Freaky Friday

My Firefox was acting up today, so this post is coming to you from Internet Explorer. Yeah, I like to party like it's 2001. Sometimes I like to search through AOL.com and use Encarta CD-ROMs too.

OMG, speaking of which, did anyone notice that in the last Twilight movie, Edward used Yahoo to search about vampire babies?

Can we just take a moment to let that sink in.

He used YAHOO to learn about VAMPIRE BABIES.

Me and my brother talked right after he had seen it and we both focused solely on that point. Like, is Edward just learning how to use the Internet? Is his email blood-luvr69yahoo.com? Why is he searching about vampire babies like I search for song lyrics? Why would Yahoo know anything about vampire babies?

The questions are endless.

Anyway, those are the seep thoughts I'm having this Friday. Other stuff I'm pondering:

-How bad is it to eat Chick-Fil-A after getting my yoga on and achieving inner peace? Oh, did I say "inner peace?" I meant "large appetite."
- My mom is coming to town on Monday.  I need to clean my house, muck out the guest room, and hide my switchblades because she will cut you. Seriously. My mom is like, the Incredible Hulk mixed with Bon-Qui-Qui with red hair.

I'm going to get an angry phone call when she sees this.

-I have another gift card. It's totally OK to break my shopping fast if I have a gift card, right?

Other than that, let's get goin' on Freaky Friday.

These are probably the whoriest shoes I've ever posted on this site, which is saying something because I once posted stripper heels with a hamster inside and shoes that had an attached tip jar. Also, does the foot have to be so realistic? Feet are disgusting.

My cousin Stephanie sent me a horrendous jumpsuit, but when I went to look IT WAS SOLD OUT. This is just as bad. This girl is probably 98 lbs. and still is rockin' a front bum.

Colleen sent me this. I can only imagine it's a meeting of "The Sisterhood of the 'Don't You Have an Organic Container Garden?' Pants." Starring a bunch of crunchy lesbians and coming soon to a theatre near you.

I also got this scarf. I've seen T-shirt scarves on Pinterest before and they were really cute, but this is what would happen if I tried to make one myself. Also, dat facial expression! I do the same one when my dog toots and runs away.

Another Pinterest gem from Tracy. The pinner said it was a great way to use up old jeans. Yes. Disembodied legs. SO CUTE RITE? It also had another idea to use them on your deck. It would 100 percent look like zombies were attacking your next BBQ.

Ashley sent me these wonderful clunkers. The first one is called "Burlesque" and the second was like "Sonoma," or something. That has got to be the ugliest wine-themed shoe I have ever seen.

....wait a minute!

Rachel (Hi Rachel!) sent me these lovelies, which look like they need to be stomped to death by me. Seriously, I was stung by a hornet last year and I turned into like, a crazy AMazon jungle woman and then found a milk jug and smashed it to death in a violent rage while my kids watched with their mouths hanging open. These beetle shoes clearly need the same treatment. KILLIT.

Angie sent me these fantastic pants, which make me feel weird about men's room protocol.

Seriously, it baffles me that urinals exist. Like hey, stranger. I'm just gonna go ahead and expose myself out the side of my assymetrical pants here. Nothing to see.

Hey, wanna be a giant d-bag? Walk around talking into your fingers. It's the only thing worse than a Bluetooth in public. Like, I understand Bluetooth in the car. But you DO NOT need one while walking around the drugstore.

Female facial hair. So hot right now.

Alright, I'm going to go load up my mustache glasses and my finger phone and go find a loophole out of my shopping diet for the day. What if I just buy jewelry or makeup? THAT DOESN'T EVEN COUNT.