Freaky Friday: Crimes Against Cleavage

 I'm actually kind of glad that Boob Week is over. I've looked for so many boob-related pictures that I'm probably going to be flagged as a sex offender by the government. It's all for you, guys!

Of course, I couldn't close out the week without some serious boob offenses -- crimes against cleavage, if you will. Luckily, some of your favorite celebs are on hand to show you what NOT to do with your lovely lady lumps.

 Don't go unsupported, ESPECIALLY in this form-fitting of a skirt and ESPECIALLY if you're at the Oscars. Your boobs should never look this depressed.

 Now, I love me some Joan, but even if you have this much of a heaving pirate fantasy bosom, you don't need to push them up so high. You need to breathe.

I literally NEVER want to see the underside of anyone's boob. Ever. 

 That goes for you too, Kate Upton. You have a killer bod, but I see this picture and all I can think is "I bet her back was sore by the end of the night."

 Don't do this flat pancake thing either. It looks like it hurts. And also makes me want pancakes.

 Sometimes I feel like I do when I have to yell something obvious and weird at my kids, like "NO You can not dip your sister's Barbie in the toilet!" I feel like I shouldn't have to say "No you should not dress your boobs up as mouse ears in the world's most unflattering costume," but alas.

And while you should be OK with smallish boobs, let's not pretend they're completely nonexistent. Especially if you're going to WIN that night and immortalize your lack of a chest for.ev.er.


And so our week comes to a close. Verdict? Do we want more themed weeks, like shoe week, work week or "I obviously have a deep seated hatred for Gwyneth Paltrow" week? Let me know. Otherwise, I hope you have a happygoodboob kind of weekend.