10 Pretty Ugly Things About Fashion Blogging

My husband and I were driving the other day, and we started talking about this little blog. See, I've had this since late 2008, during my second pregnancy. My son is now five, so you can do the math. My husband asked me if I still enjoyed writing the blog, or if it just felt like another part of my job now.

I had to take a minute to stop and think about that. And I came back with "I still like blogging, but I really hate what blogging has become."

Back in 2008, when this blog started, it was still a fun pastime. You put stuff up on the Internet and people actually read it and commented, and it was FUN to connect over something that you loved. I'm one of those people who will always tell you where I got something, especially if I scored a good deal.

And then, the monetization started. That's when blogging became a viable career and suddenly, I wasn't just writing for a small group of friends who wanted to dish about rompers anymore. Instead, I was being contacted by brands who wanted to send me things and talk about them on this little tiny piece of cyberspace, like it was actually something. And you know what? I went with it. I let them send me stuff and I wore it and spread the word and tried to be honest, but it's really hard to be honest about something that was free, right?

But as I got to know the ins and outs of blogging for money, the less I liked my part in the whole thing. Blogging was fun before, but it started to get kind of cutthroat and ugly. It started to be about who could make the most in commissions and how to best get clicks and that started to feel -- quite frankly -- a little gross.

So, in the spirit of clarity, I decided to let you all in on some of the uglier stuff about blogging. Not to "call anyone out," but to let you understand my part and make informed decisions as blog readers.

So, this is the part where I air my grievances with fashion blogging as a whole (along with some of the best pictures that never made the cut for my blog).

1. Fashion bloggers don't really talk about fashion. 

They talk about clothes. They "sell" an aspiration. Because there is no way they actually go anywhere dressed in a Kate Spade sheath wearing Valentino heels on a Tuesday. Unfortunately, it's hard to separate that aspiration with reality.

2. Fashion bloggers routinely ignore their demographic. 

And I think that can be dangerous. I hate the idea that there's some like, 25-year-old newlywed eating ramen in her basement apartment feeling bad because another 25-year-old on the Internet just bought a Prada bag. Only two things come of that: She either becomes dissatisfied with what is a TOTALLY normal part of life or goes into debt chasing an ideal that someone has put online. Fashion bloggers know their demographic and don't always respect that demo.

3. Even bloggers can't afford the stuff they have. 

That ideal is often sent care-of (c/o) a brand, who is essentially paying that blogger to sing their praises. Even she can't afford it. There is a lot of smoke, mirrors and flaunting that goes along with free stuff. I know of a blogger who literally returns 90 percent of what she shows on her site.

4. Affiliate links can be shady.

Most fashion (clothing) bloggers make money using affiliate links (including me). Affiliate links "pay" you in one of two ways. First, you can make money per click, which is what I use. If you click a link as part of my outfit posts, I'll make like $0.05. I don't make a ton of money this way, but it's enough for me.

The second way is through commission links. You might be like "Oh, NBD, they make commission on items that they feature on their site," but that's not how it works. Instead, if you click a link -- say, on a pair of shoes sold by Nordstrom -- cookies are installed on your computer that usually stick around for about 30 days or so. Within that next 30 days, any time you purchase something through Nordstrom -- even if it's a completely different item -- that blogger scores a commission. Therefore, a blogger who posts a ton of links to be nice and help you find a pair of shoes just like hers could be getting commissions from several stores at once. Even if you just clicked over to see the price, depending on how long the cookies last, she still gets a commission.

It's kind of sneaky. And I get that fashion bloggers provide a service and therefore, should be compensated, but they often post a ton of links or even links to a variety of different stores or incorrect items at once to increase the chance for commission. And that bugs me.

(Hint: if you use a service like ebates.com, it overrides blogger cookies and YOU'LL get the commission. So there).

5. No blogger is ever honest in a sponsored post. 

Seriously, since blogging is basically a freelance gig, you take what you can get. And it doesn't pay to alienate a huge brand by saying "Hey, I actually didn't love this hand cream/shoe brand/hair conditioner." Not only will it damage your relationship with that brand, but it scares off other potential partnerships. So the next time your fave blogger is shilling for her favorite lipstick du jour and it's being sponsored by Cover Girl, you might want to rethink how you perceive that opinion.

6. Modest bloggers are anything but. 

I often get grouped into the whole "modest blogger" movement. I am careful to never categorize myself as a "modest" blogger because honestly, I happen to dress pretty modestly, but I'm more interested in comfort and function as a mother. I don't consider myself a modest blogger because that's not my priority when I get dressed in the morning and I really prefer to not be judged on the length of my skirt.

