick around that make you feel even more unsure of yourself. But that's probably about the point in time the clothes start wearing you. So here are some "fashion rules" that you can totally toss out the window. Not only are they archaic, but they could be stopping you from wearing stuff that you really love and that makes you feel awesomely confident.

1. Don't Wear White After Labor Day

What an idiotic rule. First of all, I can never actually remember when Labor Day is, despite the fact that it's my husband's birthday. So chances are that if I see someone wearing white, I'm probably thinking "Wow I wish I could wear that without getting ketchup all over" instead of "EXCUSE ME Labor Day already happened." Wear it whenever you want.

I will note that when I do wear white in the fall or winter, I tend to swing to the "winter white" family, which is more of an ivory and pairs best with jewel tones. Summer is better for optic white, which is white with a little blue in it and looks better with pastels.

But honestly, either way I don't care. And if someone does care, they need a hobby OMG.

2. Match Your Purse, Belt and Shoes

You know, because we live in 1956 Connecticut and all. But really, you don't need to match one or all three of these accessories. When things match a little too perfectly all the time, you come off as a deranged perfectionist, rather than a capable fashion-forward human being.

Also, I know bags are some peoples' "thing," but I literally NEVER change out my purse to match my outfit. I carry one bag because I'm lazy and messy and changing it each time I put on a brown belt is actually my idea of torture. So don't feel like you have to.

3. Short Girls Can't Wear Long Things

I remember when maxi dresses became a thing and lots of short girls were like "Oh, ho hum, I can't wear that because I'm short" because apparently trends are only for stompy skinny models.

Wrong. Wearing "long" clothes is more about waist placement than height. Literally anyone can fake being tall when the legs are elongated, so if you want to wear maxi dresses, midi skirts or even skinnies, just visually raise the waist. Wearing a higher-waisted pair of jeans will mitigate height (especially when worn with heels). Or, wear an empire waist maxi (belt it if there's a ton of volume) and then do a pair of wedges, with the skirt falling all the way to the floor.

Also, people who say short people can't wear certain things are dumb. Fashion is not a rollercoaster. There is no height requirement.

4. Only Wear the Metal That Looks Best for Your Skin Tone 

This reminds me of like, old timey housewives who had their "seasons" done and then only wore those colors. So crazy! It's another "wear what makes you feel the best" issue. You shouldn't feel shut out of wearing gold because someone told you that your skin is cool toned. Accessories shouldn't be that hard. To be honest, I probably look best in rose gold but how crazy would if be if I demanded everything in that one shade? So weird.

Also, mix your metals. It's cool and you can thank me later.

5. Always Belt When You Tuck

Sometimes I really hate belts. So I extra hate the doctrine that if you tuck your shirt, you have to wear a belt. It's so random. Sure, it might look neater, but what if I'm not going for neat? Also, I feel like belts can make an otherwise cute and casual outfit look a little overworked. So not necessary if you don't feel like it.

So, there you go. That's five fewer things you have to worry about when getting dressed in the morning. You can now go back to worrying about things like whether or not stains will wash out of your favorite pants and whether your kid is going to accidentally pull your shirt down in public.

You know, normal stuff.

What I Wore: Sneaky Lazy

 Sometimes, when I don't want to get all dressed up and just be lazy, I use this sneaky trick: Wear normal, lazy clothes with pattern and texture. Like, a T-shirt and jeans is pretty lame, but add some leopard and leather and then I'm like "Hey everyone I got dressed today!"

This is totally a "Shopping around on a Saturday" outfit. Nothing too special, but adding some texture and pattern makes it a little more wear-worthy, right? Also, I don't wear a lot of makeup and jewelry on lazy Saturdays, so leopard loafters make it all better (I bought them at K-Mart when I went in to get my kids' school supplies because I am a gem).

Top: Dex (similar) (cute with skinny jeans and boots)

Shorts: Let's not get too excited I cut them off of an old pair of F21s (but I really like these)

Shoes: Bongo (here) Seriously, don't spend a ton on something as silly as leopard sneakers. 

