What I Wore: Baby Talk

Ahhh I'm excited because it's actually warm and sunny (like, laying out on the grass while my kids run through the sprinkler times) so I'm planning to stay outside as much as possible. Well, after I hit the library and the grocery store MY LIFE IS GLAM OK?

So, in short, I wore this outfit to go see my cute friend and her equally cute new babe in the hospital the other day. I never ever get baby hungry but I'm so glad my friends are still procreating so I can hold and baby talk to something other than my parent's dog. I also am SO much more excited when my friends have babies. Back when mine were little, I was no enthused. If I wanted to look at a baby, I'd just hang out with my own. Now my kids are older I love being the designated baby holder.

Top: H&M here (I swear, all of my friends have this shirt in various colors and patterns. It's super flattering and true to size and $10) 

Patterned skinnies: Iris Jeans (similar) (ankle length) (maternity!)

Boots: Call it Spring (here)

Cuff: Marc Jacobs (similar) (love!)

Necklace: I'm not even gonna lie, this is my daughter's. I'm wearing an 8-year-old's jewelry. She has excellent taste. 

Nothing screams "Congrats on your baby" quite like star-patterned skinny jeans and ankle boots, amiright?


Now, I've already checked preschool and a heinous butt workout off my list, so I must keep up this momentum. And by that, of course, I mean act productive until I remember I have an episode of "My Five Wives" saved on my DVR.

Size Vs. Shape: Dressing When You're a Size 4 or 24

So get ready, because we're talking sizes today. The good news? I have literally everyone covered here:

One mistake I repeatedly see happening is women who dress for their size, rather than their shape. And it makes me sad, because you have these plus-size women who feel like they have to buy clothes that don't really fit just because of sizing issues.

The problem with that is that by wearing clothes that fit your size – but not really your body – can make you look bigger than you are and mean you miss opportunities to show off some of your best features.

The truth is that you shouldn't be dressing for the number on those pants. Like, ever. Instead, whether you're a 4 or a 24, you should be dressing for your SHAPE. And, since we know that getting dressed is all about balance, you can definitely dress according to your bod no matter what size you are.

Even if you're not a sample size mannequin lady, it doesn't mean you can't have great style. Check out below: I've done two outfits for each shape. On the left is the misses size and the right is plus size. It's pretty clear that both look awesome.

Hourglass Shape

Black cardigan, $30 / Black cardigan, $35 / Dorothy Perkins top /
J TOMSON plus size top /
  i jeans by Buffalo Floral Print Pencil Skirt / H M plus size skirt, $13 /
Zara flat shoes / Platform pumps

If your boobs and butt are comparable in size, but your waist is small, congrats! You have a killer balanced silhouette and you don't have to do much. No matter what your pants size, it's all about emphasizing your seriously little waist and showing off whatcha got. Pencil skirts are faaaaaaantastic for this, since they're cut to show off curves (and you probably have ah-mazing legs). I like to add a little softness to my pencil skirts, since they're so structured. Add a heel and you're in Jessica Rabbit territory and I hate your perfect body.

Avoid stuff that is shapeless, please.

Big Bust/Inverted Triangle Shape

Worthington pleated top / Morgan v neck top, $42 /
Dorothy Perkins wide leg trousers /
Old Navy plus size black jeans / ALDO high heel stiletto pumps /
ALDO pointy toe pumps

If your bust is larger than your waist and butt, we call you an inverted triangle. Here's the rule of thumb for you: Volume on the bottom, structured on the top. Adding a trouser or bootleg jean helps balance out your top half, while a V helps make your neck look longer, as long as you put your puppies away around the children. I actually have this misses version of this plus-size top and it's uber flattering. Some definition around the waist also helps avoid that whole tent-like top thing that happens because you were blessed with a hefty chest.

The worst thing you can do with big boobs is to go for skinny jeans and big, blous-y tops. They'll make your top half look bigger than it is.

Pear Shape

American Eagle Outfitters black button up shirt / Women plus top /
J TOMSON fitted blazer / Mossimo black velvet jacket /
Jones New York plus size pleated skirt / River Island black and white skirt, $20 /
Forever 21 t strap sandals / Dorothy Perkins black high heel shoes / ASOS stretchy belt /
  CHARLES KEITH waist belt

Hi, friends. I'm pretty pear shaped (I carry weight in my butt, but have a relatively small waist), so I'm right there with you. And while I don't mind that there are rap songs written about backsides like my own, it's possible to look disproportionate when you're smaller up top. My solution? A-line skirts and a cinchy belt to show off a tiny waist and balance out your bottom. Plus A-line skirts are fun. I also love love love wedges for people like me, because they help balance out a generous booty. Sir Mix-A-Lot would be proud.

While it's totally fine to wear a pencil skirt or skinny jeans, balance it out with a more voluminous top and you're good to go. A stronger shoulder is also really flattering, since it builds out your upper body a bit.

