Fall Trends for Non-Weirdos

I always end my trend report titles with "for Non-Weirdos" because quite frankly, like 95 percent of the fashion shown on runways is cool, but in no way practical for real life, much less real life with children. Still, I like to watch and see what kind of trends I can decipher underneath the makeup, frizzy hair and vapid expressions. And I'm actually pretty excited with what's coming up. Wanna see? Of course you do!


New School Grunge

When you think about "grunge" as a style, you're probably thinking about the 90s and let's face it: the 90s were not kind to fashion. Instead of like, oversized Dazed and Confused flannel, look for better-fitting stuff and accent it with leather. I think biker vests are going to be pretty huge this fall and winter. Biker boots are also a must, but find a way to girl-ify the look. A super-feminine necklace says "I'm a cool biker chick" instead of "I'm a butchy lesbian." Not that there's anything wrong with that... I'm just sayin'.

Red-Orange

Remember how spring was all about coral? Well, fall is all about red-orange. It's this crossbreed of both colors. I love it because it's fresher than red and more fall-y than the coral color we saw all summer long. I really love it with nudes... not like paintings of nudes. Nude shades. Geez, do I really have to explain this? Anyway. It's gorg.

Bows... on EVERYTHING

Dorothy Perkins / Dorothy Perkins / Kitten heel shoes / River Island clutch purse, $24 / Hive & Honey wire jewelry / Kate Spade gold jewelry

Being the Girly McGirlyson that I am, I'm always happy when bows are the main feature of any outfit. And unless you wrap yourself up like a present, there's not much wrong you can do with bows. I'm in love with bows as accents and little details that make a look really girly, but then there's a few rock-inspired elements to temper the look. Teal jeans are so rockstar, but the bows on the shoes make it more girly. I love.

Oxblood

Despite being the most disgusting name for a color ever, oxblood is like THE color for fall. It's a darker, more brown-infused version of maroon, and it's super duper rich. I like oxblood most with gold accents because they pop against the deep color. This would look AH-mazing on people with fair skin.

Going Baroque

If you're going to buy something patterned this fall, let it be a baroque pattern. This tapestry inspired look was done by Alexander McQueen in the spring and it's finally trickling down to us mere mortals. How hot is this look for like, a date night? The pattern makes the shirt special and the best part is that it gives you so many options when matching up accessories. Just don't go too old-fashioned. You want a modern, streamlined look... not the Count of Monte Cristo.


Did I also mention gold? Gold on everything. Fall is all about saturated colors and layers and they look best with gold accents, so step away from the silver!

So, which is your favorite look? I'm super partial to bows, but I'm definitely in the market for a leather vest. My biker dad probably has one, but I feel like Biker Broad probably isn't the best look for me.

What I Wore: Me? A Blogger?

Last week I was up at my parent's house visiting when a family friend came over. While chatting, he said something about my being a blogger and I was like wait, what? Apparently, my parents have talked to him about my job, indicating that I'm a "blogger," a title that I still have a hard time with. I don't know why! It's like, I obviously have a blog, but it's such a teensy part of my job that I have a hard time talking about it. Seriously; ask me about my blog in real life and I get so awkward and uncomfortable and sweaty. I'm like "Wait, people actually read this stuff?"

Even with my outfit pictures... I don't consider them all that "bloggy." Better blogs have cool pictures taken in awesome locations with like, face fans going to create perfect hair blowout, but all you get from me is an outfit shot in front of my stairs. I am totally aware that it's like, the least amount of effort put into outfit shots ever, but I can't remember the last time I had a spare moment to actually go somewhere and take pictures of myself. Most of the time when I have a spare minute, I want a nap, not pretty pictures.

One thing I definitely want for this blog is that you guys find it above all, accessible. I don't want you thinking "Oh, that's fine for her if she doesn't want to wear sweatpants every day, but obviously she doesn't have kids clamoring for her attention and has hours to shop, put together cute outfits and then take magazine quality shots of herself each day with a $4,000 camera." Because I absolutely don't. All I want to show are outfit ideas, which are sometimes totally ruined by rogue preschoolers wandering through the shot or crappy lighting because it's raining outside or an open cupboard in the background stuffed with 90 different types of cereal because I'm good at a lot of things, but remembering to close cabinet doors isn't one of them.