Andrew loves to sneak into pictures. I'll bet 65 percent of all pictures I take look like this. 

Honestly, when it's still hot, boring, lazy outfits with zero layering are my favorite ever. And, since those days are numbered, I'll probably just soak up until I have to wear complicated outfits again. Today's outfit might end up being a swimsuit. Don't worry, I'll add a pattern. So fashion! 

Freaky Friday

 It's my son's kindergarten testing day and both my kids are still passed out in bed. One day we'll work out a predictable schedule, I just know it. For now, I'm waking them up 20 minutes before the bus gets here. Hey, it's about priorities: In my home, sleep trumps all.

He starts officially on Monday, so it'll kick off the first day of me being kid-less all morning. I don't even know what I'll do with myself. Probably rummage around for cereal and watch the Today Show when I should be doing something more productive.

But also blogging about bad clothes, because that's my true calling in life.

Val sent over this skirt, which has a viewing panel for the least flattering part of your body and the convenient addition of saddlebags. 

 Deborah sent me this "prom dress" (PROM DRESS) that looks like it was made from those chenille extra blankets every hotel room has in its closet. 

 I got this excellent diaper skirt from Brenda. This is what happens when you have kids, guys: Diapers scar you so deeply for life that they're all you can see. 

Don't even get me started on the Diaper Genie. Otherwise known as the "Swamp Tube" in our home.

Brenda also sent these, which definitely look like Fat Steps on "The Mindy Project."

I really, really miss "The Mindy Project." Summer TV sucks. Thanks for nothing, "Bachelor in Paradise."

B was on a roll, because she also sent me this loin cloth. I like that the person who pinned this gave suggestions to make it more attractive. How about killing it with fire, along with those awful sandals?

Pin that, suckers.  

 I feel like this could be a costume choice for "Game of Thrones." Maybe I'll just buy it and lord myself over people from the carpool line in my Tahoe at school. 

 It's like this scarf was a project your kid made and now you have to pretend like you love it. "Aw, sweetie! I love that you used so much glitter. Okay, mommy's just going to stuff this in the back of her closet where it will be safe forever." 

 Just when you think there's no possible way to mess up a plain button-up, you scroll your mouse past this. 

I love that this sweater is the world's worst shade of pink, but also that it has holes riiiiiiight about where your nipples would be. Granted, I would hope you'd be wearing a bra and never buy this sweater, so I guess it's OK. 

Oh geez, I am cutting things dangerously close time-wise over here. Showing up late to everything is an excellent way to set a precedent, right?

Beauty Review: Younique Moonstruck 3D Fiber Lashes

A lot of my friends have permanent eyelash extensions. And they all look amazing, but I've never been able to commit to them for a bunch of reasons. First is that I just don't have the time: Fills take a few hours every couple of weeks and seriously, there's no way I could do that. Another issue is that I know that they can be damaging and I'm hyper-vain about my eyelashes. I love them. I would never do anything to jeopardize the deep and lasting relationship we have.

Also, the idea of sitting in a chair for a couple of hours, talking to a stranger who is poking at my eyes is actually horrifying to me. Social anxiety FTW!

So when reader Janica offered to send me some of Younique's 3D Fiber Lashes, I was super excited to try 'em on. I'd seen them around before, read some reviews, but never pulled the trigger.

But, I can officially tell you that I'm kind of a convert now.

It's a two-step product. After putting on your usual mascara (I wear this) you put on a sealant, then the fibers (which are made from green tea) and then the sealant again. All in all, it's about a one-minute process and I did get some killer results. Here are some before and afters (and some obscenely close shots of my face because you know, THAT'S what you want to see at 9am on a Wednesday):

 The first shot is without anything. The second, with mascara only and the third, with the fiber lashes. RIGHT!? Right.

Moral of the story: I heart these forever and I'm not just saying that because someone gifted them to me.

When I read reviews, most were positive, but a couple had some issues. After a couple of days of trial and error, I have some tips for people trying fiber lashes.

1) Don't wait forever for your mascara to dry before you put them on. The instructions say it should be dry, but I had better results when it was just *barely* dried. Like, a minute after putting it on.

