What I Wore: Workhorse

Ah, my fuchsia bandage skirt from F21 circa 2010. How I love it. I wear this thing all the time and it's starting to get pretty gross and pill-y but I can't stop. I wear it with heels and a shmancy blazer to dress up, graphic tees and flats to dress it down and then this hybrid, born because I didn't want to wear heels but still needed to dress up. I went for a six mile hike on Saturday. Heels weren't going to happen.

 

 Top:I can't remember. But it's actually a tank dress, like this

Cardi: Nordstrom Rack (cute!) (love this)

Skirt: F21(want) (match everything) (pretty!)
Flats: Ardene (Canada) (with studs!) (basic) (with a bow I'm dead)

Cuff: Wizards of the West (no longer available wahhh)
Belt: c/o modbod

Here's what I look like when I smile nice.

 And here's what I look like when I'm yelling at my daughter "I don't understand why you're not changed when I asked you to change like, 10 minutes ago!" while still looking at the camera.

This actually happened. This is also why I have an aggressive forehead wrinkle.

Style blogger. Long hiker. Nice smiler. Kid yeller. I guess I'm kind of a workhorse too.

Freaky Friday: Stuff I Don't Get

Yay my car is supposed to be finished today and I'm so excited to go get him. Yes, him. I call him Dante.

But before that happens, I have some Freaky Friday stuff to get off my chest. Yes, it's time for "Stuff I Don't Get" again. This was inspired by me reading my Glamour magazine late last night while watching "Beautiful Creatures" because my husband was working late. This is what happens when I'm left to my own devices after like, 10:30. I get surly.

Also, one of these pictures is not safe for children who know the alternate meaning to "Willy." So usher them out of the room accordingly. 

This shirt

 

 Oh look, it's the page that inspired it all. This shirt is proclaimed as the "Perfect top." Because I'm always in the market for sheer shirts with boob roses. Also, how 90s is this all? It would go perfectly with my crushed velvet party skirt. In 1998.


Why this is funny.  I turned into a 14-year-old boy when my cousin posted this on her Facebook. The second one is my favorite.

 Seriously, I was laughing hysterically for 10 minutes and then almost sent it to everyone I know.  Instead, I'll post it on my very public blog! (Click to view a larger copy, but only if you're super immature).


The desire for a thigh gap. 

 No one is looking for a space between your thighs. Stop being crazy.



Clear purses

 Have you seen the inside of my purse lately? It's like a graveyard of receipts and cheeto-smeared baby wipes. Why would I want to present that to the world?


Sharon Stone power suits

 Those are some serious shoulders. Unless your office is also a football field, you can probably dial down the padding.


When sales associates say they're "just going to pull a few things for you."

This happened last night when I was shopping for new sunglasses (I lost mine on a waterslide. So typical.) She pulled things that I would never wear in my life and I was so tempted to get all Bon-Qui-Qui like "You don't knowwwww me" but instead I just mumbled something about sunglasses shopping and got the heck out of there.  


 Literally anything that Miley Cyrus wears in the "We Can't Stop Video."

 She dances seductively like we're all supposed to be super turned-on by her Jane Fonda workout jumpsuit and Draco Malfoy hair.


Mullet anything

Skirts. Shirts. Actual mullets. How about no?


These people's gummy bear reviews.

Because quite frankly, if you purchase mail-order sugar-free gummy bears, you deserve to have diarrhea.


As always, that feels really good to get off of my chest. Now it's your turn -- air out something that you don't get and we'll all nod emphatically.

5 Outfits to Pack for a Beach Vacation

I just got home from the dentist -- I had to have a cavity filled. It's the first time I've had a cavity since I was like nine, so that was fun. I watched the Today Show on happy gas and reflected on important things like how short Al Roker is.