Sorry for the random tirade. I've just been thinking the last week about how being identified as a "blogger" makes me all squirmy and uncomfortable, much like the use of the word "moist" in everyday conversation. In the end, I don't think I want to be known as a blogger as much as I'd like to be known as just a regular girl with a couple of kids who happens to own a lot of shoes and likes writing about it. I am aware it's infinitely less catchy, but it makes me feel a lot more comfortable.

So, as usual, you get Monday pics in front of my stairs. One day I'll find a cool urban neighborhood and snap shots in front of a graffiti-covered wall, but let's face it: I live in Utah. Both urban neighborhoods and graffiti are fairly hard to come by.

Shirt: H&M
Skirt: modbod (OMG I love it so much)
Shoes: Charlotte Russe
Bracelet and ring: F21
Necklace: Local craft fair

And, as a regular girl with a couple of kids who happens to own a lot of shoes and likes to write about it, I can never, ever say no to a ruffled skirt. Please. The cuteness level is near disgusting proportions.

I love love love the way this skirt kicks up a bit in the back. Please be more feminine. Hence why I felt it needed to be paired with something a little more serious. This could get a little cupcake-y if you're not careful.



I've officially worn this necklace with everything I own lately. You're probably going to see it a lot.

Anyway, what I really should say is thanks for sticking with me and my little blog/website/whatever this is, even though I don't DIY anything, don't entertain with skewered foods, don't go to crazy parties in the city, take pictures from the comfort of my home (and sometimes by a 6-year-old) and become visibly uncomfortable anytime someone even mentions that I have a blog. I think you're all super fantastic.

Kisses,

Jae

Freaky Friday

Ah, Friday. I let myself sleep in until 7 and with the exception of a workout, haven't done much. Um, can I still claim jet lag from a three-hour flight at this point? Probably not.

Also, with all of the Fashion Week news my brain is swimming with fall outfits. WHY is it still 88 degrees here? I want blazers! All day long! I bought a pair of Tiffany blue skinnies in Canada and it's too hot to wear them. First world problems, I know. Anyway, check back next week for some awesome trend predictions and outfit ideas, even if it hasn't cooled down. I'll probably get desperate and start wearing fall clothes and sweat profusely and then ask people "Isn't it a bit chilly today?"

I also bought a rad (can we bring rad back?) pair of moccasins that I want to glue to my feet and never take off. They say "I want to be comfortable and just the slightest bit condescending toward Native Americans."

Anyway, onto the badness! Thanks to the readers who contributed!



At first, I thought this was a dress and was worried for this woman's sexual health. But then, I realized that it was a romper and am now worried for my mental health. WHY are these still being worn?


For when you want to say "I'm single, and I prefer to keep it that way." (Thanks Kate!)


Anytime I see pants like this, I can only think of how BAD cellulite would look squidging through the cracks. I think that means I'm officially old.



Please tell me I'm not the only one who hates these heel-less shoes. They look like giraffe hooves, which is fine if you're going as a sexy giraffe for Halloween and all...

...but then I would hate you and who wants to risk that?


'Merica.



I hate this model for being so gorgeous and nailing that bun so perfectly, but then I can feel smug that she's pretty, but she's also wearing a fringed diaper and a honky tonk shirt. I now feel superior.


Ohhh these shoes. I just bought some adorable Steve Madden leopard-print loafers, but now I fear they are aren't bedazzled enough. How can I live with myself?? (Thanks, V!)


Oh pretty model, you just can't win, can you?


My friend Sarah sent these over to me. I had to read the description to figure out what they were. Guys, these are culottes. Like, a skirt/pants love child. But the pants droop down in the saddest way possible. I am not experiencing flashbacks to when I actually wore culottes.

In 1989.



The knitted shorts thing has got to go, as referenced by this pair sent over by Brooke. Tell your grandma to stop making them and switch to scarves instead. Please. Do it for the children.


Well, I should probably get productive and stop looking at pictures of clothes all day. Sigh. Life s hard.

Home Again. Home Again

Hey guys! I made it back from my foray 'cross the border. While I was in Canada, I made the world's stupidest decision to watch the movie "Like Crazy," in which a couple is separated when the girl is deported back to England and spent the rest of the week paranoid that it would happen to me. Good times, good times.

Also, I pride myself in always being prepared for anything at the airport. Flying with a three- and six-year-old, I have to be on top of my game at all times. I'm always on time and have the process down to a science, usually going warp speed through security.

