Freaky Friday: Jae Goes Shopping

So I just spent the better part of the day with my kids at the waterpark. We have season's passes, which can be inconvenient because you know, then I actually have to take my kids to the waterpark. We got home and all fell asleep like it was our JOBS. I've finally oriented myself back into the living but I'm still in the haze where I find myself staring into space for five minutes and my 4-year-old is still out and it's been three hours. Win for me!

Anyway, yesterday I went shopping with some friends and found unusually heinous crap that I had had had to take pictures of. I could have done worse, but I think store employees were starting to get annoyed at me giggling and then whipping out my camera. Here's some of the worst of the worst.

Your eyes do not deceive you. These are, in fact, shark shoes. I think we've established before that shoes with teeth aren't ideal, right? 

This store -- which shall remain nameless -- had a huge selection of really weird novelty shoes. And I must be getting old because when I saw these devil horn shoes, I wasn't offended by the fact that they have horns, but the fact that the horns were made of rubber and would probably break off and it would be this whole annoying thing with your half-horned devil shoe.

 Wow, shoe, you're looking awfully smug for something that goes on someone's foot. 

 For your rave-loving horse.

 I don't even know how these work. I almost put on a pair to see how you have to walk in them but let's face it, I was lazy and didn't want to track down one of those nylon footie things. But my friend sent me this last night which summed up my feelings about heel-less shoes.

 

Real talk.

 This is my friend's daughter showing off this shoe about five minutes after I went on a tirade about "What's up with mustaches on EVERYTHING?" 

Later, we found a mustache bikini. I ask you: Who wants their lady parts associated with nicely groomed facial hair? Come ON, hipsters.

And, to my horror -- this exists and it scares me. Crop tops with low-slung overalls and straps that look to be roughly 7 feet in length just make me want to listen to "Push It" and drive to school in my parent's old Plymouth Sundance and that was a very dark time for me.

I should have taken more pictures -- after all, I was in Forever 21 and that place is a treasure trove of fug. What's the most offensive thing you've seen in stores lately?

This Summer I Love...

Is it me or is every summer pretty much exactly the same? I mean, clothes-wise. The hot weather hits and for like, two seconds you want to look cute and then it's like "Screw it I'm spending the rest of the year in capris and flip flops." Ugh, I feel ya. Not literally, because that would invade your personal space, but figuratively -- I feel ya. I get stuck in a summer rut every year and need to bust myself out of it. Here are some of the things making me feel pretty/cool/interested/like I don't want to just sit inside my house with the air conditioning and my underwear on all day.

Graphic Tees

Skip n' Whistle sent me this adorbs graphic tee and I've been living in it ever since. I am the biggest book nerd ever so it spoke to me on a personal level. I might have had to wash it today because I might have spilled snow cone all over it but that might be a vicious rumor I heard. But seriously, when it's uber-hot and I don't want bells and whistles on my clothes, I'm all about a graphic tee. Just make sure it's not like, Hello Kitty, k? You're a grown woman. I also stay away from shirts that advertise a brand because I don't like advertising for free.

Women's "Born Free" Graphic Tees

Floral anchor motif tee

Awake Couture Women's American Flag Tee

Light Dresses

When my kids were in swimming lessons, every morning I found myself search for a dress to wear. It was hot and I was lazy and only wanted one piece to put on. It helps that they also make you look like, insta-pretty, right?

Summer Amelie Dress

Women's Cap-Sleeved Wrap Dresses

Dramatic Monologue Dress in White

Cage Flats

I bought a pair of cage flats (as seen on my Instagram) and they are my new fave sandals. I saw them first from Zara, but the problem was the Zara ones were made from jelly. And jelly gets sweaty and that's gross. Mine are sueded on top and way comfy and I've gotten tons of "Where did you get those?" whenever I wear them. Hint: I searched "cage flats" on eBay. No joke. The ones I have are the Lynna-01 by Bamboo. They're such a nice change from flip flops.

BDG Fisherman T-Strap Flat

Chinese Laundry Shoes, Glam Dandy Flats

Cuffed Bermudas

Can we all agree that while they're awesome, bermuda shorts can look a little fuddy duddy? This summer, I'm all about the cuffed berms. Just that little roll somehow makes everything alright and less mom-shorts. I also love me some colored berms this year too. Remember the rule of thumb -- always let your shorts or cuffed pants fall at the thinnest part of your thigh/calf.

Democracy Cuffed Bermuda Shorts

Elle™ polka-dot color denim bermuda shorts

INC International Concepts Plus Size Shorts, Denim Bermuda, Sweet Wash

Moccasins

Finally, moccasins are my other fave type of footwear. I've been wearing mine nonstop because they look cute with shorts, pants aaaand cute summer dresses. They can do no wrong unless it's really hot and then they get stinky so I don't spend a lot on mind. Wear 'em to death, replace and repeat. Just avoid the ones with fur unless you want to die of heat exhaustion.

(I think these navy ones want to belong to me immediately.)

