What I Wore: Outtakes

 You guys, I've totally sucked at blogging the past couple of weeks and it's not going to get much better until next week. We are headed out for a little end-of-summer vacation tomorrow so I'm busy getting things together/cleaning our boat/wanting to die. Yesterday I miiiiight have been home for all of 15 minutes, but today I have dedicated to the cleaning of my house, so I had a chance to nip in and post a late outfit. I feel so accomplished!


Anyway, whenever I take pictures and my whole family is around, I get three people yelling directions at me. The result is a lot of awful pictures.

Don't let this lovely picture fool you.

 Top: Paper Doll (similar) (plus size) (so cute!)

Skirt: Local boutique (plus + pencil i die!) (ignore the awful styling - the skirt is cute)

Shoes: American Eagle (awesome basic)

Earrings (F21)

 Aaaaand then my kids are like "Mom! Do this with your hand" and my husband takes pictures before I'm ready and everything else in the file looks like this.

And then my son gets dressed up as Batman/Handy Manny and also wants his picture taken.


It's kind of a process. They are far more invested in this blog than I am. Some people have editors and publicists, but I think I'll stick with my tiny fashion director and amateur photographers thanks.

Anyway, I'm off to clean and do generally unpleasant things for the rest of the day. Boooo.

Freaky Friday: Mathematics

Sarah and Co. sent me a Freaky Friday submission that just put me on a tangent. A tangent of "upcycling." You know, like instead of buying new clothes, you make something nicer with your old clothes. Now, I've seen upcycling done well. Not often, but it's happened.

Unfortunately, most upcycling results in marrying two different pieces of clothing into a Frankenstein. A Frankenstein of pants and sweaters. Here are some prime examples of what happens when you add two types of clothing together to create a creepy little monster baby.

 Here's the one that started it all! (Thanks Sarah!)

So, basically: Crocheting + Mountain Dew cans = a bucket hat that is cozy AND has really sharp edges and burns your scalp in the sun.

 Socks + arms = A really poorly thought-out purchase.

Sleeves. Look into 'em.

 The crotch of your favorite pants + that old sweater that you've had ever since you broke up with that guy and he never came and picked it up = ultimate Erkel jeans.

Dude never could pull his pants up to his throat.

 Perfectly good shoes + your kid's Lego set = finally a way to stop stepping on all of those motherfreakin' Legos around the house.

Also a good punishment that you can rub in your child's face repeatedly: "I TOLD you that if you didn't clean up I would hot glue your blocks to my shoes DIDN'T I?"

 The world's most depressing sweater + a stethoscope and/or fallopian tubes = probably a really interesting episode of "Grey's Anatomy."

 A really cheap chain + old keyboard keys = journalist pimp.

Your husband's tie + a pair of his slacks = Your fly is down but I can see a boob and now I'm questioning my sexuality.


How about in the future, we just stick to one type of clothing? Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to glue some of my son's Lightning McQueens to a leather jacket. 

Yup...

...I bought them

And after an hour-long kickboxing class, I can declare that they are glorious.

And also that I need an entirely new workout wardrobe.

3 Tips for Buying New Workout Shoes

Okay, I know this isn't a fitness blog, but since I'm currently in the throes of finding new workout shoes that are awesome for you know, fitness and still cute, I thought I'd clue you in. I love the workout shoes I have now, but I can tell they're starting to wear and it's time to kick them to "strictly wear with yoga pants to the grocery store at 11 pm status."

In the meantime, I do have some tips for picking a pair of workout shoes -- both for function and because I'm really vain and like my workout shoes to match my clothes and look pretty. Also, can I point out that while swimsuit season is technically over, working out now shifts from looking good in swimwear to looking good while still consuming copious amounts of fall food, like pie and pumpkin muffins. Ohhh I cannot wait.

Ahem. Moving on.

