Freaky Friday

It is crazy gorgeous outside today. Like, the kind of day that restores your faith in humanity. And THEN as I was dropping my kids off for a play date after workout (check and check) "What's My Name?" by Snoop Dogg came on the radio. Awww yeah everything's comin' up Jae!

And, it feels like I haven't done a Freaky Friday in forever. Probably because I actually haven't done one in forever. And all this time, bad fashion was just out there, going un-made-fun-of. And that is unacceptable on a glorious day like today.

 Pinterest, why? Why would you do this. Like, you could make your husband's tie into a bib. Technically there is nothing stopping you. Except for like, self respect and stuff.

 Oh, good. I was looking for something slightly more ewok-y. 

Neeeeerd joke.

 For those days you want to add a few inches, but also go on a challenging hike. 

 "You have my sword."
"And my axe."
"OMG are you guys like, going on a quest or something? ROAD TRIP!"

I am really revealing a high level of nerdiness with the LOTR and  Star Wars jokes today, aren't I?

 This is a shift dress. 

"Dress." Here's a handy tip: If I can see your babymaker, it's too short.

 Bermuda shorts = GOOD.
Spicy little pantaloons = BAD.

 This was in InStyle this month on a feature about cut-outs and how to exercise to wear them properly. Yes, I'm deeply concerned about exercising my clavicle so I can wear shirts that Regina George enjoys. PLEASE TELL ME MORE oh fashion magazine gods. 

 How to wear leather hammer pants.
Step One: Pick them up.
Step Two: Place them in the garbage.
Step Three: Feel ashamed that you owned a pair at all.

That is A LOT of inner thigh. And you guys know how I feel about inner thigh. It is vile. 

Alright, I am going to make the most of this day by doing things like 1) eating food that totally contradicts all the hard work I did during workout today, 2) wearing sunscreen and 3) ignoring the fact that my house is messy. AND.... break!

Spring Trends and How to Wear 'Em 2013

I feel like a little powerhouse this morning. You know those days when you get up and you're just like, an efficient machine all day? Oh yeah. After this I have very important business-y phone calls to make, stuff to do at the city office, grocery shopping to do and I might even squeeze in some sock matching. I mean, is there anything more fulfilling? OK fine, being the pope MAYBE but sock matching is a close second.

Anyway, it's spring and beautiful here. This morning, I realized that I was out of my beloved Crystal Light and remembered that I had a secret stash in my car (such is the nature of my insane addiction) so I went running out there at 6 a.m. in my pajamas and it wasn't even cold. Mind you, it was supremely creepy, but not cold. My town is inherently creepy in the dark. We don't have streetlights and there's just like, wild animals waiting to eat my innards.

But where was I? Yes, spring. Which means it's time for spring fashion treeeeeeends (pretend I said that like Oprah, k?) I thought I'd break it down with some normal-people style, because let's face it, I'm never going to have the time, place or wherewithal to wear a pair of thigh-high gladiator sandals or a sheer neon mini dress. Instead, let's wear this instead!

Leather Love

Object Collectors Item pullover sweater, $48 / H&M , $37 / Accessorize ballerina flat / A|Wear roca wear handbag, $45 / Fun jewelry, $41 / Retro jewelry

Yes, I own a pair of leather pants. And also a leather skirt. And eight leather jackets (I seriously almost bought one on Monday too but I abstained). So naturally, I like me some leather. Which is grrrrreat because leather is big this spring. The trick to doing 2013 Spring leather is to soften it up. A long, loose-weave sweater and flats make these pants less "do me" and more "do me a solid and join this book club with me." Aw, sweet. I wore my leather pants over the weekend to see a matinee showing of Oz (loooooove) and I didn't even feel like I was going to a biker bar. Small victories, people.

Neutral Neon

James Perse v neck tee / Skinny leg jeans / American Eagle Outfitters neon flip flops / Neon messenger bag / Style tryst / Dorothy Perkins stretch bracelet / Loop scarve

You guys, I am seeing a lot of baaaaaad neon this spring. Last year's neon was really juvenile and this year's neon is a little more neutral. And I am aware that doesn't make sense. What I'm saying is that new neon is less Cyndi Lauper and more tropical this year, especially when you pair it with seriously neutral clothes or another big trend -- camo. So cute without being like "YAYY I went to a Tiffany concert once!" You may have seen people matching neon with neon. It is terrifying. Avoid.

PS I also like neon in accessory form if wearing a day-glo mini skirt has you seeing flashbacks. Scarf and flip flops -- adorable!

