Freaky Friday

Friday, March 7, 2014

 The other day I got the dreaded message that my C drive was too full, so I commenced cleaning out my computer. When I got to my Downloads folder, it was full of literally hundreds of pictures of bad fashion. Deleting them all was like a horrible walk down an ugly memory lane.

It was beautiful. But now it's time to refill that folder full of more crappy fashion. Luckily, I have awesome readers who alert me to atrocities. Thank you.



How can you look at these and not think "Sex Panther?" 

Marry me, Paul Rudd. 
(Thanks Lindsay!) 

 Brenda sent these wedges (?) over, which look like they're be super convenient when cleaning my house. 


 The Tin Man: So hot right now. 

Seriously. They're corrugated. I can't. 


 My favorite flash sale site is Zulily.com, because I can find great deals on cool and original clothes. But every once in a while, they have something like this and I go to the mall and want to look like everyone else. 

 Oh, are we showing what's on our insides on our clothes now? Because I need a shirt with a slice of pizza and like, five croissants on the belly. 

Fun fact: I don't actually need to see your anatomy to know your gender. I can usually just guess. I'm talented like that. 

 Oh hey there, Swiss Cowboy! How's that incredibly specific genre treating you?

 Lisa sent over this piece of "art," which looks like The Scarecrow from Batman and that dog from the Target commercials had a love child. 


My friend and I went shopping yesterday and were ALARMED at the comeback of palazzo pants. I feel like they're one of those things that comes around and people try it out and realize how horrific they are, so they go out of style until another couple of years later, someone is like "OMG I totally forgot about palazzo pants!" and they come back. 

 They're back.

Let's talk about reasons that palazzo pants are a bad idea:
-They flatter no one.
-They come in weird patterns. 
-They're always a smidgen too short. 
-We have maxi skirts now, so there's no point. 
-They always trick you into thinking they're a maxi skirt on the rack and that's shady. 
-YOU ARE A GROWN WOMAN. 

Don't get me started. 


And with that, I'm off. I'm pulling a Cinderella today: Starting with cleaning my house and ending with getting dressed for our annual hospital NICU benefit in an amazing dress that I will not be able to sit/eat/breathe in. I asked IG followers what shoes I should wear here and the black and white are winning. Any more opinions? 

The Rule of Three: Leather Jacket Edition

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

OK, let's get back to the clothes because you're here to talk about jeans, not my trip to Disneyland.

I am a compulsive shopper, in case you didn't realize. I've been a compulsive shopper since I was a teenager and got my glorious first job and with it, my first paycheque. There was a shoe store near my work and on break, my friend and I would walk over and shop. I think that job probably cost me money.

Because I KNOW I'm prone to making compulsive purchases (seriously, remember my neon stripe wedges from last year?) I try and follow what I call my "rule of three." Before I consider purchasing an item, I have to think up three outfits on the spot in which that item would work. I do this to make sure I'm not buying something just to buy something AND make sure that what I'm getting will actually work with the stuff I already own. Because there's no point in buying something you're not going to wear.

Therefore, I thought it would be a fun feature to do a "rule of three" post, showing three outfits using the very same item. I'm starting with a leather jacket but if you have any pieces you want to send my way, I'd be happy to throw some outfits together.

Now, first is the jacket itself. Start with some good bones -- everyone should have a good leather or faux leather jacket that has a feminine cut -- no boxiness. I like biker collars and moto is really cool too. And, while I might own a few jackets in bright colors, always start with a neutral. Black or tan are the most versatile colors, which mean you'll get the most use out of 'em. I have a red leather jacket that is adorable... and that I rarely ever wear.

Super Casual





Wearing a leather jacket with jeans and flats is practically a uniform for me. It's easy to change up the shirt and accessories, but the jacket finishes off the outfit and gives it a mucho coolness factor. This is something I'd wear running kids to school, grocery shopping and having lunch with friends. (Another reason I like neutral or tan leather -- it matches EVERYTHING).

Date Night




I think we can all agree that leather jackets are basically too cool for school, which is why I wear one on practically every date night my husband and I go on. I like to dress up a little for dinner and a movie, so pairing a jacket with a graphic tank and black jeans is awesome. (Note: I like my leather pants, but a leather jacket with leather pants might make you look like a biker which is all well and good until you're kidnapped into a biker gang and then they find out you bought your jacket from Dorothy Perkins and things get awkward).

Boots for date night are my favorite. They're dressier than flats, but also don't cause faceplanting like heels might. Hey, I love heels, but if I can get away with looking dressy without 'em, I will.

Dressed Up



Don't forget that a leather jacket is killer with dresses and skirts -- trust me. I especially super love them with girly patterns and colors, like pinks, grays and florals. If you're not into pencil dresses, this would look equally as adorable with an A-line skirt, too. Add some tights and closed-toe shoes because it's still March no matter what the swimsuit display at Forever 21 says, and you're good to go.

