Freaky Friday

I had to go and register my kids for school yesterday and now I'm dreaming of a marathon Back to School shopping trip with my daughter (thank goodness I have one because seriously). Where do you guys do most of your B2S clothes shopping? I'm planning on checking out H&M and F21 for leggings and pants and then I usually do jeans from Old Navy and Gap because my 8 year old still needs an adjustable waist. Poor thing is shaped just like me: Her legs start like, directly beneath her armpits so it's impossible to find pants that fit.

My son doesn't care what I buy him. He has three shirts with pictures of sharks and just rotates through them. I'm hoping to find two more shark shirts so he doesn't try and wear the same one to school twice each week.

Anyway, I'm interested in where everyone else goes! But for now, lets get our freak on (ugh that was such an annoying thing to say).

 Kimberly sent these along. I've featured bones leggings before, by my favorite part was that these were called "empire waist." How can pants be empire waist? Explain this to me. Please.

And here we have some shoes that were made by blind orphans in...

...what's that? They were made by a seeing adult?

Well, this is awkward.

 This came from a J.Crew ad (obviously) and I was like hey, I know everyone worships J.Crew and all, but what is this look called exactly? 

Hippyfoot Business Lady Sailor? 

Sort yourself out, J.Crew.

 Corinna found this... garment.... in an in-flight magazine. The best part is that you can wear it any way your psychiatric hospital will allow you, as seen here. 

AT LEAST designers are getting smarter and putting zippers in the backs of these monstrosities. I mean, you'll still look like a demented Rainbow Brite, but at least you'll be able to get out of them quickly when you realize it. 

 Stephanie sent me a sweater that looks like a Muppet made sweet love to that old rug your Grandma won't give away. 

 Just in case you're hoping to live out your fantasies of being a formal jellyfish. 

 So Leigh emailed me and APPARENTLY, grown women in the South are wearing these pants and they are status symbols somehow? 

Can I just voice my opinion now? I hate any trend that "little girlifies" women. I also hate ribbon embellishments, excessive usage of bows and when grown women wear Saltwaters. Anytime I see women dressing in twee clothes, it makes them look like chubby, tantrum-throwing toddlers. So these ruffle pants are an abomination to me. 

I just picture a crazy stage mom who is like "Oh, my and my little Paisley are more like SISTERS than mother and daughter, right Payz?"

Cue Paisley emancipating herself from her deranged mother. 

And speaking of twee shoes for grown women:

I hope you like bananas to be this devoted to Chiquita. 

OK, yes. Back to school shopping and dreaming about what it will be like when both kids are in school and I have three glorious hours to myself each morning.  

Who am I kidding: I'll watch the Today show and think about working out until I hear the bus rumble up the street. 

5 Tips for Transitioning Your Wardrobe with Your Age

So I just had my big 3-0 birthday. I had a lot of warning beforehand that it can be a bit touchy, but I honestly haven't had much of a problem with it. I am like, 12 in my brain so it never really occurs to me to be too broken up about getting older.

But while I don't mind getting older, I do mind consistently getting mistaken for a teenager, especially in awkward situations when people come to my door and ask if my mom is home. And I say no and shut the door.

In the last year, I've noticed a pretty decided shift in the way I dress. I've definitely dialed down and defined my style a little more and ditched some of the bad tendencies I had when I was younger (Ugh, Forever 21, I'm looking at you). I've bought less stuff, but I feel like the things I've purchased both represent me better as a person and help me look a little more like my actual age.

Don't get me wrong: There are some youthful aspects of my clothes that I'll find hard to give up. I have a pair of gray and neon Nike high tops that make me look 13 and I still own a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle shirt and I'm OK with that. But otherwise, I'm over chasing trends and more into creating a style that makes sense for my age and my personality.

Here are some tips that I've picked up along the way.

1. Refine Your Natural Tastes

 I've loved graphic tees since the 10th grade, when my friends talked me into buying my first fitted T-shirt. It was purple and said "Whatever." Why am I telling you this?