2) DO NOT try and put on more than one coat of fibers at a time. The first time I put them on, I did the blinky thing I do when putting on regular mascara and I think it deposited too many fibers and they were prone to clumping flake-age. The next time, I did one sweep and that was it. And it was perfect.

I think both clumping and flaking was a concern with online reviews, but I'm pretty convinced people are putting them on too thick when they flake off. Think thin, people!

3) If you want another layer of fibers, you still need to put on the sealant, wait for it to dry AND THEN add another (singular) coat of fibers. These pics are just one coat though, so I really think one is plenty.

4) My only complaint with these bad boys is the fact that if you were, by chance, a day napper (uh, not that I am or anything) that waking up with these after falling asleep in front of Say Yes to the Dress at 3pm, they might be a little sticky.

But that's like, just a theory and stuff.

5) If you're an eyelash curler (like, someone who curls your eyelashes and not an actual eyelash curler because what are you doing on the Internet, beauty tool?) do so carefully. I found that any creases or missed spots were magnified after I put the fibers on.

Anyway, I can't remember the last time I had so much fun with a product. I'm a mascara junkie anyhow, so it was fun to play around with something that made such a huge difference.

Seriously check these babies out.

 Here they are in natural, non-crappy bathroom lighting and with a hat that I bought that I'm not very sure about just yet.

Anyway, if I were rating these, I'd probably give them like, an 8.5. I found them to be extremely effective, but there is a learning curve to using them.

If you're interested in giving them a shot, you can buy the Moonstruck 3D Fiber Lashes here. 

Yay for Minnie Mouse eyelashes and fun products! 

What I Wore: Calming Blue

 We spent all weekend celebrating the beginning of school. I took the kids out for lunch and to the arcade on Friday (where my daughter won this huge, embarrassing jackpot on one of the games so we came home with like, 6 new stuffed animals and a raging gambling addiction) and then headed out on the lake on Saturday for some tubing and wakeboarding.

Now I'm just sore and anxious because I get anxious about everything and meet-the-teacher day and the first day of school are no exceptions to that rule. I need to remember to add money to lunch accounts, wash backpacks and charm my children's teachers so they're OK with the fact that we're going on vacation in the next couple of weeks. Ugh.

 Top: a.n.a. (similar) (also pretty close) 

Skirt and belt: modbod (super cute alternative) (similar and cheap)

Shoes: Steve Madden Xfoliate (here) (almost a carbon copy)

 I love these shoes. I was afraid I was going to fall the entire time I wore them, but I love them just the same. So be advised accordingly. 

This is my fave pic from that day.

Isn't blue supposed to be a calming color? I'm going to go put it on from head to toe and I'll get through the next couple of days. I think. 

Freaky Friday

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How to: Style Cropped Pants

We all know how I feel about capris (see here if you don't and you also want to see one of the most epic throw-downs on HNTDLAM history [second only to the Yoko Ono fight])

I later had to clarify the question of length. I hate capris because they traditionally cut across the widest part of the leg and that sucks and makes legs look wide and short. I don't, however, mind a good pair of cropped pants, which cut across the slimmer part of your legs.

So, when reader Beth asked about styling cropped pants, I decided to make up some outfit ideas. As much as for me as for you, because I have a few pairs of cropped pants and I sometimes forget I even have them so I don't wear them as much as I could.

A few rules for crops before we start:

1. I like a colored crop. I have a hard time seeing myself actually purchasing like, regular blue denim crops because if I wanted those, I'd just cuff my regular skinny jeans. So, when I do buy crops, I tend to go for colored skinnies instead.

2. That's the thing: They should be skinny. No flared or wide-leg crops. They mess up proportion, and because crops visually shorten the leg, any added width is going to make a huge difference.

3. Crops should cut across the smaller part of your calf. You can also do like, ankle-length, too. On an average 5'5" woman, that means the inseam will probably be around 25 inches, but don't quote me on that.

