What I Wore: Ridiculous

Hey, good news everyone! I'm not in a bad mood anymore. I had an awesome weekend and my house is clean and I read a book and talked to my super hilarious family and that's just what I needed. So no more whining from me!


My husband took one look at this outfit and pronounced me "ridiculous." It was because of the shoes. They are really, really tall -- probably clock in a six inches with a platform. They make me almost as tall as my 6' husband I kid you not. I'm But that's OK, because I don't mind thinking of myself as a little ridiculous.

Top: Local boutique (Contagious for you SFians)

Tank: Local boutique (My Sister's Closet)
Skirt: c/o mod bod
Belt: Yeah, it's my reversible belt from Wal-Mart I ain't ashamed

Watch: XOXO
Ring: InspiredSilver
Shoes: Qupid

(I'd do links but I'm running late so check in later)

 They are so ridiculous. But I love them anyway. Fun fact! The first time I wore these shoes, I think they made me lightheaded. This time, I decided to stretch them so they weren't so tight. If you ever want to stretch too-tight shoes, grab a pair of your husband's socks and put on the shoes. Then, use your hairdryer to heat them up and stretch them out. Let 'em cool (haha I sound like a cooking blog) and once they're all the way cooled, take them off and you should have an extra half-size to work with. 

Brilliant AND ridiculous. I can handle that.

Freaky Friday: Don't You Hate Pants?

You guys, I am in a foul mood today. I spent the morning on the phone with both my car insurance and health insurance peeps. The only thing worst than rehashing that stupid accident is then rehashing my last pregnancy before we change to a new insurance company. THEN my son wailed -- WAILED -- through the recorded statement I was giving to the other guy's insurance company. That should go over well in transcription, right? Don't worry, I've already planned a nap for this afternoon. No one better mess with that sacred, sacred nap.

Until then, though, I bring you some of the ugliest pants ever made. And yes, the title of this post is definitely in reference to this. Feel free to use that line as foreplay tonight. Rawr.

 My friend Kara (you can find her cute blog here) sent me these which give me a deep and abiding need to watch The Lion King with my childhood best friends as we talk about whether or not it's OK to have a crush on grownup Simba. PS It's not. That's cartoon bestiality and it's gross. I was more of a Tuxedo Mask kinda gal myself. Anyone? Anyone?

 I'm so glad the Golden Girls are able to live on through ugly pants.

 Because you have a desperate need for your legs to look like your mom's wedding china. 

Also, what's with the heels?

 Forget about thigh gap -- this season, it's all about crotch-drab. 

I also thought up "crotch mulch" but I can't decide which I like better. 

Life is hard. 

Vote?

 Because you're an American tourist and don't care who knows it!! 

 Pop that hip back in, Miss Sashay. Those are the pants I wear when I'm sick and haven't showered in three days so I wouldn't be so smug. 

 This might be the saddest case of mom bum ever on this blog. And that's saying A LOT. Homegirl's butt is like three feet long here. 

Nothin' wrong with a little junk in your front bum area. Also good for hiding:
-Drugs
-Small kangaroos
-The fact that your sex change operation isn't all the way done yet

Alright, I am determined to shake this bad mood. I bought some new clothes yesterday (I swear it was the last time... this week) and wearing something new and not involving ugly pants is sure to bring me out of the funk. Also, I'm driving my husband's Jeep Wrangler while my car is in the body shop and driving a Jeep makes everyone happy. It's a fact. Look for the suburban soccer mom listening to rap music and pretending to relive her glory days with two kids in the backseat.

Sale Alert: Stuff You Should Buy Now

So right after I posted on Monday, I headed out to run my various errands. I was driving to meet my husband for lunch, I had a truck crash into the driver's side of my car. Everyone's fine -- I cried for like six hours straight after. I've never been in an accident where I was the driver so it threw me right off kilter.

Yesterday I was still feeling a little gloomy. I went from crying to crazy anxious in 24 hours and in an effort to calm me down -- bless his heart -- my husband took me and the kids to do some early back to school shopping. And it worked! I still don't feel 100 percent -- my poor Tahoe is banged up and needs body work before I can drive it again and that ticks me right off -- I am definitely an emotional shopper.

Anyway, while we were oot and aboot, I found that most places are selling out their summer stuff to get ready for back to school clothes, so now's a killer time to score awesome deals on the following items. Buy 'em up now and you can wear them into fall like a boss:

Floaty Summer Dresses

 LC Lauren Conrad @ Kohls

This puppy is a mere $12, but you'll find tons of clearance summer dresses on sale. And while it 's probably still warm where you are, I love this for fall too. Wear it with flip flops now and then swap 'em for tan boots and a cream leather jacket when it cools off and OMG I will die from adorableness.


Flowy Tops, Too

Dorothy Perkins

While you're shopping for floaty dresses, take a look in the clearance section for these types of flowy, festival-esque peasant tops. While they're not really for busty girls, you can pair 'em with skinny jeans and flats or boots all fall long. This one's only $12 too!