Until yesterday, when on the way to the airport we were stopped dead because the main highway was shut down for a police investigation (oh, Toronto). It resulted in us skidding into the airport 25 minutes before takeoff and doing a full-on, "Home Alone" run through the terminal with my kids. I kept having to remind myself that although I was completely embarrassing myself in public, I would never see any of those people again in my life. I was all hot and flushed during the security and I practically had a seizure when the 9 million-person family in front of me was stopped for extra checkpoints. After yelling "HUSTLE!" for the 60th time at my kids, we finally made it on board with about 10 minutes to spare. I was so worked up that I spent the $5 and bought myself satellite TV on the plane. Nothing that a Kardashian marathon won't fix.

Oh, did I mention that I totally traveled in workout pants? I NEVER travel in workout pants but that's what was clean. If anyone saw me at the airport, I was the sweaty one in the hat. Eastern humidity ruins my hair.

Just a reminder that sometimes, stuff doesn't go as planned. After 12 hours of nonstop travel yesterday, I have never been so excited to see my bed and my beloved desktop. Oh, and my husband. Very glad to see him as well. But I really, really love my desktop.

After all that, I'm back and in action. My youngest has his first day of school and I'm playing catch up, but I've received some seriously awesome reader contributions for Freaky Friday tomorrow so we'll be back in business.

Anyone else have some good "traveling with kids" stories for me? I'm starting to feel really bad at the eye-darts I was throwing at the lady who told me that my bag was 1 lb. (ONE POUND) overweight. Kill me.

What I Wore: Too Busy

I'm headed to the Great White North tomorrow bright and early, so today is a laundry, packing, find birth certificates, passports and green cards, buy stuff to make my kids be quiet on the plane, tie up loose ends kind of day. Also, my hubs bought me an iPad over the weekend, so I also have big plans to download all manner of brain-decaying cartoons onto it for the flight tomorrow. I have a firm "parenting rules don't apply at 30,000 feet" rule when we're flying. I'm all about tons of junk food and cartoons to survive.

I hopped out of bed at 6 and have been going full-steam since then, but I'll take a sec to update the blog because I'm just organized like that. Unfortunately, I'm too busy to think of a cutesy name for today so you're just gonna have to deal.

Tiered top: Local (My Sister's Closet I really have to stop shopping there)
Jeans: Local (Contagious)
Cardi: Love on a Hanger
Espadrilles: Soda
Cuff: F21

I felt like color-blocking last Thursday, so I brought out the yellow skinnies and added this cardi. I Wore this over to the elementary school for "Back to School" night. I am such a MOM.

And in the name of honesty, I should say that the cardigan lasted about five minutes because I was too hot.

Luckily the outfit still looked good... just decidedly less color-blocky... without it.

Of course, the best part of the outfit are the accessories:

He's been working out lately.

Alright, I am off to run like a chicken with it's head cut off. Hooray! I also remembered where my son's birth certificate is! I feel so organized.

..until I look in my laundry room.

Freaky Friday: Summer Clearance

You guys, I'm totally sloughin' it today. About 10 minutes after I sat down at my desk I was like "Yeah... nothing is happening." Taking a day off is a BIG DEAL for me. I live a very scheduled life to the point that the satellite guy calling to see if he could come a couple of hours early yesterday nearly caused me to have a mental breakdown. But, my 6 year old is off to school and I feel like playing with my 3 year old for today instead of working. Deep breaths... deep breaths. Also, I'm having new Internet installed today and I'm like... why continue working on my crappy connection when it'll be faster in the afternoon?

It's all about the justification, folks.

But before I head off to play, I'd better get some FF action goin' on.

Today is all about stuff I found while cruising the clearance bins. You know, summer clearance is an awesome time to stock up on staples. But it's also an awesome time to make fun of freak sizes (seriously, who is a 000?) and check out the leftovers that are still there for a reason.




Like this jacket, which totally reminds me of the 90s in a "secretly watch Dawson's Creek, listen to the Top 6 at 6 on my clock radio, get really into Nirvana for that one summer" kinda way.

The 90s were good to me.



I like this outfit. It says "I'm a little creepy and feel up the cabana boy when he comes to bring me poolside mojitos."


I can't imagine an instance where this outfit wouldn't be too dramatic. Like, you could wear it to an Evil Mothers in Soap Operas Convention and you'd still be crazy overdressed.


This is a dress only in the most fluid sense in the word. It could also be described as a tunic, top or way to get attention from men.


