Freaky Friday

You guys, I'm excited about grownup things today. Not *that* grownup. Get your mind out of the gutter. But finally, after a forever-long wait, my appliances are being installed. And after my new gas range was popped into place last night, I realized that I now need to go buy grownup cooking utensils. Sadly, the $50 pots and pans I got for my wedding shower 11 years ago won't cut it anymore (plus they're all dented and missing the lids somehow and I just can't shame my pretty new range with that garbage).

So that's on my list today: Buying pots and a new microwave. And I'm actually excited about that, so I guess I'm officially 30 now.

I also have a fun night with my hospital volunteer friends planned: Once a year we get together and prep stuff for the holidays and order in food and work into the wee hours of the morning and are just generally ridiculous.

Ugh Friday, you never disappoint.

So THAT'S what I'm missing from my workouts: Disco!

(Also, is it me or does this model look like a less coked-out Lindsay Lohan? Oh, she would have been so pretty). 

 Rebecca was boot shopping and sent over these beauties, which look like a stoner poncho but for feet, so even your shoes look like your life is going nowhere. 

 Bethany sent over this super special billiards dress, which is not two words I would usually put together. But my favorite part is the search term in the screenshot: Bethany, you must explain yourself immediately. 

 I've been lazily keeping track of the Fashion Week(s) hubbub and I feel like every blogger ever is shoving lace-up heels in my face. I'm sorry, but I've never seen someone wearing these shoes and thought "Wow, she sure doesn't look like a hooker." I haaaaate them. And this is coming from a diehard shoe lover. 

 Kim and Kanye: When your faces are emblazoned on what appears to be a child's macaroni-based Mother's Day present for her mom, you know you've finally made it. 

 Party in the front. But also party in the back? And party in the boobs. So basically wear this if you want to appear intellectual.

Also, this dress is called "Do Not Attempt," which I feel like is sending me really mixed messages. So wait, I shouldn't buy this dress? So we agree then. 

Dear Sperry:

I don't know what the crap this boot, boat shoe, leopard hybrid is, but it stops now. 

 Now at Chicos: Sassy clown pants for the over 60 set. 

Beth sent me these shoes, which are apparently trying to out-ugly Crocs and doing a stupendous job, really. 

Alright, I still have to get through a workout before I can throw my hands in the air like I just don't care and go shopping for kitchen supplies like a boss. Hope your Friday is equally as scintillating!

Stuff I Bought (Fall 2014 Edition)

Ah, back to blogging. I think I've finally caught up on all the craziness that was left in the wake of two weeks off. But I really do love sitting down and pecking away at my computer all morning.

I tend to head up to my hometown in fall for a few different reasons: Ontario really knows how to do the "fall" thing, whereas Utah will remain firmly ensconced in the devil's armpit for another month. But also, I like to do a crapload of fall shopping up there. And while (believe it or not) Utah does have some pretty good shopping, my parents live just outside of Toronto, which is kind of a shopping mecca.

I went three times.

I've been studiously building out my fall wardrobe with dark colors, thicker textures (read: leather everything) and boots, so I thought I'd share some of the latest stuff I've picked up.

First, this dress:

It's super on sale and while the sizes are limited, I was able to size down like, three sizes for this one (WHBM does the most ridiculous vanity sizing in the industry). I can't wait to pair it with my red and gold Guess heels around the holidays.

I also grabbed a bunch or shirts. I mainly focused on easy tops I could throw on with a pair of jeans or boots, but also wear with a skirt.

(here)

(here)

PS I bought that black shirt in gray too. Because you know, moderation and such. I also got this sweater to wear with skinny jeans and flats. Or my Fryes. Either way.

Now, some stuff that I bought in Canada I can't find online. Because it's Canadian. So I took some low-quality pictures and you can find similar stateside options below:

 You know I had to force some leopard in there. But this is exaggerated, so it's not as obvious. So I had to buy it. 

(Similar, similar)

I bought this shirt solely because it had a zipper front.  

(Similar, similar, similar)

This kensie bomber jacket looks super cool with skinny black pants and the sleeves pushed up. I die. (Similar, similar, similar)

 Love these with a cuffed dark skinny. I actually wore that with the red top up there for a dinner out with my cousins in Canada. Aaaaand it started pouring rain and I got these soaking wet. There's the advantage to not buying real suede, folks. They dried off totally fine.

(Similar, similar, similar)  

I also got these babies in the mail today, which I plan to wear with my leather pants and gray jeans so I can act like I'm the cool mom. I am sorely tempted to buy them in stone too. Arg. 

I filled in my shopping binge with a couple of pairs of pants, which aren't interesting at all. I feel like there was a clear trend in my shopping this fall: I'm into black and gray, with moto-style influences right now. Because really, who wants to wear hot pink in November? 

Other than Betsey Johnson.

I'm still on the hunt for some T-strap heels and I'd like a pair of moto pants, so if you have any ideas you could point me toward, I'd love you forever.

