I Went on Vacation and All You Got Was This Lousy Blog Post

Didja miss me? I kind of missed blogging while I was off playing on the beach. There were tons of things that were Freaky Friday worthy ie: the roughly 6,000 bikini/trucker hat combos I saw. Seriously, can that just die already?

So, wanna see some pics from my week in Maui? I promise some are fashion-related. Ish.

When we first got there, we were mostly just excited to be out of the ugliest airport known to man -- sorry, OGG.

Here Justin is, contemplating all of the money I spent on snack boxes on the plane. 

I LOVE SNACK BOXES. 

...and room service, especially when it brings me delicious fish and shrimp.

Time difference = me waking up at 3am. It was 7am Utah time. This calls for an early morning DP!

 

Also: Early morning selfies. Seriously, it was like 6am here. 

Justin: Ew, we look like one of those couples that people hate.
Me: Yessssssss. 

 

Sand, why you so sticky?

My entire goal for the trip: Swim with a sea turtle. I did and it was as big as my couch. I can die now. 

Poolside milkshakes. The bartender LOVED me being the only person over the age of 21 who ordered milkshakes.

This was at a souvenir shop. I don't even.

I will never be satisfied with a normal sunset ever again.

Marry me, mango cheesecake. I know what you're thinking -- did Jae do anything other than eat and tan? And the answer is no. No I did not.

 Justin got the world's best sunburn when I sprayed sunscreen in an 's' motion once on his back before snorkeling. It was like he was a superhero for the rest of the trip!

Resort love!

Sometimes I swim under waterfalls and whatnot. 

 And then hang on for dear life when I get tired.

Hiking during a stop along the Road to Hana. SO GLAD I invested in some good flip flops before doing this. Reefs for life!

 Banana bread stop! And no, I am not naked in this picture. While I hardly wore pants all week long, I did try my best to wear swimsuit bottoms. Also, check out that tan!

 I put on pants to check out these botanical gardens and ended up looking like a dolphin trainer.

 But it was one of my fave parts of the trip anyway. Hi, perfect blue lagoon. 

Free Country sent me this adorable swimsuit to wear on my trip. It was perfect for covering up, but not feeling like a total nun. Plus, leopard print? I die. They sold out of the top I have, but this was my second fave!

 I also bought a bunch of short dresses that I wore as swimsuit coverups for dinner. Here's one of my faves in the exotic bird garden at our hotel. The flamingos would just nonchalantly walk up to me and cause me a minor heart attack.I look cool here but I'm really screaming inside and thinking of "The Birds"

 Le sigh. Bye vacation.

 In the end, it was pretty much everything I wanted out of our 10th anniversary. We got to celebrate the fact that we haven't killed each other for the insurance money yet, eat a lot of food, swim with turtles and see what was basically the entire cast of Finding Nemo while exploring the island. OK, I missed my kids a little bit -- but I don't think they missed us much.

Alright, regular posting should resume next week. I'm still recovering -- I *gasp* slept in until almost 9 am this morning and woke up to my son whining that he was bored. I guess normal life is pretty great too.

What I Wore: Mixed Up

OK, so posting is probably going to be a bit wonky for the next week and a half. I have three days to pack for me and my husband, pack my kids for their week-long stay at the grandparent's house, buy a bunch of random stuff that needs to be bought, gather up various travel docs, sync my iPhone (OH HOW I HATE IT), actually get some work done and try and sneak in a night of volunteering too. Did I mention my husband started a new job today? Well, he did. So I'm also spending the day sending him various files to get his new office set up. I am overwhelmed to that point where you get excited that you'll be stuck on a plane for six hours just so nobody can ask you for anything and you can laugh over the pet stairs in SkyMall.

So yeah. I'll post when I can. And I can right now, huzzah!

 Top: Paper Doll (love this for plus size) (similar) (cheap!)

Jeans: Liverpool (in red!)

Shoes: Tilly's (LOVE these) (drool)

Earrings: F21(similar)

Watch: XOXO (similar)

Bracelets: From husband, local boutique 

Clutch: Coach (here) (cheaper and cute!)

I love the lace pattern on these jeans but I love it even more with another pattern. It was just like a pattern match made in heaven, people.

What's that? You want a close-up? Sure.