1. Choose specifically for the sport/fitness you do.


There's actually a pretty huge difference between say, a basketball shoe and a running shoe. Shoes made for specific sports or types of fitness have different features, like supportive sides for lateral movements or light soles for faster feet. Because I vary in my workouts, I look for a good, all-around cross-trainer with light soles and mid to medium side support. Whatever your workout du jour, there's probably a shoe for it -- there's even a line of Reebok Crossfit shoes for those of you working on your WOD every morning. Also, if one of your sports or fitness is running, you'll need a completely different shoe -- don't try to run like, 13 miles in your cross-trainers or weight training shoes.

2. Try them on.



This might sound like "duh," but if you see a really good deal on fitness shoes online, beware. Workout shoes are on your feet for long periods of time and through tons of movement. The last thing you want is a hurt-y tag or lace to drive you insane when you should be focusing on burpees. I only buy online if it's a model I've already worn. Otherwise, it's a gamble -- some fitness shoes fit more snugly, some might have varying levels of arch support -- just trust me and head to a store and actually try some on before you check the Internet for deals.

3. Make it fun.

 My personal motto for workout gear is that the cuter it is, the more likely I am to work out. I know it's completely shallow, but nothing motivates me quite like some new leggings, adorable workout shoes and a new tank top. In the last two or so years, fitness shoes have gone from evil necessity to freakin' awesome accessory. Like, wearable outside of the gym and I love it. Neon is still pretty big right now, as is patterns on your shoes. So make fitness shoe shopping as much fun as shopping for heels and you might have more motivation to actually wear them.

(Not going to lie, I'm leaning heavily to the leopard ones)

Anyway, thought it might help if I Shared my process with you. I love shoe shopping, no matter what type of shoe it is. Now, help a girl out -- do you have a fave cross-trainer that I should check out?

Freaky Friday

 Everyone excited for the loooong weekend? My husband's birthday is always over Labor Day so I feel mucho pressure to make it awesome. We're headed for some boating, which means my husband will fish patiently while I nap and read books and eat Pringles, which for some reason taste like, 100 times better on the water. So let's get this done so I can go buy those delicious canned chips.

 I saw these posted on a tumblr with outfit ideas for them, which included wearing cutoffs and a tank. First, thanks for that inventive pairing. Second, yes, let's pair your heinous denim sandal sneakers with MORE DENIM. 

PS They look like flappy old-timey cartoon hobo shoes and that's all I will say about the matter. 

 Robin told me to search for "upcycle" on Pinterest and turned up this beauty of a failed home craft project. Like, I can't sew, but I KNOW I can't sew, you know? I feel like more people should be able to admit this.

 I'm officially becoming jaded, because when I saw this all I could think about is how the giant prongs look uneven.

 Fashion tip: If I can see a butt crease, you are no longer wearing shorts, you are wearing underwear. 

Bonus tip: Literally no one wants to see your butt crease. 

 Bonnie sent these over and I knew they were going to be bad because the title was "Mixed Metal Leggings." Leggings should never have mixed anything, much less patchy leather that makes legs look stumpy. 

 Does someone wanna teach this girl how to subtle?

 Rachelle sent over these shoes that give me visions of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which is one of the only horror movies that made my CRY in fear. 

...so if anyone needs me I'll be in fetal position with the doors locked

 Lindsay sent this prime example of how to look like a complete idiot at your next pep rally. Expect Miley Cyrus to wear it at her next red carpet appearance.

This dress reminds me of a handy tip a reader from my hometown sent. 

Oh, Tim Gunn. You get me. 

Alright, I'm checking out for the weekend and I may or may not be around on Monday. I'm leaning toward may not, so don't judge me.

Fiiiine judge me.

Back to School Beauty Reboot

 So are everyone's kids back in school? In Canada, kids didn't go back until the second week of September, so I think it's weird when I send mine back in the middle of August. It makes me feel decidedly less fall-ish when school is back and it's still like, 98 degrees outside.

Just the same, now that I'm a lady of leisure (and then we laughed and laughed) I feel like I need to spruce up my makeup routine from the low key beauty of the summer. Gone are the days when I could just slap on some lip gloss and put my hair in a side braid. Now I have to look like, presentable and stuff. So I decided it was time for a back to school beauty reboot. I still have one more summer activity planned, so it's definitely not fall yet -- but close enough.