Black and White All Over

Jane Norman scoop neck t shirt, $12 / Jane Norman , $45 / Michael Antonio sparkly heels / Oasis handbag, $45 / Amrita Singh / Statement necklace, $24

The big color combo du jour is all black and white, all the time. Which isn't exactly inspired but hey, it's easy and it looks good. To make your black and white look more interesting, start mixing up patterns. It's OK because you're only doing two colors. And because I said so. I love florals with stripes. It's OK to team up an abstract print with something more graphic like so. And the best part is that you probably have a ton of black and white in your wardrobe already. Score!

Railroad Stripes

Wet Seal striped top / Uniqlo super skinny jeans / Kelly & Katie straw beach tote / Coach jewelry

I almost made a joke about how you should "choo-choose" stripes but this is a very serious fashion blog, people. But how cute is this? This year's stripes are awesome-sauce because they're railroad stripes and railroad stripes are vertical. Remember that time you asked your friends if horizontal stripes made you look fat and she said no, but deep down you know she was lying? You don't have to worry about that anymore! Just make sure you break up the look by adding in some cute wedges or tons of color, because you're not actually working on a railroad.

Tailored Shorts

VILA see through top, $27 / White jacket / Espadrille wedge sandals / Black satchel / Accessorize cord necklace / 

YAY! My beloved bermies are back in action and this year, they're getting a makeover. New bermuda shorts are structured and tailored enough to wear with blazers and heels, because they're practically a trouser. Look for cuffed hems and tailored pockets in luxe-y fabrics like pinstripe. Adorable and crazy leg-lengthening when worn with wedges. This may prompt me to refer to your legs as gams. And make you feel uncomfortable.


So, love or hate? Wear or don't wear? Eat a donut or don't eat a donut? Sorry, that last one is my tortured breakfast choice.

What I Wore: Rhinestone Cowboy

 So, once upon a time I had a boyfriend when I was a teenager. And we were talking about the future as stupid teenagers do. And he mentioned that he wanted to live in the city -- I grew up just outside of Toronto -- and when I didn't agree, he said in disgust "Wait.. are you a country girl?"

Needless to say, it didn't work out.

And wouldn't you know it; I moved to a small town. And people sometimes ride their horses down my street. And there are lots of baby cows. And once, a bat flew in my house.

And sometimes, I wear cowboy boots.

And I often think about how I am a little bit of a country girl at heart. I like my space. Of course, I also like my sparkle, my stilettos, my ballerina-wear and my leopard, too. So there you go.

 Tank: Rue21
Cardi: c/o modbod
Skirt: Olsenboye
Boots: Soda
Earrings: f21

I'm just a walking paradox. I can wear sequins with cowboy boots, right? I also listen to rap in my SUV (two of my favorites here and here), but listen to angry girl country music when I'm cooking (here, here and here) and inexplicably, folk rock when I'm working (here and here). So basically what I'm saying is I make no sense as a person.

Also, boots come in handy when you're tromping around in post-melt Utah. Word on the street is that it's actually spring here now, so everything is covered in mud yaaaaay. And, since the sun was shining, this shirt made pretty sparkle reflections all over my car and if I said I didn't drive around whilst shimmying my torso to see them, I'd be lying and also a real adult.

So yeah. Basically: Tutu + sequined shirt + leopard + cowboy boots = no categorized style whatsoever. I WILL NOT BE LABELED. Country girl, city girl, respecter of sequins, hider of sun. Your friendly neighborhood Jae!

Ask Jae!

Yay! Ask Jae posts are my fave and I haven't done one in eons. PS I use the term "eons" way too much for it to be feasible. Just a note.

Anyway, thanks to all who sent over their questions. I try to answer them personally via email, but when they stack up I start to get overwhelmed and it's easier to do them all in one shot. So let's do it. But not "it" it. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Loni asked "I have two navy skirts that I love. Both of these skirts were originally part of nautical- inspired Spring/Summer collections. I have grown tired of the nautical look. What else can I wear with a navy skirt?"

OK, I am a lover of all things nautical, but I can see how a navy skirt could get boring if that's the only way you've worn it. So I've created three looks with nary a stripe in sight. Here's how I'd style a navy pencil skirt.

VILA all over print shirt, $38 / H&M top, $23 / Top, $36 / Mango knee length pencil skirt, $35 / Patent leather peep toe pumps / Shoe Republic pointed toe shoes / Multi strand gold necklace / Dorothy Perkins gold cuff bracelet / Fantasy Jewelry Box yellow earrings / Amrita Singh jewelry / Oasis scarve, $33 / Forever New waist belt, $17 / Stone slant keeper skinny

First, how about a monochromatic thing? I like monochromatic looks because nothing really has to match. It's like, they're all blue so they can get along regardless. Or, I really like gray and mustard as accent colors to make the navy pop. Finally, florals look really fresh when paired with navy instead of black, since black can be a bit harsh. Note that all of the accessories are gold, nude or white. That's because summer is coming and you want crisp lines... perfect for work. Does that help?