If you have any other pieces that you love but are super clueless on how to wear, send 'em to my email, which is over there on the right-hand side.

Seriously, if you don't have a leather jacket in your closet, you need to buy one. So versatile it's ridiculous. If you're still in the market for one, obviously Dorothy Perkins is a great place to start and they ship to the United States. Other jacket brands I love:
Guess 
Steve Madden
Calvin Klein (great options for plus sizes)
F21 for tight budgets
American Rag

Happy (non compulsive) Shopping!



February Roundup

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Last night my parents took us out to dinner at Tucano's, a Brazilian BBQ place. It's where they just literally bring you skewers of meat and carve it onto your plate until you beg for mercy. I still feel full and just want to loaf around all day, so... I will. They're flying out this afternoon and that officially checks off everything I had on my packed calendar. Er... until Friday at least.

In the meantime, here's a quick recap of all the crap we did in February. Because, you know, inquiring minds and such.

First it was my little A's birthday - he turned five and is the man.

 Oh hey super stud. We had to go to church on his birthday and I felt bad so he got to wear a Batman ribbon. 

 I used to spend like, a day, making my kids' birthday cakes. They were these huge undertakings that usually involved several tiers and fondant. And then I realized that I hated it and stopped doing it. This took about 20 minutes and a Batman symbol I printed off of the computer. And lots of sprinkles. 

My daughter got a store-bought cake. Pinterest would be ASHAMED. 

The next weekend, we made our way to California, with a brief stop in St. George. We've been tossing around the idea of looking into condos down there, so we spent some time checking out models. But then also eating, swimming and shopping. 

We also went to the dino museum for the millionth time. 
My kids like it and therefore, we go. Here they are watching a scintillating cartoon video about fossils while I looked at Instagram. 

Excellent behavior, as always. 

When Justin wants to leave, he wants to leave. 

After our night in St. G (I'm starting a trend, let's all call it that) we broke the news to our kids that were going to Disneyland, which we had somehow manage to keep secret. 


She just has a lot of feelings. 


After that, it was off to DL.

Can I just talk for a minute about my mixed feelings about Disney? Being from Canada (Toronto is right above New York State) and have four brothers, we never went to Disneyland. It would have been too far and too expensive with our family. We did a lot of traveling, but it was mostly to Eastern Canada. SO I kind of always thought about DL as one of those "childhood" things that I'd missed out on. So naturally, when I had kids I felt like we needed to do it too. So we waited until we thought ours were the ideal age to go and finally booked the trip.

And I kind of thought it would be more magical. Like I'd sit back and think about how many special memories we'd make and our kids are only young once and blah blah feelings. But after three days I was kind of done and kind of glad it was over. Is that bad? Am I crappy human?

I'm glad we checked it off our parenting "to do" list but it will be a long while before I ever consider it again.


Stuff I liked:
-Our hotel. We stayed at the Paradise Pier and it was lovely and perfect and there was good room service and a pool that made my kids very happy. 
-Cars Land. My son is all about McQueen, so it was a big deal. And it was adorable. Also, we got the McQueen car on Radiator Springs Racers and I thought he might actually pass out. 
-California Adventure in general was cool. There was tons of stuff, shorter lines and a really good Chinese food place. I was a fan. 

Stuff I didn't like:
-Actual Disneyland. I thought it would be more spread out? Instead I felt like it was super congested and I got crazy claustrophobic. 
-The Roger Rabbit ride. Shoot me in the face. 
-The Bug's Life movie, which made my children scream and cry to the point that I thought Andrew was going to have a nervous breakdown and we'd have to invest in counseling. 



I feel grinchy admitting that it really wasn't my thing. Like I said, am I glad we did it once? Yeah. But we usually spend our vacations down in San Diego and I think we had as much, if not more, fun there. I think we're just lazy travelers. When I go on vacation, I want to go on vacation. The crowds were definitely not relaxing.

ANYWAY. Those are my thoughts on that. Moving on.

When we came home, my parents literally flew in that night. And of course, my kids were so excited that they stayed up until they got here. This is also when I lost my car keys, and spent two days looking for them, despite the fact that my 5-year-old repeatedly told me they were under the couch. 

Guess where they were.

THEN it was my daughter's birthday -- she turned a ripe old eight. My mom and I brought treats to her class and then my dad and Andrew met us at the school for lunch. Addie forgot that we were bringing her a lunch, so she accidentally bought one anyway. My dad gallantly offered to eat it and three seconds later he was asking another 2nd grader if he wanted to trade.

Yeah. 

We went out for dinner that night and neither of the kids had fully recovered. Here's an excellent picture of Andrew sleep-eating pizza. 

