Triumphant Return and a Shabby Apple GIVEAWAY!

Hey friends!

So, I headed down to the docs bright and early to get my face back. The good news? I no longer look like there is a spider stuck to my face. The bad news? The results came back positive for basal cell carcinoma, which is a type of skin cancer. As my doc put it, no one dies from this. It's mostly a cosmetic issue. Which is lucky, because it's not like I care about my looks at all.

....crickets.....

Seriously though, the prognosis is good. It looks like it's mostly gone and if it comes back again, then stuff will have to get more invasive. But so far, so good.

But the best news of the day? I have a Shabby Apple giveaway for you guys. Thanks for putting up with a week of non posting guys! Freaky Friday will be in full effect soon.

Heeeeere's how to enter. Up for grabs is a $75 Shabby Apple gift card for U.S. residents only:
a Rafflecopter giveaway

You definitely need to use the widget to enter, because that's how I'll pick the winner. You've got 5 tasks that you can choose from, and only the first 2 are mandatory for entry. The others are just for funsies. If you leave a comment, do so on THIS POST so I can verify you as a winnah.

Giveaway will be doneso on 12am Friday morning so I can announce the winner before Freaky Friday. Got it? Good!

Now, sally forth my friends! (I'm sorry. I've spent my week off reading a biography on the wives of Henry the VIII and picked up obnoxious medieval slang) Check out the new lines over at Shabby Apple and pick something out pretty for yourself.

And, if you just can wait, use this code for 10 percent off: hownottodresslikeamom10off

YAY!

Regularly Scheduled Programming...

Hey guys...

If you've noticed I've been absent this week, I would say "awww, thanks for noticing!" If not, I would say "pshhh."

But really. I must tell you my goings on. I turned 28 a couple weeks ago and apparently my body is falling apart. Last week I went to the doctor's for some antibiotics (stupid strep!) and while I was there I complained about a little bump that had appeared on my nose a couple months before. I thought it was nothing and that my doc would send me to a dermatologist. Instead he took one look at it and told me it was something that concerned him. In fact, the "c" word came up, and I'm not talkin' about chocolate.

So concerned was he that he scheduled a surgical excision right then. On Tuesday I went in to have it done. It sucked hard. HAAAARD. They just used local anesthetic and it was only about 30 to 45 minutes but the nose is ouchie!

When the nurse asked me if I was afraid of needles, I was like "Please, I've had epidurals so I can deal with this."
She said "Yeah, but this one is IN YOUR FACE!" Wow, thanks for that, least-comforting-nurse-of-all-time.

So, after having my "harmless" bump removed, I was all stitched up. You guys, it looks horrific. I was changing the bandage yesterday and my daughter walked in and told me it looked like there was a spider squashed on my face. And I immediately went into soap opera mode, screaming "I'M A MONSTERRRRRRR" at my reflection. My face is swollen and i look like I got in a fight at a closeout sale and lost.

Also, the doc said it'll most likely scar because of the location. I told my husband that's what I get for always being sensitive about my nose -- now I just want my old one back!

So, I'm taking it easy for the next few days. Yesterday I tried to go full-speed into my regular schedule of running ragged and by 3pm and felt like I got hit by a truck. My doctor ordered me to bed with an ice pack to nurse my bandaged-up honker.


Obviously I documented it for posterity. PS My ice pack is an old sock. Luckily, I'm feeling much better today. The cold sock worked!

Anyway, the stitches come out on Wednesday. Until then I plan on hiding from the rest of the human race so as not to scare small children. I'll also receive test results back on Wednesday to see what the dealio is. Did I just say dealio? Ugh, being a shut-in makes me lame. Anyway, it shouldn't be anything too crazy and it was caught early and everything is fine.

Well, except the ick factor.

However, can I make up the lack of posting to you with a couple of giveaways during the next two weeks? They're good ones, I promise!

Until then friends!