What are you looking for this fall? 

Extreme Vacationing 2014

I was so anxious to get home yesterday -- I'm a girl who loves routines and schedules -- that my husband and I decided it was a good thing. Hey, I like my regular life enough to crave it when I'm gone, so that's an awesome sign right?

After spending a week in Canada with my family, I flew my kids home in the wee hours of the morning, we packed up the boat and we left to Lake Powell the very same day and it was insane. LP is four hours away and it isn't exactly stress-free on the first day: I had to launch the boat solo, which isn't exactly my forte in life. Luckily, being tired didn't hit until like, two days into the trip that the tiredness set in, after which I spent hours sleeping and reading while floating around. Seriously, I read three books in the space of four days. 

I also did a ton of wakeboarding, which is totally my favorite, despite the fact that I injured myself repeatedly. What is wrong with me? I'm like "Wow, that felt like dying. Let's go one more time." 

For now, I have a long catch-up list and a couple of conference calls scheduled, so I'll work on that before I start posting again tomorrow. Let's just say I've done a lot of shopping lately and that needs to be addressed in a post. 

You can check out my travels (and my new fave shirt) on Instagram. 

Basically, I'm deliriously happy to be home and in my own bed after two weeks away. I'm also happy to be done with the guilt that came from taking my kids out of school and feeling their teachers' disapproval as well. When I told my daughter that one of her classmates was also on vacation for a week, she said "Oh, so you're not the only bad mom?"

She's eight. 

And no, I am not. Take that, education! 

What I Wore: Critical Mass

So the next couple of weeks will be super spotty posting-wise. We're about to embark on a couple weeks of traveling and between prepping for that and wrangling two kids solo while making the regular trek up to Canada, posting about clothes is kind of low on the priority list. I'm kind of at critical mass trying to get everything ready in time.

I'm typing up this post while on a conference call, I kid you not.

So uh, here's something I wore. And honestly, I can't even remember what it was for. But I liked it! So really, three cheers to me for being the best style blogger ever. It was last week. I can't remember something that happened six days ago and for which my hair looked really nice.

Top: Calvin Klein (here) Ugh I can't find it in this color! I found it in store. Here it is in (plus)
Jeans: Also Calvin Klein I'm so sorry they were having a sale: (here)

Shoes: F21 (similar) (love the toe on these) These shoes are super uncomfortable, FYI.

Watch: Same old 

Funny story! I used my fantastic magical blue shampoo twice in a row and there were streaks that were exactly the color of this shirt. I pretended like I did it on purpose. Then I went and bought a good clarifying shampoo. Back to once a week with blue shampoo I go! 

Well, my conference call is over and my to do list is growing, so I'd better take off. Remind me again why I do this to myself? 

Freaky Friday

 Oh, we are on the cusp of a long weekend and the possibilities are endless. JK my weekend is already planned so the possibilities are actually contained in a short list of activities. We're hauling our boat up our cabin for a weekend of fishing (read: tanning and reading while Justin wrangles the kids' fishing poles) but we're also planning on hitting a massive craft fair and eating a lot. Also, it's Justin's birthday on Monday, so we have some fun plans for that too. Yes, his mother was in labor on Labor Day. I like to remind him of that relentlessly. I am very excited.

Right now, I need to do some running around and packing of the boat. But also some snarking because I'm me.

How do we feel about these silky jogging pants? I wanted to be OK with them, but I was out to dinner with some friends and saw a girl wearing them with sky-high heels and they were doing very unpleasant things to her but. See above. 

 When I was a kid my mom practically rented me out as a flower girl in various weddings. I was adorable. Anyway, one wedding was completely done in this exact teal green satin because it was 1991 and that was appropriate back then. It was just about as fashionable as this abomination. 

 All I can see is a pump eating a hiking boot. 

 I wish you could have seen me jump when I first looked at this shoe. Like, I flinched away from the computer. 

 "Like, I want to look like a farmer, but a farmer who has spent some time in the city and is not disillusioned by the smell of cows." 

These pants are $100. $100 to look like a demented member of a 70s family band. 

 Look, I am aware I have the maturity level of a 12-year-old boy but when I see this shirt all I can see is a part of the female anatomy. I'M SORRY but I can't change who I am. 

I'm in the middle of a book that has a lot of information on the Puritan movement in England and eventually the United States. Those people were nuts. And threw people in rivers to see if they were witches. And dressed like this. 

And with that, I'm off. Happy long weekend everyone! Hope you eat lots of BBQ and wear sunscreen because premature aging ain't no joke. 

5 Fashion Rules You Can Totally Ignore

I think one of the reasons people get intimidated by fashion and shopping and clothing in general is that it feels like there's a lot of rules. It's like, am I "allowed" to even wear this?

Well, first of all, clothing is not a privilege. You're not banned from wearing something because of your hair color, body type of level of fashion prowess. In essence, you can wear whatever the heck you want as long as your bits are covered. Will it be flattering? Ehhh, that's up for debate. But there's no reason to be intimidated. Clothes are inanimate objects. They are not your problem.