Minnetonka Moccasin Women's Leather Moc

Diba Women's Natural Moccasin

Minnetonka Shoes, Celia Moccasin Flats

What are you guys loving for summer? Are you totally stuck in your flip flop rut? Break freeeeeee.

(Jk I wore flip flops yesterday don't judge.)

What I Wore: Holy Grail

I survived my week camping, you guys! And I'm no worse for the wear, except that my butt hurt after going on a hike of death that I'm sure should have had a base camp involved. So is it any wonder that I wanted to get pretty yesterday? Don't judge me. I react weirdly to things.

Dress: Local boutique (My Sister's Closet) Guys, I looked everywhere for this dress online and it doesn't exist. See below for alternatives.
Shoes: You can't even see them. But they're the same wedges from last week so you're not missing much. Also, long maxi dress + heels makes you look tallllll.

Necklace: Dorothy Perkins (similar)

Rings: F21 (similar)

I feel like this is the Holy Grail of maxi dresses. I don't need to wear anything over or under it so it's nice and cool, it's long enough to make me like like, 5 inches taller than I really am and it's bright enough that I don't have to wear any extras except for a cute necklace. Oh and it doesn't wrinkle. I may have taken a nap in it. Whatever. 

I'm all about maxi dresses that need nothing. Since I couldn't find this number online, here are a bunch of alternatives that also don't need extras for peeps who love sleeves. Fun fact: I don't love my upper arms but I heart my elbow dimples. What is wrong with me.

Love this one for plus sizes -- it would be cute with a belt!

It's like my crowd pleaser dress but with sleeves!!
For the chevron lovers. 

Love the color on this one. The wrap makes it uber-flattering. 

This one is top-rated!

The bodice on this one is so cute I might die.

Does that make up for my lack of Internet skills? I hope so. Anyway, I love a good shopping score. Wanna dish about your latest and greatest shopping successes? Do it in the comments. But not it, it. That's gross.

What I Wore: High-Low

 I'm off to camp for the week so it'll be quiet around here this week. I actually don't mind the actual act of camping, but the prep and aftermath is just so much WORK. But before I go I believe an outfit post is in order. Priorities, people!! 

Usually I'm a staunch believer in the idea that heels make everything look better. And this shirt is my new favorite ever, so wedges would just make it that much better, right? Well, I tried it with my moccasins too and ended up liking it better and now I don't even know who I am anymore.

 Top: American Eagle (similar) I was asked like, 6 billion times where this shirt was from and every time someone asked I'd just go blank and stutter. But yes, it's from American Eagle and I can't find it online but I bought it over Memorial Day so I bet stores still have it.

Shorts: F21(similar)

Wedges: Payless (similar)
Earrings: F21

Bracelets: F21 and Wizards of the West (here and sold out :(

 Aaaand with mocs. I ended up wearing this all day instead. 

Also, when I uploaded pics I found this on my camera. My kids are weird and my son looks like a Batman deer. 

So what do you think? High or low? I think part of my reasons for wearing the flats is sheer laziness -- I had errands to run and didn't want to worry about wedges. Maybe next time?

Alright, I have to go load my car and find something to eat so I don't get the hangries when driving to the campsite. Wish me luck, a lack of mosquitoes and non-leaky tent.

Freaky Friday: Stuff I Don't Get

Sorry, guys, I'm totally late. I was just sitting down to start work this morning and my husband called me in a mad panic from his office because he'd forgotten something and needed me to run it up to him. I wanted to cry because as we've established before, I don't like having my routine disrupted. So, while out and about I decided to also go to the bank, go to the mall and look for swimsuits (of which I found NONE) and then take my kids to a move and go grocery shopping and I just got home. My husband won't dare complain about the money spent because he'll know that when my routine is disrupted, I completely fly off the handle and make bad choices. YOU DID THIS, JUSTIN.

Anyway, as I was driving all over the state, I was thinking about some things that I just don't really understand. Not like calculus, but just in general. So I decided to dedicate today's post to stuff I don't get. Also, keep in mind that I'm super judgmental. This stuff runs through my head all day, everyday.

Wearing full makeup and hair to the pool. The other day I was at the pool with my friend and our kids and there were these women completely dolled up with full hair, headscarves (one had a floppy hat, natch) wearing things like caftans and long flowy skirts that were dropping on pool puddles. It was a PUBLIC POOL. Like, OK if you're on vacation with your husband and want to look cute for poolside pics, be my guest. But these women did nothing but yell at their kids from the side of the pool the entire time because you know, actually getting in would have ruined their look. Hey ladies, I hate to break it to you, but there aren't a lot of paparazzi at the community center, so you're probably OK barefaced.

 Brogues. I don't get it. Mostly because I've never wished for my feet to look more mannish and my legs to look stumpier. I don't care how often Taylor Swift wears them. They are not cute.

Also, is it me or do they look like awful jazz shoes from dance class that everyone took when they were nine? I just expect brogues-wearers to magically jump into a routine from Chicago.  

