Freaky Friday: Reader Submissions

I have the best readers in the whole wide world, I really do. When I first started this blog, it was for a handful of my friends that were asking me what to wear. Little by little, we gained speed and now I have a whole army of moms who e-mail me gross things they spot while perusing the web. And that makes me very, very happy. If you see something awful, make sure to e-mail me or post it on the fanpage. We can all discuss and say "EW" together, and that will warm my heart.


My Aunt Colleen reminded me of the return of the PAJAMA JEAN! They're jeans! They're pajamas! And they only reek of sadness and desperation a little bit!


One of my favorite regular posters and sometimes girlfriend, Arienette sent me these abominations. What's with the flappy pockets? They look like gills. Also, Arienette promised she would have my babies if I posted this, so ... this could get awkward.

YAY! Megan S. sent me FIESTANATIVEAMERICAN clogs. Like really? Just pick a genre. Whatever it is, it shall be ugly. Clogs have no place in your closet.



Carly B. sent me some awesome foot undies. APPARENTLY they are for dancers, but is the crotch-seaming really necessary? She also pointed out that this is a creepy foot fetish pervert's DREAM. Ick. Watch me get a million hits from dirty fetish sites now, THANKS CARLY.


Emily C. sent along this romper offering, knowing how much I would appreciate the giant front bum that it induces. She knows me all too well.


Jessica S. e-mailed over a prime example of what happens when a ballerina, a Barbie, and my four year old get together and drink tequila. They throw up and create these shoes. Sweet mother, that is a lot of pink bows.


This is technically for my sister in law. Every time we go shopping she feels the need to remind me that she is in her 30s and doesn't want to look like she is trying too hard to be young. I finally have a definitive answer: This headband makes you look like you're trying too hard to be young. It also makes you look like the lovechild of Minnie Mouse and Madonna.


WHY? WHY ROMPERS AGAIN? Steph P. sent along this super awful example. Remember when we talked about good floral and bad floral? This floral is very, very bad. I honestly think I owned CULOTTES like this at age nine. CULOTTES!!!


Yup. Definitely squeeze yourself into mint green tapered jeans. And then pair them with hoofy- shoes. Perfect. You now look like my favorite flavor of ice cream. Thanks to Debbie K., for making me crave mint chocolate chip at 9 am.

I think I need to lie down now.

I want all of you guys to bookmark this site for next week (as if you haven't already) because next week we'll be talking about plus sizes! Woo hoo. We just discussed how I hate the term "plus sized" in general, so let's just say if you're more than a size six, you'll want to tune in... or surf over? I don't know what to say?

Let's also give a big thanks to Nat, who is almost done her pregnancy. She's done an awesome job with Maternity Monday, and I think all you preggers are better dressed for it, am I right?

Happy weekend!

What to Wear: To a Wedding

Did you guys miss me while I played in Canada? I got some awesome material up there for the blog. I took my cousin shopping for Europe of all places, and it was awesome.

But first, I want to talk about something I get asked ALL. THE. TIME. If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me what to wear to a wedding, I would have AT LEAST a million dollars, no joke. I think weddings are stressful because you're going to see a lot of people, and dress codes can be vague. In a lot of cases, dress code isn't specified at all, so you're left scratching your head a little.

To me, what to wear to a wedding relies heavily on the kind of couple that is getting married, the time of day the wedding will be held, the venue and who is invited. With those key pieces of information, you can show up looking just right, instead of under-dressed or over-dressed (But really, is there anything worse than showing up over-dressed? Seriously.)

Basically, weddings can be categorized in three ways. Technically four if you count black tie formal, but does anyone other than Donald Trump do that any more? So I left it out. But if for some reason you're a member of high society and invited to a black tie wedding, wear a full length gown. That's all I have for you.

Garden Party or Outdoor Formal

Items in this set:
Floral Tube Dress by Rare**, $84
Wedges|Shoes:Wedge Shoes, Wedge Boots, Wedge Heel, Wedge Sandal,..., $21
ASOS Oversized Pleat Pushlock Clutch, $30
Silver Flower Lace Ring, $50
Carolee - Retro Charms Drop Charm Earrings 1759EP5778 (White..., $38

Okay, if the wedding is going to take place outside, but will be a formal sit-down meal, you need to dress up. Likewise if the wedding will take place before 6 p.m. You can get away with something a bit more casual than a cocktail wedding, but I think it should still be pretty and airy so you don't show up looking like you're ready to party. A floral dress, of course, is nice for outside, and the colors are muted so that you don't look like you're trying to steal the show. If the wedding is outside ALWAYS WEAR WEDGES. Heels will end up sinking into the grass every time, mark my words. Clutches are a must for a sit-down meal at the reception. You don't want a big bag sitting on the ground because you have nowhere to put it, and a clutch can be laid right on the table.