When I first bought these pants it was totally on a whim. Patterned jeans can be so iffy -- I like one that is subdued like this lacy pattern. From far away, you can barely tell that they're lacy, unlike some patterned jeans -- I"m looking at you, whatever the heck this is. Paired with an equally busy patterned top and the look is dressier than your usual jeans and tee scenario, so that's a win.

OK, it's back to work and laundry for me. Yes, be jealous of my glamorous lifestyle.

8 Ways to Feel More Confident in a Swimsuit

(I heart my pink ruffled swimsuit and not caring!)

I've spent A LOT of time in the swimsuit fitting room lately. The Mr. and I are headed to Maui next week for the birthaversary and I wanted some new suits. I've bought three in the last week which might be a little out of control. Also, I got this epic sunburn from a day at the reservoir from my strappy one-piece. Don't worry, it's only turned into the world's worst tan line. I'll be hanging at the pool trying to get rid of it today.

Anyway, I was thinking about swimsuits in general. Love 'em or hate 'em, summer means you have to wear 'em. I feel pretty confident in my swimsuits but there are days where I just want to hide and wear a snowsuit to the pool, especially after I look at Jessica Biel. So I've gathered up some tips to feel more confident in your swimsuit so you fear the pool no more. Honestly, it's too hot to worry about how you look.

1) Get a tan. Not a real one. Hello, that's dangerous. But a fake tan? Yeah, it definitely makes me feel more comfortable in a swimsuit because it camouflages some imperfections that I don't like -- like the scar I have on my belly from being burned by a bad monitor in the hospital. Yeah that happened. I use Jergen's Natural Glow because I'm too spazzy to do a one-shot tanner, but I will get a Mystic Tan on occasion.

2) Be nice to yourself. Guess what? Your body has been through a lot, especially if you have tiny humans following you around as a result. It's time to be nice to yourself -- like, the kind of nice you are to your friend when she wears a cute new suit. I gained a size with each pregnancy and it took a while to realize that I'm not 17 and will never look 17 again. 17 year old Jae had freakishly elastic skin. Not gonna happen again. So I've learned to be nice and recognize that I still have to give my bod credit.

3) Slap on some mascara. I won't go to the pool fully made up with perfect hair, but I will put on some waterproof mascara (I'm using waterproof L'Oreal Voluminous Million Lashes lately) and make some sort of effort with my hair -- usually a side-braid or beachy waves aka not blowdrying my hair and using mousse. Call me shallow (because I totally am) but it makes me feel pretty.

4) Quit looking at everyone else. I think -- as women -- we have the tendency to size up every other woman at the beach. You know who doesn't do that? GUYS. Because they don't care one bit. Women, on the other hand, are busy comparing cellulite and creating some sort of sick scale, gauging where they fall on the measure of bathing suit hotness themselves. I know because I've done it. In the past few years though, I've learned to not compare myself to other people in swimsuits. Some are bigger, some are smaller but we all feel pretty darn vulnerable in swimwear. Nowadays, I keep to myself.

5) Wear what you love. I kind of hate arguments like "You should wear a modest bathing suit because men will think dirty thoughts," "Chubby? Wear that full piece like it's your job" and "No boobs? Wear a swimsuit with lots of interest at the bust." How about this one? "WEAR WHAT YOU WANT." I don't discriminate when it comes to swimwear. If you try it on, feel good in it, then wear it. One-piece, two-piece, bikini, dress for YOU and no one else.

6) Sneak in a workout. This is completely mental, of course. Going for a run one time before you hit the beach isn't going to change the way your body looks. But I know I always feel better in a swimsuit after I've made an effort.

7) Stand up. Please. Posture will seriously help the way you feel in your swimsuit -- and make it less obvious to everyone else that you'd rather just crawl into a hole and die. Head up, shoulders back, abs engaged. Do it.

8) Remember who/what you're wearing a swimsuit for. Look guys, you're not competing for Miss America here. You're taking your kids to the pool. You don't have to look perfect. There's no judge awarding points and no reward for being the skinniest person at the pool. Hiding on the sidelines because you aren't "beach ready" just means a lot of sweat and your kids missing out on having you get your splash on. Yes I just said that. But you know what I mean. Swimsuits are simply devices that allow that to happen.