If I'm not careful, I can veer to quirky territory: I have an owl shirt that says "Read" on it and I love things that I can't find anywhere else. And since I'll always gravitate toward graphics, I've learned to refine that natural inclination by going for more subdued patterns and graphics. I don't need to wear a monkey on my shirt for people to see that I'm original. This flag shirt is a fave, as well as my "Suffragette" shirt that is kind of quirky without making me look like I'm dressing myself for the first time.

2. Invest in Quality 

I feel like I kind of beat this point to death, but I can't say how much my spending habits have changed when it's come to investing in quality over quantity. Hey, I love a good deal: But my eye is more practiced to what really constitutes a good deal. If I grab something off the sale rack that shrinks or falls apart after one washing, it's not a bargain anymore. Instead, I watch for sales at my favorite stores that I know will sell quality stuff. 

And remember, some discount stores (Target, for example) has quality stuff in capsule collections on the reg. I've also had great luck shopping sales for brands like Vince Camuto, Mango, Kensie, Calvin Klein and Dorothy Perkins, where I've bought stuff that has held up beautifully. 

Don't automatically think quality=expensive. Instead, look for details and tailoring that look expensive: A trendy, slouchy top covered in sequins from F21 will look cheap next to a clean, streamlined jacket that you scored on a summer sale, even if they were comparable in costs.

3. Buy Basics with a Twist 

Don't make the mistake of thinking that maturity has to mean boredom in your wardrobe. Lately, I've been on the lookout for basics that have an extra pop. I love buying things like blazers and button-ups: I love a more tailored style. So I bought this button-up in a bright coral and a blazer with leather sleeves and you get the same basic effect but with a little personality.

Some of my fave pieces are basics with a cool color, some out-of-the-box embellishments, or even a cool texture (my black leopard blazer, for example). You don't have to just lay down and be like "OK, it's cat sweater territory for me now."

While you might feel a little too old to wear chartreuse booty shorts (and trust me, we ALL are, so go with your gut on that one) if you're in love with the color, find it in a tailored shirt or a belt and you can still inject some personality into your closet.

4. Add Accessories

One area that you can stay pretty young in your wardrobe is accessories. Seriously, I will never judge anyone who is going younger in shoes and jewelry, unless it's like jelly sandals. No one over the age of four should wear jelly sandals.

But a super fun platform heel or a leopard scarf? Please, be my guest! Because accessories are such a small part of the outfit, you don't have to worry about being "too old" to pull a patterned scarf off. You can. And you will.

So if you're totally lusting after a trendy style, see if you can find it in a smaller dose to add to your wardrobe without like, reliving your entire childhood.

5. Pay Attention to Fit 

 Okay, I will be kind of picky and judgey on this one point: We (and I mean anyone who writes, reads or relates to this blog) are too old to be wearing clothes that don't fit.

I don't care if it's too small or too big, clothes that don't fit properly give a distorted view of your body. I have a friend who has a rockin' bod but tends to wear clothes too big for her. When she did try something on that actually fit I was like "HOLY CRAP you're hot." But she didn't even know because she was always hiding in too-big stuff.

The same goes for clothes too small. You might desperately want to fit into your pre-preg jeans, but if they don't flatter, what's the point? Only you know what the number is on the tag, right? Why not finally buy a pair that make you feel amazing?

The truth is that when clothes fit perfectly, they enhance your body and make you feel better. Clothes are not solely to hide the fact that you're naked underneath. They should do something for you.

So, how do you start wearing clothes that actually fit? First, get rid of stuff that you're hanging onto because it fit "once upon a time." Then, start grabbing a few basics here and there that fit impeccably. A pair of jeans, a pencil skirt and a jacket are great places to start because they'll act as a foundation for everything else.

Remember that not all clothes are going to fit you right off the rack and that's totally fine. Steel yourself and try again -- brands vary wildly on sizing and fit, so you can't get discouraged in one store. Instead, try a place that will have a number of fits and brands -- I like department stores, obviously -- so you can start dialing in on a few brands that fit your body best so you have a starting point and go from there.

Obviously we're all different ages and it's impossible to make sweeping rules for everyone, but if you focus on maturing your style through fit, quality and accessories, you won't get stuck looking like a total caricature of your high school self, you know.

Which is awesome, because I was a friggin' awkward teenager. I don't want to go back to that place.