Casual Indoor or Outdoor OR Evening Wedding Where Children are Invited

Items in this set:
Ruched Side Tee - Teen Clothing by Wet Seal, $25
Plus Size Border Pleat Skirt at Avenue.com and JessicaLondon.com, $35
Report Kimball, $48
Miso Layer Coin Necklace, 9.99 GBP
Large Stone Cuff, 9 GBP

If the wedding is followed by something uber casual outdoor, like a barbecue or receiving line only, casual dress is fine. I mean casual like a khaki skirt. NOT jeans casual. Never wear jeans to a wedding, ever, I don't care where it is held or if the bride is getting married in a Juicy velour suit. It is just bad form. But a plain shirt and khaki skirt, piled high with necklaces for interest is totally okay. I would dress like this even for an evening wedding if it is a family event with lots of kids running around. If the bride has said that kids can come to the wedding, she's resigned to the fact that it won't be super formal. Oh, and flats are totally fine... how awesome are those ones? They look like Tinkerbell shoes and I love. With a casual wedding, you can bring a bigger bag, just hold it on your arm rather than your shoulder, please?

Cocktail Attire

Items in this set:
Rock Black Dress, 60 GBP
Bow Bustle Dress, 25 GBP
Heels|Shoes:Stiletto Heel,Heel Pump,Women's High Heel Shoes,Spool..., $25
Grape Satin Bow Open Toe Platform Pump @ Amiclubwear Heel Shoes online..., $19
La Regale 25415, $42

Now, if the wedding is after 6 p.m. or "Cocktail" is specified on the invitation, it's time to dress up my friend! As a rule of thumb, wear what you would wear to a swanky restaurant with your husband if you were really trying to impress him and the food was really expensive. It used to be that black was outlawed at weddings, but now little black dresses are the standard. Standout by pairing yours with interesting details (feather shoulder!) and awesome shoes. If you are less of an in-your-face fancy dresser, a demure dress with a fuller skirt like the navy one above works too. I've paired the whole thing with monochromatic accessories to make it worth a second look, but not scary contrasting. Clutches all around because big bag ruins sleek dresses every time.

I think we got it all, didn't we? Any wedding you should be able to classify into these three dress codes (unless the formal thing, which we discussed, WHERE YOU EVEN PAYING ATTENTION?) Now that wedding season has begun and I'll be receiving roughly 9,655 invitations A DAY (Hooray for Happy Valley, Utah!) I want you to be ready as I am to attend, eat cake and look pretty for pictures.

Maternity Monday - "Your Feet Are Swollen"

My mother-in-law has been informing me for weeks (every single time she sees me), that my feet are swollen. I've been in denial. They look the same to me. But yesterday, as I was heading out the door for church, I tried to slip on my red peeptoe heels. And they didn't fit. There was no way I was going to be able to squish my fat feet into them. I was horrified. My whole outfit had been planned around those shoes. I settled for my black pumps, as painful as it was to shove my feet into them.

This never happened to me in my previous pregnancies! I wore 4-inch heels to the end. But now, with weeks left to go, I can't fit into any of my favorite shoes. It's a sad sad day. Because of my predicament, I've spent the last hour looking for shoes that might work for me. Here are my findings.

Because of my addiction to heels, I still need some height. I wore wedges this weekend for several hours and felt just fine. Therefore, I refuse to give up wedges!

(Steve Madden)

These will still give me the height I want, but will be a little less rough on my extra plump footsies. Ditto to espadrilles like these:(Zappos)
I'd like these better without the ankle strap right now. I don't need a tight strap to draw attention to my swollen ankles.

I'll be honest. I'm not a huge fan of kitten heels. While I like a cute kitten heel on other people, I'm just not used to how they look on me. But I found these patent leather ones that I think I could handle. I think it's the chunkiness of the heel. (Zappos)

These are cute, too. I could handle these as a substitute to my usual Sunday heels.

(Zappos)

Thankfully, spring has arrived, which means I can wear flats, sandals, flip flops...typical Florida girl footwear. And my feet thank me for it. (Charlotte Russe)

(American Eagle)

If you're in the same boat as me and are having issues with swollen feet, there are a few things you can do.

- Put your feet up whenever possible

- Don't cross your legs when sitting

- Avoid standing or sitting for long periods of time. Change positions regularly to let the blood flow.

- Drink more water.

- Exercise. Even just walking helps.

- Avoid junk food. (HAHAHAHAHAHA)

If you do decide to go get shoes that fit more comfortably, go shopping in the evening. That's when your feet will be at their biggest. And try not to cry too much when you see you've gone up a size. Chances are, the swelling will go down after the baby comes and you'll be back in your normal size. So no need to go out and get a whole closet full of bigger shoes. Darn it.

Maternity Monday - After You Pop

Those first few weeks after you have a baby are the hardest. You’re sleep deprived, adjusting to a new crazy schedule, you’re still carrying more weight than you’d like, and you basically feel like a big fat frumpalumpagus.

For me, taking some time to try to look my best despite the craziness going on all around me really helps me feel more positive about myself. You already know I think you should rock a girdle, but what do you wear over it?