I saw this graphic circulating on Pinterest. Mind the language, but I thought it was pretty funny/truthful.

BOOM. 

Repeat after me: It's just a swimsuit. It does not define your value as a person/level of hotness/your entire belief system. The sooner you learn that, the easier it is to suit up, head to the pool and float around in all of your confident glory.

What I Wore: Heat Wave

You guys, I'm sorry all of my outfit posts are in dresses and skirts, but the West is in the middle of an actual heat wave -- I think Friday was up in the 105's and that's gross. So I've been living in skirts and sandals because I can't even wear heels right now. They do that sweaty thing where your foot slides to the front of the shoe and it hurts. Aren't you glad I gave you that visual on a Monday morning?

 Chambray: Streetwear Society (similar)
Skirt: Olsenboye (love this one) (cheaper) (obsessed with this color)

Shoes: Bamboo (here in different colors) (close second!)
Necklace: Nordstrom (victorian-style) (black necklaces FTW!) (buy this for me?)

Seriously, that's it. Four pieces and I'm maxed out when it's that hot outside. I also love that when you wear gem-my shoes and a necklace, you don't need any other bells and whistles. Plus wearing bells and whistles would be weird.

Also, tulle-y skirts are the best for the heat. This one was so flowy and lovely and I didn't want to peel my skin off when wearing it outside. WIN.

Are you guys all melting where you are too? I had a big Canada Day celebration planned with my Canuck friends and my daughter woke up with a fever. Sooo plans are scrapped in favor of air conditioning and movies today. But happy Canada Day to my friends in the North anyway. I shall eat some poutine to honor the special occasion because I'm festive like that.

Freaky Friday: Jae Goes Shopping

So I just spent the better part of the day with my kids at the waterpark. We have season's passes, which can be inconvenient because you know, then I actually have to take my kids to the waterpark. We got home and all fell asleep like it was our JOBS. I've finally oriented myself back into the living but I'm still in the haze where I find myself staring into space for five minutes and my 4-year-old is still out and it's been three hours. Win for me!

Anyway, yesterday I went shopping with some friends and found unusually heinous crap that I had had had to take pictures of. I could have done worse, but I think store employees were starting to get annoyed at me giggling and then whipping out my camera. Here's some of the worst of the worst.

Your eyes do not deceive you. These are, in fact, shark shoes. I think we've established before that shoes with teeth aren't ideal, right? 

This store -- which shall remain nameless -- had a huge selection of really weird novelty shoes. And I must be getting old because when I saw these devil horn shoes, I wasn't offended by the fact that they have horns, but the fact that the horns were made of rubber and would probably break off and it would be this whole annoying thing with your half-horned devil shoe.

 Wow, shoe, you're looking awfully smug for something that goes on someone's foot. 

 For your rave-loving horse.

 I don't even know how these work. I almost put on a pair to see how you have to walk in them but let's face it, I was lazy and didn't want to track down one of those nylon footie things. But my friend sent me this last night which summed up my feelings about heel-less shoes.

 

Real talk.

 This is my friend's daughter showing off this shoe about five minutes after I went on a tirade about "What's up with mustaches on EVERYTHING?" 

Later, we found a mustache bikini. I ask you: Who wants their lady parts associated with nicely groomed facial hair? Come ON, hipsters.

And, to my horror -- this exists and it scares me. Crop tops with low-slung overalls and straps that look to be roughly 7 feet in length just make me want to listen to "Push It" and drive to school in my parent's old Plymouth Sundance and that was a very dark time for me.

I should have taken more pictures -- after all, I was in Forever 21 and that place is a treasure trove of fug. What's the most offensive thing you've seen in stores lately?

This Summer I Love...

Is it me or is every summer pretty much exactly the same? I mean, clothes-wise. The hot weather hits and for like, two seconds you want to look cute and then it's like "Screw it I'm spending the rest of the year in capris and flip flops." Ugh, I feel ya. Not literally, because that would invade your personal space, but figuratively -- I feel ya. I get stuck in a summer rut every year and need to bust myself out of it. Here are some of the things making me feel pretty/cool/interested/like I don't want to just sit inside my house with the air conditioning and my underwear on all day.