4. Flat fronts always. Never pleats. Don't do that to yourself.

Now, because a good pair of crops should be skinny, the rest of your outfit is a question of balance. While I won't hate on you if you wear crops with flip flops and T-shirt, I don't think it's going to be the most flattering way to wear them, you know? Instead, layering and volume on top will look best.

Another awesome thing about crops? They're the PERFECT way to show off some seriously cute shoes. That makes me very happy indeed.

Here are a couple of ideas.

Casual:

J Crew long sleeve striped top / American Eagle Outfitters denim jacket / 
Tory Burch skinny jeans / Roxy black shoes / Sole Society crossbody handbag / 
Wet Seal black watch / Black and white infinity scarf / Stretchy belt, $8.39

This is obviously more of a fall outfit, but you get the idea. A little more heft on top helps to balance out the slim line of the leg, while a boat shoe exposes more of the foot, so you look a smidgen taller. I love this as a "Running errands and picking up kids" look. It's put together but also pretty effortless, so it doesn't look forced. And, when it cools off, you can throw on a denim jacket and it's uber cute. Crops are a natural pairing for layering.

Dressy:

Wallis black wrap top / Dorothy Perkins blazer / Tory Burch cropped jeans / 
Charlotte Russe black pumps / Dorothy Perkins clutch / Jules Smith 80s fashion / 
Gold necklace

Hi, cutest date night look ever. I love love love crops with a blazer -- it's like a playful version of a suit. But look for a boyfriend blazer that isn't super-tight. When you wear like, cropped blazers with cropped pants, it just looks like you had a growth spurt and grew out of your clothes.

Like I said before, use crops to show off your cute shoe collection. My husband scolds me when I wear heels on date night but I'm like hey, I'm eating and sitting in a movie theater. It's the perfect time to wear completely insensible shoes, right? If you're shorter and worried about your legs looking stubby, swap out for some pointy-toes shoes and you're golden.


So there you go. Cropped pants are one of those totally wearable trends that can go from summer to fall. If you're like "Jae, for reals?" Try it out on a pair of regular skinny jeans. Cuff them to your ankle and put on a pair of heels and a blouse-y top and see how you feel. Try before you buy, folks.

What do you think? Yay or nay to crops?

What I Wore: Newlywed Game

On Friday we went out with some of our oldest friends and had so much fun (and I wore this). We grabbed some BBQ and then saw Guardians of the Galaxy and could not stop talking until I got shushed from my husband when the move started. Hey, I was catching up! We even drove my husband's old Jeep, which was our only car when we got married. So basically I felt like a baby newlywed all night long and it was awesome.

Top: BKE Boutique (gift from husband - he has good taste, right?) (similar) (super cute) (embellished collar)

Jeans: Calvin Klein because I have like four pairs now (here as per usual)

Shoes: Top Moda (similar) (similar)

Watch, bracelet: Gucci, Marc Jacobs

Earrings: Just some hoops from F21

This is actually my favorite picture that we took. I was yelling at Justin because he was taking pictures too fast and then I spend like, nine hours deleting shots of me blinking. I'm much better looking with my mouth closed. This is me saying "Staaaaaahp you're taking them too fast!" And apparently waving my hand weirdly. 

Speaking of newlyweds, on Saturday, we went and bought an entire new appliance package for our kitchen. We've been functioning with the same appliances we bought at like, garage sales when we first moved into our house eight years ago, so it was time. I am TOO excited to have a range that doesn't set off the smoke alarm every time I boil water.

Of course, after blowing that money, I feel like we're as poor as newlyweds. I might have to restrict my shopping to recover. It's a small price to pay for a better dishwasher, right?

Freaky Friday

I took my 8-year-old shopping yesterday with her BFF for back to school. I told her to get dressed and when she came out, she was wearing a fedora, a pair of aviator sunglasses, a summer scarf and a purse. 

I told her she needed to look in the mirror and remove one accessory because I'm about those life skills.

Today is an old friend day: I'm hanging out with one friend that I've had since childhood (and happens to live in Utah and saves my sanity because her mom makes me roti when I ask) and some couple friends that my husband and I used to be basically attached to in our young and carefree newlywed days. Old friends are the best. 