Wendy asked: "I'm 41, have dark circles under my eyes (always), and I'm noticing that instead of being "puffy" under the eyes (like most eye creams are made for), my skin looks to be sinking in a bit...and of course, it's thin and delicate."

Oh, Wendy, I feel your pain. I too don't get puffy eyes, I get shadowy eyes. And it suuuucks to look tired all the time. I also can tell that my skin is changing with age because it doesn't perk right up like it used to. I know you're using concealer, but are you using the right color? For shadows, you definitely want something yellow-toned. I used a yellow concealer and literally paint it on with a concealer brush. Then, use a champagne-colored eyeshadow rather than a white to dot the tear ducts to help them look brighter.



I also use apple cider vinegar (I KNOW) to help brighten up dull skin. I pour equal parts of water and unfiltered ACV in a spray bottle and then use it as a toner at night. Because of its acid content, it works like a mini peel and I've seen a huge difference in fine lines and brighter eyes in the morning. Plus, it's cheap and you get it at the grocery store. How awesome is that?

Megan asked: "I know you color your hair. I do mine darker, but it seems to fade really fast after I color it and it's so frustrating! How the heck do I keep it looking nice?"

Well, when I went from light to dark for the first time ever, I noticed that my hair color was fading wayyyy faster than when I was a true brunette. And you know what? My shampoo was the culprit. It was stripping my hair. So I do a couple of things now. First, I switched to a sulfate-free shampoo. I like the EverStrong collection from L'Oreal. Then -- and this might sound gross -- but I wash my hair way less than before. I work out almost every day, which means a daily shower and what used to be a daily hair washing. Now, I thankfully -- I almost wrote "stankfully" ahahahah -- I still shower every day, but I keep my hair in a tight bun and then use dry shampoo afterward. I really scrub my hair two or three times per week and that keeps my color looking pretty darn good.

Jamie wrote: "How old is too old to pull off the colored jean? Talking fun pastels that I see everywhere right now."

Here's the thing, Jamie. I dislike when someone doesn't try something because they're afraid they can't pull it off or they're too old. THAT'S LAME. Unless it's a butt-caressing mini-skirt, you should give it a try. However, I will give you the same advice that I gave my sister-in-law when she tried colored jeans for the first time. She's a few years older than me and we started gently with almost-neutrals for the first time, like a rusty orange instead of like, neon pink. You can then ease into it. As for pastels, I really like aqua blue and mint green, even if you're a bit older. You can pair them with nudes and it looks more mature and less like you bought them at Claires. 

This, from Marilda:  "How to dress stylish and comfortable when travelling. Think airport security hassle, taking shoes off, etc... No more sweat pants or leggings that ARE NOT PANTS!"


(my perf travel outfit)

I travel a lot... usually three or four times a year. With two small children. And getting through security is THE WORST. And, thank you for acknowledging that leggings are indeed, not pants. Would you hate me if I told you that I usually travel in maxi dresses? Don't think that I'm high maintenance -- just think about it. They don't have belts. They're flowy and comfortable. I can wear them with flats that slip on and off at security. They look cute at your destination. Seriously, it's my fave way to travel. And at least it doesn't have "Juicy" written on the bum.

Rachelle (who is another one of my sisters-in-law and who I shop with regularly lol) asked: "How to find jeans (skinny and regular) for the not so very tall person. What are some brands that last? Where are some good stores?"

 
(my favorite straight skinnies)

Before I recommend brands and stores, can I expound upon the difference between a skinny straight and a skinny tapered jean? Because that's where the difference comes in. If you're tall and leggy, by all means, go for that skin-tight skinny jean that tapers at the end. I shall not be joining you. I Have long legs and a laughably short torso, which puts me at a whopping 5'4". I always ALWAYS look for a skinny straight jean, where the knee and the hen are roughly the same width. These will look better on shorter people because they elongate rather than stumpifying. If you can't tell by looking, fold the jean up at the knee. You want the hems and the knees to match up width-wise.

And honestly (and I'm not just saying this because they've sponsored my blog in the past) I love my Liverpool Abby jeans. They're straight without being tapered but aren't baggy around the angle. I love 'em. If you're looking for cheaper, Refuge jeans -- sold at Charlotte Russe -- has a solid skinny jean that doesn't taper and I've had mine since the start of this blog. Also, dark colors are your friends. I love black, dark denim and even dark colors, like red, for making the leg look longer and taller. 

