Freaky Friday

Friday, March 21, 2014

 Yeaaaaah Friday. My brother and his wife are in town (PS only one of my four brothers actually HAS a wife, so this brings me great joy) and we are headed off to explore the natural beauty of Utah. Or something. But before I shirk work (hehe) and other responsibilities, I shall not shirk Freaky Friday.



Kimberly sent me this gem of a gem. It's designer, so it's OK to go around looking like a fishnet mushroom. 

Also I'm suddenly super itchy. 
 

 "This dress looks like it needs something extra."
"How about some weird crotch pleats and a yard of fabric sewn around the neck?"
"That'll do pig. That'll do."


 Add this one to the palazzo pants hall of shame because there are LACE PANELS PEOPLE. 

Also, can I point out that among the egregious offenses that palazzo pants offer is the fact that no shoes look good with them ever. Like seriously, what are you supposed to wear with these? 

 I'd tell you what this shoe reminds me of, but this is a family blog. 

 No one will ever be able to convince me that this amount of leg squidge is OK.

 For when you want that sexy lingerie look, but you also want to remind people of a scarecrow. 

 Yeaaaaah is it really considered a dress if I can see your cervix? 

Because I'm gonna say no. 

From Project Runway: I've Never Touched a Sewing Machine in My Life 
and Only Work in Swishy-Sounding Nylon Edition.



Aaaaand we're off. If you don't hear from me by Monday, burn my shoe collection because it's mine and no one else can have it.

Spring Trend I Can Totally Support: Tomboy Style

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

It's no secret that I basically lived, dressed and acted like my four brothers until I was around 15 or 16. And when I say I dressed like a boy, I mean I literally wore my younger brother Jonathan's entire wardrobe. We had matching tracksuits. I don't wanna talk about it.


And so, even though I consider myself a girly girl now, I still love boyish elements to my clothes. A crisp button-down here, a ball cap there. So how excited was I to find out that tomboy style is totally a thing this spring?

Answer: Very excited.

Of course, because fashion is annoying and unnecessarily complicated, it's not enough to just start wearing your husband's clothes. On the bright side, this could be the most comfortable trend of all time, so if you hate getting dressed up because you don't want slidey bra straps and tight pants, you're in luck with this one. 

Let's check it out, shall we?


Casual tomboy clothes mean striking a balance between sloppy and like, actual presentable clothes. I LOVE LOVE LOVE raglan for spring, especially when it's in a slouchier fit. But if you're going slouchy on top, you need (let's all say it together!) tight on the bottom. Skinny jeans are a no brainer. Then it's time for some flats -- mocs, boating shoes and loafers are all having a moment. Or a "mo" if you want to say it like an annoying women's magazine. And, since this look is still girly, you could totally add a ball cap it you want. I just bought one from the Gap that says "El Capitan" and I can't wait to wear it on the boat. What a smarmy thing to say, yeesh. 



Camp shirts are my spirit animal and I love this military color. Just check the shape: While the idea of a button up in an olive green is pretty masculine, the shape is definitely girly. Keep up the good work by pairing a masculine shirt with a pencil skirt -- I love the idea of a menswear top on a cleary girly silhouette. Heels are a must, especially these ones. I die.

Also, plus-size girls take note: Your body will look insane in this type of tailored look. 





Believe it or not, tomboy can also work for dressing up. Can I just tell you that I've never liked boyfriend jeans? I feel like they make EVERYONE look short. But I can get on board with these lower-cut, skinnier versions that look kinda tomboyish without actually looking like you raided your guy's closet. Plus, my husband is eight inches taller than me so wearing his pants would be dumb. BUT! Because the pants are kind of sloppy, some tailored stuff is a must on top. I love skinny boyfriend pants with a blazer and cute flats. 

Don't be surprised to see more tomboy stuff in stores right now. It's all like, chambray and hats and straight cuffed pants. Adding a few boyish pieces to your stuff is an awesome way to mix up your same old way of dressing. Plus it means wearing a hat when you have bad hair, something I can totally get behind.


