Freaky Friday

I'm having one of those fantastic Fridays so I'm excited to get out the door today. Work in the bag, yoga class done, big date night planned with the manly man (so what if our lives revolve around Men in Black 3?) and a Memorial Day shopping extravaganza? I'm in! I also bought a new maxi dress to wear on said date and I can't wait to show you guys on Monday, so put on your excited face and wear it for the next three days.


Katy Perry and Kate Upton both were wearing these shoes, because we all needed a reminder that they liked sex. I think the cupcake bra and the Sports Illustrated cover, respectively, was probably enough for both.


My favorite thing about summer? Stupid magazine articles about what to wear to music festivals. It always includes fringe. Because who wouldn't want to wear something that a) looks like it's falling apart and b) drags around on the floor of a Port-a-Potty.


This would be cool for like five seconds before realizing that you're unemployed.


OK, you know what? These are clearly just Jasmine's pants. Designers are getting LAZY.

Janelle sent me this and I declare it awesome. It's what I think when I see people wearing sweats in public anyway, so it saves me thinking part!


Nothing says "I kind of have a crush on my sister" like acid wash American flag cutoffs.


From the "I'm a huge idiot who spends money on stupid crap even though there's people starving all over the world" collection.

Can I also tell you that I'm always saving bad fashion pics on my phone and I live in fear of someone opening my Camera Roll and being like um, why do you have these?


I'm sorry, but where exactly does one wear these? Basic training? Spy school? A Matt Damon movie?


I found these while surfing around looking for shoes to buy the other day. I promptly decided that if Ronald McDonald had a lady love, she would definitely wear these shoes. And I swear, if McDonalds suddenly starts marketing a female clown wearing these, I will sue for royalties MARK MY WORDS.

Alright, I'm out for the weekend. Anyone else have any super awesome Memorial Day plans? Wanna come shopping with me? I'll the one shutting my eyes in fear as I swipe my credit card.

What to Wear: To Workout 2012

I'll admit that I've totally written about workout wear before. But when I wrote that post, I was like, the weakest fitness enthusiast EVER. I was the kind of person who went to the gym, wandered around a bit, hopped on the elliptical and watched an episode of "Giada at Home," wandered around some more and went home. Seriously.

Lately, it's gotten more serious for me. One of my awesome friends just recently certified in kickboxing, and two of my other awesome friends have been my workout buddies, so I've been gymming it up at least 4 times per week since February. It's amazing what some accountability can do. And not wimpy gym-going. I'm talking hour-long, push yourself to the max before praying for sweet mercy stuff. I'll never be a runner and I'm not great at sports, but I like to think that I've really stepped it up in the fitness arena, and I'm super happy with the results. I have no idea if I"ve lost weight because I haven't weighed myself for years, but my body looks better, I've got WAY more energy (WAY) and my clothes are fitting better too. Can't complain.

My friend Kim (who is a fitness coach - follow her on Facebook and get tons of daily workout inspiration!) always says that it's all about finding your "soulmate workout", meaning you've gotta try a bunch of stuff to find something you really love to do. For instance, my sad turns on the elliptical didn't do anything for me because I hate cardio and machines. Duh.

For some, it's running, others love Zumba (oh how I hate Zumba) while others kick it with yoga. After trying a ton of different routines, I've finally whittled down my schedule so it looks like this:
Monday: Pilates
Tuesday: Weight training + Plyometrics
Wednesday: Cardio
Thursday: Weight training + Plyometrics
Friday: Yoga

I love weight training the best because I like pushing myself, so it gets two days. Cardio is usually kickboxing, unless someone drags me to Zumba, where I hang out in the back and wish I were dead. Since I do a wide variety of stuff, I need to change up my workout gear to match what I'm doing. I thought it'd be helpful for you to see what I love and hate about workout clothes so it's one thing you DON'T have to worry about when you're exercising.

OK, can I just say that I'm a HUGE proponent of getting workout wear that makes you feel great? Back when I was sucking at fitness, I would just wear whatever because it literally didn't matter. Once I got back on track and made working out a priority, my old clothes didn't cut it anymore. Not only did I need better performance from my clothes, but I wanted my gear to inspire me to workout harder. For me, that meant ditching the oversized tees and spending a bit of extra money on well-fitting stuff with performance fabrics. That way, I couldn't shlump around and give it 25 percent; it's all or nothing.

I'll point out here that it's not about looking pretty when you workout. I think there's a special circle of hell reserved for people who wear full hair and makeup to the gym. But I think you should feel confident and ready to give 100 percent when working out, and that's easier if you feel good about yourself and the way you look.

