Freaky Friday: What Not to Wear for Family Pictures

So, I took the plunge and finally had our family pictures done yesterday. My husband and I literally hadn't had our picture taken together professionally since the day we got married over seven years ago, no joke. We're just not the "family picture type" I guess. Also, it turns out my son has an unnatural fear of photographers and hated the entire experience. I felt like a circus monkey trying to get him to smile and more often than not he was just giving the poor photographer the stink-eye. So was my husband.

Anyway, the outfits! Oh, how I stressed over the outfits! For goodness sake, I expound almost daily on the merits of dressing properly for family pictures, and I had to live up to my good name! Of course, the pictures will be coming in like two weeks or something, and I can show you what we all decided to wear. But yesterday, as I was questioning my clothing choices, I surfed on over to Awkward Family Photos and picked out things no one should ever wear for family pictures, and I suddenly felt more confident. Ahh, making fun of other people makes me happy.

So, all pictures here are from AFP, and they make me unnaturally happy.


Family photo rule etiquette #1: Bikini waxes and shiny tights are absolutely mandatory. Don't forget the leopard headband!


PROOF that matchy outfits make babies cry. Even twins. Their faces match, they don't need their shirts to match too. See the happy kid? He's happy his mom didn't dress him like the other two.


Would you laugh if I told you that me and my siblings have a picture EXACTLY like this? When I was 12, we did family pictures and for some inexcusable reason, my mom let me show up in jeans and my brother's plaid shirt with a ponytail. To this DAY everyone who sees it wonders why they didn't notice that my mom had five boys before.


I feel like this family a) has figure skating practice every Saturday and b) can be heard walking down the street about a mile away. SWISH SWISH SWISH.


Easily my brother Ryan's favorite family picture. He suggested we do it with our family, which could be awkward since I'm the only girl and subsequently, the only one who looks good in a dress. You lose, Jonathan. (OMG if you have time read my brother Jonathan's blog. He's living in Botswana and has all sorts of crazy shenanigan adventures)

(Also, as an aside... both Ryan and Jonathan are single and I am accepting applications for my future sister in law through December. Yes I look for every opportunity to pimp out my brothers. I want to go to a wedding.)


Cowboy hats? Yes. Cowboy shirts? You've got it. Creepy neck beard? Woah... you gotta earn that, son.


Only thing creepier than clowns? Child clowns. That baby wants to eat my soul, I just know it.


"Little to the left.... okay, chin up.... aaaaand here hold this spine. Perfect!"


K, I'm going to run down this conversation for you. Both people in this picture were clothed previously.

Photographer: OK, Sally, do you want to get a few belly shots?
Sally: Sure!
Photographer: K, if you don't mind, let's do a bare belly shot.
Sally: You want me to take off my shirt?
Photographer: Only if you're comfortable.
Mike: Do you want me to take off my shirt?
Photographer: Aaaactually that's not necess-- K, your shirt is off anyway.
Mike: The beach is that way!
Sally: Very funny, Mike.
Mike: I think I'm "expecting" rippling back muscles, amirite?
Sally: Seriously Mike, shut up.
Mike: I believe my bicep is pregnant.... with MUSCLES! Heh heh.
Sally: OMG take the effing picture.


So, I've set the bar really low so people don't think I'm judging their family picture anymore. I do a little, but I know they're not as bad as these. See how I did that? I'm always thinking about you.