Apple Shape

AB Studio white black polka dot dress / Plus size dress /
Red shoes / Qube flat shoes, 

If you carry your weight in your middle, you get to be named after a delicious piece of fruit and my favorite way to convey peanut butter into my mouth: An apple. Because you tend to be a bit rounder in the middle, structured shirts can look awkward and uncomfortable. Instead, I looooove a wrap dress (and wrap shirts) for apple shapes. The wrap can start at the smallest part of your waist and then flow out so you're not left awkwardly adjusting your dress all night. This creates emphasis at your best spot and camouflages a rounder tummy. Ugh, I just said tummy. I just told my husband that I hate grown women who say "I need to use the potty" and now I'm just as bad.

The worst for apple shapes are tight shift-type dresses and waaay too much layering. Keep it simple and choose clothes that already have interest built-in. Also, mid-rise trouser jeans are definitely your friends.


See? Your size doesn't matter so much as your actual body shape. And while I obviously can't cover every single type of body, keeping balance in mind should help you shop -- whether it's in the misses or the plus-size department.

Because really, who the heck cares about your dress size when you look amazing?

What I Wore: Double Duty

I think one of the biggest challenges in getting dressed when you have a bunch of kids is the fact that you do so much in one day – and your usual gear isn't always appropriate for all of it.

Take Friday, for example (and no, this isn't a "woe is me I do so much" tale). In one day, I had a video call for work, my usual workout, that awful preschool field trip, running errands through the afternoon and then date night with my husband (finally saw Divergent). And all of those things required different types of clothes. If I'm not careful, I find myself changing three times a day or just saying "Screw it" and wearing my workout clothes to the grocery store.

To remedy my out-of-control laundry, I try getting dressed in a versatile base layer and then change it up through the day according to whatever I'm doing. This basic tee and jeans (worn with a scarf) was perfect for a casual business call, then dressed down with my fave hoodie for preschool happy times and dressed up for date night. Totally easy, right?

 Tee: Abound - I practically buy these in bulk but I'm pretty sure they're only at Nordstrom Rack. I also like buying v-necks at like, Ross and TJ Maxx because they're uber cheap and I can toss 'em when they get gross. White tees are not forever.

Hoodie: Fox Blockout (I am struggling to find it in this color on line. Here it is in black but mine is called "orange flame" or some such?) 

Jeans: Maurices (similar) (similar) (plus)

Boots: Call it Spring Milada (my preeeecious) (very similar) (love these)

Add a blazer, cute shoes and some jewelry and it's hello to Sour Punch Straws and popcorn all night long. 

Jeans, tee: Same as above.

Blazer: H&M (similar) (omg love) (love this price) (plus)

Shoes: Charlotte Russe (similar) (love these peep toes too)

Bracelet: Buckle (similar)

Ring: c/o Inspired Silver 

Doable, right? Just goes to show that buying up solid basics will probably serve you better than going crazy with a million trendy pieces, especially when it comes to laundry. And after spending a couple hours on laundry on Saturday, I'm ready to swear off getting dressed altogether, so this is a step up.

On today's docket: Work, driving to preschool, workout, library, Bath and Body Works because I'm out of Wallflowers and I might actually die if my house doesn't smell like fresh lilacs and vanilla at all times.

Hello, jeans.

Freaky Friday

I just spent the morning at a preschool field trip and I'm happy to announce it was nowhere near as disastrous as the llama farm this year. In fact, the only reason I went today is because the llama farm trip is next and I wanted an excuse to get out of it. The excuse, of course, that I *just* went on a field trip and also llamas are disgusting.

But even though it was at a dentist's office and nowhere near as harrowing as the llama farm, both Andrew and I came home and promptly fell asleep.

Marry me, Fridays.

I am not even kidding you, this is a scarf silk-screened to look like bacon IN THE PACKAGE. I don't know why that concerns me, but it really does. 

And also makes me hungry. 

Oh, so we're just wearing electronics packing foam as accessories now?

Good. I'll tell my husband that when he gets mad at me for putting these on my arms at Home Depot:

(and chasing my kids around saying "I'm a robot! I'm a robot!" He hates it.) 

Easy there, Miama Vice. No one envies your palm tree Instagram swimwear.

Finally! My long search for a change purse that looks like an elephant pooping a toggle is over!! 

 

So... Tinkerbell is teaching Zumba now?

 

Well this is a special top. "Special" in this case meaning "looks like it was made from cinnamon rolls."

 This has nothing to do with fashion, but it made me laugh. I was looking for a biography and stumbled across this, an account of Henry VIII's wives, all told in first-person narratives for kids! Hey kids, wanna learn about how a misogynistic king with a serious god complex cut the heads off of his wives when they didn't give him children while simultaneously sleeping with his mistresses? YAY IT'LL BE FUN!

