Boob Week: For Big-Chested Girls

OK, those of the big boob variety -- it's your time to shine. I know it kind of seems like  a history professor teaching a science class because I haven't been as blessed as you, but I did get to experience the glory of big boobs with my pregnancies and nursing. And boy was it fun. PS my friends and I just saw Austenland yesterday and now I have a burning desire to use the word "bosom" throughout this post.

But I digress.

But still, here's why it's awesome to have a big bosom tee hee:
1. You have big boobs.
2. No one ever wonders if you're a guy or a girl, even if you have an androgynous name like Alex. I had a waiter like that once.
3. You always have a place to rest snacks.
4. Joan from Mad Men. I girl crush on her so hard.

I totally get where big boobs can be annoying. You end up with guys constantly looking down your shirt when all you really want is a good back massage because those suckers HURT. For me, dressing big knockers isn't about shamefully hiding them, but dressing so that a) people look at your face (I'm not even gonna lie, when boobs are out I don't know where to look) and b) you create the best shape possible for your bod. 

Here's some tips.

• Define. A. Waist. Big boobs can make you look heavier than you really are when you wear baggy clothes. Shirts that have bubble hems, square hems and the like probably aren't for you. You need more structure so use a belt or buy tops with distinct parts for the bodice and bottom.
• Accessorize with skinnier scarves. I have a friend with waaay more boobage than me (Hi, T!) and she was complaining that big scarves like I wear make her feel like there is A LOT of volume. A skinny scarf will allow you to accessorize without feeling like you're suffocating to death. 
• When choosing necklines, your best bet are scoop and v-necks. They'll help to define your shape and slim you out a bit. Steer clear of sweetheart necklines unless you're Dolly Parton. And definitely avoid anything with a high neck. I'm looking at you, big-boobs in a turtleneck.
• Watch out for skinny straps. Now listen, I don't really like tank tops on anyone over the age of 17. And the skinnier the strap, the bigger EVERYTHING else looks. If you must wear a strap (and seriously, I think there are a bazillion other sleeve lengths more flattering ) look for something that is thicker. It'll give you more support and not show off this huge expanse of skin.
• Go for tailored styles whenever possible. A blazer? Perfect because it gives you a more defined shape. Even if you like  a more boho look, layering a more structured cardi over a loosey goosey shirt will help counteract the unstructured style.
• Make friends with a tailor. I don't have big boobs, but I do have hips that are much larger than my waist. Buying pants a size up and tailoring them back is the only way to get the right fit. With you, it'll be tops -- structured blazers and tailored shirts may need to be purchased a size bigger. For $15 you can have some darts put in so it fits perfectly. 
• Skip anything described as "chunky." Like necklaces and sweaters. They'll only emphasize size.
• Look for tops and dresses with stretch. Stiff fabrics create serious uniboob. 

More inspiration pour vous. 

Jane Norman top, $35 / Mango shirt / Linea elbow sleeve top, $24 / Merona cardigan / Wallis top / Open front cardigan / Boyfriend jacket / Xhilaration Juniors Cinch Waist Sheer Top Assorted Colors

Look: Your boobs are hard on your back, but they are glorious to behold. Dress 'em so that you completely use them at their fullest advantage without like, scarring a small child for life.

Next up, it's all about bras. Check back for some bra shopping tips and that time a girl awkwardly gave me a coupon for free undies in a Victoria's Secret.