Kisses, Jae

What I Wore: Crowd Pleaser

So I wore this dress while hanging out with my family on Saturday and had like 63 people comment on it. We went to the farmer's market and out to dinner, which is pretty normal Saturdayness for us. Even the guy making my salad at Cafe Rio was like "Nice dress," which is one of the weirder things that's happened to me at Cafe Rio. I just got all awkward and asked for black beans.

Anyway, I hereby dub this dress the "crowd pleaser" and intend to wear it as much as humanly possible.

Dress: Chris & Carol (I bought it locally at My Sister's Closet but lots of smaller boutiques carry C&C stuff)
Button down: paper tee
Sandals: Soda
Earrings: Downeast
Sunglasses: Relic

I like this dress way better with a crisp white button down than with the cardi that I wore it with on my bday (I'm wearing this dress in that picture with my wakeboard)

Seriously, it's just happy and awesome and a nice change from the same old sweater over dress combo.

Right?

Even my son agreed.

I believe that is called a "quizzical brow."

Anyway, moral of the story here: Maxi dress + button down = cute summer outfit and compliments from strange men who make salads. Seriously; try it.

Freaky Friday: Etsy Fails

OK, so before I start getting emails about how I'm not supporting starving artists and ruining the world (which has TOTALLY happened before) I will say that there is tons of stuff on Etsy that I love. Since I'm not a "maker" of anything but children and blog posts, I respect artisans who can craft their way to the top. Total aside, but have you ever tried watching Craft Wars on TLC? OMG Tori Spelling makes me want to glue my eyes and ears shut with my mini glue gun. Jewelry, hair accessories and other stuff on Etsy makes me squee. I even love some of the fashion.

This dress needs to get on my body like, now.

But so much of what you find there is so so so so bad. So bad. Cue the hate mail, y'all!



My favorite part about this LOIN CLOTH is the description, which essentially says it's poky and has sharp edges. Why yes, let me put it around the loin area , then!

Also, is it me, or is "steampunk" just mostly used incorrectly to describe something crappy? See also: "rockabilly" and "vintage."


These are listed as upcycled, which always makes me wonder what they were like before. If this is the step up, I'm gonna go ahead and assume they were fished out of the garbage.


Oh good, I was looking for a scarf from Whoville!


I have to admit, I do not "carrot" all for this vest.

Bahahahaha. Puns, amiright?


Let me guess: You make your own toothpaste and reuse toilet paper. Also, you have a "faerie" name that you use during cosplay.



So wait. All I have to do is pay close to $3,000 and I get MAGIC SHOES? Made from WIRE AND TAPE? The Home Depot at which you purchased those materials at must be ENCHANTED!

I love how the description makes Gorilla duct tape sound like something from another realm. These look like my daughter made them in art class.


I didn't know that gold star shorts could be so very sad.


From the "I hope to look as square as humanly possible" collection.


Here's a fun tip: If your piece of clothing could be categorizes as a dress, top, wrap, shawl, poncho, men's t-shirt, it's probably no bueno.


Let me break down the description for you, because it's AWESOME.
This brooch is made of:
Sandpaper
Onion skin
A mysterious red powder from Morocco
Pumpkin skin
A straw

Has this person never heard of composting? That way, you help the planet and don't try to get $50 for someone to throw out your garbage.


This tunic-thingy is pretty much an exact replica from the ROmeo and Juliet scene from the cinematic gem that is "Center Stage." I know all the words to entire movie. I'm not proud of myself, OK?


Finally, something worse than jumpsuits.

Homemade jumpsuits. That make you look like you're smuggling your own popcorn into the movie theater. Awesome.



With that being said, I feel like I'm finally ready to face Friday. I'm taking my daughter bike shopping this afternoon. Steeling myself for excessive amounts of pink and licensed characters. Wish me luck.

I Wear My Sunglasses at Night...

