Hey, it's the Friday of the Mother's Day weekend, everyone. Here's hoping that all my mama friends have an excellent time. Mine kicked off yesterday, when my husband sent me off to Sephora with instructions to finally go buy Naked 3 (which is an eyeshadow palette, and not something creepy) and it is BEAUTIFUL. I seriously cannot wait to play with it today. I resisted buying it because I thought it would be too pink and I now understand the error of my ways.
I also bought that navy blue midkini from Wednesday. I didn't mean to. It just happened.
I don't have much else planned other than a spin class and a new book for the weekend -- just the way I like it. I also want to sleep in and eat something good. I've become a lot easier to please over the years, I think.
Anyway, let's kick things off with a Mother's Day reminder that while your spawn may have caused you stretch marks, at least you don't dress like this.
'X' marks the spot... heh heh heh.
Also, programming note for those who wear leggings as pants: If they fade like this in the thigh, it's because they're too small and I can probably see your underwear. Size up.
Speaking of swimsuits, can we talk about the tan lines here? When my brothers and I were kids, we'd draw faces on each other's backs (usually when someone fell asleep in the sun) and let them burn and laugh because that's what five siblings do to each other. This suit would be AWESOME for a smiley face.
Sigh. So many missed opportunities.
The closest to becoming a mermaid you'll ever get.
Is it me, or do designers just get uber flustered when designing plus size clothing?
"Sir, we have a plus-size order coming in."
"Yes, well, uh, plus size women like um, lamp tassels and rosettes, right? Oh screw it, just staple the crotch and let's get out of here."
There's no way to not look like your head is on backward in this coat.
This could not be more Duggar-esque.
Speaking of weird TLC families, I've now successfully spotted two of the wives from "My Five Wives" out and about during the last couple of weeks. It's become a Pokemon-like game for me: Gotta catch 'em all!
Pants brought to you by the crosshatch tool in Photoshop.
and these blue pants are Exhibit #9,548.
Look: I own a pair of leather pants. I wear them all the time. But they are a beast to get in and out of and make me sound like a sea lion in a wetsuit when I try to peel them off. Let's now just imagine that times 40 because these are leather overalls.
You'll be the prettiest little grease money at the Sons of Anarchy body shop.
Seriously, happy weekend you guys. Hope you get the respect, love and adoration you deserve NAY COMMAND.
And if not, enjoy the inevitable fight you have with your husband when he realized that he screwed up. Then, enjoy exploiting that screw-up by getting what you want on Monday.
XOXO
2 comments:
All I want is a nice, cozy breakfast at a diner tomorrow morning. With an obscene amount of cheese in my omelet and some crispy fried potatoes. And hopefully my four-year-old won't blurt out something that refers to his boy parts in front of everybody.
Does every four-year-old boy do this?
Yes. Yes they do.
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