But I also was thinking about our recent vacation to take my brain away from the drill making holes in my teeth. I hate overpacking. Like, it's so annoying to me. And despite my best efforts, I still ended up with a few things that I didn't wear on vacation. My husband and I shared a suitcase, so every little bit of space counted. So I thought it might be helpful to hash out some vacation outfits that you should bring if you're headed somewhere warm and sunny. If you're headed somewhere cold and gloomy I just can't help you.

The Travel Outfit

Stripe top / Dickies / Minnetonka shoes / White studded purse, $31 / Forever New , $8.95

I know some people practically travel in their PJs, but I am not some people. We were going to be arriving in late afternoon, so I didn't want to be ready for bed just yet. When I travel, I like choosing looser fabrics and nothing that requires snaps, buttons or belts and slip-on shoes are a must. Nothing gives me the stabbies quite like a person taking their sweet time through security because of bad planning. These shorts also ended up being the basis for other vacation outfits. I run hot on planes, so I dress down, but if you run cold, grab a sweater. I also went and bought a big tote that I could use as a carry on, but would double as a beach bag later. It held many an US Weekly magazine.

Also, my husband laughed at me when I confessed that I'm always nervous to reach up and try to turn off the air on airplanes. I'm scared that I'm too short and the person behind me will see that I'm just swiping at the empty air above my head. I have short arms.

The Beach Day Outfit

Wallis petite top / Wallis tankini top / Wonderland swim suit, $11 / White shoes, $20 / Faux leather purse, $31

I was SO glad  packed three or four short dresses to wear to the beach. We had planned two solid beach days of nothingness, but while I spent the entire time in my swimsuit, I didn't want to go all bikini-ed out when we stopped for food or went for a walk. Short dresses are one piece, so you don't have to fuss with shorts and a shirt. And it's just cute. I totally wear my beach dresses to the pool around town too, so double duty yesssss.What's more, tunics and simple short cotton dresses are usually pretty cheap.

The Exploration Outfit

Candie's swim suit / Reef shoes / JanSport / Roxy High Light SS Rashguard

Part of our vacation was dedicated to touring around, checking out nature and seeing stuff like waterfalls and bamboo forests NBD. Because we'd be getting wet, I didn't want to wear normal clothes. Instead, I bought a rashguard from the Macy's at our resort (I know) and used that when we were being tourists. It was perfect because I could kick off my flip flops and hop in a waterfall or we could stop and rent some snorkel equipment at a good spot, but I wasn't getting totally fried all day.

A note about the flip flops. I am not a big flip flops lover. I wear them for utilitarian purposes only. But after two days of walking and walking, my crappy Old Navy flip flops were HURTING. My husband convinced me to buy a good pair so we went searching. I tried on Sanuks, Reefs and some Nikes and ended up with the Reefs. BEST PURCHASE EVER. They were sooo comfy and superior and now I find myself looking for reasons to wear them. The flops pictured are the same ones I bought -- and OF COURSE they're on sale now.

The Night Out Outfit

Merona / Espadrilles high heel shoes / Charlotte Russe woven bracelet / French Connection Sandy Pop Clutch, $32

OK, if you're vacationing with the whole family, you can probably get away with casual dining in your shorts and tees, but this was my 10th anniversary guys! We were alone! I wanted to get dressed up and look cute on a couple of the nights we went out to fancy shmancy restaurants or walked along the boardwalk. So I packed a couple of maxi dresses. That way, I could throw one over my swimsuit in the late afternoon, or I could dress it up with jewelry and a cute clutch (that doubled as a wallet) at night. And honestly, lazy nights eating and wandering around were my favorite part of the vacation. There is something to be said for doing absolutely nothing.

The Home Travel Outfit

Zoe Karssen t shirt / NIKE / Reef pull on shoes / Skullcandy skull earbud / AX Paris Neon Pink Zip Front Hoody, $23 / Silver Rest U Neck Pillow

NOW is the time to bust out the lazy clothes -- especially if you're taking a red-eye.  Hoodie. Pillow. Stretch capris. Headphones. Goodnight, everyone. And no, I didn't bring the workout capris to actually work out while on vacation, but they did come handy on a hike. So there.