Hey friends... This is a re-post. I was sunglasses shopping and realized that this would be a good reminder. Seriously, the Utah sun is so bright that I actually get angry at it sometimes. Like SUN! DO you not know that I need to see to drive? Stop being so OBNOXIOUS.

PS, I still go through sunglasses like the cast of Jersey Shore goes through Valtrex (ooh, ouch.) I'm on my second pair this summer. Every time I think I want to buy another pricey pair -- they are always on Groupon!! -- I'm like Jae, you know how you are. You will sit on them at one point in time. So I'm currently rocking a $11 pair of Relics. Oh yeah, be jealous.

********************************************************************

I probably should have written about sunglasses like, two months ago at the beginning of summer, but two months ago had just started that which would be the most accident prone two months in history during which I would singlehandedly destroy four pairs of sunglasses in a row. Like, it's getting comical.

First, I busted the arm off of my Guess sunglasses.
Then my sun snapped my Gucci (!!!!) ones in HALF.
Then, the screw came out of my Marc Jacobs and I've never gotten around to fixing it.
I bought a cheapo pair from Nordstrom and promptly sat on them in my car.
So I tried using my husband's and snapped the lens out.

You guys, I am on my SIXTH pair this summer. Which is why I'm never buying seriously expensive sunglasses again. If you're like me, spend $20 max.

As I was trying on my fifth pair of sunglasses before heading to the pool yesterday, I pondered over my face shape. I have a seriously heart-shaped face: honking huge cheekbones and a tiny, pointy chin. Because of this, I'm obsessed with aviator glasses. They draw the eye upward without giving too hard an edge. This, in turn, caused me to think about all the other face shapes and what that means for glasses shopping. Instead of trying on every pair of glasses in the store, it's easier to single out the pairs that'll work best and make quick work of the shades you'll use for the next two weeks until you sit on them in your car.

Wait, am I the only one who does that?

Heart-Shaped Faces (Think Jennifer Aniston):

For girls like me, aviators are your friend. They help to balance out the face by not being so wide, but still having enough volume. I also found out that when my eyebrows show under my glasses, I look like my dad. While my dad is a very suave dude, I don't want his eyebrows .So I look for a pair big enough to hit just above. These are pretty much perfect and will match any outfit ever. Plus, aviators are just classic.

Round Faces (Think Drew Barrymore):

If your cheekbones, chin and forehead are all generally the same width, you have a round face. THAT DOESN'T MEAN FAT, calm down. Since you have a round face, rounded sunglasses will just emphasize that roundness. Look for more rectangular frames, which will help balance out your forehead and the tops of your cheekbones for a more contoured look. Slimmer sunglasses also help to streamline the face, but I tend to avoid really overly sporty glasses since they look weird with anything but workout clothes.

Square Faces (Think Jessica Simpson):






A square face is the exact opposite of a round face. Instead of soft lines, you have a squarer jaw that basically lines up with your forehead. Because your face already has pretty rigid lines, oblong sunglasses are best for you. The roundness helps to soften those lines and there's so many freakin' cute options out there!

Oval Faces (Think Anne Hathaway):


Oval girls are lucky, since you can basically wear any style sunglasses ever. An oval face has slim cheekbones that line up with a moderate chin and forehead. The only problem is the oval faces can sometimes look longer. Because of this, purposely avoid thin sunglasses which accentuate your face length. Instead, medium to large sizes are best. Just don't go comically large, because I'll make fun of you and that's awkward for us both.

When in doubt, look for really classic shapes. Ray Ban Wayfarer looks good on pretty much any face shape.




So, is it clear as mud? You can always go to the store and try on every single pair, but last time I did that I got the stinkeye. So there you go. Deal with it, TJ Maxx employees!

What I Wore: Peplum Love

I finally got to hit the water and try out my wakeboard this weekend, but I am paying for it this morning! So... sore... On the bright side, I actually got up quickly and was spared the humiliation of bugging my husband for a new wakeboard and then not actually being able to use it because I'm too spastic. Bam!

