Freaky Friday

 Happy Friday, party people. I'm feeling like a star because I actually went and bought my kids' Easter stuff before like, Saturday morning. Usually I run down when they're still in bed and my husband is at home and have to battleslam people in Walmart just to find a chocolate bunny. That's definitely a personal win.

I shall celebrate by going out to lunch. And writing a Freaky Friday. But not necessarily in that order.

 Oh, so is that like, where your control panel goes? 

I'm sure this model is a really lovely woman and all, but this is the saddlebaggiest (yes, a word I would know I'm a professional writer) dress I have ever seen in my life. Also, is that like, a cityscape? To remind people that your hips are wide enough for all of Chicago?

 This is probably because I've cut waaaay back on carbs lately (seriously, I'm eating like a bajillion grams of protein every day and I can only eat so much chicken) but this dress made me think of potatoes.

Oh man I love potatoes so much.

 Alex sent me the latest round up of "must have" products on GOOP. This was by far may favorite: An ugly $1,200 "keepsake box" because you couldn't just Mod Podge a motherfreaking shoebox LIKE EVERYONE ELSE GWYNETH?

 In case you were hoping to score that ever-elusive "Socks with Sandals" look.

 The more I stare at this, the more confused I get. Is... is that Megatron? Or just like, a garden variety robot monster? Is he eating her belly button? Why is it see-through? Did you mean to wear those grandma underpants? So many questions! 

 This is from my personal collection. I was looking at swimsuits the other night and LOVED this one. I almost ordered it, but read the reviews first and so glad I did. While it is in fact, an adorable rainbow flutter top, it also has HEARTS on the BOOBS when the flutter top blows up. And there are no pictures that indicate this, so it was just a fun surprise for everyone who ordered it. So thanks for that, Nordstrom.

 Nice try, Crocs. A pig in a tuxedo is still a pig. 

 I think we've cultivated a relationship by now in which I can communicate my feelings by facial expressions, right? So can you just imagine me looking bored and annoyed at the same time?

It's also the same face I make at church, while driving, at children's movies and when my husband wants to watch car auctions on TV.

Amy sent me these awesome granny square nails because I've always wanted my hands to look like the smell like mothballs. 

Boom. This Friday is just getting more and more productive. Happy Easter weekend guys! Hope you get chocolate or in my case, beef jerky, because protein.