Freaky Friday: Fun with Keywords

I'm hoping to get up to our family cabin this weekend, which means I need to clean up, pack, scrounge up food, fold towels and then lose the motivation to go to the cabin and stay home and watch bad movies instead. IT'S A DATE!

Of course, poking around in my keyword activity sounds like fun too. If you're new to the blog, Fun with Keywords is when I check my website stats and find the creepiest stuff people Googled to find my humble blog. It's a good time and only sometimes does it reveal sexual deviants YAY!

"Cute women's velour tracksuit"

I'm sorry, is this 2002 and New Jersey, the only time and place that women's velour tracksuits were actually popular? I'm confused.

"Sexy My Little Pony costume"

Oh, I see you haven't yet gotten the memo about my extreme hatred for sexy Halloween costumes? Let me refresh you.
1. They're disgusting.
2. They in no way actually look like the costume they're supposed to be.
3. Just wear lingerie and go as a Victoria's Secret model if you want to traipse around the neighborhood in your underpants.
4. Putting ears on with said underpants doesn't make you a cat.
5. Stop ruining EVERYTHING EVER by making it into a sexy Halloween costume. My Little Pony is not sexy. Nor is Dumb and Dumber, Pokemon, unicorns, houses, gumball machines, rat poison or whatever else you've decided to make into a sexy Halloween costume.
6. Stoppit.

Feel free to print out this memo and tape it to the windows of pubs, high school costume contests, shopping malls and your house in preparation for Halloween.

(PS, peeps that have been sending me Halloween costume entries, you guys are awesome. Keep 'em coming! I've already got a ton to wade through.) 

"Best cat memes"

Can you really choose just ONE? Cat memes are pretty much nonstop lolz. Behold my faves.

 Anxiety cat understands me and my love for voicemail.

 Overly attached cat has boundary issues. 

 Comforting cat sees through your ploy. 

 Hipster kitty thinks you've probably never heard of it. 

Cue the nonstop hits I will now receive from crazy cat ladies. Welcome, crazy cat ladies. It's OK you don't have plans tonight. 

"How to wear an orange dress."

Ooh, that one is tricky. Let me break it down the best that I can.

1) Buy an orange dress.
2) Wear it.
 

Email me for further clarification if necessary. 

"90s maternity dresses"

LOL you mean 1590s right? I can only assume that's what you mean because the 1990s was such a horrific time for maternity fashion that society has blanked it from our collective memories. But 1590s... rawr.  

  That's a babymaker right there.

"Who says my mom is fat?"

Let's be honest here. If you have to Google it, the answer is everyone.

"Ultimate hipster"

Found him. All other hipsters bow down.



Well, I hope by now everyone has found what they're looking for and for once, my keyword queries didn't have anything about hot moms. Of course, now I've type "hot moms" and I'm gonna get mad hits from lonely men.

Hey lonely men... can I introduce you to cat ladies? They don't have plans tonight either.