What's more, I always work out with instructors, which means they sometimes need to check my form. That's impossible if I'm wearing my hubby's sweats. So here's some of the stuff I recommend for different types of workouts!

Nike activewear, $40
Hollister Co yoga activewear, $10
Sanuk flip shoes, $26
Nike Performance Graphic 5mm Yoga Mat - Light Blue, ONE SIZE, $50

OK, so I found that when I do yoga and Pilates, I want as little clothing as possible. This is for two reasons: 1) I go from 0 degrees to 6,000 degrees after the first five minutes, and 2) the instructor needs to see my form. If I'm wearing baggy or constricting clothes, she has no idea what I'm doing. Plus, is it weird that I just think it's a pretty form of exercise? Bodies look so graceful.

I'm a big fan of yoga shorts, but it definitely took some nerve to get over my body issues and wear them all the time. Now I don't care, but two months ago, they were scary. If you don't want to go with shorts, look for tight-fitting capris instead. They make amazing compression fabrics now that are super-flattering and help your form and posture too. True story: I usually end up wearing slippers to both classes because I prefer to practice barefoot in both. My slippers are knee-high rainbow mukluks. I look like a crazy person.

Xersion™ Colorblock Workout Tank Top Petaluma Pink/Blk, $17
Sports bra, $16
NIKE platform shoes, $85
Puma mesh handbag, $60
NIKE pink hair accessory, $10
Nike Dri-FIT Regular Fit Women's Training Capris - Black, L, $40

When it comes to cardio days, I like my gear to hold me in. When you're jumping and kicking and punching all over the place, the last thing you want to worry about is jigglybutt, am I right? I just bought a pair of Calvin Klein Performance capris and they are awesome for cardio workouts. Also, make sure you have a great sports bra. I won't discourse on bras because they're obviously super personal to your size, but you just need something that'll hold the cookies in place when doing cardio, OK? No excuses. Also, sports hairbands are a must-have for me. I do not want to be worrying about hair in my face when I'm working out. A pack of 'em costs like $3 at Walmart.

Victoria s Secret activewear, $29
Old Navy activewear pants, $20
Puma activewear jacket, $36
H M sports bra, £13
Reebok mesh shoes, $35

Weight lifting days are the closest I come to shlubby gym wear. Since I only have a short period of plyo, I can get away with wearing more comfortable pants because I'm usually moving slowly and taking my time. I like a traditional yoga pant or whatever I actually have clean that day. I prefer tee's to tanks for weightlifting - I LOVE these VS ones. I like tissue-thin tees that keep me cool and don't get all gross and sweaty. And since it takes a while to warm up when lifting weights, a hoodie is a must when it's cooler outside. I also can get away with a lower performance bra because there's less bounce-age.

To be honest, I push myself the hardest on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I don't want to think about what I'm wearing or how I look when I'm on my 400th lunge. I'm in the Incredible Hulk zone. We worked lower back yesterday and I'm feeling it today!

I just don't want not knowing what to wear to stop you from getting your daily workout in. Even if you're just walking to the park, you'll put in a better effort if you're dressed the part. The other day I got home from my workout and I was still in my gear, and I found that I was more likely to get out and play a game of soccer with the kids because I was already in my trainers and clothes.

Places to get workout gear at great prices: JCPenney, Macy's, F21 (but I find it's not higher performance stuff. I usually wear it for yoga and Pilates) Nike Outlets are awesome, and I've even found great stuff at places like Marshalls and TJ Maxx.

NO excuses, people. Workout wear can either help or hinder your performance, so don't waste your time by putting in half the effort. Even if you fall off the wagon (last week was my daughter's last week of school and we literally had something every morning of the week) don't use it as an excuse to stop. Use it as an excuse to train harder.

That being said, I'm late for a kickboxing class.

Any stuff you're super in love with for working out? Anything you totally hate? Are you eating donuts RIGHT NOW?

What I Wore: Mod Men

I had to take some medication last night and it made me obscenely dizzy, so my apologies if this is ridden with more typos than usual. It's 7:14 and I'm already planning around a future nap.

I also forgot to tell you that I got a contact over the weekend. Not contacts. A contact. I'm so completely blind in one eye that there's no reason to try and correct it. So if my eyes look puffy for the next few weeks, it's because I've taken 17 tries to get the dang thing in my eye. On the bright side, I'm not a danger to other drivers and myself anymore. YAY!