What do you guys think: Do you change your style with age? Give me your best tips for transition - take pity on me, I'm 30!

What I Wore: Conversations About Food

Our little weekend away was a success, if only for the fact that I got to eat a very large fruit and cheese Danish and that's really all I look for in a getaway. My little brother (who is currently living in Burundi) and I spent this afternoon talking about all the foods that we'd like to eat the next time we're home in Canada. Things on the list: Schnitzel from our old neighborhood deli, snack cakes (he likes Hostess, I prefer Ah Caramel, both are trashy and gross) and baguettes torn up into pieces and eaten with spinach dip from the grocery store on our street, with pieces covertly fed to my parent's dog. I'll be heading up North in a month or two and it's only a successful trip if I get all of my favorite foods in.

Also, I maintain that if you have nothing to talk about in a large group of people, start talking about food. It wins always. I could talk about food all day, every day.

This outfit has nothing to do with food, except for the fact that the kimono would work well if you ate too much schnitzel and had to hide a food baby. Not that it every happens to me or anything *cough*

Tank: Maurices (similar)

Kimono: Max and Riley (similar) (love the leather) (cute!)

Skirt: c/o modbod (similar) (if you're into brocade)

Shoes: Windsor (similar) (love these) (or, if you're an actual stripper)

Necklace: Aldo (hello, cheap!) (super classic)

Seriously, all I can think about is food right now. But in the meantime, I'm loving this kimono. I bought it on the cheap because I wasn't sure if I'd like it, and I'm a fan. It worked with this outfit, but I've mostly been wearing it with skinny jeans and flats for a super easy date night outfit. Moral of the story: I like food and buying cheap trendy items to make sure they work. I've already got my eye on another and I'm willing to spend a bit more because I know that I like this style. 

I mean, like, not as much as I like schnitzel and trashy Canadian snack cakes, but it's up there. 

Freaky Friday

 First off, thank you for all of your awesome responses yesterday. I seriously hit the post button and then cowered like someone was going to hit me because I was waiting for the "HOW DARE YOU" and instead I got mucho love. Seriously. Love you guys.

We are headed off on an adventure, but I couldn't have a family adventure until I got all the snark out of my system. Otherwise I get sarcastic toward my 8-year-old and it's not pretty.

Alex sent me these boot/heel/dalmation? hybrids, pointing out that they're described as "refined." Yes. Because when I think "refined," my mind goes to Forever 21 and racks of neon crop tops. 

 OK, so this shirt is pretty ugly. But the best part is that the peacock feathers all look like Pigeon from Mo Willems' book series. (Our family is like, pigeon groupies)

Aaaaand now you can't unsee it. 

 It's like Marky Mark had a love affair with an eclectic older lady. 

 What is this? A burlap Tinkerbell costume?

 The pants are bad enough. Pairing them with turtleneck llama shoes? Terrible. 

 What live grown woman has cause to wear these circus pants? Like, I dare you to think of a time and place that these are appropriate. 

"Ma'am, the OB/GYN will see you now. Here, take your pants off and drape yourself with this gown. Oh, nevermind. I see you brought your own."

 This was listed as a DIY to dress up your shoes. But also to make you look like a psychopath who scalps a blonde and then taunts police with impeccable fashion. I smell a Law & Order: SVU episode. 

Well, I should have been packing a bag like, 30 minutes ago. Time to frantically throw everything at my suitcase and hope for the best. Happy weekend everyone! 

10 Pretty Ugly Things About Fashion Blogging

My husband and I were driving the other day, and we started talking about this little blog. See, I've had this since late 2008, during my second pregnancy. My son is now five, so you can do the math. My husband asked me if I still enjoyed writing the blog, or if it just felt like another part of my job now.

I had to take a minute to stop and think about that. And I came back with "I still like blogging, but I really hate what blogging has become."

Back in 2008, when this blog started, it was still a fun pastime. You put stuff up on the Internet and people actually read it and commented, and it was FUN to connect over something that you loved. I'm one of those people who will always tell you where I got something, especially if I scored a good deal.