The next day, Addie was baptized, which is a big deal in our religion. One of the fun parts is that girls usually wear white dresses afterward. Addie was adamant that we go shopping so she could "say yes to the dress." We watch a lot of TLC around here.

Unfortunately, we found two dresses that she wanted to say "yes" to. So we bought both. And she wore both. 
First dress. 

 Second dress. 

We had all of our family and friends over for a big party afterward. My house has yet to completely recover. My mom thought it would be a good idea to decorate with Easter grass and I'm finding it EVERYWHERE. 

My parents are getting ready to leave right now. But they did have time to take my kids to the park.

 JK my kids took my dad to the park.


So that should explain my generally crappy blog for the month of February. Luckily, life will calm down and I can stop cursing the fact that ALTHOUGH I planned my children's age gap perfectly, Andrew was accidentally born super early and ruined everything and one month the year is a complete write-off. Thanks, buddy. 

So anyway, I wanted to get your thoughts on the whole DL thing. I have friends who LOVE it and I can see why, so I don't know why it wasn't the happiest place on earth for me.

Maybe it's because the title of "happiest place on earth" has already been filled. 

By my pillow. 


What I Wore: Home Again

Monday, March 3, 2014

You guys, I have literally not even signed into Blogger for the past two weeks. Life has been too bananas crazy. With family flying in, a trip to Disney and two birthdays, I am TOO glad to see February go and now I'm just happy to be home.

I am just getting into the swing of things now, but I've had to wake up uber early to get back on track and catch up. BUT! Since my mama is in town, I've been making her take outfit pics.

(Shh don't tell but I think my daughter is better)

My fam goes home tomorrow and I should be back tomorrow. I'll also do a roundup post of the happenings around here because let's face it, my personal blog is so neglected that this one has become personal too. So look forward to that.

I'm actually physically wearing this right now, which never happens. I grabbed this shirt in St. George last weekend and it is uber-soft. I wore it in California and looked like the ultimate tourist.

Moooooom you cut off my feet!! 
Tee: I bought this at a boutique, but you can find your state here.
Blazer: F21 (similar) (this too) (Love the cuffs)
Skinnies: Local boutique (I love Liverpool 4ever) (cheap!) (mmm mustard)
Boots: Frye duh (on sale again!!) (similar) (similar)
Seriously, now is an excellent time to stock up on boots. Just saying. And yeah, sorry, all of my outfits lately include these. I tell everyone I'm "breaking them in." 

My mom asked me if I was "trying to look smart" today. She loves me. 

I'm off to the races now. Like, not the real races because there's actually no gambling in Utah. Oh, you silly state.

Freaky Friday: Happy Valentine's Day!

Friday, February 14, 2014


 Happy Valentine's Day guys! My husband woke me up to show me the tracking information for my present (which is pure romance for someone like me) and it's currently 30 minutes away EEEE. I was out shopping with my friends yesterday and told them I was literally more excited for this than I was the birth of my children.

And, in also-romantic fashion, my kids and husband each got a bag of donuts from me in lieu of a Valentine. I know, I spoil them.

I know that some people feel like V-Day is a Hallmark holiday (and don't get me wrong, it totally is) but I will support any holiday or special event where I get a present. So we party hardy. Tonight we're staying in with the kids and we'll head out tomorrow for a date. I bought a new outfit. I'm excited.

I shall reduce my excitement by posting some really, really bad gift ideas. That way, if you didn't get anything this year, you can at least take comfort in knowing that at least you didn't get this crap.



 I don't mind lingerie as a gift AS LONG as your guy knows a) your size and b) that your bedroom fantasy doesn't involve an emu.

Speaking of emus. My brothers and I watched this repeatedly one night.

 
 I have yet to meet a single man who wants his wife messing with his underwear. I feel like guys are super particular in general and making his wear novelty boxers assaults his manhood. 
Plus, that's friggin' cheesy.


Not even once. 


 Fastest way to scare a guy away: Emblazon your love for him on your chest. 

Later, you can Photoshop what you think your kids will look like.


 Not only is drugstore celebrity perfume THE WORST, but have you actually smelled this stuff? Sorry, Beyonce, but your perfume smells like a sweaty man in a curry restaurant.

(Seriously, I'm sorry Beyonce I really love you let's never fight again, OK?)

 Sugar free chocolates? You can leave. Now.

At our last girl's night, my friend brought dirty conversation hearts (Love you, Jami!) And they were FILTHY dirty. But at least they had sugar. 

I brought some home so I could show my husband and the next morning my kids were like "OOH CANDY I WANT SOME" and I had to shove them all in my mouth really fast. 

This is my life.

 Just in case you ever wondered what it was like to "give" someone chlamydia, I give you stuffed STDs. 

And we all know what happens when you get chlamydia: 

Don't say I didn't warn you.


 Nothing like forcing your husband to love you on Valentine's Day

Because we all know that NO GUY buys this for himself.