Being worried what other people think: There's your trouble.

Sometimes I have to laugh when I look in my closet. While I do have a pretty clear aesthetic that I gravitate toward (structured, tailored, dark) I do have a bunch of really fun out-of-the-box pieces that I wear and people must think "What the heck Jae?" But in the end, they make me happy, so I buy 'em and wear 'em regardless. Seriously, today is an around-the-house day, and I'm wearing tie-dye Nike leggings and neon high tops.

Of course, there are always those "rules" that websites and magazines kick around that make you feel even more unsure of yourself. But that's probably about the point in time the clothes start wearing you. So here are some "fashion rules" that you can totally toss out the window. Not only are they archaic, but they could be stopping you from wearing stuff that you really love and that makes you feel awesomely confident.

1. Don't Wear White After Labor Day

What an idiotic rule. First of all, I can never actually remember when Labor Day is, despite the fact that it's my husband's birthday. So chances are that if I see someone wearing white, I'm probably thinking "Wow I wish I could wear that without getting ketchup all over" instead of "EXCUSE ME Labor Day already happened." Wear it whenever you want.

I will note that when I do wear white in the fall or winter, I tend to swing to the "winter white" family, which is more of an ivory and pairs best with jewel tones. Summer is better for optic white, which is white with a little blue in it and looks better with pastels.

But honestly, either way I don't care. And if someone does care, they need a hobby OMG.

2. Match Your Purse, Belt and Shoes

You know, because we live in 1956 Connecticut and all. But really, you don't need to match one or all three of these accessories. When things match a little too perfectly all the time, you come off as a deranged perfectionist, rather than a capable fashion-forward human being.

Also, I know bags are some peoples' "thing," but I literally NEVER change out my purse to match my outfit. I carry one bag because I'm lazy and messy and changing it each time I put on a brown belt is actually my idea of torture. So don't feel like you have to.

3. Short Girls Can't Wear Long Things

I remember when maxi dresses became a thing and lots of short girls were like "Oh, ho hum, I can't wear that because I'm short" because apparently trends are only for stompy skinny models.

Wrong. Wearing "long" clothes is more about waist placement than height. Literally anyone can fake being tall when the legs are elongated, so if you want to wear maxi dresses, midi skirts or even skinnies, just visually raise the waist. Wearing a higher-waisted pair of jeans will mitigate height (especially when worn with heels). Or, wear an empire waist maxi (belt it if there's a ton of volume) and then do a pair of wedges, with the skirt falling all the way to the floor.

Also, people who say short people can't wear certain things are dumb. Fashion is not a rollercoaster. There is no height requirement.

4. Only Wear the Metal That Looks Best for Your Skin Tone 

This reminds me of like, old timey housewives who had their "seasons" done and then only wore those colors. So crazy! It's another "wear what makes you feel the best" issue. You shouldn't feel shut out of wearing gold because someone told you that your skin is cool toned. Accessories shouldn't be that hard. To be honest, I probably look best in rose gold but how crazy would if be if I demanded everything in that one shade? So weird.

Also, mix your metals. It's cool and you can thank me later.

5. Always Belt When You Tuck

Sometimes I really hate belts. So I extra hate the doctrine that if you tuck your shirt, you have to wear a belt. It's so random. Sure, it might look neater, but what if I'm not going for neat? Also, I feel like belts can make an otherwise cute and casual outfit look a little overworked. So not necessary if you don't feel like it.

So, there you go. That's five fewer things you have to worry about when getting dressed in the morning. You can now go back to worrying about things like whether or not stains will wash out of your favorite pants and whether your kid is going to accidentally pull your shirt down in public.

You know, normal stuff.

What I Wore: Sneaky Lazy

 Sometimes, when I don't want to get all dressed up and just be lazy, I use this sneaky trick: Wear normal, lazy clothes with pattern and texture. Like, a T-shirt and jeans is pretty lame, but add some leopard and leather and then I'm like "Hey everyone I got dressed today!"

This is totally a "Shopping around on a Saturday" outfit. Nothing too special, but adding some texture and pattern makes it a little more wear-worthy, right? Also, I don't wear a lot of makeup and jewelry on lazy Saturdays, so leopard loafters make it all better (I bought them at K-Mart when I went in to get my kids' school supplies because I am a gem).

Top: Dex (similar) (cute with skinny jeans and boots)

Shorts: Let's not get too excited I cut them off of an old pair of F21s (but I really like these)

Shoes: Bongo (here) Seriously, don't spend a ton on something as silly as leopard sneakers. 

Andrew loves to sneak into pictures. I'll bet 65 percent of all pictures I take look like this. 

Honestly, when it's still hot, boring, lazy outfits with zero layering are my favorite ever. And, since those days are numbered, I'll probably just soak up until I have to wear complicated outfits again. Today's outfit might end up being a swimsuit. Don't worry, I'll add a pattern. So fashion!