And then, the monetization started. That's when blogging became a viable career and suddenly, I wasn't just writing for a small group of friends who wanted to dish about rompers anymore. Instead, I was being contacted by brands who wanted to send me things and talk about them on this little tiny piece of cyberspace, like it was actually something. And you know what? I went with it. I let them send me stuff and I wore it and spread the word and tried to be honest, but it's really hard to be honest about something that was free, right?

But as I got to know the ins and outs of blogging for money, the less I liked my part in the whole thing. Blogging was fun before, but it started to get kind of cutthroat and ugly. It started to be about who could make the most in commissions and how to best get clicks and that started to feel -- quite frankly -- a little gross.

So, in the spirit of clarity, I decided to let you all in on some of the uglier stuff about blogging. Not to "call anyone out," but to let you understand my part and make informed decisions as blog readers.

So, this is the part where I air my grievances with fashion blogging as a whole (along with some of the best pictures that never made the cut for my blog).

1. Fashion bloggers don't really talk about fashion. 

They talk about clothes. They "sell" an aspiration. Because there is no way they actually go anywhere dressed in a Kate Spade sheath wearing Valentino heels on a Tuesday. Unfortunately, it's hard to separate that aspiration with reality.

2. Fashion bloggers routinely ignore their demographic. 

And I think that can be dangerous. I hate the idea that there's some like, 25-year-old newlywed eating ramen in her basement apartment feeling bad because another 25-year-old on the Internet just bought a Prada bag. Only two things come of that: She either becomes dissatisfied with what is a TOTALLY normal part of life or goes into debt chasing an ideal that someone has put online. Fashion bloggers know their demographic and don't always respect that demo.

3. Even bloggers can't afford the stuff they have. 

That ideal is often sent care-of (c/o) a brand, who is essentially paying that blogger to sing their praises. Even she can't afford it. There is a lot of smoke, mirrors and flaunting that goes along with free stuff. I know of a blogger who literally returns 90 percent of what she shows on her site.

4. Affiliate links can be shady.

Most fashion (clothing) bloggers make money using affiliate links (including me). Affiliate links "pay" you in one of two ways. First, you can make money per click, which is what I use. If you click a link as part of my outfit posts, I'll make like $0.05. I don't make a ton of money this way, but it's enough for me.

The second way is through commission links. You might be like "Oh, NBD, they make commission on items that they feature on their site," but that's not how it works. Instead, if you click a link -- say, on a pair of shoes sold by Nordstrom -- cookies are installed on your computer that usually stick around for about 30 days or so. Within that next 30 days, any time you purchase something through Nordstrom -- even if it's a completely different item -- that blogger scores a commission. Therefore, a blogger who posts a ton of links to be nice and help you find a pair of shoes just like hers could be getting commissions from several stores at once. Even if you just clicked over to see the price, depending on how long the cookies last, she still gets a commission.

It's kind of sneaky. And I get that fashion bloggers provide a service and therefore, should be compensated, but they often post a ton of links or even links to a variety of different stores or incorrect items at once to increase the chance for commission. And that bugs me.

(Hint: if you use a service like ebates.com, it overrides blogger cookies and YOU'LL get the commission. So there).

5. No blogger is ever honest in a sponsored post. 

Seriously, since blogging is basically a freelance gig, you take what you can get. And it doesn't pay to alienate a huge brand by saying "Hey, I actually didn't love this hand cream/shoe brand/hair conditioner." Not only will it damage your relationship with that brand, but it scares off other potential partnerships. So the next time your fave blogger is shilling for her favorite lipstick du jour and it's being sponsored by Cover Girl, you might want to rethink how you perceive that opinion.

6. Modest bloggers are anything but. 

I often get grouped into the whole "modest blogger" movement. I am careful to never categorize myself as a "modest" blogger because honestly, I happen to dress pretty modestly, but I'm more interested in comfort and function as a mother. I don't consider myself a modest blogger because that's not my priority when I get dressed in the morning and I really prefer to not be judged on the length of my skirt.

What bothers me about "modest" fashion blogging is that sure, their shoulders are covered. But modesty is not solely about clothes, it's about behavior. Is it really modest to wear a skirt to your knees and then show off your Louboutin box artfully draped with your newest red soles? How about wearing a one-piece swimsuit, but giving a tour of your walk-in closet or flashing the logo from your Chloe bag?