ANYWAY, it's no secret that I love vintage-y clothing looks, especially from the 50s and 60s. I'm obsessed with uber-feminine silhouettes. The only problem with buying old-school pieces, like a seriously cute polka dot, mid-length pencil skirt, is that it can look like you're wearing a costume if you don't put a modern spin on things. Which is OK if you're going to an actual costume party. If not... weird.

Tank: c/o/ modbod
Cardi: Downeast Basics
Skirt: Urban Wear
Shoes: dear
Belt: Downeast
Hairpiece: F21
Cuff: Local (Bella Ella)
Necklace: Antique

I decided that a modern color palette would help bring this into 2012. While this would probably look adorable with all red and black, the plum cardi helped it look less pin-up girl. Plus, how adorable are its big black and gold buttons? I love.

This skirt is definitely a keeper. I bought it on Friday and I'm already thinking of all the ways to wear it.

The hair thingy was another throwback. I loved the polka-dot netting but it's a MAJOR accessory. Didn't need much else when I already had feathers and VEIL on my head. Also, these shoes are my favorite red shoes ever. They're crazy comfortable and super shiny, which is what I Look for in a red shoe. I've just about worn them out and that makes me sad. But since I bought them for $8 when Steve and Barry's was still around, I guess I got my money's worth!

Now that I'm done playing Betty Draper, it's back to real life. My kindergartner is now in summer break season and I'm sweating while thinking of how to entertain my kids for the next two months. Ideas?

Freaky Friday

OK, so Freaky Friday is suuuper late today. But I have good reasoning - it was my daughter's kindy grad today. So naturally we had to do that and then it threw the rest of my day completely off schedule. I'm the kind of person who has a calendar planning session every Sunday night. I like order because I'm a really scatterbrained person. So having my routine thrown off makes me insane. BUT! The grad was cute, and now I'm excited that I don't have to get my kid outta bed in the morning to catch the bus. I cherish my quiet time in the morning.

But I digress! I couldn't let Friday fly by without some snark!




Amy sent me an article with the title "Is This the Worst Nail Trend EVER?"

Let's see: Putting on fake nails that are shaped like duck feet and then bedazzling them like you were crafting while drink? Uh, yeah, I'd say that qualifies as the worst ever.



Stephanie sent me this prime specimen of front bum in the wold. Careful; it spooks easily. ANd by "spooks," I mean "jiggles".



Sara overcame pregnancy nausea to send me these shoes that straight up look like they were made from human flesh.

OOH! Story time! So when it comes to horror movies, I'm not as scared of ghosts and aliens as I am of slasher movies. Maybe because all slasher movies happen in sleepy towns full of cows and I happen to live in a sleepy town full of cows. Once, against my better judgement, I watched the new version of Texas Chainsaw Massacre with my hubs and our friends.

Aaaaaand I cried all the way home.

Through the corn fields.

The end.



Somewhere, Angelina Jolie is very glad that there exists a skirt that does the leg-sticking-out for her.


One of my favorite Pinterest finds because it was labeled "I need these NOW."

For you career as a street juggler?



Stephanie sent these shorts, which have so much going on that I feel like I have to properly categorize my feelings:
1) Where is this person's belly button? It concerns me.
2) Does this count as vajazzling? If you don't know what vajazzling is, don't ask questions and consider yourself lucky.
3) That lace looks like something I dug out of my sketchy bag of fabric scraps.
4) I feel like I see a bulge. DON'T LOOK.


Hey, I love pattern mixing as much as the next fashion blogger, but this looks like a thrift shopping hipster totally barfed on this poor model. WE GET IT YOU'RE OBSCURE.


I now present: The Saddest Patterned Tights I've Ever Seen. Why is one of the cats frowning? Is it because he knows that the wearer will be forever alone?





Brenda sent this hair purse that had a DIY and everything. It went like this:
Step 1: Find an old purse that you hate.
Step 2: Shave your head or scalp someone while they aren't looking.
Step 3: Glue it to your purse.
Step 4: Comb it lovingly as you acknowledge the fact that you're completely insane.
Step 5: Braid it and tell it secrets.
Step 6: Die.


I'm actually secretly glad Brenda sent it over, because I was wondering what to wear with my rainbow hair suit.


PHEW! Dodged that bullet!



I thought there was no way that we could top the ugliness of the cat swimsuit. But a wood grain swimsuit might actually win. Especially with the inexplicable Wet Seal belt slapped on there as an afterthought.