So what do you think? Yay or nay to the tomboy trend? 

What I Wore: Take Two

Monday, March 17, 2014

So yesterday I was getting dressed and I decided to wear this super cute new maxi dress I bought last week. So I put it on, added a jacket, belt, the works... and then realized there was literally a slit up the side that ended somewhere close to my butt. And after inspecting the dress and realizing that yes, it was made on purpose and no, there was no way to do anything about it that second, I changed into this instead with about five minutes to spare before I had to walk out the door. Also I ran out of time to do my hair.

...naturally I was really calm and didn't shriek "JUSTIN HURRY UP AND TAKE MY PICTURE NOW!"


Like, at all.

Shirt: Calvin Klein (here - I loved my first City Shirt so much I went and bought another. THE FIT you guys I can't even. I  find it runs very true to size and want moooooore) (similar print)
Shoes: Nine West (similar) (similar in black)
Ring: c/o Anjolee (here)
Also wearing studs but you can't see them, so that's pretty pointless.


I'm still trying to decide if I want to sew the slit up a little or leave it as-is as a beach dress. Beachiness seems a long way away though, so sewing might be a better option. 

Lesson learned: Don't buy dresses without giving yourself a 360-degree once-over or you'll probably end up running late. And shriek-y.


Freaky Friday

Friday, March 14, 2014

YOU GUYS. I just had to take my 5-year-old for his kindergarten shots. Fun thing about preemies is that their shot schedules are all over the place and he still needed four. Ugh. Like, I'm not *that* snuggly lovey parent, but when my kids have to have shots I will literally give them anything they ask for. Ever. He was so adorable going to the doctor's office and telling everyone how brave he was and then BAM needles in the legs.

Now I just want to stress eat everything in my house and cry. Instead, I'll do a Freaky Friday. Same same?

 Alyssa sent me these UGGs, which are being marketed as bridal wear. 
BRIDAL. WEAR. Guaranteed the girl who wears these under her wedding dress also has her chihuahua as a ring-bearer and doesn't realize her hot pink thong is visible under her dress. Seriously, I would bet my house on this.  

 Well you're standing pretty smug for someone wearing see-through pants and mom shorts. 

 Hey guys, have I told you how much I hate palazzo pants lately? Because I really freakin' hate them. Especially in colors that I would have used when painstakingly choosing crayons for my Barbie coloring book circa 1991. 

 And these were sold out. 
I can only assume that there's an epidemic of Amazon women who wish their legs looked wider and stumpier because otherwise I can't really understand why these would sell out. 


 Enjoy your patchouli burger, weird hippie neighbor everyone seems to have. 

 It's like Maid Marian went through a punk phase.

OMG I just remembered I have "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves" saved on my DVR and I'm going to watch it like my JOB tonight. 

 And where does one wear glittery oxfords? A disco spelling bee? 

 My friend Brooke feels my pain, especially when these horrendous leg drapes are $450. 

 Kite boobs.
It's called fashion. Look it up. 

Alright, I'm off to drive my daughter to a birthday party and then to give my son anything to make me stop feeling so guilty.

Happy weekend, guys!


So You Got a Bad Haircut...

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

I remember being like, maaaaaybe 15 and deciding that I wanted to cut all of my hair off. It was a big deal: I had just bought my first shirt that wasn't from Nike and what I thought were the coolest pair of sunglasses ever. They had blue lenses, so I guess you could say I was pretty dope. 


In my bid to become hipper (seriously guys, I think I have a journal entry that details exactly how I planned on changing my image and it's embarrassing) I decided that my blunt, shoulder-length cut that I had literally rocked since second grade would have to go. I planned on a trendy, short pixie-type cut, which I tried to explain to my then-hairdresser. With copious pictures of Rachel Leigh Cook that I'd cut out of my YM magazine, natch.