Since I spent all Saturday in a swimsuit, it was nice to dress like a normal human being on Sunday. Sometimes dressing up just feels good.

Top: c/o/ mod bod
Skirt: Downeast
Shoes: Nine West
Necklace: Local craft fair (Plunder Jewelry)
Ring: F21
Bracelet: Gift from my mamadukes.

This skirt has a MAJOR peplum detail and it was giving me like, major anxiety yesterday. I asked my husband like, 600 times if it was too crazy. He's literally the most conservative person on the planet, so once he said he liked it, I felt better. I have a peplum cocktail dress, but it's like 5 percent of the extra fabric that this sucker has.

I will say right now, if you're hypersensitive about your hips, something like this might wig you out. It's like a lighted sign that says "LOOKIE HERE!" A smaller peplum will probably be more livable. In the end, I decided it was fun and was happy with the way it looked. Next I want to try it with a chambray shirt or something.



Slightly obsessed with the color of these shoes and this crazy necklace I picked up at a local festival over the weekend. Those giant pearls make me die.

Of course, after this I shucked off the skirt for shorts and spent the rest of the day watching The Bachelorette. LOVE that my fave won. Please tell me I wasn't the only one ignoring my family for three hours last night.

Freaky Friday: I Heart Readers

Augh, I'm just getting over a bout of the flu that decided to ruin my life yesterday, so I was glad when I realized I didn't have to search for bad clothes on my own... you guys had sent me some that needed their turn in the limelight. And that, my readers, is why I love you.



L. (name changed to protect the spotter) sent me this atrociousness. The strips of lace fabric are about as necessary as a calorie counter at McDonalds.


Michelle sent me this dress, which is sadly from one of my favorite dress shops. I'm willing to give them a pass based on the fact that I think someone was hungover when this was designed. Don't let it happen again!



Oh, my hatred for shirts with vapid sayings on them has been rekindled. Really? Blink if you like me? Hey mannequin; how about "breathe if you think I'm annoying?" (Thanks Lindsay!)


I got this fug shoe from C., who sent an email saying "Found these at Urban Outfitters. 'Nuff said."

Really, you mean to tell me Urban Outfitters is selling ugly pothead poncho flip flops that only ultimate hipsters would wear? Well, that's just not like them.


Stacey sent me these rainbow skinnies which only ever be appropriate at Pride. Granted, the shoes are adorable.



Annie sent over this "vintage" "Lady Gaga" bodysuit.

Hold the phone. Are they saying that it's Lady Gaga because it looks like something WOULD wear, or are they saying that because it's something she actually DID wear.

Because either way, bodysuits probably aren't something you really wanna buy used.


Lauren sent over these lonely cat lady skinnies. I'm sorry, since when did skinny jeans just become a blank canvas for insane people?

She also pointed out the fact that the shoes and pants are both cat-based. I think that's the first time I've ever had to use the term "cat-based."

This calls for a cat-based meme.


Bahahaha that cat just looooves a sale.



Stacey sent me these bad boys. All reproductive connotations aside, what's up with the bull horn for a heel?


OK, as someone who works out on a fairly regular basis, I can *kinda* see how a hoodie with a ponytail hole (sent by Julia) could be.... convenient? It's the execution I have a problem with. Just seeing a ponytail poking out the back is gonna make you look like a horse butt, no doubt about it.


Kirsten and Amanda both sent me some shoes which I felt should go together. The second pair is called "Demonia." I hereby christen the first pair "Hauntmydreamsforeveria."



Because nothing says "Run far, far away before I make a scrapbook of what our future children would look like" quite like making your guy wear a shared sweatshirt.

See how they're looking off in different directions? It's because they're watching their self respect float off into the distance. (Thanks Petra!)


Seriously guys, keep the freakiness rolling in. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Of course, that could also be the fever and meds.

But I prefer to think it's because of you.