I don't care if someone wants to identify as a "modest fashion blogger," but it bugs me when someone is essentially capitalizing on the ideal of modesty, but only practicing one tiny portion of what modesty actually means. The very act of taking professional pictures of yourself wearing expensive designer clothes and putting them online for an international audience isn't all that modest in behavior.

7. None of it is real. 

Just so you know. Last time I took outfit pics, there were 27 on the camera and one made the cut. Only one had the right angle and I looked skinny and the clothes weren't wrinkly. And I take crappy pictures in my house with my 8-year-old. When you see coy pictures of a blogger getting paparazzi'd by an artfully graffiti'd wall, she didn't wake up like that. I promise.

But most bloggers play like it is totally normal for a photographer to be following them around as they sip from chevron straws and swing their purses and look off into the distance in designer "sunnies."

I don't know why we're all allergic to being real on blogs. I understand wanting to show your best self, but when that best self is a complete fabrication, I have to give it a  total side-eye. Because what is the point of creating this fictional version of yourself? To make others jealous? To generate more commissions? To cuddle your own ego as you fall asleep at night?

None of those options are especially motivating.

8. Fashion bloggers know little, if anything, about fashion. 

They're not fashion bloggers. They're shopping bloggers. They go shopping and show you what they bought and then tell you to buy it too. This doesn't constitute being in the fashion industry. I don't say I'm an expert in couture. I know jack squat about design. I know the basics of fit and have generally good taste that people seem to like. I am no expert. But bloggers are often used as experts in magazine features and on websites and I'm like... "So shopping at Saks makes you an expert now?"

It's why I always try to at least add a little comedic value or something to this blog. Without Freaky Friday, this blog would be called "Things a Reasonably Attractive Person Bought and Put on Her Body."

Don't take the stuff said on these blogs (including mine) as gospel truth. To be honest, 98 percent of fashion bloggers are just shopaholics who want to show off their stuff and make you jelly. They probably have good bodies for clothes but would have no idea how to dress your body at all.

9. Everyone is the same. 

Between the arm parties and the oversized Karen Walker sunglasses and the "OMG you have to buy this Kate Spade Beau bag!" most bloggers are chasing the same tail. I've become pretty disenchanted with the whole business when it's all hair extensions and tanning and that five-minute stint last season where everyone was wearing neon accessories. Some of my favorite bloggers are those that dress in outfits that I would never, ever personally wear. It's just nice to see a different take that isn't the same thing over and over again.

10. I literally can't compete in this arena. 

I haven't decided if this is a pro or con yet. But there is always someone younger, richer, with more stuff, a better camera and better hair and a newer, shinier blog. Therein lies the biggest problem with fashion blogging as a quote-unquote industry: It's completely saturated and everyone is just trying to outdo one another with their consumerism. So when you emulate a blogger, you're emulating a blogger who is competing with another blogger, who wishes she was another blogger and so on.

I use a point and shoot Canon. My photographer just graduated 2nd grade. I admittedly spend a lot on clothes, but they're just as likely to be from Nordstrom Rack as my beloved Calvin. I'm not a competitor in this arena AT ALL. I have no chance. And I'm OK with that.

So why do I keep at it? For one, I super love my readers. Some of you have been around for years and I love hearing about pregnancies and embarrassing moments and love the fact that nowadays, when I get hate mail, it's my readers who go to bat before I even see it. You guys are seriously awesome.

Also, my mission in starting this website was to show that it's OK to take time for yourself after you have kids. That makeup and getting dressed can be totally low maintenance. And that fashion is silly and we should make fun of it.

So, while I hate what fashion blogging has become, I'll keep at it. Not because I make the big bucks (seriously guys, I make enough for a minor shopping trip once a month) but because it's a creative outlet for and I love you guys in a creepy way. I seriously hope I'm never a catalyst for spending more, feeling bad or creating a perfect picture.

Luckily, someone with Goldfish crackers on her floor and ketchup on her shirt is hardly inspirational, so I think I'm good.

