Weighing In: Crocs

This post goes out to Carly.

The only ONLY ONLY time you are allowed to wear Crocs is if you need to for work, like my dear friend Morgan, who is a Doula. Then I am all about their hypoallergenic properties. All of my docs and nurses wore them while I was hanging out in the hospital, and I was grateful that they left their germy keds at home. Except for my perinatologist who whore some fly wingtips and I thought he was kind of awesome for it. Also your children may wear them on the beach if necessary.

But as casual footwear? Boo! You can do better than that! I don't even like them as garden shoes. Like really, was there that big a problem with gardening footwear in general? For the love of pete. And as for their "slip on" ease, BUY SOME FLATS! Flip flops even!


And don't you dare buy charms to put in the holes. I swear, just give me the money you want to spend on Croc charms and I will find a better use for it. Like putting it in Chrysler stock.


Here is me weighing in on the different styles of Crocs.


Original. No.


Furry. No.



Sandals. No.



Dressed up. No. Remember kids, a pig in a tuxedo is still a pig.


Heels! No. Remember the Batboy post last year?



And in a trick played on me by the universe, CROC GLADIATOR SANDALS. NOOOOOOOOOOOO. Why? WHY would someone do this to me? No. No.


Hope that clears things up for you.