Wedges

 JustFab

Nothing makes my heart sing quite like a cute pair of wedges and these are currently in my JustFab cart until I get the gumption to go downstairs and fish out my credit card. You'll find tons of wedges on sale -- these are $10! I wear mine with dresses and skirts well into the fall. And even if you have to put them away for winter, you can just gaze at them happily when it's dreary outside. 

Bermuda Shorts and Crops 

 jcp @ JCPenney

YAY it's shorts sale time! Most places will be focusing on jeans in the next month, so you'll score if you're still wearing shorts. If you're running out of ideas on how to wear them, try teaming them up with a graphic tee, casual blazer and wedges. Brilliant and not so summery. 

Swimwear (Duh)

Hobie @ Macy's

How cute is this swimsuit under $20? Love! I especially love swimsuit shopping in August and September. Last year, I needed a new swimsuit for our yearly September trip to Lake Powell and made out like a bandit. Super deep discounts on awesome brands -- I bought three Kenneth Cole suits for like, $25 I kid you not.

And THAT, my friends, is how you make lemonade from lemons. Particularly a large Ford lemon that wasn't looking where he was going. My misfortune means awesome deals for you. Happy shopping!

What I Wore: Color Culture

 On Friday I was desperately searching for something to keep my kids occupied when I found out that the local art museum had an exhibit of sculptures made from machinery and found metals. My son is the biggest machine head that ever walked the planet so I packed 'em up and we spent the afternoon at the museum. I felt so cultured. And to be honest, when I shlepping kids, I'm strictly tees and jeans -- lest you think I toddle around in heels and pencil skirts all day.

 Shirt: GAP (here)

Jeans: Calvin Klein (in white) (and teal) (and yes, red)

Belt: I stole it from my brother. 

Shoes: Roxy (similar) mine have a slight wedge

Bracelet, watch, rings: The marina at Lake Powell, XOXO, Inspired Silver and Tiffany, respectively

I find that if I'm wearing really plain clothes, using bright colors makes it look less like I put zero effort into my appearance. I'm really into bright red and teal. If I was American it'd almost be patriotic.

Not gonna lie, though, I spent the rest of the day with a hat jammed on my head. It came in handy while my kids were playing in the completely empty children's area of the museum basement. I pulled it over my eyes and kicked back on the couch while they played with blocks. MOM WIN.

Today I have exciting things like going to the bank and dropping stuff off to the library -- late, as usual. My life is pretty glam.

Freaky Friday

Yay! It's time for the first Freaky Friday in eons. Yes, eons. I exaggerate a lot. Like 500 times a day.

 Robin reported that she saw someone wearing these in REAL LIFE and I just hope that it was at Ariel's Grotto because that's the only place these would be kind of appropriate. And even then, I feel like actor Ariel won't want to take pictures with you because you seem like kind of a rabid "Sign my boob" type of fan.

 Oh, this looks comfy. And not sweaty at all.

 Please tell my I'm not the only one who envisions walking around in this skirt, swooshing it when entering any room and playing background music. 

I am? Let's move along then.

PS This was a JUNIORS skirt. What teenager wants to wear this? She scares me. 

 Oh, good I've been look for a dress where I have to wear an entirely different outfit underneath.

 Bequi said she was idly searching for sexy Disney costumes on Amazon the other day and came across a sexy Aristocats outfit. I decided to do the same and came up with sexy Pinocchio and I really don't know which is worse. 

 Dawn sent me this. And when I read about an ice cream sundae dress, I didn't expect it to be 

so... sad. And droopy. And like it needed a better bra. 

 I usually feel like wedges are a lot like pizza. Even when they're bad, they're still pretty good. But these are just like, the equivalent of a Little Ceasars pizza that has been sitting in a hot parking lot for a couple of days.

 I saw another blogger post that plaid rompers made her excited for fall. So I Googled plaid rompers. Wanna know what I found? 

BABIES. 

Guys, if the most common demographic of your favorite fall outfit are small people who poop in their pants, I suggest choosing a new fad to fawn over. Just a suggestion. Of course, this jumpsuit kind of looks like there's a diaper involved anyway, so maybe I'm wrong.

This is totally a Walk of Shame dress. Like, it was laying on the floor all night long, but you didn't want to look like a sad party girl, so you put it over jeans to make it more day appropriate. It's not.

Well, that felt good! I missed snarking on bad clothes! As always, send me heinousness when you see it. Now, I have to go clean my boat for a trip out tomorrow. It kind of smells like fish guts and Twizzlers. Happy Friday!

Accessorizing in the Summer

First off, Happy Pioneer Day to my Utahns! I'm a transplant and have absolutely no pioneer heritage whatsoever, but I appreciate the day off and the fireworks, so WOO! Of course, I played a couple of hours of volleyball and worked out last night for the first time since my trip and I am FEELING it today. So I will be watching fireworks with Advil and an orthopedic pillow.

