Freaky Friday: Stuff I Don't Get

Sorry, guys, I'm totally late. I was just sitting down to start work this morning and my husband called me in a mad panic from his office because he'd forgotten something and needed me to run it up to him. I wanted to cry because as we've established before, I don't like having my routine disrupted. So, while out and about I decided to also go to the bank, go to the mall and look for swimsuits (of which I found NONE) and then take my kids to a move and go grocery shopping and I just got home. My husband won't dare complain about the money spent because he'll know that when my routine is disrupted, I completely fly off the handle and make bad choices. YOU DID THIS, JUSTIN.

Anyway, as I was driving all over the state, I was thinking about some things that I just don't really understand. Not like calculus, but just in general. So I decided to dedicate today's post to stuff I don't get. Also, keep in mind that I'm super judgmental. This stuff runs through my head all day, everyday.

Wearing full makeup and hair to the pool. The other day I was at the pool with my friend and our kids and there were these women completely dolled up with full hair, headscarves (one had a floppy hat, natch) wearing things like caftans and long flowy skirts that were dropping on pool puddles. It was a PUBLIC POOL. Like, OK if you're on vacation with your husband and want to look cute for poolside pics, be my guest. But these women did nothing but yell at their kids from the side of the pool the entire time because you know, actually getting in would have ruined their look. Hey ladies, I hate to break it to you, but there aren't a lot of paparazzi at the community center, so you're probably OK barefaced.

 Brogues. I don't get it. Mostly because I've never wished for my feet to look more mannish and my legs to look stumpier. I don't care how often Taylor Swift wears them. They are not cute.

Also, is it me or do they look like awful jazz shoes from dance class that everyone took when they were nine? I just expect brogues-wearers to magically jump into a routine from Chicago.  

 People who get really, really drunk at weddings. I don't drink at all, but even I think a glass of champagne is appropriate. Shots? Ew no. It's like you're there to witness this amazing celebration between two people -- and you forget it because you were drunk-crying in the ladies room all night. Look, I know there's free alcohol. But you don't need to consume ALL of it.

 When undershirts are worn as normal T-shirts. Can I tell you how crazy this makes me? Not because they're not nice shirts. The one above is nice, white and well-fitted. But after like, two washes, the collar and sleeves get all rolled and the color fades or yellows. And then they just look sloppy and dingy and like you've pretty much just given up on yourself. And then I judge you. Do you really want that for yourself?

 The appeal of John Mayer. Is it me or does he totally come off as one of those guys who just sweats profusely all day long?

Palm prints. I know they're like, THE THING right now, but all I see is a couch from Golden Girls.

Quinoa everything. Hey, I don't mind quinoa. It's a little chewy, whatever. But can I point out that eating this does not make you a health and fitness guru overnight? Eat it for three meals a day... I still don't want to hear about how you eat quinoa. I mean, I could regale you with stories of my latest Big Mac, but to be honest, no one really cares what anyone else ate. It's like telling people about your dreams.

Printed leggings. Amy sent me over a particularly horrendous collection of printed leggings. I don't know how society went from colored jeans to what translates to a desparate cry for attention. If I ever see anyone wearing these, I'll just pointedly ignore them and continually refer to them as a "jeans and t-shirt kinda gal" just because I'm really passive aggressive and love doing stuff like that.


Alright, I feel like I just had a group therapy session. Anyone else wanna play? What don't you get this fine Friday?