OH! I feel like this "wood" be a good time for a pun contest. HAHAHA. I'm clever. If you love me, you'll indulge my love of puns with a comment that has to do with this swimsuit.

Like "Birch, please."
Or, "I've been pining for this suit forever."
And "If we cut her open, will we find out how old she is?"

Um, wow. That went to a really dark place just now.

Oh, if only I could harness all of the potential I have.

But seriously. Wood swimsuit puns. Winner gets a nicely worded compliment from me. GO!



Well, the mailman just dropped a box of 10 books at my door and they're not going to read themselves. I have a big night planned, apparently.

Jae Raids the Drugstore: Best (and Worst) Beauty Buys II

So, you guys know I was on a shopping fast last month because I haven't shut up about it for the last 60 days. Like, we get it Jae. You didn't shop. There are starving children in Africa.

Of course, I had to have an outlet for shopping or else I would have ended up with the shakes, so makeup made up almost all of my purchases for the entire month of April.

Seriously, in true addict style I ended up just going to Walgreens and throwing the entire beauty department in my cart. Then I talked myself out of it and only came home with a few things. My husband and my bank account were grateful.

I thought I'd show you some of the stuff that I got that I loved (and hated) on the cheap at the drugstore. It's OK to feed your habit if you're also shopping for cough medicine, right? RIGHT!?


Rimmel Scandal Eyes Mascara

Despite the fact that I HATE the commercial for this stuff (seriously, it's not the gap that bugs me, it's the ugly face she makes OVER and OVER again during the entire spot) but I thought I'd give it a shot anyway. I did that thing where you put saline solution in your mascara to make it last longer at the very end, but I could only make it last so long and the stupid Nordstrom near me shut down and I had a mascara emergency! I actually really like this stuff! It's not as smooth as my usual mascara, and I don't think I like it as much as Million Lashes, but it's pretty close. Gives me nice, fat lashes, which is the only part of my body that I would ever wish to be nice and fat.


Sonia Kashuk Brush Couture

Can I just tell you how much I love Sonia Kashuk brushes? Obviously they're from Target and not the drugstore, but I feel like because Target HAS a drug store, it counts. Anyway, this is my second set of SK brushes - the others I had for almost three years. They're super soft and lovely. I love the huge one for bronzer, and the last one in that row makes the coolest smoky eyes in one step, which is pretty brilliant. And I got all of them for like, $14 - not too shabby!

Wet n' Wild Color Icon Shadow Trio in Knock on Wood.

I was in a beauty slump last month and wanted something to kick it, but I also didn't want to commit to something pricey, so I picked this little number up for a couple of bucks. I'm telling you now: If you have blue eyes, get this palette! It's totally foolproof - I mean, each color tells you where it goes on your eyes, for goodness sake - and it makes my blue eyes totally pop. It would look really pretty with brown eyes too. I'm impressed!


Maybelline Baby Lips in Peach Kiss

Would you laugh at me if I told you I bought this at Walmart while we were picking up patio chairs and a couple of plants? Because that's how I roll. This stuff is like grown-up Lip Smackers. I can't really sat if it improved my lips at all, which is like, the whole schtick for this stuff, but it tastes awesome and I like the hint of color it gives. It's my new go-to laid-back lip that I keep in my purse and reapply 50,000 times per day.


Wet n' Wild Mega Eyes Liquid Liner

Oh, Wet n' Wild. You did so well with the Trio and then failed miserably with this liquid liner.

I totally hate it. I ran out of my beloved e.l.f. liner (are you detecting a pattern here? I make risky makeup choices when my stuff runs out) and grabbed this when I was out and about. I just hate the way it goes on. It seems like a liquid, but the coverage is pretty terrible. I needed like, three coats for it to show up. Not a fan :(


Maybelline Volume Seduction XXL

Makeup names are ridiculous. Anyway, this stuff is like a crack stick. I LOVE IT. I grabbed a couple - in Born With It (shown) and Fully Blushed - and I love them both. I've bought plumping lip stuff before, and usually it just stung. This gets your lips all tingly and I love the super sheer colors. You also get a ton of shine. I'm actually really glad I bought two - the one shown is really sheer, and then I got a pinker tone. If you're looking for Angelina lips, you're not going to get it from a lip gloss, but I love that these brought a ton of natural color. Definitely a keeper.

K, it's your turn. Have you found anything that you love for cheap at the drugstore you can share? Or have you tried any of the stuff I bought in a moment of weakness?

What I Wore: Nautical by Nature

Please tell me that you see what I did there with the title. Obscure 90s hip hop bands are my greatest love in life.