If you're wondering if you're too old to pull off a bedazzled velour tracksuit; you are.


OK, besides the fact that this is the most disgusting garment I've ever seen in my life, I'd like to point out that the design looks like there's an arrow pointing at her business.

I'll let you draw your own conclusions as to what that might mean. In fact, feel free to share in the comments. I have an idea, but it's pretty dirty and my mom and brothers read this blog.


But why? WHY? would this weird caricature of the Kardashians shirt end up in the clearance section? I love to worship people who are famous for having big butts and rich parents! Rude.


Also, I'm kind of hoping this is the last summer for the hi-lo dress. I HATE IT. It looks like a mullet, if wearing a mullet constantly put you at risk for flashing people while walking.



If it's still warm where you live, don't forget this awesome romper, a belly ring and the sweet perfume of desperation!


Also, Becca sent me these awesome face-kinis. After some research, I found are popular in China with women who prefer fair skin and looking slightly like an axe murderer.


Alright friends, I'm off to play for the day. Or, at least until 1 because that's when the Internet guy is coming.

How to Look Like You're Not Wearing Makeup

You know what I hate more than anything? OK, fine. The use of the word "darling" as an adjective. But do you know what is a close second? Being overdressed. Ugh, it's just sucky to show up somewhere and find that you're like 50 percent more glammed up than everyone. And sometimes that's OK, like at a wedding. But when it's like, at a pool party? Lame. That's why I've made it my personal mission in life to find makeup products that look completely natural. That way, I can still polish off my face without being like "I'm insecure and felt the need to spackle myself before this super casual BBQ!"

This summer has been especially important for all of that because of my dumb surgery. I wanted to wear makeup, but it either looked funny with the bandage and now, heavy makeup looks funny with the healing scar. Heading out on the boat, hanging out with my kids at the splash pad, a quick zillion trips to the store for school supplies - none of these require lipstick. So, it's natural look products to the rescue. YAY!

Here are some of my faves when you want to wear makeup but not actually look like it.

OK, so when I don't want to get all makeuppy, I go for super sheer coverage as foundation. I'm a Bare Minerals die-hard usually, but when I'm not doing the usual routine, I've really like either a) going with a primer and nothing on top or b) using BB cream. Both just even out my skin tone enough without really adding color.

I've tried like 9,000 primers (five) but my favorite has been the Revlon PhotoReady Perfecting Primer they sent me a month or two ago. It's the only one that doesn't feel like straight oil going on. I got some from Bare Minerals and was absolutely not a fan.



Once I've done my evening out, I add some color with my weird teenage secret weapon, the Wet and Bonne Bell Bronzer. Ever since I found out my buddy Sara uses it, I've felt strangely vidicated and no longer feel like it's a dirty secret I need to hide. Seriously, a little wash of this on the cheekbones and along the temple is all I need. But here's a hint. Use like, a miniscule amount of you'll end up looking insane. Fun fact: I've used this stuff since I was like, 17 and I've only gone through three bottles.

I definitely skip the mascara and eyeliner on "no makeup" days. It's just too "done." Plus, I usually do this when we're going to be around water for the day because there's nothing grosser than raccoon eyeliner eyes in the pool. OK, there are a few things grosser, but that's up there. Still, I don't want to go totally naked in the eyes, so I grab my handy E.L.F. Cream Shadow Duo. The dark plum color is perfect for making eyes stand out without having to do more than just rubbing it on with my finger.


Finally, I finish the entire thing off with The Body Shop's Lip and Cheek Stain. I have both colors and they are AMAZING. I do the apples of my cheeks and lips and since they're the same color, it looks pretty and flushed instead of artificial.

That's it! In about three minutes, I've gotten polished up and won't look like Barbie at the pool party. Actually, my friend calls those women "bikini moms." You know, the ones that show up to the community pool and never actually dip a toe in the water, but just strut across the hot pavement all afternoon? Ridiculous.

Here's the moral of the story. If you're looking for a way to make your makeup look more natural OR you're new at this whole makeup thing, look for cream, gel or liquid based makeups. They're more blendable and forgiving than a say, a matte powder. You can experiment a little and graduate on up when you feel like you've got the hang of it. We're talking five products max, here. Totally do-able and not like you just underwent an extreme makeover.

Or, you can just be like me today and not wear any makeup and then embarrass your daughter by running a jacket to her at the bus stop. That's cool too.