Great Lengths

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Sometimes it's amazing what I spend time thinking about. Like when I have deep thoughts about the length of pants. But with legitimate warm weather starting like, two weeks ago, comes the return of the capri pant.

Now, my hatred for capris is well documented with a highly controversial post. But I'd like to point out that my hatred for said isn't just a whim, it's just because they're so darn unflattering. I saw a comment on another blog about that post and it said "She's just writing that because she doesn't look good in capris." NO! I don't! I'm 5'4" and capris make me look about two feet shorter. I can't afford that.

I don't care if your calves are like toothpicks (and mine are not) capris just widen things out. That's because a true capri pant cuts across the widest part of your calf, stopping your leg short. The result? Short legs, wide calves. I know, it's enticing.

HOWEVER, as much as I eschew capris, I'm not opposed to a pair of Bermudas or a cropped pant.

"But JAE!" You shout at your computer. "How am I supposed to know the difference!?" Calm down. Don't alarm the neighbors. I shall tell you!



These are capris. See how they end right across where the calf is the widest? No bueno. They make the leg look stumpy.


These are crops. See how the pant stops at the slimmest part of the ankle instead? YAY! They make the leg look way slimmer. And SO cute with flats!


Ew.


Here are a pair of true Bermudas. I LOVE THEM. The best part about Bermies is that you can style them like you do a skirt. I love to wear mine with wedges and a dressier top for nighttime in the summer. And, since they stop anywhere between mid-thigh and the knee, you get nice, long line from knee to ankle for super slimming power.


Boo.


These are a capri-bermuda hybrid I found on Pinterest and they totally work. That's because they're cuffed right before the calf starts. Super cute AND an awesome way to make your capris into a more flattering length. See? You don't have to burn them! This with a low wedge and a tee for summer? Perfect.


If you want to give cuffing a shot, here's a perfect example of how to. Take a regular pair of skinny jeans and turn the bottoms up once or twice. They don't have to be perfectly neat. I like to do this when I really want to show off my shoes. If I had these shoes, I would probably just wear them everywhere.

I feel like that should open up your summer options a bit. By all means, show a little leg now that it's warm; just make sure it's the right part of your leg. Length is kind of a big deal when it comes to shorts and crops.

Do you still hate me for hating capris? I promise I have entirely honorable intentions. I just want to eradicate the world of stumpiness... is that so wrong?

20 comments:

Wendy said...

Jae, you are so wise! I am 5'3", and I feel the only way I can wear capris is with high heels...though I am convinced that they not only make my calves look fat, but that they somehow make my hips appear wider! Capris are just no good for short girls.

Leah Elzinga said...

I feel like a good general rule is to treat anything that is not a pant but has two legs the same way you would a skirt. Generally, if that length of skirt is flattering/unflattering on you, then the same rule of proportion will apply to your capris.

Oh, man, Nobel Prize, here I come.

Jae said...

Leah, totally brilliant. You need to have that printed on cards and then hand them out in malls across America.

MPES PFA said...

Oh, and can we add "If your argument for your shoes is that they're comfortable in the garden, that's where they should remain"? Cuz that'd be dandy. Oh, and "If you're top is more flammable than a 6mo old Christmas tree on the side of the road, go home and change"? Also, dandy.

Jae said...

We could totally write a book called "Common Sense Fashion Advice That Badly Dressed People Ignore"

- If you wore it the first time it was popular, you don't get to wear it when it comes back 30 years later.

- If there are children present, you should probably put your boobs away. Unless those children are nursing, they don't need access.

Leah Elzinga said...

I'd love to add "Cabela's is NOT the mall. If you are out in public and NOT on the way to or from fishing/camping/hunting and you are wearing something from Cabela's, go home. Start again."

Side note: I'm actually also Accidental Housewife, but the coffee it is not so much working this morning.

Anonymous said...

Nora here--too lazy to log in.

This helps tremendously. The pants to which you were referring when you said "crops," all of this time, I thought counted as capris.

When you said crops before I thought you meant pants that only just hit the top of your ankle bone.

Sarah T. said...

Totally agree! I stopped wearing capris last summer when I realized how stumpy they made me look - and I have long legs! Thanks for the primer - very helpful as always!

Anna@Exasperation said...

Oh, Jae. You did two things with this ONE POST. First, you convinced me that it's finally time to get rid of the gray cargo capris that make me look at least 20 pounds heavier on just my bottom half (because who doesn't want that?), and, AND? You made me realize that my white Calvins are cropped and I can continue wearing them until the apocolypse. Because I wasn't wrong. They DO make me look amazing.
See that? Changing the world, one burned pair of capris at a time. That could totally go on your resume.

Jae said...

Anna, BOOM! I love everything in your comment, especially the part about my resume. I would have the coolest resume ever, but only if the job description was for an Eradicator of Capris. Is that a real job? If so, I think I'd be what they call "overqualified."

grace said...

I'm with you. I'm six feet tall with a 36" inseam and capris STILL make my legs look stumpy. I like a just above the knee Bermuda or a just above the ankle crop, though.

Unknown said...

I totally agree with you on every level!!! I'm 5'3 and wearing capris is probably the stupidest thing I could put on my body. I have been inspired by you, and might write a post of my hatred for capris. It needs to be said.

Jamie said...

This post totally inspired me to cuff my capris to bermuda short length and sure enough I know look taller and thinner. Now I'm off to the mall to find some bermuda shorts b/c cuffed capris are not really a great look ;) Thanks for the push to finally throw out these ugly pants!!

Maria Pinkelton said...

I love you for hating those pants. I am 5'9.5" and refuse to wear them. They flatter NO ONE!!! Isn't it hard educating people on what NOT to wear?

Erica said...

Those are the Zara Studded Flat Jelly Sandals. You can still find them for sale on eBay - your welcome ;)

Jae said...

You are my new BFF!

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