Freaky Friday: Manly Men

Want to hear my awesome thought process/follow through the other day?

I saw a shirt online that I really liked. I honestly would have bought it immediately if my credit card wasn't ALL THE WAY downstairs. So then I started thinking: A store about 20 minutes away from me carried that brand. I could go there and save on shipping! Brilliant.

So instead of just going downstairs and getting my wallet, I proceeded to pick my son up from preschool and continue on to the mall. I got there and realized that they didn't have the shirt I wanted in stock. So I proceeded to look around, grabbing a few things and trying them on.

I bought two shirts, the total of which was around $60. Actually, maybe $50 because $10 of that was Under Armour headbands. They're great. ANYWAY. (Just so you know, I talk like this in real life. I can't stick to just one thought, I have to Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon everything and it takes one full hour to tell a 30-second story. It's SO annoying. Ask my friends).

I headed back home and then proceeded to order the original shirt that I wanted online, only to find out that it was free shipping.

.....

Moral of the story: Check shipping deals before you walk into a mall because you WILL buy something. What was a $27 shirt ended up costing me closer to $100 because I have poor decision-making skills and really bad willpower.


Now, after that amusing romp, here's some manly men being manly. Because I can only harp on female fashion so much and some readers sent me some solid male FF material.

 If Super Mario and George Clooney had a love child and that child grew and became a shortish male model and walked for Donatella Versace. 

 If this is what the back looks like, I can't imagine the front.

Oh... wait yup, I just imagined the front. 

Yeah it's bad. 

 MY EYES ARE UP HERE. Pigs. 

Seriously actually so jealous of this guy's cleavage. It's the stuff dreams are made of. 

 #thighgap

#slimgirlishfigure

#peachshorts4lyfe

#piercingstare
#whyisyourhairblue

OMG remember these pants that could zip into shorts?

I do, because I went to a very weird high school called Exeter. It was SO bad. All the teachers were like, 22 and straight out of college and were constantly getting in trouble for inappropriate relationships with students. We went to grade 13 back then, so the students would literally be 19. You were also allowed to sign yourself out if you didn't feel like going to class and there was a sports bar in the cafeteria called The Falcon's Nest. 

None of this is a joke. But what was a joke? EVERY 22 year old male teacher wore these with running shoes. Every. Single. One. Even my favorite math teacher, Mr. Hull, who played hockey with students on the weekends and looked like Keanu Reeves and caused me to eventually fail Calculus when I transferred to a *real* high school. 

Exeter people, back me up on this. 

 I really would prefer to not share clothes with my guy. Particularly if they include a chest hand-warmer. 

Also, look at that inner thigh meet flapping in the wind. LOOK AT IT. 

(Thanks, Dawn!)

 Meggings. Jeggings for men. I just.. I don't... I can't. 

Also is no one concerned about the bulge factor? I feel like we need to come up with a word that means like, the opposite of cameltoe.

Camelhump?

**UPDATE: Word on my Facebook page is that the actual term is "mooseknuckle" so there you go. Try and use it in a sentence today**

 OK, the only thing worse than an angsty lyric shirt is one that contains grammatically incorrect lyrics from Drake, who raps like a girl on her period. We GET it. You have FEELINGS.

 Oh hey, whatcha doin' there, Ryan Lochte? Wearin' a women's moto vest and trying to form a coherent thought? 

That's cool. 

It was actually really refreshing to make fun of men. Let's do it again sometime. For now, I'm signing off with a solemn promise to not shop this weekend.

*Cue me just ending up shopping online anyway*