Freaky Friday: Manly Men Edition

I know I make fun of women's clothing A LOT, so I decided that it was the boys' turn. I write a column for men's fashion from time to time and yesterday I was working on an article about Mad Men. It was totally appropriate, since I've been plowing my way through Mad Men on Netflix for the last few weeks. It's my new guilty pleasure. And while I spend most of the time girl crushing on Joan, I do occasionally stop to think about how amazing the men looked. Of course, they were also raging sexists, but hey, they looked pretty slick doing it. Now we get the opposite -- sloppy-looking men who really, like, respect us for our minds, you know? And I GUESS that's better. But sloppy or no, make sure your guy isn't committing any of these cardinal manly men sins.

Proof that longcrotch works on neither men or the ladies. Best to not make people think your pelvic bone is 12 inches long. 

 You're not a real man until your pants wear pants.

 Well, you look awfully smug for a man wearing a corset and Seneca's beard from The Hunger Games.

For the man who separately wants to look like a stereotypical gay raver. Like, JUST ONCE I want a gay raver to wear like, khakis and oxfords. Just to mess with people's heads.

My husband is practically allergic to v-necks. I wonder if this is a good place to start? 

 For the man who wants to prove that he's available for conference calls and client meetings, but also the beach is THAT WAY.

 Hey, Romeo. Laces belong on your shoes. Not your rippling chest muscles. Staaaaaaahp. 

PS is that acid wash? Because if it is, I quit. 

 Finally! Pants cobbled together from a respectable pair of jeans and also that pair that your dad has had since 1993 and refuses to give away.

I read an article about how Kim Kardashian's wardrobe choices have been inspired by Kanye because he's just soooooo fashionable right now. 

Really, pregnant lady? You're letting a man in a skirt tell you what to wear? If I was pregnant and my baby daddy was like "Hey, you should wear those brocade hammer pants I picked out for you" I'd be like "Yeah and you should gestate a human and shut your face while I put on sweatpants. But you're welcome to wear some of my clothes oh wait you already are." 

Sorry, I just had some feelings on that one.

Also, I would like to point out the level of prance-age happening in that photo. And this is coming from someone who has seen Kanye West live in concert: He is every bit as douchey IRL as he seems in every type of media ever.

Aaaaand this sums it up for me. 

Thanks, creepy men's fashion designers. Thanks for letting the women have a break today. Ladyfriends, let's all feel pretty and go shopping and thank the heavens that our husbands don't wear leather skirts.

Unless they do...

... in which case... I just don't know.