Aww, it's the couple Snuggie! Just in case you were looking for a way to say "I no longer find you sexually attractive."


So we all know that Valentine's Day is basically a bragging a holiday: We get to compare our deep and everlasting love against the scale of our friends on Facebook. So I give you a safe space. What did you get? What DIDN'T you get? Are you wearing emu lingerie RIGHT NOW? Share with me, please. I'm just sitting here refreshing my UPS tracking number maniacally anyway.

**UPDATE: They came. And they are never coming off.**

What to Wear: For Valentine's Day

Wednesday, February 12, 2014


Hand up if you already have Valentine's Day plans! Yeah, my hand is down. Actually, we tend to hang out with our kids on the actual V-Day, because I don't want to use up babysitter time when they should be having romantical times themselves. SO my husband and I tend to celebrate on the 15th or whenever the Saturday night after Valentine's Day happens to be. (My kids LOVE having us home on Valentine's -- I let them have candles with dinner and watch a lovey Disney movie.)

So I'm thinking about what to wear. It's actually what I think about when I'm in pain and working out. I did a killer round of PiYo (Pilates and yoga mixed) on Monday and when in plank for like, 30 minutes I planned my next week's worth of outfits. So I apologize to my butt but am thankful for my closet.

Anyway, if you're still totally stumped for what to wear on your hot date this weekend, here are some ideas. Now go! Go and get frisky!! 

If you're: Headed to a movie







Whatever, so movies aren't the most original date. But my husband and I love them because we get to eat nachos and it's quite for 90 minutes at least. With kids at home, that's heaven to me. I like to be comfortable and casual, but I always need a top layer because theaters are freeeeezing. But I also don't want to be too warm, because I still like my husband to give me his coat. I feel like that's my right after 11 years of marriage, right? Jeans are a must, plus a flirty top and a structured topper.

Bootcut lovers, unite -- flares are totally back this spring and that makes me very happy. Just make sure you balance them out with a sleeker top and shoes. Anything clunky and you'll look like a hippie.

If you're: Headed out to dinner




If you're going out to eat, ditch the pants and get schmany with a maxi dress. It's totally comfortable, but it's a little fancier than your garden variety jeans. I also love how maxi dresses toe the line between casual and more formal, so they work for everything. I love to wear my maxi dresses with heels because they make my legs look loooooong. Plus, if you cover up in the maxi dress, it's the perfect time to flash some cleave. What? Who said that?

If you're: Heading out on the town and doing something fancy



If you're doing something more than dinner and a movie (couples' cocktail party, formal restaurant, dancing, etc) you'll need a cocktail dress. I'm fairly obsessed with this one. BUT! Because you don't want to be overdressed, toning that dress down with a moto jacket or a blazer makes sense. I would even sign off on knee-high boots with this outfit if you wanted even more casual. It's a hot Valentine's Day outfit without wearing the skirt the size of a postage stamp. And you know what? It's fun to dress up and look hot. It's like 75 percent of why I actually like V-Day.

The other 25 percent is me getting presents. My husband says mine will be delivered on Friday and I might actually vomit I'm so excited.


OK, so what are your plans this weekend? Are you a celebrator or a rebel who stays home to watch Pride and Pejudice because I can respect that either way.

What I Wore: Leopard Tuesday

Monday, February 10, 2014

If this shirt looks familiar, it's because it's what I was wearing in those makeup tutorials. Yes, it was a Tuesday. I don't even think I did anything special that day -- I hung around the house because my kids had colds and I had lunch with my husband. So yeah, it was a typical Tuesday. But hey, you're going to put pants on anyway; why not add some leopard and call it an outfit?

 Sweater: F21 (similar)(v-neck)(Want this in red!)
Blazer: Bluenotes - Canada (cheap!) (Plus size) (similar)
Pants: KUT from the Kloth (here and WAY on sale)
Boots: F21 (similar) (these too)


OMG! I almost forgot! We went to Red Robin for dinner on Friday and had THE WORST waiter of all time. First, he tried to give me a fist bump when I ordered a Dr. Pepper. A FIST BUMP. He called my husband "bro" repeatedly and there is nothing that he hates more. Also, when I asked him for a fork, he said  -- and I quote -- "Aw did those ho's up front not give you one?"

I died.

Then, when a table of five girls showed up, he actually pulled up a chair to their table and proceeded to ignore us for the rest of the night. It was so bad I could not stop laughing. If he only knew what I good tipper I usually am because I'm so bad at math. It really was stupendous dining experience.

Aaaand that was my last low-key weekend for a while. February is historically the worst month ever for me. Besides Valentine's Day, it's both my kids' birthdays, parties and whatnot, we're headed off to the Disneyland thing for said birthdays, my family is coming to visit and my daughter is being baptized.

So if this is the last time this month I actually remember to put on pants, I apologize.

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