One more thing: If you want to try skinnies but aren't sure about it, wear them with knee-high boots. It's universally flattering and less scary.  Or, try cuffing them and wearing them with heels rather than flats, like so: 



What I'm saying is that after fit and structure, the way you style your skinnies will make a ha-yuge difference in what they do for your bod.

Amy asked me to "Do a how to use make-up brushes such as a fan brush."

Your wish is my command, Amy. At least it was in the past. Check out these makeup tutorials that can help you figure out what the heck to use your brushes for:

Beauty 101: Makeup Brushes
Jae's Guide to Corrective Coloring
How to Hide a Superhonkingirnormous Zit
How to Contour Your Face with Makeup

Let me know if you're still stumped! 


And last, but not least, Jared requested -- on my fan page, natch: "How to convince your man that shorts in the winter is not cool. I tried searching for an ehow article to no avail."

Let me point out a few things. Jared is my brother-in-law and thinks he's soooo funny. Jared also, for reasons that are unknown to me, likes wearing shorts all winter long. Like, I will see him trudging through three feet of snow in cargo shorts. I have tried and tried to convince him -- along with his wife -- that wearing shorts during the winter isn't smart. But, since it has yet to work, I suggest a) moving to Arizona or b) divorce. It's tough love to stop the madness. 


Alright, that's it for this edition of "Ask Jae." Thanks to everyone who sent along questions, except for Jared, who I know is sitting somewhere laughing and laughing at his own cleverness right now. 

What I Wore: Party Pooper

OK, so I didn't make it around to a post on Friday. I shall apologize by performing a massive pic dump today so you know what I was up to around here. My daughter turned 7 last week, as my Facebook friendsies know, and remember when I said I was prone to indulgence? Yeah, I pretty much kill myself over birthday parties. I figure with only two kids, I might as well. Addie's birthday lasted like, four days and I'm pretty much dead. Seriously, I'm posting from beyond the grave. I'm just a really dedicated blogger like that.

First, we kicked it off with a trip to the aquarium. And I wore this:

 Top: Downeast Basics
Tank: Charlotte Russ (I've literally had this since my first year of marriage)
Skinnies: Ardene (Canada)
Boots: Breckelle's
Jacket: Steve Madden
Earrings, ring: F21
Watch: XOXO

 I wear my hair like this five out of seven days and I don't caaaaaare.

I'm an "outings mom," which means I'm only good at going places with my kids. At our own house I have no idea what to do with them. My son will ask me to play cars and I start acting like I don't remember childhood. BUT! At the aquarium, there was a petting pool and there was a shark who loved to be petted so much that she would literally jump out of the water. At least, I think it's because she wanted to be petted. It might have been bloodlust. Whatever, it was adorable slash horrifying.

The next day was her actual birthday. She had asked for an American Girl and I kept playing like they were too expensive (which they actually are) and that I didn't have time to order one, even though it was safely stowed in my guest room closet for weeks. PS buying one literally made me want to vomit a little. It's an exorbitant amount for a doll.

But then, when she opened it I got this reaction: 

And it was worth every penny. She is SO my child.

Also, that is me yelling at my daughter to pen the red one first and then calling her a dork. Mom of the Yeeear! 

My life the past four days has been nothing but finding accessories for that doll. We are not the proud owners of a tiny wrought-iron bed, a small set of mittens and a little beret and matching coat along with a plethora of clothes. Siiiiiiiiiiigh.

The day after, it was party time. I don't know why I kill myself over kid's parties. I don't even like them. But alas, I have major mom guilt the rest of the year and this is how I make up for the fact that I don't know how to play with my children.

 

My house was awash in pink and purple.

And nail polish.

And giant ponies. If you guessed that we had a pony party, you're very good at stating the obvious. Bravo! 

Anyway, we had seven kids and set up a station at each pony for an activity, like dress up, nail painting, art and a magic show, put on by my daughter who is obsessed with weird things like magic, dinosaurs and zombies. Also, American Ninja Warrior. JUST LIKE NORMAL THINGS PLEASE.

We also had a family party yesterday, with my husband's side and my momma, who flew down for the festivities. Addie has a cousin with a birthday the day before hers and it's magical because there's someone to share the cake with. Hallelujah and thank you for large fams. 

 

SO yeah. That was my last four days. I am super tired now. Luckily, my internal clock woke me at 5:30 this morning. Thanks, internal clock. You're a real freakin' gem. 