So, how was everyone's Mother's Day? My hubby pulled through with my favorite toffees from V Chocolates and a gift card for the mall to help me ease out of my shopping fast. He was all hurt when I didn't really respond to the chocolates, but that's because I accidentally saw them in the car and I'm really, really bad at acting surprised.

Hey, if your husband or significant other really pulled through this year, give him a little love in the comments so we can all bask in the awesomeness that is motherhood recognized, OK?

Skinnies: Local (Contagious in SF for local girls)
Tank: Gap
Cardi: F21
Necklace: F21
Wedges; Gap

Moving on, this is what I wore.... to something last week. I want to say it was another soccer game, but I had a ton of running around to do as well. So out came the yellow skinnies. I've been wearing navy with them nonstop, but with the shoes, it got a little matchy. The red from the cardigan was just enough to take it out of obsessive territory, and made it look adorable and nautical. I LOVE NAUTICAL.

OK, now that was obsessive.

Not gonna lie, I ended up changing into my TOMS later to go to the soccer game. Just full disclosure there.

How awesome is this necklace? I bought it on my girls weekend. I love how it looks all tangly. Especially because my regular necklaces are always tangly because I never put them away properly.

I always love my Rainbow Brite toenail polish. Which has since been peeled off.

OK, so your assignment for the day is 1) recognize someone who was thoughtful and lovely on Mother's Day in the comments section and 2) tell me if you also have a soft spot for 90s hip hop and actually understood the title of this post. GO!

Freaky Friday: Stuff Your Mom Doesn't Want

OK, so I think by now we've established my thoughts on the subject, right? Moms should get a present on Mother's Day. Period. Unless you buy her any of the following gifts, which should be killed with fire immediately. Seriously, just get a card.




I speak the truth when I tell you that I Had a vest JUST like this. When I was 11. Me and my elementary school BFF had the same one and we wore them with red turtlenecks, high waisted jeans, and red socks on the same day to a field trip. Then we tried to convince everyone that it was just a coincidence.

OMG I was such a nerd.


Lauren sent me this gem. Why is it that studded shoes always make me think of crotch kicking? Actually, give these to your mom so she can take her frustration out on your dad when he forgets to get her something.


How about these sweet lace inset jeans? Megan sent me these with the following message:
"I saw these on Pinterest with the caption "I NEED these!" The only reason anyone should need these hideous pants is to burn them for heat in the winter."

Megan, you are hilarious. Let's be friends. And braid each other's hair and tell secrets?

My favorite part is the wedges she's wearing them with. Um, why?


I know I've featured these Narnia shoes on here before, but Lindsay sent me these with a note that they "now come in cow."

Yes; just what your mom wants. The idea that you think she's a heifer. Prepare to be disowned.


This could be the ugliest poncho I've ever seen, which is saying a lot because I think all ponchos should be torched. On the bright side, it would totally look like you spend hours in a "How to crochet crappy 70s clothes" class to make this for mumsy.


More crochet from Brooklyn. I mean, at this point, isn't it easier to just go naked?


Francie sent me these shoes covered in Mongolian hair. I used to have a German shepherd who shed fur like this -- should I have been selling it instead?


Francie also sent me these Little House on the Prairie moon boots. The description is awesome.

"UGG like boots amazing without the fur inside but inside with a black leather.
CUTE with everything, soft on the foot, warm, cozy & super odd & unique."

NOTHING about that description sounds appealing to me whatsoever. And when is "UGG-like" a selling point? Of course, mom could totally wear them when...
....Nothin'. I got nothin'.


Is mom auditioning for a role in "The Scarlett Letter"? Then help her do it in style with this $500 Shaker dress. I like how it says "Please don't find me attractive!" (Thanks Jessica!)


Look, I'd be overjoyed to get a pair of peacock earrings for Mother's Day. But I don't think I need an entire duck on my head. Francie sent this one over. It's a steal at $15. Which led me to do some very deep thinking on how cheaply you can skin a duck. Like, $15? That is REALLY CHEAP.

Why can't stuff that doesn't make you look like a complete psychopath ever that cheap? Boo.


Well, ladyfriends (and my two male fans) I'm signing off for the weekend. I hope you get all the recognition, hugs, love, and couture that's coming to you this Sunday. If not, you can totally email me and I"ll send a threatening letter to your husband. I'll also buy that duck hat and take a picture of myself in it and attach said picture to the threatening level. Nobody messes with a lady with a FULL DUCK HIDE on her head.