Here's some of the stuff I'm doing to transition into a normal beauty routine once again.

1. Get a Haircut, Ya Hippie! 

 I was more than happy to have longer hair during the summer, especially because it spent most of the time in the water and sun. But come the end of August and it was fried. Like, really fried. The ends were all crispy and the color was off and I found myself wearing it in a bun all the time. And since my rule is that it gets cut if I wear it in a pony three days in a row, it was off to the salon. I got rid of all the dead stuff, got a healthier-looking color and I'm ready to be the most perfectly coiffed mom in the pickup line.

2. Paint Darker Polish

 At the beginning of the summer, my group of friends and I went out and got pedis for one of our friend's birthdays. We all ended up choosing the exact same color, which was a bright fluorescent coral. On summer toes, it was awesome and I think a lot of us went and bought the color ourselves. But now I'll be spending less time in flip flops than in flats so I'm rebooting with darker shades. I'm really into plum for toes right now.

3. New Makeup Colors

To be honest, I don't wear a ton of makeup in the summer. When I did, it was a bright pop of gloss and some mascara. But I definitely want some smokier colors now that it's a new season. I've learned the awesomeness of a navy smokey eye and I'm addicted. It's a quick way to update your makeup routine for cheap. 

4. Swap Glossy for Matte 

 I feel like I've said the word "gloss" like 900 times in this post. But seriously, when I was Maui I bought a Buxom gloss that I loooooove (PS having a Sephora right beside your resort is not a good idea). Problem is, it's more at home on the beach than having lunch with the girls or doing storytime at the library. Instead, I'm totally into these lip crayons. You get matte color and they're basically un-screwupable. That's a word. Google it.

Just keep them away from your kids because they will 100 percent want to play with them and color on your walls. And if your walls happen to made of log, like mine, it means SANDING it off.

5. Fix Your Face

Sun does a number on your skin, even if you're fastidious about the sunscreen like yours truly. I got this little miracle worker in my last ipsy bag and now I'm a diehard fan. It's a face mask that does some major exfoliation. Not gonna lie, it burns a bit when you first put it on. But afterwards -- buttah. I've used it once a week since I got it and my skin definitely looks smoother. A quickie 10-minute face mask can help tone down some of the sun damage you might have accrued during break.


Seriously guys, we're talking five simple tweaks to go from frazzled summer mom to calm and collected back to school mom. You've got this. Any other ways you make the switch?

What I Wore: Texturally Active

So my youngest is off to preschool, I'm back to a somewhat normal workout schedule and I'm pretending last night's VMA music-ruining performance by Miley Cyrus was just a really terrible nightmare and I'm feeling pretty good. Seriously, though, did anyone see that? My husband and I happened to change over from Sister Wives right about the time Miley was violating a foam finger.

I then tried to send a video link to one of my brothers so he could agree on how horrid it was but accidentally sent him a video of a black man twerking instead. True story.

ANYWAY before I wanted to completely forget that last night happened, this is what I wore in the daytime. I will admit that I went a little overboard on texture. The chiffon and leather and suede and metallic was a lot. But whatever. At least I wasn't wearing this:

Please someone give this girl the attention she so desperately craves.

While I like some texture, I prefer it to not be in the form of fur/foil/plastic underwear.

Photography tip: Always post a picture of about-to-have-a-mental-breakdown popstars before your own picture so you look normal and balanced in comparison. 

Top: American Eagle (similar) (another) (similar print!)

Skirt: F21 (similar) (plus size!)

Heels: G by Guess (Mary Jane version OMG) (want!)

Cuff: Wizards of the West (no longer available)
Earrings: F21 (similar and cheap!)

I was excited because it was rainy enough that wearing this skirt didn't mean having it fused to my legs from 100 degree temperatures.

Well, I'm going to have to pick up my child in like, 30 minutes so I'm off to soak up the quiet house for a little bit.

JK I'm totally going to be reading US Weekly.