Maternity Monday: DON'TS

Monday, October 12, 2009

Preggos of the world … this is the most important fashion advice I can give you. This post right here. Please, do yourselves a big ol’ favor and do not fall victim to the following maternity fashion tragedies.

1. Spandex

I firmly believe Spandex was only invented for two purposes: form-fitting undergarments and exercise clothing (and maybe that icky headband you use to hold your bangs back when you’re washing your face). Any other usage of this material is a gross violation of fashion law. And seriously, it just looks bad. So don’t do it.

Case in point:



If you are shopping and come across these bad boys, AVOID. Because in reality, your body is going to be getting a lot curvier very soon, if it hasn’t already. And the last thing you need is skin-tight fabric hugging – nay, suffocating all those curves and accentuating them for all to see.

Alternative:

If you want to run your errands in comfort, try these cute comfy drawstring pants from Old Navy.



Jersey-lined drawstring pants, Old Navy

They come in four different neutral colors and will look infinitely better than Spandex leggings. Pair them with a cute hoodie, like this:


Lightweight pull-over hoodie, Old Navy

and some sneaker flats. Put-together, yet comfortable. And not hideous.

2. Muumuus



Pregnant women have historically fallen prey to the alluring yet vicious muumuu. Muumuus are roomy, and they look sooooo comfortable. But that’s the problem – they contain SO MUCH ROOM, you’ll end up looking like a sumo wrestler wearing a floral tent instead of a beautiful, shapely pregnant woman.

Here’s the trick to looking cute while you’re incubating a human: hide your unsightly flabbiness while simultaneously showing off your belly. It’s tough, but doable. I can help you. A muumuu cannot. So AVOID.

Alternatives:

So, you’re looking for a dress that’s comfortable and casual (like a muumuu) but not gargantuan? Here are some options:


Elbow sleeve tab cuff dress, Motherhood

This too-cute denim dress from Motherhood Maternity. Pair it with some red heels or cowboy boots and a chunky bracelet. Daaarling. I’d probably tie the knot on the side, though. It’s a little much up there in the front.

Not really digging the denim? Try this:


Stick a cardigan or a crop jacket over it and it’s ready for fall. It’s easy to wear and versatile.

3.Tent-like tops

Ok, so there may (probably will) come a time at the end of your pregnancy when you think a camping tent is the only thing that will fit over your growing belly. However, I advise you to stay away from “tent tops” (you know, the ones with copious amounts of fabric that usually tie in the back and flare out at the bottom) as long as humanly possible.

Here is an example of such a top. Again, when you see it … AVOID.



Whoa. Did you just go back to 1995 for a second? I did.

Alternatives:

Maternity clothing vendors are starting to figure out that these tops only make pregnant women look huge and feel frumpy, so they’ve come out with lots of slimmer styles, like these:


Scoop-neck ruffle top, Gap

See? Otherwise normal-looking shirts, just with a little extra fabric in the front. The key here is to buy maternity shirts in your regular size. If in doubt, try it on.

And lucky for us, lots of current non-maternity clothing can keep you covered for most of your pregnancy. Look for tunic-type tops and empire waistlines with some give in the bust area (those puppies are going to get even bigger eventually). Or, if you want something more form-fitting, look for longer tops that stretch a lot. Buy a size bigger than you’d normally wear, and voila! You have a fashionable yet versatile top that will not only work during pregnancy, but afterward as well. And since it doesn’t say “maternity” on the label, you won’t feel bad about wearing it once baby makes his debut.

Other DON’TS:

These, I originally didn’t feel a need to mention because they are usually summer faux-pas and it’s currently fall, but they’re worth noting for those of you who will be pregnant during warmer seasons.

Shorts. Whatever you do, don’t wear any shorts above knee-length. Teensie shorts are not really meant for adults, anyway, but especially not for pregnant adults. Unless you are Heidi Klum, don’t do it! Go for a knee-length, NON-tapered Bermuda short instead.

Speaking of tapered … don’t ever wear bottoms that are tapered ( meaning they start off big and get smaller as they go down your leg). They’ll just accentuate your hips, which happen to be the widest part of the female body. And that’s never a good thing. This category includes skinny jeans and capris (crop pants).

Also, stay away from tank tops. I don’t know about you, but when I get pregnant, my arms get kinda … jiggly. And big. And not in a good way. Instead, try a cap sleeve or flutter sleeve top. A little fabric can go a long way in making your arms look slender and long. A tank top will only make your arms look larger than life.

Remember – cover your flabbiness but show off your belly.

5 comments:

Nurse Heidi said...

I swear that all the clothes got cute as soon as I finished up my last pregnancy. I pulled out some doozies that I bought when I was pregnant with Ethan the other day when I was loaning stuff to my sister in law. Tears rolled down my face I was laughing so hard! And that was only 9 years ago!

Jennifer said...

Yay!! Great post Jenna! Now to store this in my blog closet for when I need it!

I like those non-tent tops! cute cute!

And really, people WEAR those mumu things? They look like PJs!

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