Loose Tops

When I was pregnant for the first time, baby doll tops or empire waist tops like the ones above were everywhere. While these are great for hiding post partum tummy bulge, they aren't my favorite option.

TunicsThere are so many different styles of tunics right now. They're just as loose as baby doll shirts, but so much less...baby doll-y. And the ones that are button down are easy access for nursing.

Elastic Hems and Bands

These are my favorite right now. Shirts with an elastic hem or thick band around the bottom are everywhere. The loose fit nicely hides the flabiness you don't want anyone to see.

Even if you're just lounging around the house, fight the urge to throw on your husband's oversized t-shirt and opt for a more feminine loose fitting shirt like the one below. You'll feel loads better about yourself.

A winged cardigan is also great for hiding the fun rolls that pregnancy leaves behind.(All tops from Forever 21)

Stretchy Bottoms

I'm not going to lie. I have c-sections so the first week I’m home from the hospital, I live in these:
But that’s just in the comfort of my home. If I’m going to venture out of the house, I try to look more put together. There are options other than sweatpants that are just as comfortable, but much more stylish.

Drawstring PantsThese drawstring pants are as easy and comfortable as a pair of yoga pants, but will look much cuter as you're out and about running errands.

Summer Linen PantsDitto on these. But I find it highly unnecessary to tuck your shirt into them like this model.

Jeans are totally comfortable, too, as long as they have some stretch in them.

(Pants from Forever 21)

Skirts

(Skirts from Old Navy)

There are so many casual skirt options for spring and summer. The two above have a stretchy waist band perfect for those first few postpartum weeks.

Last tip for feeling more like a hot momma than a hot mess in those first few weeks of sleepless nights and 'round the clock feedings: put on some make up!! Conceal those under eye circles. Put on some blush to brighten up your cheeks. Check out Jae’s make up post to see how to brighten your tired eyes.

Freaky Friday

I'm full-on sick with the flu today, so I'm going to hammer out some freaky Friday goodness and then go back to bed and curse my decision to ever have children. It is the WORST when you're sick. Boo, I had plans to shop today. The fashion gods must be angry with my hatred of capris.



FINE! I'll say it! This dress makes her look a little hippy. HIPPOPOTAMUS-Y, THAT IS!

I'm not proud of myself.


Sadly, these are not marketed for Halloween. But what can you expect from a clothing company called "Nasty Gal"?


What is with the furry clog shoe?? It is horrifying. I don't know whether to wear it or ride it up a mountain.



Sweet mother. This is a very expensive, very confusing shirt. I feel like it's the equivalent of a man's tuxedo shirt. Like, casual but FANCY all at once.



Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, BEELTEJUICE!


Aaaand this would be the wrong way to wear shorts. Is it really necessary to have them super short AND tie-dyed AND torn up by an angry cat? Now it's just overkill.


But why? WHY were these pants on sale for $3? THEY ARE SO FLATTERING.



I swear, they'll give a fashion line to any celeb. From the much-anticipated Flinestone line.

Well, do any of you want to go shopping in my stead? I have a date with a few talk shows, some sweatpants and my own pity.

Maternity Monday - Dressing the Bump for Spring

Someone please fund a shopping spree for me quick because there are so many cute trends for spring!

Let's start with tops:

Graphic T's are in. And although grey doesn't seem like a very springy color, it's all over the place this season. (Gap)

Knots are also all the rage. (Such a lame phrase.) Look for shirts or dresses with a little knot detail, but make sure it doesn't look too bulky when you try it on. (Old Navy)Cut outs, like the ones on these sleeves are another cute trend for spring. (Old Navy)Florals and ruffles are also in. Be careful with both, though. Too much of either is not a good thing. (Nordstrom)

Moving on to bottoms:

I love casual skirts while preggo. Sometimes I don't feel like squishing my extra meaty legs into shorts. (Motherhood Maternity)

But I do love love love me some Bermuda shorts. I have a pair of white ones like these that are sadly starting to get a little too tight. Please don't pair these shorts with the shoes pictured. (Gap) Here's another style of bermuda shorts I like. More cargo-y. For a Florida girl like me, these are great with a graphic T and some cute flip flops. (Motherhood Maternity)Another spring trend is cuffed shorts. I have to say, I wasn't crazy about a lot of the looser fitting cuffed shorts I found. But these are more subtle and I want to own them. (Motherhood Maternity)

Let's talk dresses:

This little number can either be worn as a dress or a skirt. This with a colorful cardigan and some cute jewelry would be adorable and so comfy, no? If you're going to wear it as a skirt, pair it with a snug fitting top. Loosy flowy skirt + loosy flowy top = hugeness. (Nordstrom)This wrap dress combines a few spring trends: knots, draping, and bright colors. I want it to be miiine. (Nordstrom)And finally, the maxi dress. Oh how I am coveting this dress. I'd pair it with a little cardi and some colorful accessories. I'm thinking plum. It could also be belted, if my stomach muscles weren't killing me these days. (Nordstrom) Go shop, spring chickens. Then I can live vicariously through you.