I know: Deep thoughts for a Wednesday.
So I stumbled across the following infographic the other day:
So, basically, when 2,000 women were polled about their style after having kids, the results were that:
-40 percent said their average heel height dropped two inches.
-18 percent chopped their hair into a bob
-7 percent stopped coloring hair altogether
And over 50 percent said that as moms, they no longer have time for fashion and 27 percent said they missed their old clothes.
Now, I've gotten my fair share of hate mail over the years and one of the most common questions I get in angry written tirades is "What's SO BAD about dressing like a mom!?"
To that, I say "nothing." You're a grown woman. You can dress however you want.
All I can tell you is my motivations for specifically veering away from that specific label.
In 11th grade history, I had an awesome, feminist teacher. Her name was Ms. Mazzulla. Not Mrs. Not Miss. Ms. She was very clear about this.
Now, Ms. Mazzulla had some seriously tragic style, according to me as an 11th grader. She had hippie-long, never-dyed hair. She wore hopelessly outdated bifocals. I never saw her in anything other than a pair of Birkenstocks, which she wore with socks during long, Canadian winters. And she favored long, tie-dyed tunics.
And yet, I consider Ms. Mazzulla to be one of my greatest style influencers. I KNOW, right?
It's because during the second week I had her history class, one of my friends asked why she was so insistent about being called "Ms." (It was after someone accidentally called her "Mrs." and she snapped at them. She had a really bad temper).
She said, "Because I don't want to be judged based on one label. When people hear Miss, they think something. When people hear Mrs, they also think something. I want to be the one to tell them what to think about me."
Uh, holy profound, Ms. Mazzulla. And while I was only 16, that has stuck with me for a long time. Of course, I graduated, got married and had my first child. And I got this new label, complete with omnipresent baby carrier and faint milk smell: Mom.
And I actually like being a mom. It's awesome to have two little mini-me's who think I'm the sole source of food and coolness. But in my first months as a new mom, I knew one thing for sure: I didn't want to be judged by my one label. I never wanted someone to look at me and say, "Yep. She's got a couple of kids at home." "She looks really tired." "She looks like someone who doesn't take time for herself."
Because that meant my appearance was allowing people to make judgements about me that were absolutely untrue (except for the one about being tired). Ms. Mazzulla's words stuck with me, because I wanted to be the one to tell people what to think about me.
Because I'm not only a mom, even though it's a large and interesting part of my identity. I'm also a reality TV show watching, fashion enjoying, shopaholic, good time on a Friday night, serial texting, history buff, working professional, sarcastic, celeb gossip loving, help you burn down your ex's house kinda girl. And that's hard to convey with three letters and a pair of capris, amiright?
And so, the blog was born. But not as a way to be derogatory toward moms, but as a way to prove that it's OK to take time for yourself, take control of your label and wear high heels, even if you had a few kids.
So when I saw that infographic, I got to thinking about Ms. Mazzulla again, who is probably out teaching Ancient Civilizations to a new crop of teenagers and saying profound, identity-changing things without realizing it.
The moral of the story is this: In a perfect world of unicorns and glitter, no one would judge anyone and we'd all get to know each other intimately and see everyone's good qualities. But yeah, we live in a world of long lines at Wal-Mart, mommy wars in the pickup line and getting judged based on appearance alone a hundred times each week.
Because of that, I'm very careful to remember what message I'm sending with my appearance. Not to pander to others and their snap judgements, but to take control of those interactions. Like Ms. Mazzulla, I think it's important that YOU tell people what to think about you. Are you saying:
- I put myself last.
- I'm perpetually tired and don't care who knows it.
- I'm too busy to look put-together.
- My only identity is my children's mother.
- I don't want you to see me.
OR:
- I'm totally approachable.
- I take time for myself because I make it a priority.
- I'm fun and totally enjoy life and the occasional flash mob.
- I see the value in balancing function with style.
- Being a mom has enhanced my natural personality.
And the thing is, if you really, truly, honestly don't care how people perceive you, then good on you. I commend you and think that's awesome. It's your prerogative as an adult woman to not care. But chances are, even the people that toss their sensible wash-n-wear bobs and tug at their oversized tees do care.
So, I guess what this all boils down to is: What are you telling people about yourself with your appearance – and is it accurate?
Getting dressed in the morning serves more of a purpose than just not being naked when you go to grocery store. It's a chance to take control of social interactions and make sure you're sending exactly the message that YOU want to send. That means you're totally in control here: If you miss your old clothes, get 'em back. If you don't have time for yourself, find a way to streamline a 5-minute routine. And, if you prefer flats over heels – then wear flats instead of heels.
So, some questions for you on this Wednesday:
What do you think about Ms. Mazzulla's life lesson?
What are some of your motivations for dressing the way that you do?
And, if you had a label, what would it be?
Geez I need a nap after all of this intellect.