But in order to do these things, I will need a shower and makeup. All in good time, because first it's Freaky Friday.  

Allison sent me this flesh-colored, pleather pleated skirt for hip grandmas everywhere. You could also use it as lame person camouflage. Just some ideas. 

Jenifer sent over this dress. And, since I don't like to judge (ahahahahahaha) I'm going to assume this woman is very focused and doesn't crave Cheetos ever. 

I mean, are we sure this is "paint?" 

(Thanks, Emilee!) 

Cari sent this glorious specimen, which is ideal for when your lips are cold, your arms are hot, and you want to look like a homemade potholder. 

Annie took this snap to prove that yes, ABC Family is now designing clothes, which probably means Melissa Joan Hart had something to do with it, and they stop every five minutes for a 20-minute break.

Only people with children understand the agony of commercials during a movie where your kids are actually interested. I hate ABC Family with the fire of a thousand suns. 

Hey, I like a strong shoulder, but I stray from anything that could be described as "shelf-like."

I'm in the middle of a historical novel right now (historical fiction lovers, I'm working through the Edward Rutherfurd books and am on "London" after just finishing "Paris" -- SO GOOD).

There was an entire section devoted to how chain mail was constructed, so I feel like I was destined to find this suit of armor this morning. 

These shoes look like they were made from Starburst wrappers. I tried to find an example but I just found these:

So I'll just skip my plans for the day and jump off a bridge instead. 

Okay, off to the shower and makeup table I go. The other thing about old friends: They remember what you looked like when you were young and skinny and fresh. 

Summer Sales: Your Best Bets Under $25

As I've trekked all over the state for back to school shopping (and I have more planned for tomorrow) I've also experienced the agony of seeing stuff on sale for me, but feeling guilty because I'm supposed to buying my kids' jeans. But guilt I will feel no more! Stores are clearing out their summer merch, so it's a killer time to stock up on stuff you'll use for the rest of the year.

Look for things that you can layer up and use past August to get the most bang for your buck. You'll add some fun stuff to your closet on the cheap and, if you're anything like me in Utah, summer will last a heck of a lot longer past the back to school season.

Maxi Dresses:

Look for 'em in non-summery colors: I love black and white because they're the easiest to layer with other colors. For now, wear to the pool or while running errands with flip flops, but when it starts to cool off, add an adorable cardigan or leather jacket and some boots. DONE.

Floaty Tanks:

Loose tanks are a staple for me when it comes to throwing something over my swimsuit before we hit the lake. But don't pass them over! They're on sale! When it's cool enough, they look great with something structured, like a shrunken blazer, skinnies and heels for date night.

Bermuda Shorts:

You can find killer deals on shorts right now. Bermudas are perfect for transitioning into fall. Of course you're probably wearing them with flip flops and T-shirts now, but  they're uber-cute with loafers and comfy sweaters in the fall, so buy 'em up! Keep an eye out for structure though: Structured shorts will look way better in the fall.

Wedges:

Skip the crazy colors, florals and cork bottoms: They'll scream summer. But if you can snag some neutral wedges with clean lines, do it. It'll stay warm for a few months yet and you can pull them off through the fall for a fate night shoe. I love wedges with a skinny cuffed jean and jacket. I especially like cognac-colored wedges with fall jewel tones.

Swimwear:

August is my sweet spot for buying swimwear because of two reasons: 1) I have a great tan by August and 2) Everything is on sale. I love department stores for a huge selection of cheap swimwear. I just barely bought a suit for $9, I kid you not. My fave is a Kenneth Cole two-piece I bought from Dillards for like, $19. And I got a free tote bag, so I win at life.

Now you know what I'm keeping an eye out for. Anything you're looking for that I can help find? Let's be honest though, I don't censor myself from shopping much. If I find a great boat shoe, summer scarf or jacket, I'm probably gonna go for it. Hooray for sales!