What bothers me about "modest" fashion blogging is that sure, their shoulders are covered. But modesty is not solely about clothes, it's about behavior. Is it really modest to wear a skirt to your knees and then show off your Louboutin box artfully draped with your newest red soles? How about wearing a one-piece swimsuit, but giving a tour of your walk-in closet or flashing the logo from your Chloe bag?

I don't care if someone wants to identify as a "modest fashion blogger," but it bugs me when someone is essentially capitalizing on the ideal of modesty, but only practicing one tiny portion of what modesty actually means. The very act of taking professional pictures of yourself wearing expensive designer clothes and putting them online for an international audience isn't all that modest in behavior.

7. None of it is real. 

Just so you know. Last time I took outfit pics, there were 27 on the camera and one made the cut. Only one had the right angle and I looked skinny and the clothes weren't wrinkly. And I take crappy pictures in my house with my 8-year-old. When you see coy pictures of a blogger getting paparazzi'd by an artfully graffiti'd wall, she didn't wake up like that. I promise.

But most bloggers play like it is totally normal for a photographer to be following them around as they sip from chevron straws and swing their purses and look off into the distance in designer "sunnies."

I don't know why we're all allergic to being real on blogs. I understand wanting to show your best self, but when that best self is a complete fabrication, I have to give it a  total side-eye. Because what is the point of creating this fictional version of yourself? To make others jealous? To generate more commissions? To cuddle your own ego as you fall asleep at night?

None of those options are especially motivating.

8. Fashion bloggers know little, if anything, about fashion. 

They're not fashion bloggers. They're shopping bloggers. They go shopping and show you what they bought and then tell you to buy it too. This doesn't constitute being in the fashion industry. I don't say I'm an expert in couture. I know jack squat about design. I know the basics of fit and have generally good taste that people seem to like. I am no expert. But bloggers are often used as experts in magazine features and on websites and I'm like... "So shopping at Saks makes you an expert now?"

It's why I always try to at least add a little comedic value or something to this blog. Without Freaky Friday, this blog would be called "Things a Reasonably Attractive Person Bought and Put on Her Body."

Don't take the stuff said on these blogs (including mine) as gospel truth. To be honest, 98 percent of fashion bloggers are just shopaholics who want to show off their stuff and make you jelly. They probably have good bodies for clothes but would have no idea how to dress your body at all.

9. Everyone is the same. 

Between the arm parties and the oversized Karen Walker sunglasses and the "OMG you have to buy this Kate Spade Beau bag!" most bloggers are chasing the same tail. I've become pretty disenchanted with the whole business when it's all hair extensions and tanning and that five-minute stint last season where everyone was wearing neon accessories. Some of my favorite bloggers are those that dress in outfits that I would never, ever personally wear. It's just nice to see a different take that isn't the same thing over and over again.

10. I literally can't compete in this arena. 

I haven't decided if this is a pro or con yet. But there is always someone younger, richer, with more stuff, a better camera and better hair and a newer, shinier blog. Therein lies the biggest problem with fashion blogging as a quote-unquote industry: It's completely saturated and everyone is just trying to outdo one another with their consumerism. So when you emulate a blogger, you're emulating a blogger who is competing with another blogger, who wishes she was another blogger and so on.

I use a point and shoot Canon. My photographer just graduated 2nd grade. I admittedly spend a lot on clothes, but they're just as likely to be from Nordstrom Rack as my beloved Calvin. I'm not a competitor in this arena AT ALL. I have no chance. And I'm OK with that.

So why do I keep at it? For one, I super love my readers. Some of you have been around for years and I love hearing about pregnancies and embarrassing moments and love the fact that nowadays, when I get hate mail, it's my readers who go to bat before I even see it. You guys are seriously awesome.

Also, my mission in starting this website was to show that it's OK to take time for yourself after you have kids. That makeup and getting dressed can be totally low maintenance. And that fashion is silly and we should make fun of it.

So, while I hate what fashion blogging has become, I'll keep at it. Not because I make the big bucks (seriously guys, I make enough for a minor shopping trip once a month) but because it's a creative outlet for and I love you guys in a creepy way. I seriously hope I'm never a catalyst for spending more, feeling bad or creating a perfect picture.

Luckily, someone with Goldfish crackers on her floor and ketchup on her shirt is hardly inspirational, so I think I'm good.

Anyway, I just thought you should know. Fashion blogging can be fun, but it can also be kind of icky, so just keep this in mind the next time you're wishing you could have the bag/shoes/hair/house of someone online. It's never (and I really honestly mean never) an accurate representation of real life.

xo,
Jae