I still vividly remember the sinking feeling that I had when she started hacking at my hair. I was in full-blown panic mode as she also added blunt bangs I NEVER asked for. When it was completely styled, there was no doubt about it.

I had a mushroom cut. 

And I lived with that mushroom cut for a year before it grew out. A year at 15, might I add, which feels a lot like a decade. Particularly when your two best friends are a) a talented dancer b) a gorgeous ingenue-type and you're forever labeled c) the funny one.  

It is with this in mind that we should talk haircuts. Believe it or not, the mushroom cut of '99 wasn't enough to sour me on taking hair risks forever. While I kept my hair in a layered short cut for the rest of high school, I've grown and chopped repeatedly since then. And for every nine great haircuts I get, there's one that makes me feel like this when the hairdresser starts cutting: 

 
 And because I'm terrified of confrontation, I usually just clam up and tip as usual because I'm awkward like that.

But I have learned how to deal with a bad haircut since then. Only once in my adult life have I hated a style so bad that I went back to the same hairdresser to have it fixed and it took every ounce of courage I've ever had to do that. If you're like me, try these steps first. 

1. Rewash and Style Again

I've definitely learned that sometimes, I feel like I hate a haircut, but it's really the way the hairdresser styled it that I hate. I'm not a huge fan of blowdrying with a round brush because I like a lot of texture over smoothness. And what's the first thing most stylists reach for during a blowout? A round brush. 

So when I've had that awful sinking feeling in my stomach and have thoughts like "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?" I will head home, wash my hair, and style it like I would normally. And more often than not, I like it 100 times better when it's more "me." 

2. Add Texture


Since I chopped my hair this last time, I've found that it's a lot harder to keep it straight. Without the weight of long hair, I get springy waves. And guess what? I love them. I wish that the stylist had thought to add texture when she styled it because it's way easier for maintenance and it really shows off the texture of the cut. 

If you totally hate the way your hair looks, grab a curling iron and some product (I curl with a flat iron). Seeing how your hair looks with some waves or curl can help you make peace with the style. 






3. Play with It 

OK, I'm going to be 100 percent honest here -- I haven't loved my bangs this time around. I always think I want them, but then I remember that they're kind of high maintenance and make me look younger than I am (with two kids in tow, I would very much like to look my age). 

But even though I yearn for my longer face-framing layers, I do love the versatility side swept bangs offer, something I never would have realized had I not taken the time to play around with them a little. Add bobby pins, try a chignon, play with layers, whatever. It'll be fun, I promise. 






4. Tell Your Hairdresser

I have talked to a TON of hairdressers and they've all said the same thing: They'd much rather have you come back and get your hair fixed than you just living with it. After all, it's basically a walking commercial for their services and if it looks like crap, it hurts them as much as it does you. And chances are that it was a communication error -- you said to give it a trim and she thought that meant to chop four inches. 

When I had to scrape up all of my courage and go back to my hairdresser she first, told me she knew I didn't like it when I left a few days earlier and second, thanked me for coming back. She added a few layers to what was kind of a blunt cut and I went merrily on my way. 

5. See Another Hairdresser

If you really feel uncomfortable going back to the hairdresser who first cut your hair, it's OK to go see someone else (another thing my hairstylist friends tell me repeatedly is that they're not offended when you go to someone else). Let your new hairdresser understand the issue (without bashing the other one) and give CLEAR critique, like "I asked for layers and it's too blunt," or "It's a lot shorter than I wanted." Then, you can think up a solutions: Adding highlights to create more movement, using extensions, cutting in bangs to add texture, etc. 

The bottom line? It can most likely be fixed or at least changed to a point where you can live with it.

Some stuff you shouldn't do:
  • Cry and do nothing about it.
  • Try to fix it yourself.
  • Try and get your husband to fix it. 
  • Avoid your hairdresser until the end of time.
  • Swear off cutting your hair forever. 