 People who get really, really drunk at weddings. I don't drink at all, but even I think a glass of champagne is appropriate. Shots? Ew no. It's like you're there to witness this amazing celebration between two people -- and you forget it because you were drunk-crying in the ladies room all night. Look, I know there's free alcohol. But you don't need to consume ALL of it.

 When undershirts are worn as normal T-shirts. Can I tell you how crazy this makes me? Not because they're not nice shirts. The one above is nice, white and well-fitted. But after like, two washes, the collar and sleeves get all rolled and the color fades or yellows. And then they just look sloppy and dingy and like you've pretty much just given up on yourself. And then I judge you. Do you really want that for yourself?

 The appeal of John Mayer. Is it me or does he totally come off as one of those guys who just sweats profusely all day long?

Palm prints. I know they're like, THE THING right now, but all I see is a couch from Golden Girls.

Quinoa everything. Hey, I don't mind quinoa. It's a little chewy, whatever. But can I point out that eating this does not make you a health and fitness guru overnight? Eat it for three meals a day... I still don't want to hear about how you eat quinoa. I mean, I could regale you with stories of my latest Big Mac, but to be honest, no one really cares what anyone else ate. It's like telling people about your dreams.

Printed leggings. Amy sent me over a particularly horrendous collection of printed leggings. I don't know how society went from colored jeans to what translates to a desparate cry for attention. If I ever see anyone wearing these, I'll just pointedly ignore them and continually refer to them as a "jeans and t-shirt kinda gal" just because I'm really passive aggressive and love doing stuff like that.


Alright, I feel like I just had a group therapy session. Anyone else wanna play? What don't you get this fine Friday?

Guest Post: 5 Trendy Travel Tips for Moms On-the-Go

Today's post is coming to you from Kendra Thornton, expert traveler and former Orbitz Director of Communication. Check out this info before you start packing for your summer vay-cay, will you?

It’s summertime and nothing says quality time with the family like a family vacation. As I make the necessary preparations, packing everything from sanitation wipes and sunscreen to sunglasses and sandals, I think of how nice (or potentially disastrous) it will be to get away and spend time together as a family. As a travel expert turned full-time mom, I cannot stress enough how important it is to be prepared in order to make the trip at least slightly enjoyable for parents. So, I’m offering 5 trendy travel tips for moms on the go to travel with convenience and style. Just because you’re a mom, doesn’t mean you can’t look good.

The first item on any packing list should be the baggage; after all, that is how all of the other items are going to get around. Forget clunky suitcases and giant duffle bags. Don't you dare pack a fanny-pack.  A tote is an excellent day-to-day bag that can carry all the essentials of a diaper bag without reminding everyone of, well, diapers. A great straw bag or a black and white striped tote are excellent choices for your beach trip this summer and won’t embarrass you or your children.

Another must have for traveling with kids is a wet bathing suit bag. There is nothing worse than packing a wet bathing suit or towel with clothing and having all the items smell funky by the end of the trip. Trust me on that one.  A bag like those from Henri Bendel will keep the wet and dry items separate so your children can swim right until departure without forcing you to wash every item in your suitcase upon return. They’re also a lot cuter than a plastic grocery bag.

As a mom, I know keeping track of everyone’s luggage (and everyone) can be a real challenge. I have enough trouble keeping track of my own purse and carry-on baggage let alone all of my kids’ stuff. Sometimes, bags get lost in transit. To avoid your own meltdown, look into GPS luggage tags.  These are a great way to reunite you with your lost luggage should the unthinkable happen. 

No matter where the journey leads, your bag should include sunscreen. I suggest Tocca Sunscreen & Moisturizing wipes for on the go. Not only do the wipes provide protection against the sun but they moisturize the skin at the same time, leaving kids feeling fresh, not sticky like other sunscreen products (because we really needed another thing to make them sticky). Another plus is that they take up less space and don’t run the risk of getting slime all over your new tote. Less mess = less stress.

Besides looking good on vacation, you’re going to want to choose a destination that fits the bill.  Picking a destination that caters to families while simultaneously avoiding any resemblance of Chuck E. Cheese can seem a like a challenge.  I promise you with some research these places do exist. One of my favorite sites for finding kid friendly hotels and resorts, Gogobot, recently released their list of Top 25 Summer Destinations.  With destinations from Vancouver to Cape Cod, you’ll be able to find something for everyone and therefore, hopefully decrease whining. Their reviews helped my family find an excellent Honolulu hotel for our last family trip that provided a host of kid friendly amenities without skimping on luxury.  Looking good is great; looking good on a tropical island is better.

As you are packing your bags for your family vacation, keep these 5 trendy travel tips in mind to ensure that your trip is as convenient and fashionable as possible. And please, leave the mom jeans at home. 

Kendra Thornton: Travel advocate, TV spokesperson, PR businesswoman, proud wife and mama of 3. I am a long time travel expert who has been packing my bags and traveling the world since I was 3 months old! I've found my utmost desire in life is right here in my own home. I have taken my excitement for travel and brought it to you with some of my favorite travel tips and tricks.