 I don't always wear zebra shirts, but when I do, I want it to look like they're sniffing my butt.

It's an all-purpose rain boot, beach wear, date sandal running shoe. So no matter what, you're covered.

 Whatever, I actually want this shirt. I'd wear it to blacklight spin class and laugh when it was the only thing anyone could see. 

Well I've successfully sloughed and slept the day away. I might need to do some actual work. Happy weekending, guys!

     

Why Moms Dress Like Moms and a Lesson from 11th Grade

I know: Deep thoughts for a Wednesday. 

So I stumbled across the following infographic the other day:

(source)

So, basically, when 2,000 women were polled about their style after having kids, the results were that:

-40 percent said their average heel height dropped two inches. 

-18 percent chopped their hair into a bob

-7 percent stopped coloring hair altogether 

And over 50 percent said that as moms, they no longer have time for fashion and 27 percent said they missed their old clothes.

Now, I've gotten my fair share of hate mail over the years and one of the most common questions I get in angry written tirades is "What's SO BAD about dressing like a mom!?" 

To that, I say "nothing." You're a grown woman. You can dress however you want. 

All I can tell you is my motivations for specifically veering away from that specific label.

In 11th grade history, I had an awesome, feminist teacher. Her name was Ms. Mazzulla. Not Mrs. Not Miss. Ms. She was very clear about this. 

Now, Ms. Mazzulla had some seriously tragic style, according to me as an 11th grader. She had hippie-long, never-dyed hair. She wore hopelessly outdated bifocals. I never saw her in anything other than a pair of Birkenstocks, which she wore with socks during long, Canadian winters. And she favored long, tie-dyed tunics. 

And yet, I consider Ms. Mazzulla to be one of my greatest style influencers. I KNOW, right?

It's because during the second week I had her history class, one of my friends asked why she was so insistent about being called "Ms." (It was after someone accidentally called her "Mrs." and she snapped at them. She had a really bad temper).

She said, "Because I don't want to be judged based on one label. When people hear Miss, they think something. When people hear Mrs, they also think something. I want to be the one to tell them what to think about me."

Uh, holy profound, Ms. Mazzulla. And while I was only 16, that has stuck with me for a long time. Of course, I graduated, got married and had my first child. And I got this new label, complete with omnipresent baby carrier and faint milk smell: Mom. 

And I actually like being a mom. It's awesome to have two little mini-me's who think I'm the sole source of food and coolness. But in my first months as a new mom, I knew one thing for sure: I didn't want to be judged by my one label. I never wanted someone to look at me and say, "Yep. She's got a couple of kids at home." "She looks really tired." "She looks like someone who doesn't take time for herself."

Because that meant my appearance was allowing people to make judgements about me that were absolutely untrue (except for the one about being tired). Ms. Mazzulla's words stuck with me, because I wanted to be the one to tell people what to think about me. 

Because I'm not only a mom, even though it's a large and interesting part of my identity. I'm also a reality TV show watching, fashion enjoying, shopaholic, good time on a Friday night, serial texting, history buff, working professional, sarcastic, celeb gossip loving, help you burn down your ex's house kinda girl. And that's hard to convey with three letters and a pair of capris, amiright? 

And so, the blog was born. But not as a way to be derogatory toward moms, but as a way to prove that it's OK to take time for yourself, take control of your label and wear high heels, even if you had a few kids. 

So when I saw that infographic, I got to thinking about Ms. Mazzulla again, who is probably out teaching Ancient Civilizations to a new crop of teenagers and saying profound, identity-changing things without realizing it.

The moral of the story is this: In a perfect world of unicorns and glitter, no one would judge anyone and we'd all get to know each other intimately and see everyone's good qualities. But yeah, we live in a world of long lines at Wal-Mart, mommy wars in the pickup line and getting judged based on appearance alone a hundred times each week.

Because of that, I'm very careful to remember what message I'm sending with my appearance. Not to pander to others and their snap judgements, but to take control of those interactions. Like Ms. Mazzulla, I think it's important that YOU tell people what to think about you. Are you saying:

• I put myself last. 
• I'm perpetually tired and don't care who knows it. 
• I'm too busy to look put-together. 
• My only identity is my children's mother. 
• I don't want you to see me.

OR:

• I'm totally approachable.
• I take time for myself because I make it a priority.
• I'm fun and totally enjoy life and the occasional flash mob. 
• I see the value in balancing function with style. 
• Being a mom has enhanced my natural personality.

And the thing is, if you really, truly, honestly don't care how people perceive you, then good on you. I commend you and think that's awesome. It's your prerogative as an adult woman to not care. But chances are, even the people that toss their sensible wash-n-wear bobs and tug at their oversized tees do care.

So, I guess what this all boils down to is: What are you telling people about yourself with your appearance – and is it accurate?

