Freaky Friday: Jae Goes Shopping

So I just spent the better part of the day with my kids at the waterpark. We have season's passes, which can be inconvenient because you know, then I actually have to take my kids to the waterpark. We got home and all fell asleep like it was our JOBS. I've finally oriented myself back into the living but I'm still in the haze where I find myself staring into space for five minutes and my 4-year-old is still out and it's been three hours. Win for me!

Anyway, yesterday I went shopping with some friends and found unusually heinous crap that I had had had to take pictures of. I could have done worse, but I think store employees were starting to get annoyed at me giggling and then whipping out my camera. Here's some of the worst of the worst.

Your eyes do not deceive you. These are, in fact, shark shoes. I think we've established before that shoes with teeth aren't ideal, right? 

This store -- which shall remain nameless -- had a huge selection of really weird novelty shoes. And I must be getting old because when I saw these devil horn shoes, I wasn't offended by the fact that they have horns, but the fact that the horns were made of rubber and would probably break off and it would be this whole annoying thing with your half-horned devil shoe.

 Wow, shoe, you're looking awfully smug for something that goes on someone's foot. 

 For your rave-loving horse.

 I don't even know how these work. I almost put on a pair to see how you have to walk in them but let's face it, I was lazy and didn't want to track down one of those nylon footie things. But my friend sent me this last night which summed up my feelings about heel-less shoes.

 

Real talk.

 This is my friend's daughter showing off this shoe about five minutes after I went on a tirade about "What's up with mustaches on EVERYTHING?" 

Later, we found a mustache bikini. I ask you: Who wants their lady parts associated with nicely groomed facial hair? Come ON, hipsters.

And, to my horror -- this exists and it scares me. Crop tops with low-slung overalls and straps that look to be roughly 7 feet in length just make me want to listen to "Push It" and drive to school in my parent's old Plymouth Sundance and that was a very dark time for me.

I should have taken more pictures -- after all, I was in Forever 21 and that place is a treasure trove of fug. What's the most offensive thing you've seen in stores lately?