To be honest, I spent 85 percent of our vacation in a swimsuit, and those pack up small so I had room for some extras. Some stuff I brought that I didn't end up wearing: A pair of running shoes, extra T-shirts (I bought a ton when I was there) and warmer lounge pants. I don't even know what I was thinking with those. And the more room you have in your suitcase, the more stuff you can buy while you're vacationing, right?

What are your vacation packing musts?

What I Wore: Ridiculous

Hey, good news everyone! I'm not in a bad mood anymore. I had an awesome weekend and my house is clean and I read a book and talked to my super hilarious family and that's just what I needed. So no more whining from me!


My husband took one look at this outfit and pronounced me "ridiculous." It was because of the shoes. They are really, really tall -- probably clock in a six inches with a platform. They make me almost as tall as my 6' husband I kid you not. I'm But that's OK, because I don't mind thinking of myself as a little ridiculous.

Top: Local boutique (Contagious for you SFians)

Tank: Local boutique (My Sister's Closet)
Skirt: c/o mod bod
Belt: Yeah, it's my reversible belt from Wal-Mart I ain't ashamed

Watch: XOXO
Ring: InspiredSilver
Shoes: Qupid

(I'd do links but I'm running late so check in later)

 They are so ridiculous. But I love them anyway. Fun fact! The first time I wore these shoes, I think they made me lightheaded. This time, I decided to stretch them so they weren't so tight. If you ever want to stretch too-tight shoes, grab a pair of your husband's socks and put on the shoes. Then, use your hairdryer to heat them up and stretch them out. Let 'em cool (haha I sound like a cooking blog) and once they're all the way cooled, take them off and you should have an extra half-size to work with. 

Brilliant AND ridiculous. I can handle that.

Freaky Friday: Don't You Hate Pants?

You guys, I am in a foul mood today. I spent the morning on the phone with both my car insurance and health insurance peeps. The only thing worst than rehashing that stupid accident is then rehashing my last pregnancy before we change to a new insurance company. THEN my son wailed -- WAILED -- through the recorded statement I was giving to the other guy's insurance company. That should go over well in transcription, right? Don't worry, I've already planned a nap for this afternoon. No one better mess with that sacred, sacred nap.

Until then, though, I bring you some of the ugliest pants ever made. And yes, the title of this post is definitely in reference to this. Feel free to use that line as foreplay tonight. Rawr.

 My friend Kara (you can find her cute blog here) sent me these which give me a deep and abiding need to watch The Lion King with my childhood best friends as we talk about whether or not it's OK to have a crush on grownup Simba. PS It's not. That's cartoon bestiality and it's gross. I was more of a Tuxedo Mask kinda gal myself. Anyone? Anyone?

 I'm so glad the Golden Girls are able to live on through ugly pants.

 Because you have a desperate need for your legs to look like your mom's wedding china. 

Also, what's with the heels?

 Forget about thigh gap -- this season, it's all about crotch-drab. 

I also thought up "crotch mulch" but I can't decide which I like better. 

Life is hard. 

Vote?

 Because you're an American tourist and don't care who knows it!! 

 Pop that hip back in, Miss Sashay. Those are the pants I wear when I'm sick and haven't showered in three days so I wouldn't be so smug. 

 This might be the saddest case of mom bum ever on this blog. And that's saying A LOT. Homegirl's butt is like three feet long here. 

Nothin' wrong with a little junk in your front bum area. Also good for hiding:
-Drugs
-Small kangaroos
-The fact that your sex change operation isn't all the way done yet

Alright, I am determined to shake this bad mood. I bought some new clothes yesterday (I swear it was the last time... this week) and wearing something new and not involving ugly pants is sure to bring me out of the funk. Also, I'm driving my husband's Jeep Wrangler while my car is in the body shop and driving a Jeep makes everyone happy. It's a fact. Look for the suburban soccer mom listening to rap music and pretending to relive her glory days with two kids in the backseat.