Getting dressed in the morning serves more of a purpose than just not being naked when you go to grocery store. It's a chance to take control of social interactions and make sure you're sending exactly the message that YOU want to send. That means you're totally in control here: If you miss your old clothes, get 'em back. If you don't have time for yourself, find a way to streamline a 5-minute routine. And, if you prefer flats over heels – then wear flats instead of heels.

So, some questions for you on this Wednesday:
What do you think about Ms. Mazzulla's life lesson?
What are some of your motivations for dressing the way that you do?
And, if you had a label, what would it be?

Geez I need a nap after all of this intellect.

What I Wore: Remix

How was everyone's Easter weekend? I would like to point out that growing up in Canada, Easter constituted a four-day weekend. Here in the States, it's a measly two. I mean, I'm not saying Canada's a better country but it is.

(Said the person who is right in the middle of filling out her U.S. citizen paperwork ugh)

We had an awesome weekend where we just loafed around and went out to brunch and saw a movie and hung out and that's exactly what I want out of my weekends. And I made a delicious ham for dinner last night and the leftovers are calling to me. Don't worry, my pretties. You will be in an omelet soon.

And sorry that my last FOUR outfits have been skirt-based. That's all I've been wearing with the weather so nice!

 Skirt: Old Navy yes I'm wearing it again (here) (plus)

Tank: Gap - I own like, 6 of these (here)

Chambray: Gap (similar) (similar) (plus)

Shoes: Roxy (here) 

Watch, bracelets: XOXO (how fun is this!?), gift, Buckle (similar)

Earrings: F21

I'm super into the big shirt/skirt combo right now and have been living in it while I still can. Because summers here are hot and I'll be strictly one layer then. I wore this when I had to take my kids to the mall and then run some various errands. And NO I didn't shop for myself, yeesh. 

Also, I'm super glad I bought a couple of these skirts because they've been very versatile. There was some questions among my friends on fit and length. This is a regular small, but some of my friends preferred a tall for longer length, so there's something to consider if you're thinking of grabbing a couple for summer. Which I recommend you do.

 Shoe shot!! Everyone should have a pair of casual shoes that work as flip flop alternatives. I've been wearing these with shorts and Bermudas.

This chambray has a railroad stripe that makes it ah-mah-zing for pattern mixing, since it's not like, totally in your face. 

OK, I've got to get a kid to preschool so I have to get a move on. And it's supposed to be 80 today so I don't expect to be back at my computer any time soon. Monday, I'll take it!

Freaky Friday

 Happy Friday, party people. I'm feeling like a star because I actually went and bought my kids' Easter stuff before like, Saturday morning. Usually I run down when they're still in bed and my husband is at home and have to battleslam people in Walmart just to find a chocolate bunny. That's definitely a personal win.

I shall celebrate by going out to lunch. And writing a Freaky Friday. But not necessarily in that order.

 Oh, so is that like, where your control panel goes? 

I'm sure this model is a really lovely woman and all, but this is the saddlebaggiest (yes, a word I would know I'm a professional writer) dress I have ever seen in my life. Also, is that like, a cityscape? To remind people that your hips are wide enough for all of Chicago?

 This is probably because I've cut waaaay back on carbs lately (seriously, I'm eating like a bajillion grams of protein every day and I can only eat so much chicken) but this dress made me think of potatoes.

Oh man I love potatoes so much.

 Alex sent me the latest round up of "must have" products on GOOP. This was by far may favorite: An ugly $1,200 "keepsake box" because you couldn't just Mod Podge a motherfreaking shoebox LIKE EVERYONE ELSE GWYNETH?

 In case you were hoping to score that ever-elusive "Socks with Sandals" look.

 The more I stare at this, the more confused I get. Is... is that Megatron? Or just like, a garden variety robot monster? Is he eating her belly button? Why is it see-through? Did you mean to wear those grandma underpants? So many questions! 

 This is from my personal collection. I was looking at swimsuits the other night and LOVED this one. I almost ordered it, but read the reviews first and so glad I did. While it is in fact, an adorable rainbow flutter top, it also has HEARTS on the BOOBS when the flutter top blows up. And there are no pictures that indicate this, so it was just a fun surprise for everyone who ordered it. So thanks for that, Nordstrom.

 Nice try, Crocs. A pig in a tuxedo is still a pig. 

 I think we've cultivated a relationship by now in which I can communicate my feelings by facial expressions, right? So can you just imagine me looking bored and annoyed at the same time?

It's also the same face I make at church, while driving, at children's movies and when my husband wants to watch car auctions on TV.

Amy sent me these awesome granny square nails because I've always wanted my hands to look like the smell like mothballs. 

Boom. This Friday is just getting more and more productive. Happy Easter weekend guys! Hope you get chocolate or in my case, beef jerky, because protein.