Anyway, I just thought you should know. Fashion blogging can be fun, but it can also be kind of icky, so just keep this in mind the next time you're wishing you could have the bag/shoes/hair/house of someone online. It's never (and I really honestly mean never) an accurate representation of real life.

xo,
Jae

What I Wore: Andrew's Mom

Lest you think I'm just some weirdo glamazon who stomps around in heels all summer long, I give you an accurate representation of what I look like on a daily basis. I hate blow drying in the summer and reserve it for Sundays, so every other day it's in a braid, bun or air dried. I wear like, mascara and some bronzer and gaze at my heels wistfully while slipping on flats.

On this day, my youngest was having a play date with a little girl whom he refers to as his "girlfriend," so I was playing the part of "Andrew's mom." You know, it's when the kid who comes to play with yours only refers to you as your child's mom, and never your actual name? Andrew's mom was setting up the slip and slide and doling out PB&Js all day, so Andrew's mom wore a T-shirt and jeans.

T-shirt: Victoria's Secret (here) I am not joking when I say I bought four of these shirts in the last week - I also got the same as above in pink, and this one and this one. Love that they fit a little big and are super easy for every day without being sloppy. They do fit big though, so I ordered a size down (xs) 

Pants: Gap (similar) These have a zebra pattern and I can't find them anywhere :( I bought them in store though, so you might have more luck there. 

Shoes: Roxy (here) (similar) (cheap!)

Watch: Gucci (here)

Earrings: My nanny's (similar) I just wear plain Jane studs on most weekdays.

I will also point out that Goldfish were on the menu this day, as referenced by the piece on the floor between my feet. You'll be happy to know that my house got a top-to-bottom cleaning right after this and that Goldfish cracker is now safely ensconced in my Dyson. 

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with a tee and jeans. I definitely veer more toward casual clothes, especially during the summer when it's one layer or bust. Today Andrew's mom will be wearing something along the lines of shorts, a T-shirt and grocery shopping so you know, things are getting pretty glam around here. 

Freaky Friday

 Like, I don't want to jinx my life or anything, but I had a really good week. Just super laid-back and simple and I got a tan and read my books and yesterday I fell asleep on my porch with my mouth open while my kids played on the Slip and Slide. Like YES this is summer.

Next week we've planned a little "staycation" (ugh that word is up there with "fashionista" for annoyance) at the resort that I stayed at 12 years ago when I was visiting Utah and my husband asked me on our first date. It seems kind of funny that we're heading back there with two kids in tow with 11 years of marriage on the books. I plan to repeatedly give the employees there the thumbs up and congratulate them on a job well done.

There might be some suggestive eyebrows too.

But for now, there is house cleaning and folding laundry because life.

For the smooth price of like $200, you too can look like you accidentally fell into a time machine and don't know how computers work. 

 This skirt looks like a Muppet. And I actually really enjoy Muppets. Should I buy it?

 The logistics of this shoe baffle me. Like, isn't the whole point of flip flops the fact that you can keep them by the door and slip them on without having to stuff your leg into a tube sock add-on?

 The other day I was in a department store that shall remain unnamed and the regional manager or something was there. She was probably like, 55, and touring the store with a whole entourage and she stopped at a fringe vest and was like "Oh, I like this display." And one of her entourage, who was also in her 50s piped up about how "the kids" like to wear these vests to festivals, like the one "I think is called Bonaroo."

So let it be known, weird hippy teen festival-goers: Your fashion is being chosen by some middle-aged women in Utah. NOT SO COOL AFTER ALL, HUH?

 When I saw this shirt, I immediately started itching my neck. Now it's all red. 

 I can't look at this and NOT see boob sunglasses. 

 This looks like Lady Gaga's interpretation of a sexy doctor. 

I can see it as the opening for her next music video: 

"I'm sorry to tell you that you have a serious case of funk, so I'm prescribing you some soul."

"Also, you have herpes."

Sometimes I see fashion and I'm just like "Mmmmokay good luck with that." Like yeah, good luck with your giant short-sleeve puffy rosette coat. Good luck finding somewhere to wear that and someone to admit they know you. No, really. Good luck. 

Welp, my house hasn't been vacuumed in like, three weeks so I'd better get on that. Hope your Friday is more glamorous than mine!