Dressing Festively Without Looking Like a Christmas Tree Barfed on You

Blaaaaah the day before I head up to Canada is always bananapants. Yes I just made that word up and I'm pretty proud of myself.  I had a to-do list a mile long this morning and I am just plowing away through it all. But alas, I have not yet gotten "Write a blog," "Pay the Internet company so they don't shut off my reason for living," and  "find those motherfreaking kid-sized headphones so my kids are kept entertained on the plane" checked off the list yet. I'm updating this post as a way to check off the blog one. I'll keep you posted on the headphones.

Anyway, just a friendly reminder that "Festive Dress" doesn't mean "Dress like your demented Aunt Myrtle." It means sparkle and shine, not Rudolph and Snowman appliques. And, since party season is upon us (seriously, my calendar looks like a Christmas tree right now and it gives me anxiety) you're going to need to know how to dress for your hubby's work thingy, or a party with your gal pals. Ew, I just said gal pals. Shoot me.

Parties and luncheons strike fear in the hearts of many, when they are instructed to "dress festively" on the invite. WHAT DOES IT MEAN? Well, I can assure you, that while the word "festive" may conjure up a lot of red and green and striping in your mind, no one at your party wants you showing up like an elf. Unless, you're having an Ugly Sweater Christmas party and that's the point.

Please, step away from the appliqued sweaters!



You do not teach grade three.

I know that during the holidays you want to dress as merry (or Hanukkah-y?) as you feel inside, but you can do this without resorting to dressing like you're five. Take a more sophisticated approach this year.

Of course, there's always that one person who is like "Whatever, I LIKE looking like the kooky Christmas fairy. It shows everyone my Christmas spirit." Wrong. It shows everyone your chemical imbalance and makes them feel uncomfortable and just the slightest bit sorry for you. Enjoy Christmas with your four cats, weirdo.

I don't think dressing festively means you have to wear your love for the holidays on your shirt, hat or underoos. I think that you can take a plain outfit in a neutral color, and dress it up to look special for the holidays. No light up earrings necessary.

Let's start with a well-cut, albeit plain dress by Alexander Wang.



Ah, what a lovely, blank canvas!

Then, add festive accessories that step it up.

When in doubt, add red OR green, but absolutely, positively NOT BOTH. Although, you might have a hard time finding green shoes, and even if you do, they might not be festive enough for people to "get it".

Love these shoes.


(BCBGirls)

And these earrings:



I'm totally kidding. Please don't ever. You are not a tree. Try these instead!




(Zappos) Much better and not so scary Christmas-y. And I freakin' love this bracelet and may sell my soul for it:


If you decide to do the red thing, choose TWO red accessories and leave the rest safety in your jewelry box. Let's not jam the red theme down all of the party goers throats, mmkay?

But you can mix other things with the red. The holidays are one of the time that I strongly advocate mixed metallics, especially when worn with a dark neutral like black or navy. They pop right off, and it's not something that is an every day thing, so it looks festive.



(Banana Republic)

(F21; you knew I had to put a little cheapie F21 ring in here, didn't you?)

A clutch is a must for any Christmas party. Sorry, large bag offenders. (Barney's New York)

Orrrr even if you don't want to get all glammed up with colors and metallics and Christmas sweaters and earrings shaped like snowmen, just be content to wear one , large piece that you wouldn't normally wear.



(Tilly's) I love this cuff bracelet so much that I made my husband come buy it for me immediately so that it was shipped in time for Christmas. AND it was $5 soooo yeah.


Let's redefine what the word "festive" means. To me, it means something just a little more unique than every day. Step away from the scary vest and mom jeans. Step toward the shiny things.

YAY! "Blog" is crossed off the list. Now to find headphones. I have a sneaking suspicion they're in my son's backpack, covered in melted chocolate. I'm tired. When I get home, I'm going to guilt-trip my mom into making food and taking care of my kids for me. Hooray for the holidays!