Oh, also, a housekeeping note. I've been getting questions via email in the last week and thought I'd do another "Ask Jae" post on Wednesday. If you have any fashion-y, style, hair or makeup q's that have been burning deep inside your heart, submit them via email (see the sidebar) or Facebook (see the link at the start of this post). I'll get to them on Wednesday and it will be fantastic. 

How to: Shop for Shoes Online

Hey, newsflash: I like to shop for shoes. Like, a lot. As in, my closet is overflowing with the 130+ pairs of shoes that I can't stop buying. I attribute it back to my first pregnancy. I didn't get huge or anything, but things didn't fit well and I had an awkward baby belly that wasn't big enough for maternity clothes but was too big for normal clothes. It was a dark time for me. I turned to shoes. Shoes always fit. Shoes didn't judge. Shoes were pretty.

Fast forward seven years and I'm still totally obsessed. And one of my favorite ways to add to my collection is to shop for deals online. Seriously, I buy a huge amount of cheap shoes online, thanks to coupon codes, sales and the fact that I do it on a daily basis. But shopping for shoes online can also be a little tricky, so I've got some tips if you're going to be trolling the interwebz for pretty shoes.

1) Look for brands you already own.

This is something I do with online clothes shopping as well. It's probably the only time I could be considered "brand loyal." It's just that if I shop via brand, I know for sure what size will fit me, since I've already got some in my closet. For instance, I love Chinese Laundry shoes. I'm a 7.5. When I see CL shoes on sale, I don't have to hum and haw over the fit, since I already know. I heart online shoe superstores that have most popular brands of women's shoes since I can sort via the brands I already own and buy that way.

2) Read the reviews.

This is a MUST, people. Reviews are golden because they save you from making the same mistakes someone else has already made, like ordering too narrow or buying a shoes that's totally uncomfortable. I always check out the user reviews for comments on the way the shoes fit, whether or not they run true to size and how comfortable/easy they are to walk in. I mean, obviously I sometimes still buy shoes even if they aren't easy to walk in, but at least I'm prepped.

3. Shop around.

I made a rookie mistake on V-Day when I bought these cute boots at the mall. I loved these MIA Crusaders and bought 'em on the spot. The coolest part about them is that the studs make a spur noise when you walk and make me feel like I'm in True Grit, which is my favorite Western of all time. ANYWAY, I got home and started thinking about buying them in black so I looked them up online. Guess what? I totally overpaid. I found them cheaper online. Before you buy, plug the shoe brand and name into Google Shopping and you'll probably find the shoes you want for cheaper -- especially if there's a coupon code involved. Sweet, sweet coupon codes how I love you.

4. Make sure there's a darn good return policy.

Buying shoes online means you don't get to try them on, so you're sorta flying blind. There's been times where I bought shoes from a brand I knew and did everything right -- and they still didn't fit all that well when I got them. Seriously, I have one pair of heels that were so tight that they literally made me lightheaded when I wore them. That's why you need to check the return policy before you buy. Gold standard is free returns, but it'll vary from store to store. Just know what you're getting into so you can send the shoes back if they're totally heinous.

5. Hide the boxes from your husband.

Then, when he asks if your shoes are new, shrug noncommittally and mumble something about having them for a while. Just trust me on that.

Let's recap here:
Shopping for shoes online = good.
Shopping without thinking = bad.
Having a good return policy = good.
Owning up to it = bad.

What I Wore: Sloppy Jae

OK, this has to be quick because I'm heading out to lunch and am still all sweaty and unshowered from my morning workout. I have been so very unproductive today. So it makes sense that I would be abandoning everything on my to-do list for Mexican food. Because you never say no to Mexican food.

 Yesterday I was feeling kind of shlubby and didn't want to squeeze myself into ANYTHING, which is where this sloppy ensemble came from. Sloppy boots, sloppy scarf and sloppy sweater equal a sloppy Jae and I'm OK with that.

 Sweater: Gap
Scarf: H&M (a gift from my brother!)
Skirt: White House Black Market
Boots: MIA
Cuff: Local
Ring: 1928
Earrings: F21

 I heart these boots and have worn them for a week straight. They were my V-Day boots how romantic.

 

And lest you think I'm a complete slob, you should see that at least my socks matched my sweater. I'm not a barbarian.

I promise that next week, I'll post something that I had to like, put effort into. But considering I'm about to completely binge, I'll probably need a few days before I can squeeze into anything other than yoga pants. Also, my mom is coming tomorrow. This means mom-food all week long. Sometimes she says she's not going to cook when she visits. And then we laugh and laugh and she makes me things like egg sandwiches. It's awesome.