Utah is funny because each little town has their own celebration -- even my tiny town of 2,000. That means there's always some festival going on, usually with vendors, tons of food and entertainment. But the heat -- OH THE HEAT -- makes a lot of these unbearable. This year, I've gone to four of the various city festivals in my area and I have one more planned, so I've had to learn to dress accordingly.

The thing about summer dressing is that you want as little as possible, right? So I find that a lot of times, it's like a top, shorts and flip flops and I'm done. Accessorizing in the summer sucks because everything is just an extra layer and makes you hotter, like the time a couple weeks ago I decided to wear a cute summer scarf and it ended up drenched. I know you wanted to know that.

So here are some ideas to accessorize this summer without wanting to jump into a vat of ice cubes. Even though that sounds really nice right now.

Get a Pedi

For reals, people! It's so easy to look cute and it doesn't make you feel one degree hotter. Except for that time I had a pedi and I got a chemical burn. But if you do it yourself, it's fine. Lately, I've been painting my toes and then doing a couple layers of chunky glitter near the top like this. It's cute, simple and sticks around forever. Plus, you can do your pedi when you catch up on DVRed episodes of Real Housewives of OC, not that I do that or anything.

Wear Honkin' Huge Earrings

I love necklaces, but let's face it -- sweat city when you're in the sun, amiright? I have the world's most sensitive nose and I hate the smell of like, sweaty metal. Ooh, that sounds like a rock band! Anyway, I default to big, light earrings in the summer. I find that those made of wire and hammered materials weigh the least, like so:

R.J. Graziano Turquoise Drop Hammered Earrings

Go for a Hat

I'm definitely a hat girl -- it's the tomboy in me. I tend to wear military or ball-style hats, but basically any topper works. Especially if you can rock a floppy straw hat because that makes me jealous. Just don't wear a trucker hat with your bikini because you';re not Tara Reid (thank goodness). Anyway, hats keep the sun off of your face, especially if you once had skin cancer on your nose and swore to your doctor you'd never get another nose sunburn ever again. Aaaand they're cute. Win!

Cov-Ver Y

Wear Your Hair Up

This is a no-brainer, but you don't have to wear a ton of accessories if your hair is your accessory. Wear your hair up and then try using a cute headband or ribbon to accessorize. I love doing a big, fat top bun and then wearing glammy sunglasses or doing a side braid with messy pieces. Bonus points: You can get away with not washing your hair. Check out my Pinterest hair and makeup board for more ideas.

Air Out

OK, so I love wedges but they can get all slidey and gross when it's hot. So go for a flat, strappy sandal that keep your feet totally cool, but look for ones with bright colors or interesting details. These ones are also cheap, so yay!

Women's Mossimo® Watson Flat Strappy Sandal - Green

Choose One

If you're feeling totally naked without all of your accessories, just go with one super impactful one. That way you're not like, jangling your 10 bracelets around swimming lessons. That's annoying. La Mer wrap watches have a ton of visual impact while still being just one piece. Slap it on and you're put together.

La Mer - Joshua Tree (Eggshell/Rose Gold) - Jewelry

Wear a Scarf Literally Anywhere but Your Neck

Sure, everyone is like "Ooh, wear a summer scarf, they're so light!" But those people have never wrangled kids in 105-degree weather and can bite me. I love me a summer scarf, you know I do. But not when it's this hot out. So when I'm wishing for my H&M teal leopard print scarf, I tie it on my purse instead. That way it's part of the outfit without actually touching me and honestly, as a mom all I want is like five minutes where someone isn't TOUCHING ME.

Get Nekkid

No, don't strip off your clothes and head outside, no matter how hot it is. Unless you live in a nudist colony. But why would you be reading a style blog then? I have deep thoughts. If it's really sweaty out, skip the accessories altogether. Go for like, a brightly colored summer dress or ditch your usual solid tee for a graphic one instead. Done!


What's your fave way to wear accessories when it's hot? Or do you just not leave your house? I can deal with that too.

What I Wore: Old-Fashioned

So, I was shopping over the weekend (yes, I know) and I didn't find a ton that I loved. Like, I know that flowy and mint and coral and chevron is all so hot right now but  I"m starting to feel like EVERYTHING is the same. So I came home and decided to kick it old school with structured fabrics and primary colors instead. Does that count as old-fashioned yet?

Dress: Romy (I think it's a regional store) (similar) (this one too!)

Shirt: H&M (how cute is this?) (pretty much the same shirt)

Wedges: Nine West (obsessed) (cute!) (lower heel if that's what you're into)

Necklace: Plunder (here!) They're a local company and I heart them.

Ring, Bracelet: F21

The only thing I ended up buying was the necklace. Hey, I love mint and coral as much as the next girl, but I'm more of a fall person. I found myself whining about the heat the other day just for the fact that it prevented me from wearing blazers and leather jackets. Oh, how I miss them. First world problems all day. 

What do you guys think about the coral/mind/floral/lavender/mustard/chevron explosion? Yay or nay?