What I Wore: Rainy Days

 We've had a slew of rainy days this past week and it has been glorious. Cooler temps plus me not having to take my kids to the pool every day is perfection. Although one day we did pack up a picnic and go to the park only to have the sky dump on us like, three minutes into it. Utah LOVES a surprise rainstorm when everything is sunny.

So, this outfit is not seasonably appropriate for summer. It was cold and wet and puddle-y, even though it was still July. Thank goodness for layering: I wore this to work at the hospital, which means it's simultaneously freezing and boiling hot, depending on which floor you're on. I just shucked the sweater when I got hot.

I also dropped an entire large raspberry Diet Coke like, five minutes after I set foot in the hospital, so I was glad for the tall, indestructible boots. It looked like a freakin' crime scene.

 Tee: Victoria's Secret (sold out online boo) (similar)
Sweater: Calvin Klein (here) (similar) (plus)
Jeans: Calvin Klein (here)
Boots: Frye (here) (similar) (wide calf)

Watch: XOXO (similar)
Cuff: Buckle (similar)

Necklaces: craft fair, stolen from my 8 year old daughter. 

You can tell it's rainy in this picture because it's all shadowy in my house. This picture was taken at like 4 in the afternoon. Gone is my glorious picture-taking light. Also this picture reminds me I need to color my roots tonight. Life is hard.

Aaaaand my kids just asked what fun activity we were doing today. Uh... what do you guys do when its's rainy? 

Freaky Friday

I had to go and register my kids for school yesterday and now I'm dreaming of a marathon Back to School shopping trip with my daughter (thank goodness I have one because seriously). Where do you guys do most of your B2S clothes shopping? I'm planning on checking out H&M and F21 for leggings and pants and then I usually do jeans from Old Navy and Gap because my 8 year old still needs an adjustable waist. Poor thing is shaped just like me: Her legs start like, directly beneath her armpits so it's impossible to find pants that fit.

My son doesn't care what I buy him. He has three shirts with pictures of sharks and just rotates through them. I'm hoping to find two more shark shirts so he doesn't try and wear the same one to school twice each week.

Anyway, I'm interested in where everyone else goes! But for now, lets get our freak on (ugh that was such an annoying thing to say).

 Kimberly sent these along. I've featured bones leggings before, by my favorite part was that these were called "empire waist." How can pants be empire waist? Explain this to me. Please.

And here we have some shoes that were made by blind orphans in...

...what's that? They were made by a seeing adult?

Well, this is awkward.

 This came from a J.Crew ad (obviously) and I was like hey, I know everyone worships J.Crew and all, but what is this look called exactly? 

Hippyfoot Business Lady Sailor? 

Sort yourself out, J.Crew.

 Corinna found this... garment.... in an in-flight magazine. The best part is that you can wear it any way your psychiatric hospital will allow you, as seen here. 

AT LEAST designers are getting smarter and putting zippers in the backs of these monstrosities. I mean, you'll still look like a demented Rainbow Brite, but at least you'll be able to get out of them quickly when you realize it. 

 Stephanie sent me a sweater that looks like a Muppet made sweet love to that old rug your Grandma won't give away. 

 Just in case you're hoping to live out your fantasies of being a formal jellyfish. 

 So Leigh emailed me and APPARENTLY, grown women in the South are wearing these pants and they are status symbols somehow? 

Can I just voice my opinion now? I hate any trend that "little girlifies" women. I also hate ribbon embellishments, excessive usage of bows and when grown women wear Saltwaters. Anytime I see women dressing in twee clothes, it makes them look like chubby, tantrum-throwing toddlers. So these ruffle pants are an abomination to me. 

I just picture a crazy stage mom who is like "Oh, my and my little Paisley are more like SISTERS than mother and daughter, right Payz?"

Cue Paisley emancipating herself from her deranged mother. 

And speaking of twee shoes for grown women:

I hope you like bananas to be this devoted to Chiquita. 

OK, yes. Back to school shopping and dreaming about what it will be like when both kids are in school and I have three glorious hours to myself each morning.  

Who am I kidding: I'll watch the Today show and think about working out until I hear the bus rumble up the street.