Sale Alert: Stuff You Should Buy Now

So right after I posted on Monday, I headed out to run my various errands. I was driving to meet my husband for lunch, I had a truck crash into the driver's side of my car. Everyone's fine -- I cried for like six hours straight after. I've never been in an accident where I was the driver so it threw me right off kilter.

Yesterday I was still feeling a little gloomy. I went from crying to crazy anxious in 24 hours and in an effort to calm me down -- bless his heart -- my husband took me and the kids to do some early back to school shopping. And it worked! I still don't feel 100 percent -- my poor Tahoe is banged up and needs body work before I can drive it again and that ticks me right off -- I am definitely an emotional shopper.

Anyway, while we were oot and aboot, I found that most places are selling out their summer stuff to get ready for back to school clothes, so now's a killer time to score awesome deals on the following items. Buy 'em up now and you can wear them into fall like a boss:

Floaty Summer Dresses

 LC Lauren Conrad @ Kohls

This puppy is a mere $12, but you'll find tons of clearance summer dresses on sale. And while it 's probably still warm where you are, I love this for fall too. Wear it with flip flops now and then swap 'em for tan boots and a cream leather jacket when it cools off and OMG I will die from adorableness.


Flowy Tops, Too

Dorothy Perkins

While you're shopping for floaty dresses, take a look in the clearance section for these types of flowy, festival-esque peasant tops. While they're not really for busty girls, you can pair 'em with skinny jeans and flats or boots all fall long. This one's only $12 too!

Wedges

 JustFab

Nothing makes my heart sing quite like a cute pair of wedges and these are currently in my JustFab cart until I get the gumption to go downstairs and fish out my credit card. You'll find tons of wedges on sale -- these are $10! I wear mine with dresses and skirts well into the fall. And even if you have to put them away for winter, you can just gaze at them happily when it's dreary outside. 

Bermuda Shorts and Crops 

 jcp @ JCPenney

YAY it's shorts sale time! Most places will be focusing on jeans in the next month, so you'll score if you're still wearing shorts. If you're running out of ideas on how to wear them, try teaming them up with a graphic tee, casual blazer and wedges. Brilliant and not so summery. 

Swimwear (Duh)

Hobie @ Macy's

How cute is this swimsuit under $20? Love! I especially love swimsuit shopping in August and September. Last year, I needed a new swimsuit for our yearly September trip to Lake Powell and made out like a bandit. Super deep discounts on awesome brands -- I bought three Kenneth Cole suits for like, $25 I kid you not.

And THAT, my friends, is how you make lemonade from lemons. Particularly a large Ford lemon that wasn't looking where he was going. My misfortune means awesome deals for you. Happy shopping!

What I Wore: Color Culture

 On Friday I was desperately searching for something to keep my kids occupied when I found out that the local art museum had an exhibit of sculptures made from machinery and found metals. My son is the biggest machine head that ever walked the planet so I packed 'em up and we spent the afternoon at the museum. I felt so cultured. And to be honest, when I shlepping kids, I'm strictly tees and jeans -- lest you think I toddle around in heels and pencil skirts all day.

 Shirt: GAP (here)

Jeans: Calvin Klein (in white) (and teal) (and yes, red)

Belt: I stole it from my brother. 

Shoes: Roxy (similar) mine have a slight wedge

Bracelet, watch, rings: The marina at Lake Powell, XOXO, Inspired Silver and Tiffany, respectively

I find that if I'm wearing really plain clothes, using bright colors makes it look less like I put zero effort into my appearance. I'm really into bright red and teal. If I was American it'd almost be patriotic.

Not gonna lie, though, I spent the rest of the day with a hat jammed on my head. It came in handy while my kids were playing in the completely empty children's area of the museum basement. I pulled it over my eyes and kicked back on the couch while they played with blocks. MOM WIN.

Today I have exciting things like going to the bank and dropping stuff off to the library -- late, as usual. My life is pretty glam.