Graphic Tees

Skip n' Whistle sent me this adorbs graphic tee and I've been living in it ever since. I am the biggest book nerd ever so it spoke to me on a personal level. I might have had to wash it today because I might have spilled snow cone all over it but that might be a vicious rumor I heard. But seriously, when it's uber-hot and I don't want bells and whistles on my clothes, I'm all about a graphic tee. Just make sure it's not like, Hello Kitty, k? You're a grown woman. I also stay away from shirts that advertise a brand because I don't like advertising for free.

Women's "Born Free" Graphic Tees

Floral anchor motif tee

Awake Couture Women's American Flag Tee

Light Dresses

When my kids were in swimming lessons, every morning I found myself search for a dress to wear. It was hot and I was lazy and only wanted one piece to put on. It helps that they also make you look like, insta-pretty, right?

Summer Amelie Dress

Women's Cap-Sleeved Wrap Dresses

Dramatic Monologue Dress in White

Cage Flats

I bought a pair of cage flats (as seen on my Instagram) and they are my new fave sandals. I saw them first from Zara, but the problem was the Zara ones were made from jelly. And jelly gets sweaty and that's gross. Mine are sueded on top and way comfy and I've gotten tons of "Where did you get those?" whenever I wear them. Hint: I searched "cage flats" on eBay. No joke. The ones I have are the Lynna-01 by Bamboo. They're such a nice change from flip flops.

BDG Fisherman T-Strap Flat

Chinese Laundry Shoes, Glam Dandy Flats

Cuffed Bermudas

Can we all agree that while they're awesome, bermuda shorts can look a little fuddy duddy? This summer, I'm all about the cuffed berms. Just that little roll somehow makes everything alright and less mom-shorts. I also love me some colored berms this year too. Remember the rule of thumb -- always let your shorts or cuffed pants fall at the thinnest part of your thigh/calf.

Democracy Cuffed Bermuda Shorts

Elle™ polka-dot color denim bermuda shorts

INC International Concepts Plus Size Shorts, Denim Bermuda, Sweet Wash

Moccasins

Finally, moccasins are my other fave type of footwear. I've been wearing mine nonstop because they look cute with shorts, pants aaaand cute summer dresses. They can do no wrong unless it's really hot and then they get stinky so I don't spend a lot on mind. Wear 'em to death, replace and repeat. Just avoid the ones with fur unless you want to die of heat exhaustion.

(I think these navy ones want to belong to me immediately.)

Minnetonka Moccasin Women's Leather Moc

Diba Women's Natural Moccasin

Minnetonka Shoes, Celia Moccasin Flats

What are you guys loving for summer? Are you totally stuck in your flip flop rut? Break freeeeeee.

(Jk I wore flip flops yesterday don't judge.)

What I Wore: Holy Grail

I survived my week camping, you guys! And I'm no worse for the wear, except that my butt hurt after going on a hike of death that I'm sure should have had a base camp involved. So is it any wonder that I wanted to get pretty yesterday? Don't judge me. I react weirdly to things.

Dress: Local boutique (My Sister's Closet) Guys, I looked everywhere for this dress online and it doesn't exist. See below for alternatives.
Shoes: You can't even see them. But they're the same wedges from last week so you're not missing much. Also, long maxi dress + heels makes you look tallllll.

Necklace: Dorothy Perkins (similar)

Rings: F21 (similar)

I feel like this is the Holy Grail of maxi dresses. I don't need to wear anything over or under it so it's nice and cool, it's long enough to make me like like, 5 inches taller than I really am and it's bright enough that I don't have to wear any extras except for a cute necklace. Oh and it doesn't wrinkle. I may have taken a nap in it. Whatever. 

I'm all about maxi dresses that need nothing. Since I couldn't find this number online, here are a bunch of alternatives that also don't need extras for peeps who love sleeves. Fun fact: I don't love my upper arms but I heart my elbow dimples. What is wrong with me.

Love this one for plus sizes -- it would be cute with a belt!

It's like my crowd pleaser dress but with sleeves!!
For the chevron lovers. 

Love the color on this one. The wrap makes it uber-flattering. 

This one is top-rated!

The bodice on this one is so cute I might die.

Does that make up for my lack of Internet skills? I hope so. Anyway, I love a good shopping score. Wanna dish about your latest and greatest shopping successes? Do it in the comments. But not it, it. That's gross.