The thing is that when you take risks with your look, it can go either way. I love getting my hair cut because it always makes me feel a little "new" but with that can come some seriously unfortunate outcomes. But guess what else is worse? Being so terrified to change that you end up look like a caricature of yourself in the 90s. I'll take a risk over that any day. 

Now please tell me you have some awesome "bad haircut" stories to share. 

What I Wore: Majority Rules

Monday, March 10, 2014

Ew, daylight savings time, am I right? I'm a habitual early riser (I try to get up around 6 every morning to get some work done before the morning school rush) and I hate waking up in the dark. Even my kids were like "WTH MOM" when I got them up this morning.

I spent Friday night at the annual benefit for the NICU at which I volunteer. It's always super fun and a little emotional and very posh and there is amazing food and entertainment and CUPCAKES. Axara Paris had sent me this dress a few months back and I knew it was the perfect benefit dress (it's cocktail attire). I popped it into my closet and only thought to try it on the day before.

Uh, I'm basically sewn into this dress. I forgot that European sizes run smaller than North American. I had my two kids standing on the bed, begging them to zip it up. And it fit! Until I gorged myself on mango salsa and sweet potato cakes and like, four cupcakes.

It was totally worth it. Also, majority ruled and I wore the shoes you guys picked out on Instagram. In full disclosure, however, I should point out that I only made it about two hours standing in these before I changed into flats for another couple of hours.

Shoes: Charlotte Russe (similar) (similar) (want!)

Because the dress is interesting on its own I went reaaaaaaaally easy on the accessories. 

I won't lie: Getting home late and taking off this dress was almost as fun as putting it on. I changed into my husband's pajama pants and watched Brain Games with my kids before going to bed. I consider that a very successful Friday night indeed. 


Freaky Friday

Friday, March 7, 2014

 The other day I got the dreaded message that my C drive was too full, so I commenced cleaning out my computer. When I got to my Downloads folder, it was full of literally hundreds of pictures of bad fashion. Deleting them all was like a horrible walk down an ugly memory lane.

It was beautiful. But now it's time to refill that folder full of more crappy fashion. Luckily, I have awesome readers who alert me to atrocities. Thank you.



How can you look at these and not think "Sex Panther?" 

Marry me, Paul Rudd. 
(Thanks Lindsay!) 

 Brenda sent these wedges (?) over, which look like they're be super convenient when cleaning my house. 


 The Tin Man: So hot right now. 

Seriously. They're corrugated. I can't. 


 My favorite flash sale site is Zulily.com, because I can find great deals on cool and original clothes. But every once in a while, they have something like this and I go to the mall and want to look like everyone else. 

 Oh, are we showing what's on our insides on our clothes now? Because I need a shirt with a slice of pizza and like, five croissants on the belly. 

Fun fact: I don't actually need to see your anatomy to know your gender. I can usually just guess. I'm talented like that. 

 Oh hey there, Swiss Cowboy! How's that incredibly specific genre treating you?

 Lisa sent over this piece of "art," which looks like The Scarecrow from Batman and that dog from the Target commercials had a love child. 


My friend and I went shopping yesterday and were ALARMED at the comeback of palazzo pants. I feel like they're one of those things that comes around and people try it out and realize how horrific they are, so they go out of style until another couple of years later, someone is like "OMG I totally forgot about palazzo pants!" and they come back. 

 They're back.

Let's talk about reasons that palazzo pants are a bad idea:
-They flatter no one.
-They come in weird patterns. 
-They're always a smidgen too short. 
-We have maxi skirts now, so there's no point. 
-They always trick you into thinking they're a maxi skirt on the rack and that's shady. 
-YOU ARE A GROWN WOMAN. 

Don't get me started. 


And with that, I'm off. I'm pulling a Cinderella today: Starting with cleaning my house and ending with getting dressed for our annual hospital NICU benefit in an amazing dress that I will not be able to sit/eat/breathe in. I asked IG followers what shoes I should wear here and the black and white are winning. Any more opinions? 

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